Any couples sleep in different beds?

[JohnnyMarko 1]

To make a long story short, I broke my collar bone 2 weeks ago. I sleep on my right side, which is the side I broke. Because I've been tossing and turning, I decided to post up in the guest room at night so I don't disturb my boyfriend. However, we're kind of discovering it's working for the better for both of us. He's a heavy sleeper, and I'm a light sleeper.

A little bit of research seems like it's not harmful for relationships. We have totally different sleep schedules and sleep habits. Sleep is important, so we both kinda feel healthier getting a good nights rest. We've been together over 5 years, own a house together, and are getting married soon.

Just curious if anyone of y'all have similar experience sleeping in different beds, whether good or bad.

[NWFlyer 2]

I'm a firm believer that you figure out what works for your relationship and fuck what everyone else says or what you're "supposed" to do. If it's working for you in a healthy and happy relationship, who cares what others think?

Personally, if I'm sleep deprived it's a lot more challenging for me to be a good, supportive, loving partner, so I've got no problems doing what I need to do to get a good night's sleep (and giving him freedom to do the same). Under most circumstances sharing doesn't impact sleep, but if one or the other of us is sick or injured, move on out!

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[ryoder 1,590]

I recall years ago reading about a couple who:
1. Got married.2. Got divorced.
3. Got remarried.4. Got divorced.

Then they figured out what worked:
5. One of them bought the house next door to the other one.

And they had maintained a happy relationship for many years since.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[riggerrob 643]

Similarly, some mature couples meet later in life, after raising kids, divorcing the first wife, etc.
They maintain separate houses, but spend two or three nights a week at their partner's house.

[Chiquita 14]

I have a friend that is married, him and his wife live in separate homes. I believe at this very moment that they do live under the same roof but he mentioned that she is buying a house nearby. I've known them for 10+ years and they seem very happy.

And I agree with doing what works for your relationship and not what "they" say you "should" do. Plus, just because you have different beds doesn't mean you can never sleep in the same one at the same time ever again

"Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity"

[headoverheels 333]

We commute. Neither of us sleep well, so we don't need one disturbing the other, and we typically run different hours.

[kawisixer01 0]

My wife and I sleep in the same bed. But for many many years I worked third shift and I slept by myself. It was a HUGE adjustment when I came to day shifts. I did not like it a lot at first, and I still often toss and turn looking to spread out or find myself being woken up by her (and frustrated by it). I know couples that sleep separate and they are just fine and happy as heck. In the days of our grandparents it was fairly common to have separate beds. I don't consider it a sign of anything other than two people that have found a way to get good sleep and be happy.

[JohnMitchell 16]

Almost always sleep together except, like your case, in case of sickness or injury that necessitates a little separation. Broken collar bone wasn't a problem for us, but rotator cuff surgery required me to sleep in a Lazy Boy recliner for a while. Bad hacking head cold? Maybe the guest room for a night or two.

But also what NWFlyer said. Whatever works for YOUR relationship.

[oldwomanc6 52]

I've never wanted to snuggle all night long, and as we've gotten older, I've found that the double isn't big enough, and now, the queen is not either.

Along with the different sleep start times; he goes to bed earlier (snores for about an hour), and gets up earlier, we both need more room to let our aging joints/muscles the room to get comfortable.

Some, because of room constraints, use separate bedrooms, but ours is gigantic, so we could do two doubles in our room. If he snored all night, then two rooms would be the way to go.

Wanting a good night's sleep has nothing to do with how much you love your partner.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[akarunway 1]

JohnnyMarko

To make a long story short, I broke my collar bone 2 weeks ago. I sleep on my right side, which is the side I broke. Because I've been tossing and turning, I decided to post up in the guest room at night so I don't disturb my boyfriend. However, we're kind of discovering it's working for the better for both of us. He's a heavy sleeper, and I'm a light sleeper.

A little bit of research seems like it's not harmful for relationships. We have totally different sleep schedules and sleep habits. Sleep is important, so we both kinda feel healthier getting a good nights rest. We've been together over 5 years, own a house together, and are getting married soon.

Just curious if anyone of y'all have similar experience sleeping in different beds, whether good or bad.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[akarunway 1]

Who is Rob and Luara Petrie and Desi and Lucy for a 100 Alex.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[tigra 0]

My guy snored- bad. Really bad. Plus PTSD would sometime cause him to toss and turn. The last few years he wasn't working and I was, so a good night's sleep was important. He'd fall asleep on the couch almost every night and end up coming to bed in the middle of the night after I had already fallen asleep. Once I was asleep, the snoring usually didn't wake me.

My friends go to bed together but he gets up in the middle of the night and moves to a day bed which is in their loft. They've been doing that for years and just had their 30 year anniversary so it must be working for them.

[NWFlyer 2]

Quote

In the days of our grandparents it was fairly common to have separate beds. I don't consider it a sign of anything other than two people that have found a way to get good sleep and be happy.

That's a really good point. My paternal grandfather passed away when I was a toddler, so I never had opportunity to observe their sleeping arrangements, but my maternal grandparents slept in separate beds / bedrooms as long as I was aware. It was a three bedroom house and when my mom and her brother were growing up they each had their own bedroom, so I presume that my grandparents slept in the same bed back then, but I really don't know when they started sleeping separately.

I never questioned the normalcy / rightness of that sleeping arrangement - it was just how they lived. And why would I question it, because they were a happy couple married 50+ years till my grandfather's death.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Nataly 38]

I have heard about this from many older / established couples.

If it works for you - do it. If you try and you find it doesn't work for one or both of you, don't.

Advice from a single gal with 3 cats!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[jumpwally 0]

While waking in the middle of the night does anyone enjoy looking for the 'cool spot " for hands and feet and neck ?

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[oldwomanc6 52]

jumpwally

While waking in the middle of the night does anyone enjoy looking for the 'cool spot " for hands and feet and neck ?

I can see,
Separate beds would not be
A bad thing,
Or a King.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[theonlyski 8]

ryoder

I recall years ago reading about a couple who:
1. Got married.2. Got divorced.
3. Got remarried.4. Got divorced.

Then they figured out what worked:
5. One of them bought the house next door to the other one.

And they had maintained a happy relationship for many years since.

I have a co-worker who got married, divorced and are now happily dating each other while maintaining separate houses. It works well for them.

As NW said, find what works for you and do it, society isn't always right.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[SkyDekker 1,465]

riggerrob

Similarly, some mature couples meet later in life, after raising kids, divorcing the first wife, etc.
They maintain separate houses, but spend two or three nights a week at their partner's house.

The Dutch call this a LAT relationship.

Living Apart Together.

Here in Toronto, quite a few of the larger homes being built have two master bedrooms.

[SkyDekker 1,465]

Quote

so we could do two doubles in our room.

Take two doubles and put them beside each other, but each with its own bedding. Close yet apart.

[NewGuy2005 53]

Sleep is vital and sometimes hard to get. If sleeping separate gets you better sleep, that's what you do.

[yoink 321]

Yup. Not all the time. But reasonably regularly.