Being an adult sucks

[OldHand 0]

im not shour why i write on hear but anyways... i broked up with my girlfrend. there is no reason except i don't picture her as a mother. i don't picture us baying a house together. i don't picture marriage with her.

but i am so so so so sad. and i felt like i cant complain because i broked up with her.

so sorry to bother everywon here. i just need to told a bunch of people i dont knowtoo well. all my friends wont understand.

[DiverMike 5]

Not sure I understand, but my favorite skydiving expressions is "suck it up cupcake"(SIUC). It means stop feeling sorry for yourself. I think it comes from the culture of seeing beautiful, vibrant people die while sheeple complain about no longer having a girlfriend, or a car, or the latest iphone.

Speaking as one of the anonymous people to whom you posted, I don't feel sorry for you., but then again I don't know you.

If people who know you (your friends) don't understand, why would a bunch of strangers? If you truly are so so so sad, seek professional help.

For the same reason I jump off a perfectly good diving board.

[wmw999 2,445]

If you want to get married and have children eventually, and you don't picture yourself doing it with her, then you're making the right decision. Figure out what you need to be happy, then go about getting it, a piece at a time. You'll always be able to think of more, and sometimes it'll change, but this isn't a jigsaw puzzle with a limited number of pieces.

To have an interesting relationship, figure out how to have an interesting life; then you can share it.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[FlyingRhenquest 1]

Duffman is Thrusting In The Direction Of the Problem!

Oh, yeah!

I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

[flygirl1220 0]

wmw999

If you want to get married and have children eventually, and you don't picture yourself doing it with her, then you're making the right decision. Figure out what you need to be happy, then go about getting it, a piece at a time. You'll always be able to think of more, and sometimes it'll change, but this isn't a jigsaw puzzle with a limited number of pieces.

To have an interesting relationship, figure out how to have an interesting life; then you can share it.

Wendy P.

+1

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

OldHand

im not shour why i write on hear but anyways... i broked up with my girlfrend. there is no reason except i don't picture her as a mother. i don't picture us baying a house together. i don't picture marriage with her.

but i am so so so so sad. and i felt like i cant complain because i broked up with her.

so sorry to bother everywon here. i just need to told a bunch of people i dont knowtoo well. all my friends wont understand.

Did you actually tell her those reasons are why you broke up with her? Good enough to bang but not good enough to procreate with or marry? One of those deals?

Always be kinder than you feel.

[OldHand 0]

that is so disrespectfull to her and also to me. she is wonderfull person and not someone i just bang with.

we had a long talk. yes i told her. and my family and all my friends love her and think im crazi for broken up with her. nobody understands but i have doubts from the start. i think this is bad to think all the time. i love her but i see no futur.

[Andy9o8 2]

So he started the relationship hopeful, but is now being honest & realistic rather than another divorce statistic? Yeh, what an effer.

How about women who marry men long enough to use them as sperm donors, and then WHAM it's alimony time. I heard that term used by a twice-divorced woman to describe her 2 exes, btw. Works both ways.

[Nataly 38]

I agree with Wendy - might be a gentler crowd in the women's forum... Although I don't know why, since men experience breakeups just as much as women do, so you'd *think* they would be more sympathetic...

Anyway, I don't know you but I recently experienced something that seems a bit similar... I didn't see a future, and it felt kinda selfish to stay in the relationship just because he was so wonderful. I don't want kids or marriage, but I also didn't see him in my future. It's very very sad to lose someone you love. Love is complicated, and sometimes it's not enough.

I feel your pain... I'm telling you what I keep telling myself: it'll be ok. It'll get better. Just go through the motions for now...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

OldHand

that is so disrespectfull to her and also to me. she is wonderfull person and not someone i just bang with.

we had a long talk. yes i told her. and my family and all my friends love her and think im crazi for broken up with her. nobody understands but i have doubts from the start. i think this is bad to think all the time. i love her but i see no futur.

I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to come off as disrespectful to either of you. Is this something a "break" will help you think things through with some time to yourself?? Ultimately, I think the "doubts from the start" is a huge red flag. Wish I followed my own "doubts from the start" red flag a time or two in my life.

Was she upset with the reasons you gave her? Did she see the relationship in a different light??

Again, sorry!!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Andy9o8

So he started the relationship hopeful, but is now being honest & realistic rather than another divorce statistic? Yeh, what an effer.

How about women who marry men long enough to use them as sperm donors, and then WHAM it's alimony time. I heard that term used by a twice-divorced woman to describe her 2 exes, btw. Works both ways.

I think it sucks it took 2 years out of each of their lives for his doubts from the beginning to finally break the camel's back. Time is precious, especially when you're trying to plan a family.

I have a friend whose exWife described him that way.. "sperm donor" and he's knee deep in alimony. And she screwed around on HIM. Break ups and divorce just SUCK. I hate them both.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Nataly

I agree with Wendy - might be a gentler crowd in the women's forum... Although I don't know why, since men experience breakeups just as much as women do, so you'd *think* they would be more sympathetic...

Anyway, I don't know you but I recently experienced something that seems a bit similar... I didn't see a future, and it felt kinda selfish to stay in the relationship just because he was so wonderful. I don't want kids or marriage, but I also didn't see him in my future. It's very very sad to lose someone you love. Love is complicated, and sometimes it's not enough.

I feel your pain... I'm telling you what I keep telling myself: it'll be ok. It'll get better. Just go through the motions for now...

I could've wrote those words in bold myself. Hope you get through it soon.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Hi Nataly - I saw what you replied before it was deleted and just wanted to say I have no idea where the 2 years came from. I may have taken Andy's 2 in the sentence and put that into my thought. Nope, not comparing it with anyone else's situation. I didn't take it as mean at all! Hope that clears it up for you.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[Nataly 38]

LuckyMcSwervy

Hi Nataly - I saw what you replied before it was deleted and just wanted to say I have no idea where the 2 years came from. I may have taken Andy's 2 in the sentence and put that into my thought. Nope, not comparing it with anyone else's situation. I didn't take it as mean at all! Hope that clears it up for you.

I deleted my post because I thought I probably just misread your reply anyway. And also it's probably me projecting in this case as I'm suffering from a "fresh wound" myself. So I'm probably coming off like a pratt. And anyway this thread isn't about me, so that just makes me a bigger pratt.

To the OP - sorry for hijacking your thread. I revert back to my original post. It will be ok. You will be ok. Life lives on.

(Sorry again.)

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ryoder 1,590]

wmw999

Just don't send him to the BMW forums.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[quade 4]

Quote

And anyway this thread isn't about me, so that just makes me a bigger pratt.

Emphasis added for irony.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Nataly

***Hi Nataly - I saw what you replied before it was deleted and just wanted to say I have no idea where the 2 years came from. I may have taken Andy's 2 in the sentence and put that into my thought. Nope, not comparing it with anyone else's situation. I didn't take it as mean at all! Hope that clears it up for you.

I deleted my post because I thought I probably just misread your reply anyway. And also it's probably me projecting in this case as I'm suffering from a "fresh wound" myself. So I'm probably coming off like a pratt. And anyway this thread isn't about me, so that just makes me a bigger pratt.

To the OP - sorry for hijacking your thread. I revert back to my original post. It will be ok. You will be ok. Life lives on.

(Sorry again.)

Always be kinder than you feel.

[Muffie 0]

I had a buddy marry a woman who he didn't think would make a good mother. Resulted in a pretty crap marriage for both of them where they pretty much lived separate lives.

She cheated. They got divorced. He's now remarried with two kiddos and much happier than he was in the first marriage.

So, seems to me that if she wasn't mother material and that matters to you, you're better off ending it now than spending years and having it end later.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Muffie

I had a buddy marry a woman who he didn't think would make a good mother. Resulted in a pretty crap marriage for both of them where they pretty much lived separate lives.

She cheated. They got divorced. He's now remarried with two kiddos and much happier than he was in the first marriage.

So, seems to me that if she wasn't mother material and that matters to you, you're better off ending it now than spending years and having it end later.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around people who know in their gut someone isn't good parent material and still go through with a marriage, have kids and end up getting divorced. What is the driving force? To be a parent no matter what?

I once dated a guy who had 2 boys. As the months went on and he didn't seem too interested in the day to day activities in the lives of his kids, I bailed. The was one of the biggest reasons I ended it. He'd rather go to the gym than take his kids to the library or help them with homework. That just didn't jive with how I was raised. My parents were divorced but my Dad was there every day, for everything, no matter how mundane. This guy just didn't pass my version of the "loving, caring, involved parent".

Always be kinder than you feel.

[OldHand 0]

thanks you to the people that took the time to writ. i have such good memories. i dont want to let go. i reely triad to make it works. it makes me even more sad bacause she sais she can change but i dont want her to change because she is already perfect but not perfect for me. its nothing she says or does its just like this. its like i cant breath without her, i felt like a part of me is missing. all i wants is for her to comfort me but i did this to her so i cant complain. im so so so so sad though. i felt like a big jerk.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

OldHand

thanks you to the people that took the time to writ. i have such good memories. i dont want to let go. i reely triad to make it works. it makes me even more sad bacause she sais she can change but i dont want her to change because she is already perfect but not perfect for me. its nothing she says or does its just like this. its like i cant breath without her, i felt like a part of me is missing. all i wants is for her to comfort me but i did this to her so i cant complain. im so so so so sad though. i felt like a big jerk.

OMG... that is so sad. I've known that feeling before. It really will get better. It's going to take time.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[Muffie 0]

LuckyMcSwervy

I have a hard time wrapping my head around people who know in their gut someone isn't good parent material and still go through with a marriage, have kids and end up getting divorced. What is the driving force? To be a parent no matter what?

I once dated a guy who had 2 boys. As the months went on and he didn't seem too interested in the day to day activities in the lives of his kids, I bailed. The was one of the biggest reasons I ended it. He'd rather go to the gym than take his kids to the library or help them with homework. That just didn't jive with how I was raised. My parents were divorced but my Dad was there every day, for everything, no matter how mundane. This guy just didn't pass my version of the "loving, caring, involved parent".

Honestly, I don't think most people even think about it. They're just having fun, kids come along, and ah well.

I will give my buddy props for not trying to have kids with his first wife. He knew she wouldn't be a good mom, so didn't bring kids into that relationship.

And I'm right there with you on the father thing. My dad was central to my life. I can't imagine being with a guy who cares more about himself than about being a good father.

[Nataly 38]

Maybe do something fun? Won't solve your problem, but might take your mind off of it. Is there a DZ near where you live? Maybe take some kind of class? Perhaps being busy is better than being alone with your misery.

Hope you feel better soon...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[TriGirl 318]

OldHand

thanks you to the people that took the time to writ. i have such good memories. i dont want to let go. i reely triad to make it works. it makes me even more sad bacause she sais she can change but i dont want her to change because she is already perfect but not perfect for me. its nothing she says or does its just like this. its like i cant breath without her, i felt like a part of me is missing. all i wants is for her to comfort me but i did this to her so i cant complain. im so so so so sad though. i felt like a big jerk.

Here is the key point. The reason you had the discussion, and did the honest thing. You recognize this. However, this does not mean she must be out of your life completely. Your relationship is just different -- you are not a romantic couple, but since your bond was so strong you can be different things to each other and still have a meaningful, close relationship. But, I do recommend taking several months to be totally apart, so neither of you falls back into the habit of each other (and therefore slows the healing process). Anladiniz mi?

Yes, it sucks now, but you will be happier later. On the other hand, is having children and being married more important than sharing your life with your perfect partner? Of course, if you want both, the better situation is to have all of it. But if you can only live one of those lives, then you should decide if it is more important to have a wife and children than to be with this one woman who really understands you. Iyi sanslar.

See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

[JohnMitchell 16]

LuckyMcSwervy

Ultimately, I think the "doubts from the start" is a huge red flag. Wish I followed my own "doubts from the start" red flag a time or two in my life.

Again, sorry!!

Hell, Swervy, you call 'em the way you see 'em. No need to say sorry.

It took me a while to settle down (well, mid 20's, some consider that too young even). Married a great woman, of course, and luckily she puts up with my inherent male stupidity.

If this guy wants kids, he does need to find a woman who wants to raise a family also, and responsibly. Best of luck to him, but he shouldn't mope too hard. I think more woman wish to settle down and start a family than men do. Quit sighing and start searching would be my advice.