BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[ryoder 1,590]

BartsDaddy

Am I missing something or do you have a wrong link?

ARGH!!
Copy/paste gone wrong.
Corrected now.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BartsDaddy 7]

That's a cool story.

Handguns are only used to fight your way to a good rifle

[BillyVance 34]

Something tells me those that are protesting these Monster girls' outfits are not really NASCAR fans.

Personally, I don't see what the problem is.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/motorsports/some-fans-outraged-at-monster-energy-girls%e2%80%99-outfits/ar-AAn6XRX

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

It would have been funnier if the passenger was a RealDoll and not just a mannequin.

https://www.yahoo.com/gma/washington-state-trooper-catches-driver-using-mannequin-carpool-090203155--abc-news-topstories.html

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

Stop me if you've heard these before;

So a coyote walks into a doctor's office...http://www.wibw.com/content/news/Video-captures-possible-coyote-following-doctor-into-office-414356753.html

So a lizard walks into a restaurant...http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/02/21/french-waitress-drags-huge-lizard-australian-restaurant/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

Reckless couple go for a motorcycle ride w/o helmets: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/semi-naked-couple-caught-camera-9861667
NSFW

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

I had roadhead once while driving a convertible with the top down in broad daylight while passing a bunch of 18 wheelers but geez... That couple is just insane

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

If I was 100 years old, I wouldn't complain about the free show.

http://www.witn.com/content/news/Caretaker-filmed-performing-sexual-dance-on-100-year-old-man-414478333.html

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

BillyVance

If I was 100 years old, I wouldn't complain about the free show.

http://www.witn.com/content/news/Caretaker-filmed-performing-sexual-dance-on-100-year-old-man-414478333.html

I don't see any problem.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

ryoder

***If I was 100 years old, I wouldn't complain about the free show.

http://www.witn.com/content/news/Caretaker-filmed-performing-sexual-dance-on-100-year-old-man-414478333.html

I don't see any problem.

Well (from the story):

Quote

The attorney alleges that even though the resident has dementia, he had the capacity to say no but didn't.

Apparently he didn't have a problem with it either.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[ryoder 1,590]

Union County Sheriff's Office is investigating how Treadaway got stuck in the tree, but officials said he was looking for his dog

http://www.wafb.com/story/34575651/man-found-hanging-naked-upside-down-from-mississippi-tree

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[DJL 235]

ryoder

Union County Sheriff's Office is investigating how Treadaway got stuck in the tree, but officials said he was looking for his dog

http://www.wafb.com/story/34575651/man-found-hanging-naked-upside-down-from-mississippi-tree

We probably don't want to know why his dog was hiding.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[Phil1111 1,149]

wolfriverjoe

******If I was 100 years old, I wouldn't complain about the free show.

http://www.witn.com/content/news/Caretaker-filmed-performing-sexual-dance-on-100-year-old-man-414478333.html

I don't see any problem.

Well (from the story):

Quote

The attorney alleges that even though the resident has dementia, he had the capacity to say no but didn't.

Apparently he didn't have a problem with it either.

I'm at a compete loss as to how this ever came to the point of a complaint. Did the person who monitors the video feed not consult management first.

Seems like a win-win all around and makes me wonder if she doesn't have a bunch of job offers from other retirement homes already.

[BillyVance 34]

Cops tell her to do the field sobriety test. So she does cartwheels instead. (facepalm)

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/woman-arrested-after-doing-cartwheels-during-field-sobriety-test-cops/ar-AAndFIq

Hitting the cop in the back doing the 2nd cartwheel didn't help matters either.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Chiquita 14]

Make sure you check the can before using

Mousse or foam

"Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity"

[ryoder 1,590]

Another industry losing jobs to "robots": http://www.thelocal.es/20170227/barcelona-opens-first-sex-doll-brothel-in-europe

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[DJL 235]

They took our blowjobs.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[ryoder 1,590]

Hold my beer and watch this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRGekiwdpiA

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[DJL 235]

ryoder

Hold my beer and watch this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRGekiwdpiA

I'll bet he had a cup of coffee in one hand and didn't spill a drop.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[BillyVance 34]

DJL

***Hold my beer and watch this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRGekiwdpiA

I'll bet he had a cup of coffee in one hand and didn't spill a drop.

Probably shit his pants though

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[DJL 235]

BillyVance

******Hold my beer and watch this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRGekiwdpiA

I'll bet he had a cup of coffee in one hand and didn't spill a drop.

Probably shit his pants though

No, I'm picturing that dude being the smoothest Korean on the planet. I think halfway through the maneuver he was considering driving the rest of the way like that.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[BillyVance 34]

DJL

*********Hold my beer and watch this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRGekiwdpiA

I'll bet he had a cup of coffee in one hand and didn't spill a drop.

Probably shit his pants though

No, I'm picturing that dude being the smoothest Korean on the planet. I think halfway through the maneuver he was considering driving the rest of the way like that.

Maybe Jackie Chan can use him in one of his movies.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[headoverheels 333]

Plenty of turkeys in my yard. Plenty of neighbors' cats. Can someone do something to make the turkeys do this?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/turkeys-circling-dead-cat-video-mystery_us_58b86bf2e4b01fc1bde6daf6?uotxd2t9&

[ryoder 1,590]

And all this time I've been arguing that porn is harmless;
Looks like I've been wrong.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4278524/Man-dies-six-ton-pile-porn-magazines.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

Well, in her defense, can you blame her for not wanting to have sex with a man who still wants Lucky Charms for breakfast?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4282776/Nevada-woman-run-two-years.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.