BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[BillyVance 34]

headoverheels

I wonder whether he can tell that his shoulder hurts.

Yeah I'm thinking that burning pain in his scrotum overrules anything else he might be feeling.

Just be happy you're not him.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

That poor nurse. She's got one helluva story to share.

http://www.al.com/news/huntsville/index.ssf/2016/08/173_pills_found_inside_female.html#incart_river_home

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

Fark: "Crime tip: If you steal merchandise from pawn shop owner's house, don't go to his store to try and pawn it back to him"
http://www.theleafchronicle.com/story/news/crime/2016/08/03/2-arrested-after-trying-pawn-items-belonging-pawn-shop-owners/87995996/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Stupid is as stupid does...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

"Furious mother 'squirted her boob' at a woman who told her to move while she was breastfeeding because it was distracting her husband"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3725576/Breastfeeding-mother-squirted-boob-woman-complained.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

I'm guessing the funeral could get interesting.

http://www.phillyvoice.com/nj-mans-dueling-obituaries-separately-list-loving-wife-and-longtime-girlfriend/

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

Fark: "There's drunk, and there's "climbing into the back of a police cruiser thinking it's a taxicab" drunk":
https://www.thestar.com/news/crime/2016/08/07/intoxicated-man-arrested-after-getting-into-police-car.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

Two guys out canoeing, see a "foot" sticking out of a beaver dam.

Turns out to be a prosthetic leg. The owner lost it while canoeing a month or so ago.

The owner had put a "lost" ad up on CL, so the guys were able to get it back to him.

From the story:

Quote

"Just did what I thought was right," Franklin said. "I hope that if I lost my leg that someone would return it to me, too."

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/08/08/prosthetic-leg-found-in-beaver-dam-returned-to-owner.html

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[ryoder 1,590]

wolfriverjoe

Two guys out canoeing, see a "foot" sticking out of a beaver dam.

Turns out to be a prosthetic leg. The owner lost it while canoeing a month or so ago.

The owner had put a "lost" ad up on CL, so the guys were able to get it back to him.

From the story:

Quote

"Just did what I thought was right," Franklin said. "I hope that if I lost my leg that someone would return it to me, too."

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/08/08/prosthetic-leg-found-in-beaver-dam-returned-to-owner.html

The Craigslist ad: http://northernwi.craigslist.org/wan/5690285623.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[DanG 1]

Nobody ever brought my arm back to me when I lost it at 13,000 feet. I guess I should have taken out an ad.

- Dan G

[mrubin 0]

Not the outcome you would expect...

https://sports.yahoo.com/news/judo-medalist-beat-up-while-celebrating-on-copacabana-beach-234727753.html

"I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

[headoverheels 333]

mrubin

Not the outcome you would expect...

https://sports.yahoo.com/news/judo-medalist-beat-up-while-celebrating-on-copacabana-beach-234727753.html

He will be living that one down for the next 60 years.

[ryoder 1,590]

Derailed train hits a bar;
The name of the bar: "DeRailed"

http://abcnews.go.com/Weird/wireStory/police-train-car-derails-iowa-hits-bar-called-41233609

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[oldwomanc6 52]

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[BillyVance 34]

Well... that's an interesting way to steal beer.

http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2016/08/alabama_man_poses_as_delivery.html#incart_river_home

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

Lesson here is, don't fuck with a Chinese lady in business attire in an elevator.



http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/viral/woman-knocks-out-man-after-he-made-unwanted-advances-in-an-elevator/vi-BBvvow9

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

Outstanding obituary. Props to his kids.

http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2016/08/new_orleans_firefighters_kids.html#incart_river_home_pop

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

http://www.thelocal.se/20160816/pig-mask-pair-enjoy-waterwheel-sex-after-pokmon-hunter-attack

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[husslr187 24]

Not exactly what mary poppin had in mind

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-37103668

[ryoder 1,590]

Fark: "7 pit bulls involved in vicious attack"

http://ktla.com/2016/08/18/cat-attacks-7-pit-bulls-sending-one-to-vet-and-owner-to-er/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[oldwomanc6 52]

ryoder

Fark: "7 pit bulls involved in vicious attack"

http://ktla.com/2016/08/18/cat-attacks-7-pit-bulls-sending-one-to-vet-and-owner-to-er/

Go, Baby!

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[DanG 1]

Of course if a pit bull attacked someone and their cat, sending both to the hospital, people would be screaming to have the animal put down.

But everyone is cheering on the viscous cat

- Dan G

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

Fark: "7 pit bulls involved in vicious attack"

http://ktla.com/2016/08/18/cat-attacks-7-pit-bulls-sending-one-to-vet-and-owner-to-er/

That's one bad motherfucker! Awesome! I wish the cats I had were like that.

I get tired of goddamn dogs running loose across my property despite the local leash law.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

Hundreds of illegal refugees apprehended at the Southern border and deported back to their home country: http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2016/08/22/1500-americans-become-accidental-refugees-during-raft-race/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[aphid 0]

We're going to build a yuge wall and we're gonna make all y'all pay for it!