BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[ryoder 1,590]

You gotta love The Register's creative use of words to describe what this guy was doing: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/09/08/italian_court_case_result/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

Guy drives over edge of parking garage roof, leaving car dangling over edge;
I really mean dangling over the edge!

http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/09/us/car-dangles-off-parking-garage-austin-irpt/index.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

http://tmzworldnews.com/cookie-dough-can-explodes-in-womans-vagina-while-she-was-shoplifting/#

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

And then there's this...

http://tmzworldnews.com/college-student-in-a-coma-after-attempting-to-drink-2-gallons-of-semen/

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

"Robot snatches gun from man during police standoff": http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2016/09/16/deputies-use-robot-to-snatch-gun-end-standoff.html

Fark: "Also needs his clothes, his boots, and his motorcycle"

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

An Oregon woman, who got sick after eating at Chipotle last year, asked for some free burritos in her settlement with the chain.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/09/14/chipotle-customer-free-burritos_n_12012254.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

http://gisborneherald.co.nz/localnews/2465356-135/scott-from-scotland-found

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/crime/article/Registered-sex-offender-caught-masturbating-in-9233075.php

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[headoverheels 333]

ryoder

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/crime/article/Registered-sex-offender-caught-masturbating-in-9233075.php

Sentence him to hard time.

[ryoder 1,590]

Fark: "Goldsphincter (Wah wah waah) He's the man, The man with the Midas butt"

http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/egan-170k-in-mint-gold-allegedly-smuggled-in-body-cavity-judge-hears

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Who the hell allows 43 goals?

http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/soccer/german-soccer-goalie-arrested-after-allowing-43-goals-in-1-game/ar-BBwsloA?li=BBnba9I

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

BillyVance

Who the hell allows 43 goals?

http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/soccer/german-soccer-goalie-arrested-after-allowing-43-goals-in-1-game/ar-BBwsloA?li=BBnba9I

"Impersonating a goalkeeper is not a crime in Germany"

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[akarunway 1]

BillyVance

http://tmzworldnews.com/cookie-dough-can-explodes-in-womans-vagina-while-she-was-shoplifting/#

that is one fucked up website

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

Police led on 2 hour chase by a...

Pet Pig

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[BillyVance 34]

I can see the headlines now...

"Pig chased by Pigs!"

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

"Cleveland dealer bought properties and sold drugs out of them, feds say"

"Agents found 26 properties associated with Courtney or his family members worth a total of $388,773."


http://www.cleveland.com/court-justice/index.ssf/2016/09/cleveland_dealer_bought_proper.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[oldwomanc6 52]

I wish this site had a crazy finger circling the head region icon.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[oldwomanc6 52]

Another creepy clown siting.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/23/lurking-clown-arrested-in-kentucky-woods-near-apartment-block-as/

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[TerraDactyl 0]

Harry Roy sings "My Girl's Pussy", from 1931:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_-U4oTTmQc

And be sure to check out the list of other suggestive songs down the right side.

Please Warm My Weiner
Lick It Before You Stick It

And more... Oh my!

[BillyVance 34]

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/nj-driver-hits-deer-deer-hits-back/ar-BBwKGkW?li=BBnbfcL

"You hit me?!? Bitch! I'll kick your ass if its the last thing I ever do!"

Turns out, it was the last thing it tried to do...

DFWAJD - Don't Fuck With A Jersey Deer

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

Who knew that a dolphin nose could punch through a surfboard?
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2016/09/28/Wave-jumping-dolphin-lands-on-young-surfer-in-Australia/5571475069525/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

If you see this lady, slowly back away without taking your eyes off her.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/other/woman-hits-car-bonnet-repeatedly-in-shocking-road-rage-display/vi-BBwKfiO

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

"Denzel Washington takes plea deal in strangling of Aretha Franklin"

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/09/30/denzel-washington-takes-plea-deal-in-strangling-aretha-franklin.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Not a news story but, a friend of a friend put pornhub up on a display refrigerator at a Home Depot store.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[muff528 3]

BillyVance

Not a news story but, a friend of a friend put pornhub up on a display refrigerator at a Home Depot store.

That might make you wonder what sort of stuff goes on in the "Flex Zone".