BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[ryoder 1,590]

If you take a dump during a burglary, don't forget to flush!

http://www.sfgate.com/news/crime/article/Accused-burglar-doesn-t-flush-toilet-leaves-DNA-11742282.php

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Sending that one to Walt.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[jdkalou 0]

"That allowed investigators to collect evidence to conduct a DNA profile."
Talk about a shitty job.................................I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist.

[BillyVance 34]

jdkalou

"That allowed investigators to collect evidence to conduct a DNA profile."
Talk about a shitty job.................................I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist.

They could have called Mike Rowe...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

I'm not sure what exactly is the situation here, but reading all the way to the bottom, it seems like a "too good to be true" deal?



https://www.someecards.com/news/news/a-dk-shaped-church-had-a-water-main-break-right-in-the-tip/?utm_source=okayish&utm_medium=partner&utm_term=someecards

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

"Yes! Weed Deliver!"

In what world did they think they could roll through a city where pot is illegal and not get busted with a van like that?

http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2017/08/birmingham_woman_busted_with_9.html#incart_river_home_pop

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[husslr187 24]

ryoder

***Woman wins bid in city auction for "vacant lot".
Hilarity ensues.
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2017/08/04/vacant-lot-street-mix-up/

Here is another story of someone buying a street: http://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/matier-ross/article/Rich-SF-residents-get-a-shock-Someone-bought-11738236.php

put up meters and charge for parking

[ryoder 1,590]

Parrot makes a collar by taking DNA sample from burglar: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4778778/Parrot-helps-snare-burglar-biting-yielding-DNA.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

https://www.moroccoworldnews.com/2017/08/225797/15-teenagers-treated-for-rabies-after-engaging-in-bestiality-with-donkey/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[gowlerk 2,191]

ryoder

https://www.moroccoworldnews.com/2017/08/225797/15-teenagers-treated-for-rabies-after-engaging-in-bestiality-with-donkey/

If you know anything about rabies and it's transmission you will know that this is false news.

Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

[raftman 12]

If it really was false news it would be in SC.

[airdvr 210]

Tainted Buffet At Jackson Strip Club Blamed After Severe Diarrhea Incident On Stage

http://jacksontelegraph.com/2017/08/10/tainted-buffet-at-jackson-strip-club-blamed-after-severe-diarrhea-incident-on-stage/

It was at this point that the first dancer to suffer from diarrhea was unable to control her bowels any longer, and ‘a stream of brown liquid soon gushed over the stage splashing onlookers’, according to the witness. “It was absolutely disgusting,” he told journalists. “A number of guests immediately puked. I personally ran for the exit, I lost all interest in the show.”

The other dancers on stage also suffered from diarrhea soon after and were forced to abandon their performance. “They had a hard time getting off the stage,” said one witness, who stayed to watch the aftermath of the incident. “High heels and diarrhea really don’t mix.”

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[aphid 0]

airdvr

Tainted Buffet At Jackson Strip Club Blamed After Severe Diarrhea Incident On Stage

http://jacksontelegraph.com/2017/08/10/tainted-buffet-at-jackson-strip-club-blamed-after-severe-diarrhea-incident-on-stage/

No.

http://www.snopes.com/tainted-buffet-cause-severe-diarrhea-strip-club/

[airdvr 210]

It was fun while it lasted.

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[ryoder 1,590]

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-car-explosion-grill-cigarette-20170813-story.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

Well, smoking is bad for you.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-car-explosion-grill-cigarette-20170813-story.html

The grill was turned on while being transported, in a rental vehicle.

You can't fix STUPID.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Rick 67]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2017/08/16/the-falcons-new-stadium-has-a-chick-fil-a-which-wont-be-open-for-most-falcons-games/?utm_term=.5a2784432882

they didn't really think this through

You can't be drunk all day if you don't start early!

[ryoder 1,590]

Man watches as thieves steal high-tech video doorbell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_BaQjt4DjM

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Rick

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2017/08/16/the-falcons-new-stadium-has-a-chick-fil-a-which-wont-be-open-for-most-falcons-games/?utm_term=.5a2784432882

they didn't really think this through

No they sure as hell didn't. The company is based in Atlanta though. Should have gone with Zaxby's instead.

At least Alabama and Florida State fans will be able to have Chick Fil A food at the college football season opener and the first college game ever at the new stadium on Saturday, Sept 2.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[husslr187 24]

gowlerk

***https://www.moroccoworldnews.com/2017/08/225797/15-teenagers-treated-for-rabies-after-engaging-in-bestiality-with-donkey/

If you know anything about rabies and it's transmission you will know that this is false news.

Think gamg rape with one or two getting bit while holding it still. Those two go to the hospital later with problems, confess what happened and the rest get treated just in case. Could still be fake but this is a possible scenario.

[ryoder 1,590]

http://www.odditycentral.com/animals/real-life-blue-dogs-spotted-in-india.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Rick 67]

BillyVance

***https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2017/08/16/the-falcons-new-stadium-has-a-chick-fil-a-which-wont-be-open-for-most-falcons-games/?utm_term=.5a2784432882

they didn't really think this through

No they sure as hell didn't. The company is based in Atlanta though. Should have gone with Zaxby's instead.

At least Alabama and Florida State fans will be able to have Chick Fil A food at the college football season opener and the first college game ever at the new stadium on Saturday, Sept 2.

oh yeah Zaxby's is tasty. Should be a good game

You can't be drunk all day if you don't start early!

[ryoder 1,590]

No need to read the article;
Just look at the mug shot: http://www.wtae.com/article/mom-accused-of-driving-drunk-with-unrestrained-3-year-old-in-backseat/12029543

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BartsDaddy 7]

ryoder

No need to read the article;
Just look at the mug shot: http://www.wtae.com/article/mom-accused-of-driving-drunk-with-unrestrained-3-year-old-in-backseat/12029543

What can you say but it's Floriduh.

Handguns are only used to fight your way to a good rifle