missbrz 0 #26 April 19, 2012 Are you kidding? I LOVE anti-women jokes! Why does a woman wear white to her wedding? The dishwasher has to match the fridge. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,439 #27 April 19, 2012 Actually, I heard yours as "how many women does it take to change a light bulb" Because How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One. And that's not funny So, to change directions -- How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, if they're small Wendy P. There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NovaTTT 2 #28 April 19, 2012 Quote I'll probably get shit for this one. But remember I'm a girl How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Women can't change anything. WHY do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? SO they're not mistaken for feminists!"Even in a world where perfection is unattainable, there's still a difference between excellence and mediocrity." Gary73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dthames 0 #29 April 19, 2012 The pilot rushed by the 3 passengers with a parachute rig, and stated, “The plane is going down and the only option is to jump. We are one rig short…..sorry.”. The pilot went out the door. The 3 looked at each other. The first one to move was an engineer. He said, "I can contribute to all mankind with my skills, so I need to survive". As quick as he could, he was geared up, and out the door. This left a boy scout and an older preacher on the plane staring at each other. The old preacher took the lead and said, “Young man, if you will promise to give your life to God, serve Him all of you days, and take over where I am leaving off, you can take that last parachute and save your life. I have lived a good life and I am ready to be with the Lord”. The boy scout said, “Preacher, no need for that. That engineering just jumped out with my backpack”.Instructor quote, “What's weird is that you're older than my dad!” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #30 April 19, 2012 I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few drinks........ I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them screamed "It's WALES you IDIOT!" So, I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?" That's all I remember..... 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,989 #31 April 19, 2012 Guy gets pulled over. Cop comes over and says "You look like an out of towner, son. What's your name?" "Werner Heisenberg," says the man. "Where you from?" "Los Alamos," the man says. "Well, you in Georgia now. You know how fast you was goin?" "Not any more," he says. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
propacker 0 #32 April 19, 2012 to paraphrase JoAnne Worley - 'Is that some kind of quantum physics joke'?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,296 #33 April 19, 2012 When was Heisenberg born? Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marinus 0 #34 April 19, 2012 It has something to do with the Heisenberg Principle, I guess? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #35 April 19, 2012 Quote Guy gets pulled over. Cop comes over and says "You look like an out of towner, son. What's your name?" "Werner Heisenberg," says the man. "Where you from?" "Los Alamos," the man says. "Well, you in Georgia now. You know how fast you was goin?" "Not any more," he says. "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #36 April 19, 2012 This thread should've been called "BAD JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB" A baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender says "What'll you have?" Seal replies "Anything but a club on the rocks." A baby seal walks into a club. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
feuergnom 28 #37 April 19, 2012 Quote The pilot rushed by the 3 passengers with a parachute rig, and stated, “The plane is going down and the only option is to jump. We are one rig short…..sorry.”. The pilot went out the door. The 3 looked at each other. The first one to move was an engineer. He said, "I can contribute to all mankind with my skills, so I need to survive". As quick as he could, he was geared up, and out the door. This left a boy scout and an older preacher on the plane staring at each other. The old preacher took the lead and said, “Young man, if you will promise to give your life to God, serve Him all of you days, and take over where I am leaving off, you can take that last parachute and save your life. I have lived a good life and I am ready to be with the Lord”. The boy scout said, “Preacher, no need for that. That engineering just jumped out with my backpack”. I remember that one being told with GW and the pope and now the joke: Blind guy walks into a bar. "Bartender would you like to hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "I'm a blonde, the bouncer is a blonde, & the weight lifter next to you is a blonde. Now, do you really want to tell that joke." The guy thinks for a moment then replies, "Not if I'm going to have to explain it 3 times."The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle dudeist skydiver # 666 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #38 April 19, 2012 Quote This thread should've been called "BAD JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB" don't hate bad jokes are hilarious! Why are men smarter during sex? Because they're plugged into a fucking know it all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,989 #39 April 19, 2012 Hydrogen atom walks into a bar. Says "gimme a drink, bartender, I lost my electron." Bartender says "are you sure?" Atom says "I'm positive." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #40 April 19, 2012 Two men walk into a bar. The first orders H2O. The second says, "That sounds good. Give me some H2O too." The second guy died. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
format 1 #41 April 19, 2012 3 guys in savannah, walked up to a lion. 1st guy grabbed a rock and hit the lion's butt. Lion ran away. 2nd guy says: WOW, I'm impressed! Those 3 then walked up to two lions, both 1st and 2nd guy rock-butt'em and made them run away too. A while after, they've met a lion hurd. 1st and 2nd guy climbed up the tree, yelling to the 3rd guy down: Fool, Climb up! - they're gonna eat you alive! 3rd guy says: Well, I didn't mess with them Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muff528 3 #42 April 20, 2012 Quote Two men walk into a bar. The first orders H2O. The second says, "That sounds good. Give me some H2O too." The second guy died. Was that another "blonde" joke? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #43 April 20, 2012 A man comes home from work to find his pregnant has gone into labor. Panicking, he calls the doctor and says " Doctor doctor. You have to help me. My wife has gone into labor. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO? The doctor says " O.K. O.K. Please just try to calm down. First, I'll need to ask you a few questions. Is this her first child?" The man replies, "no you idiot this is her husband" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #44 April 20, 2012 Quote When was Heisenberg born? We're uncertain about that, but we know where. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #45 April 20, 2012 Quote Why are men smarter during sex? 'Cause we're finally getting blood to our head? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldwomanc6 52 #46 April 20, 2012 Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the shit out of their dogs!lisa WSCR 594 FB 1023 CBDB 9 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #47 April 20, 2012 Q: What do these things all have in commom? A burned pizza A frozen beer A pregnant woman A: Some dumbfuck didn't pull it out in time. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #48 April 20, 2012 A blind man walks into a store, and all of a sudden lifts up his dog and starts swinging him around on the leash. A terrified manager runs up to him and says "Sir sir sir what are you doing???" The blind man says "Oh I'm just looking around." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #49 April 20, 2012 The big moron and the little moron are walking across a log spanning a river. The big moron falls off, but the little moron keeps his footing. Why ? Don"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,989 #50 April 20, 2012 >The big moron falls off, but the little moron keeps his footing. Why ? He was a little mor on the log Ba dum dum Mr Bigger and Mrs Bigger have a baby. Of the three, who is bigger? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
