BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[ryoder 1,590]

Goddamned cagers!

http://digg.com/video/motorcyclist-t-bone-escape

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

BIGUN

As long as people salivate for "likes," retweets and "going viral" we will not want for the endless stream of silliness.

Next thing we know, we'll be seeing them do it with USED condoms.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

BillyVance

***
As long as people salivate for "likes," retweets and "going viral" we will not want for the endless stream of silliness.

Next thing we know, we'll be seeing them do it with USED condoms.

Well, at least they are buying condoms;
So now we just need to explain to them how to properly use them.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Bob_Church 7]

ryoder

******
As long as people salivate for "likes," retweets and "going viral" we will not want for the endless stream of silliness.

Next thing we know, we'll be seeing them do it with USED condoms.

Well, at least they are buying condoms;
So now we just need to explain to them how to properly use them.

Are they buying them or just wasting the ones that get distributed at no charge?

[BillyVance 34]

The first one is just fucked up. Outright child abuse.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/04/02/mom-deployed-taser-on-son-to-wake-him-up-for-church-court-docs-say.html?cmpid=prn_msn

However... when the kid does it to himself in front of his mom, I think she wins the "mom of the year" award for her reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtcKY3akVCI

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Chiquita 14]

I saw that on local Fox news station, in the interview she says she didn't touch him with it and was 5 feet away. The video part never mentions that there were marks on his leg. There is a slight mention in the article that she used it on his leg, but no mention of marks and no mention of a witness.

To me it is interesting that Fox News links to an AZ Central article and not the local Fox news. As well as the slight variance between the news reports, one says she tased him and one implies (more or less) that she didn't.

http://www.fox10phoenix.com/news/arizona-news/phoenix-mother-accused-of-using-taser-on-son-to-wake-him-up-for-church

"Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity"

[Bob_Church 7]

BillyVance

The first one is just fucked up. Outright child abuse.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/04/02/mom-deployed-taser-on-son-to-wake-him-up-for-church-court-docs-say.html?cmpid=prn_msn

However... when the kid does it to himself in front of his mom, I think she wins the "mom of the year" award for her reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtcKY3akVCI

I keep seeing stories with things sort of like this, that is, in their home, or a girlfriend hitting her boyfriend and have to wonder "how did the police get involved?"

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

Bob_Church

***The first one is just fucked up. Outright child abuse.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/04/02/mom-deployed-taser-on-son-to-wake-him-up-for-church-court-docs-say.html?cmpid=prn_msn

However... when the kid does it to himself in front of his mom, I think she wins the "mom of the year" award for her reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtcKY3akVCI

I keep seeing stories with things sort of like this, that is, in their home, or a girlfriend hitting her boyfriend and have to wonder "how did the police get involved?"

Someone called them.

Could have been a lot of people. Neighbor, friend, someone like that. They felt it was bad enough that the cops needed to be involved.

I don't disagree. Tasers aren't toys. They've killed people before.

Could be a teacher, or similar who has to call the cops if they suspect abuse.

And I have to say I find it rather telling that the reason she wanted the kid to get up is to go to church.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[ryoder 1,590]

I read this story elsewhere on Sunday, but dismissed it as an April Fool's story.
Now BBC is stating it is confirmed as true: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-43632914

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

Before giving the police an alias, you might want to do a bit of research on the alias you made up.

Night shift officers located a man walking along Pacific Avenue who was known to have an outstanding warrant. The man identified himself initially, but changed his story during his transport to jail and provided a different name. Unfortunately for him, that alias also had a warrant. Providing false information was added to his charge.

http://www.oregonlive.com/forest-grove/index.ssf/2018/04/mans_alias_has_arrest_warrent.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[chuckakers 425]

BillyVance

The first one is just fucked up. Outright child abuse.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/04/02/mom-deployed-taser-on-son-to-wake-him-up-for-church-court-docs-say.html?cmpid=prn_msn

However... when the kid does it to himself in front of his mom, I think she wins the "mom of the year" award for her reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtcKY3akVCI

That story didn't mention that the teenager also had an GPS ankle bracelet, so I'm guessing he may need some occasional voltage therapy!

Chuck Akers
D-10855
Houston, TX

[ryoder 1,590]

Omigawd, that must have hurt!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1XxEdbp6ls

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

If you're gonna fuck up, go big!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYPj8ZDXHfs

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,590]

Who knew that selfies could actually serve a useful purpose???

http://metro.co.uk/2018/04/08/womans-selfie-video-catches-man-slipping-something-drink-7450089/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Bob_Church 7]

http://www.newsweek.com/buzz-aldrin-unidentified-flying-objects-extraterrestrial-life-astronauts-876900?utm_source=email&utm_medium=morning_brief&utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_content=headline&spMailingID=3135546&spUserID=MzQ4OTU1NTA4MTIS1&spJobID=1010392748&spReportId=MTAxMDM5Mjc0OAS2

An old frequently debunked story but only of interest to me because I've know Sheri Edwards (or however she's spelling her first name this week) for many many years. She is the founder, owner and sole employee of
"The Institute of BioAcoustic Biology in Albany, Ohio." She'd go from one batshit crazy scheme to another but several years back hit on this one and has stayed with it since. She has an answering machine. You call that machine and talk into it awhile. She then analyzes your speech patterns then calls you back telling you what form of cancer or other disease it is that's been bothering you. And she's absolutely dead serious. And crazy as a shit house rat. I worked with Bill, her husband, at the phone company and he was a really great guy and seemed intelligent but so very very long suffering. Imagine starting your day in a break room full of rednecks waiting for today's job orders only to see that today's headline is another one of your wife's ludicrous schemes.

edit: I forgot, she has a web page of course.

https://www.soundhealthoptions.com

[BillyVance 34]

http://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/2018/04/08/embarrassed-mom-goes-viral-for-accidentally-sending-son-to-school-in-lewd-mcdonalds-parody-shirt.html

Well, I can't say for sure I wouldn't wear that shirt... But damn, mom! Maybe you need your eyes checked!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Bob_Church 7]

BillyVance

http://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/2018/04/08/embarrassed-mom-goes-viral-for-accidentally-sending-son-to-school-in-lewd-mcdonalds-parody-shirt.html

Well, I can't say for sure I wouldn't wear that shirt... But damn, mom! Maybe you need your eyes checked!

Damn. Down in Mcarthur, a tiny town on the way to the airport where I jump, there's one those "mentally challenged" guys who is always sitting on some businesses steps and is about 250 pounds and he wears that shirt a lot, but even he has too much sense to let me take a picture of it. I've tried. Often. Maybe he should give this kid's mom fashion tips.

[Chiquita 14]

What I don't understand is if no one noticed why even bring it up??? Why post about? She's making herself look stupid and lets the world know she is not paying that much attention to her own son, nor are the teachers if none of them noticed

"Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity"

[ryoder 1,590]

http://fox13now.com/2018/04/09/over-50-dead-geese-suddenly-fall-from-the-sky-in-idaho-storm/

“Several of the geese had their stomachs blown open and all of them were dead. None were injured,” Berl says.

What?

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

http://fox13now.com/2018/04/09/over-50-dead-geese-suddenly-fall-from-the-sky-in-idaho-storm/

“Several of the geese had their stomachs blown open and all of them were dead. None were injured,” Berl says.

What?

Of course they were injured! To the point of getting killed. Some people I swear.... just needs a kick in the nuts.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[DJL 235]

BillyVance

***http://fox13now.com/2018/04/09/over-50-dead-geese-suddenly-fall-from-the-sky-in-idaho-storm/

“Several of the geese had their stomachs blown open and all of them were dead. None were injured,” Berl says.

What?

Of course they were injured! To the point of getting killed. Some people I swear.... just needs a kick in the nuts.

If they don't have a goose cook-out then there's something wrong.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

BillyVance

***http://fox13now.com/2018/04/09/over-50-dead-geese-suddenly-fall-from-the-sky-in-idaho-storm/

“Several of the geese had their stomachs blown open and all of them were dead. None were injured,” Berl says.

What?

Of course they were injured! To the point of getting killed. Some people I swear.... just needs a kick in the nuts.

Gonna guess he means that there weren't any injured survivors. Not the most elegant way of phrasing it.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[BillyVance 34]

wolfriverjoe

******http://fox13now.com/2018/04/09/over-50-dead-geese-suddenly-fall-from-the-sky-in-idaho-storm/

“Several of the geese had their stomachs blown open and all of them were dead. None were injured,” Berl says.

What?

Of course they were injured! To the point of getting killed. Some people I swear.... just needs a kick in the nuts.

Gonna guess he means that there weren't any injured survivors. Not the most elegant way of phrasing it.

Yeah, he flubbed it... It happens.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,590]

http://metro.co.uk/2018/04/11/naked-man-sex-toy-stuck-inside-asks-help-petrol-station-7457358/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Bob_Church 7]

ryoder

http://metro.co.uk/2018/04/11/naked-man-sex-toy-stuck-inside-asks-help-petrol-station-7457358/

The story says
"It’s not known how the sex toy became lodged inside him but the paramedics were quick to offer help."

It's not known? How many ways are there to get a dildo shoved up your ass?