When you bought your first house did your relationship...

[Nataly 38]

I'll tell you something that *is* outrageous..

Back in Canada (where I'm originally from), having 2 people on a mortgage exponentially *increases* the amount you can borrow. This makes mathematical sense, as it is less risky for lenders when they have 2 people to go after if payments aren't forthcoming...

In the UK, however, the second income is considered as almost incidental.. The view is that probably only one person (the man) will ever have a real job, and the woman will eventually have babies anyway so it practically doesn't count because everyone knows there is no career after that..

So if you earned XX on your own you'd be able to borrow more money than if both of you combined earn the same amount. When you think about it, it's ridiculous in terms of risk nowadays, considering the individual would pay more taxes, and is more at risk of job loss than 2 people!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[wightout 0]

Last November, my then fiance and I started a five week whirlwind that would set your hair on fire!!

On Nov 7, we started our business, on Nov 12, signed papers on our house, over Thanksgiving moved in, on Dec. 8 got married and on Dec 15 had our grand opening for our business. Oh, and in the middle of all of that the x-girlfriend served my husband with custody papers.

Utah I guess is fairly progressive...cause my name is the ONLY name on the mortgage and the business. (We live in a world of an x-wife and x-girlfriend with children.) My husband is perfectly okay with my name being on everything. He's great that way. With the business it especially made sense, since government contracts go to minorities first!!

After those five weeks last winter, EVERYTHING went off without a hitch, we had a blast! We both turned 40 last year, and just had a combined mid-life crisis!

So....we just tell everyone to WATCH OUT...cause after conquering all of that, not much we figure we can't do...together!!

To borrow a line from Squeak...MY LIFE ROCKS!! HOW'S YOURS??!!!

[skydiver30960 0]

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Am I the only one that's of the opinion that you shouldn't buy a house with someone until you're married to them? Or at least have a date set in the very near future?

While I agree with your sentiment and what you're getting at (I'm about to marry my girlfriend of ten years, and we've never even CONSIDERED homeownership together before this point) keep in mind that people who aren't married buy houses together all the time.

Especially in an expensive/ high-rent community (i.e. "the big city" for us rednecks), two people who are just roommates could work together to buy a home that would mean a lower monthly cost, as well as a better investment when compared to renting.

The key, as hammered to death above, is to make sure everything is legal and both parties are represented appropriately.

Elvisio "one more whack with the hammer" Rodriguez

[Nataly 38]

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So....we just tell everyone to WATCH OUT...cause after conquering all of that, not much we figure we can't do...together!!

Dear god--sounds like you two are DANGEROUS!!!

[Edit]: I think the bottom line is that we're in a solid relationship. Frankly, we don't need a piece of paper to prove that. I'm not saying marriage is stupid--there are plenty of valid reasons (romantic, financial or otherwise) for getting married. I just think we live in an age where people should be allowed to do what they want. We should (and do) have options to be responsible without having to go through ceremonies and traditions that don't suit us.

Personally, I'm more prepared to spend 10000$ sorting out our assets if things go wrong, than to spend triple the amount for a dress, divorce, *and* splitting up of assets--gmittar: you're a finance guy, you should agree with this one at least!!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[popsjumper 2]

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The boyfriend and I are in the process of getting a joint-mortgage and finding a place.. Just wondering wether anyone else found the experience MINDNUMBINGLY painful??

Yes. And MINDNUMBINGLY stupid. When you break up you will see what I mean.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[gmittar 0]

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The boyfriend and I are in the process of getting a joint-mortgage and finding a place.. Just wondering wether anyone else found the experience MINDNUMBINGLY painful??

Yes. And MINDNUMBINGLY stupid. When you break up you will see what I mean.

I've recognized when people can't be convinced, some people only learn from pain. It's really too bad.

|>.<|
Seriously, W.T.F. mate?

[popsjumper 2]

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...Personally, I'm more prepared to spend 10000$ sorting out our assets if things go wrong, than to spend triple the amount for a dress, divorce, *and* splitting up of assets--gmittar: you're a finance guy, you should agree with this one at least!!!!

A lawyer's dream come true!

Lawrocket must be salivating at this point.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[skycat 0]

We bought our house based off of one income instead of two, left an out if things went south....they didn't, we got married a year later.

Fly it like you stole it!

[JohnMitchell 16]

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Hee heeeeeeeeeeee!!! I think getting married is pretty absurd--except for financial reasons

I think marriage is pretty great, especially if you're going to spend your lives together. If not, then you're just dating.

I checked the box that made you puke.

[lawrocket 3]

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I speak from personal experience. My wife and I purchased our house years before we got married. Things have gone really well because we did our homework first!

Spend the money on an attorney to be sure you have a legally binding agreement as to each party's ownership interest, obligations to each other during the ownership, options in the case either of you defaults on those obligations, and what to do if you decide to end the relationship.

Each of you should have your own attorney review the agreement.

This is not only a personal relationship, but considering the value of the asset you are buying a true business partnership, and should be treated as such. Each state has its own laws regarding joint ownership of property, so you really want to get someone local to give the advice.

Good luck!

Harry

It is always better to spend a few hundred bucks getting it worked out now by attorneys than to spend 10 or 40 thousand getting it worked out because ti wasn't worked out before.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Conundrum 1]

How long have you been dating?

[Squeak 17]

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The boyfriend and I are in the process of getting a joint-mortgage and finding a place.. Just wondering wether anyone else found the experience MINDNUMBINGLY painful??

Yes. And MINDNUMBINGLY stupid. When you break up you will see what I mean.

fucken Hell that's a cynical view, even for you Pops
What was her name

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[DFWAJG 4]

Buying a house is listed as one of the top 5 stressful situations. Yes, It can be mind boggling.

[Keith 0]

I voted "we survived" because through the process of buying, renovating, and moving in I damn near killed him. But we got over it and lasted another 6 years before I finally kicked him to the curb. We're actually still good friends today.

Keith

Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville

[FlyinDawg 0]

That's really no problem because my house is built new while I'm single.

Flyin' Dawg or SkyDog


"To understand is to forgive, even oneself."

[Nataly 38]

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How long have you been dating?

Whoa--what a can of worms!!! (sorry to re-visit this--was unable to be on a computer when it was "fresh" news!!!!)

We've been living together for 3 years.

I'm actually really surprised that so many people are so negative about the whole getting a place without being married thing. I don't poo-poo or lecture married people for being "stupid" because of the billions of horror stories I've heard about marriages going sour.. Fact is, lots of marriages break down. Fact is, getting a house together is stressful (and can lead to major problems down the line). Any idiot can see that!!! (and by the way, I don't think marriage is stupid--if it make you happy)

It's not a "dream home" we're buying, it's a place to keep our stuff for the next 5 years!! There are worst things in life than breaking up and losing an asset.. Worse than that would be one of us getting an incapacitating illness, or dying. Our wills are sorted, and we've got insurance.

When I say it's MINDNUMBINGLY painful, it is. We don't always agree on places we like.. We are both professionals who work long hours and it's difficult to view places.. We work in opposite ends of London, so what's a great commute for him is a nightmare for me.. It's tough and stressful. It's a strain on us because it's obviously sooo much easier to live in a crappy place when you're single--when you're together, however, quality of life depend on 2 peoples' happiness..

The "puke" option was tongue-in-cheek.. Sheesh, people!! Relax!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[gmittar 0]

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How long have you been dating?

Whoa--what a can of worms!!! (sorry to re-visit this--was unable to be on a computer when it was "fresh" news!!!!)

We've been living together for 3 years.

I'm actually really surprised that so many people are so negative about the whole getting a place without being married thing. I don't poo-poo or lecture married people for being "stupid" because of the billions of horror stories I've heard about marriages going sour.. Fact is, lots of marriages break down. Fact is, getting a house together is stressful (and can lead to major problems down the line). Any idiot can see that!!! (and by the way, I don't think marriage is stupid--if it make you happy)

It's not a "dream home" we're buying, it's a place to keep our stuff for the next 5 years!! There are worst things in life than breaking up and losing an asset.. Worse than that would be one of us getting an incapacitating illness, or dying. Our wills are sorted, and we've got insurance.

When I say it's MINDNUMBINGLY painful, it is. We don't always agree on places we like.. We are both professionals who work long hours and it's difficult to view places.. We work in opposite ends of London, so what's a great commute for him is a nightmare for me.. It's tough and stressful. It's a strain on us because it's obviously sooo much easier to live in a crappy place when you're single--when you're together, however, quality of life depend on 2 peoples' happiness..

The "puke" option was tongue-in-cheek.. Sheesh, people!! Relax!!

Hey, you asked Oh, and I stand by my "opinion" that's it's not a good idea before you're married. Will you survive it? Sure. Will you come through without losing your life savings? Sure. Will it be more painful than it needs to be when/if you break up? Sure.

|>.Seriously, W.T.F. mate?

[Nataly 38]

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Hey, you asked Oh, and I stand by my "opinion" that's it's not a good idea before you're married. Will you survive it? Sure. Will you come through without losing your life savings? Sure. Will it be more painful than it needs to be when/if you break up? Sure.

Nah. We don't come from a sueing culture..

Neither one of us wants to rent--it doesn't make financial sense. He owns the place we're currently living in. We're going to be holding on to this place and letting it out. I'm in the process of buying a place in France which I will let out. We both want to get more properties as investments, but the main thing is we want to live in a nicer place. It just makes absolute sense to get the next place together.

1. We'll be living together anyway.

2. We can borrow more.

3. We can get somewhere nicer.

If only one of us gets the next place we're in, we'd have to *downgrade* from what we already have.

I completely see your point of view about the added hassle if things go pearshaped. The benefits clearly outweigh the downside. Continuing in our current condition isn't what we want--we want progress. If progress means headaches in the future, that's life.

I don't want to live my life fearing that things will go wrong.. They usually do anyway. If I wasn't prepared to take (acceptable) risks, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Of course it complicates things--the best things in life always do

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

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Hee heeeeeeeeeeee!!! I think getting married is pretty absurd--except for financial reasons

I think marriage is pretty great, especially if you're going to spend your lives together. If not, then you're just dating.

I checked the box that made you puke.

Mwwaaa haaa haaaaa!! Just read this one!! Fucking funny!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[gmittar 0]

Obviously we're not going to convince each other, but I want to point out that living in fear is hardly where I'm coming from on my point of view. I hope everything goes exactly as or reasonably like you hope it will. Cheers.

|>.<|
Seriously, W.T.F. mate?

[Squeak 17]

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Hey, you asked Oh, and I stand by my "opinion" that's it's not a good idea before you're married. Will you survive it? Sure. Will you come through without losing your life savings? Sure. Will it be more painful than it needs to be when/if you break up? Sure.

Have you even tried considering that in this day and age a great many people actually DONT marry

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Nataly 38]

*BUMP*

So, a couple of years down the line... We did buy a house together... We bought at the very peak of the boom, and just weeks after we got the keys, the markets came crashing down in a spectacular fashion... We split up shortly after (not related to the house purchase or financial crisis)... Becoming financially independent from it took *years* because the banks didn't want to have just one person on the mortgage (due to the financial crisis that no one anticiapted)...

All things considered, although I would strongly urge people NOT to do what I did, I don't regret doing it myself. A lot of the hard lessons I learned are the reason I'm in such a good position now

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[BillyVance 34]

A 6 year old thread? Well, it is your thread...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban