What does etiquette say about wearing an engagement ring given to you by someone who died?

[grasshoppergirl 0]

[Skyrad 0]

Wear it if you want to, if somone asks and you don't want to discuss it tell them so. Its really not that complicated.

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[promise5 17]

Wear it till your ready to take it off or move it to another finger, or wear it on a chain around your neck

No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

[grasshoppergirl 0]

I haven't worn it in over 15 years so it feels weird. It seems a shame to keep it in a drawer. My ex bf used to tell me when we fought, that he could never live up to 'him' (referring to the person who gave me the ring) so in a way it feels strange to wear it (as if I'm proving my ex right; which I don't think is the case). Thx.

[skymama 37]

Have it reset into a different ring or even a necklace.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[blueblur 0]

I would agree that it could cause issues with new relationships. As a man, I would wonder if I were able to live up to the memory (I have a friend that is in the same boat, he will NEVER live up to his wife's 1st husband, she tells my wife that a lot). I agree to have it resized or set the stones into something else, that way the everlasting parts of the diamonds are still with you in a different way.

I would do this myself with my wedding ring if she were to die.

In every man's life he will be allotted one good woman and one good dog. That's all you get, so appreciate them while the time you have with them lasts.

- RiggerLee

[billvon 2,998]

Wear it if you like; make it into something else if you like. If someone asks you don't lie about it. (On the other hand you have no obligation to tell them anything about it if you don't want to.)

[JohnMitchell 16]

If you wear it on your left ring finger, that's a signal to men that you're not available for a relationship. Is that the signal you want to give? Because maybe you are, maybe you're not.

I'd definitely say wear it if you want, but maybe on the right hand or resize for a different finger.

[jumpwally 0]

ok,,,so whats the background story here ?

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[Squeak 17]

from an etiquette POV i see no issue at all.
From a personal point of view to me it would depend on WHY you're wearing it. and if you are wearing it AS an engagement ring.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[jimmytavino 16]

sorry to hear that a man who gave to you,,,, an engagement ring, is now gone from your life...
Keep the memories close , in your heart...

IF he was a man who would have encouraged your adventurous spirit, who would have wanted to see you HAppy and enjoying Life,, who would have been supportive of your interests and would be proud of you, for Skydiving......
then i'd consider suggesting that you sell the token of your love and use the funds to buy safe and good quality skydiving equipment....
Then you could "share the sport" to some small extent... and you would not be forlorn, each time you looked at the ring....
only YOU can decide...
best wishes..

[skydiver30960 0]

The only input I'd give is not to lie.

Wear it, don't wear it, wear it on your hand, wear it on a chain, get it reset, wear it on your left ring finger... all of that is up to you.

But if it means that much to you (to still wear it after all these years) then you have be comfortable enough to tell the truth if someone asks you about it. So either tell the truth, or as you've mentioned, just find a way to tell them it's a personal issue.

Elvisio "lying in any form sucks" Rodriguez

[grasshoppergirl 0]

Thanks for the input. I knew I'd get some good responses. Re: the lying thing, I meant like 'it's a family ring' or something like that but yeah, that's still lying.

Jimmy, thanks... I hadn't thought about selling it for gear (something he totally would have supported) but I hadn't thought about selling period, so that was an interesting development :) I don't know that I'd want to get it re-set etc. since it is what it is, but I definitely wouldn't wear it on my left ring finger.

So yeah, in response to jumpwally, he died in '95 and it sucks but it's the past and I've dealt with it. I hadn't even thought about it in quite some time, but I've been on an organizational kick and have been going through every room in the house, and I went through my jewelry box and some stuff I had tucked away. It seemed like such a shame to not put it on and let it sparkle a bit :) Granted, I fully admit that I over-think things but, initially didn't want to wear it because I was suspicious folks might think it was an inheritance (my mom passed away suddenly two years ago and we haven't done anything about her jewelry etc. and I know people are wondering... nosy bastards). Then I realized that most people here where I'm living (and have only lived for 4 years) don't even know much about my past so I didn't want to answer a bunch of questions. Then I laughed at myself and realized that's why I tucked it away in the first place! That's when I created the poll. HAHA!

Seriously though, appreciate the input.

[TriGirl 319]

First, I would ask whether it is the simple, diamond solitare, or some other kind of design. The reason I ask is that a diamond solitare is usually just used as an engagement ring. In that case, I say wear it on another finger, and "it's just a pretty ring." (go into the story or not, depending on the situation). Another option for solitare is to make it into something else, as many have suggested. In that case, you aren't destroying something unique, you're just making the diamond sparkle some other way.

If it is some other kind of design, then wear it on any finger you like, with the same attitude: it's a pretty ring.

See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

[Squeak 17]

Quote

with the same attitude: it's a pretty ring.

Ive been told I have a pretty ring

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Nataly 38]

The only people who are likely to ask questions are the ones who know you well enough to notice you weren't wearing it before and suddenly it's there... You won't have to explain to perfect strangers, nor to your closest friends - the first won't care; the latter will already know.

So the question is: are you happy to give a relatively personal response (or an outright lie) to people you're not that close to??

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

Quote

The only people who are likely to ask questions are the ones who know you well enough to notice you weren't wearing it before and suddenly it's there... You won't have to explain to perfect strangers, nor to your closest friends - the first won't care; the latter will already know.

So the question is: are you happy to give a relatively personal response (or an outright lie) to people you're not that close to??

you mean like a bunch of total strangers on a message board

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[FlyingRhenquest 1]

I'd say do what makes you happy. If you don't want to answer questions, just use the whale biologist's answer, "I don't know you well enough to get into that!" He has to be pretty smart, he's a whale biologist.

I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

[popsjumper 2]

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I haven't worn it in over 15 years so it feels weird. It seems a shame to keep it in a drawer. My ex bf used to tell me when we fought, that he could never live up to 'him' (referring to the person who gave me the ring) so in a way it feels strange to wear it (as if I'm proving my ex right; which I don't think is the case). Thx.

So, I'm curious about the ex BF...and more.
Evidently, you told him things about the relationship you had with the guy that gave you the ring. And, evidently, he was very insecure and felt that he "had to" live up to some expectations.

Two things:
1. Were those expectations developed by what you told him in your disclosure of the past relationship? Did you build the ring guy up to be some sort of hero?

or,

2. Was the ex BF so insecure with himself even before the disclosure?

If you wear the ring and have a new relationship, these are things you may need to think about right up front.
How much to tell him, if anything, may depend on just how secure the guy is with himself. I hope you get a more mature guy in the future where you don't have to worry about how he is going take it.

So, IMO, wear it if you like. If anyone asks, tell them whatever you are comfortable with even if it's a lie. It's really nobody's business but your own.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[popsjumper 2]

Quote

If you wear it on your left ring finger, that's a signal to men that you're not available for a relationship.

To some, it's a challenge.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[kd5xb 1]

Well, there really isn't a selection for what I want to express --

Wear it, or not, any way you like. If somebody asks about it, tell them anything you wish. I would suggest you not lie to someone you care about, though.

It's YOUR life, so live it YOUR way.

I'm a jumper. Even though I don't always have money for jumps, and may not ever own a rig again, I'll always be a jumper.

[BillyVance 34]

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I'd definitely say wear it if you want, but maybe on the right hand or resize for a different finger.

That's pretty much it right there. Wear it on the right hand when you go out, say to dinner or something just to look nice.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[kallend 2,027]

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I would agree that it could cause issues with new relationships. As a man, I would wonder if I were able to live up to the memory (I have a friend that is in the same boat, he will NEVER live up to his wife's 1st husband, she tells my wife that a lot). I agree to have it resized or set the stones into something else, that way the everlasting parts of the diamonds are still with you in a different way.

I would do this myself with my wedding ring if she were to die.

My wife died a couple of years ago. I keep our wedding rings in a drawer. Don't know what else to do with them.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[grasshoppergirl 0]

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I'd say do what makes you happy. If you don't want to answer questions, just use the whale biologist's answer, "I don't know you well enough to get into that!" He has to be pretty smart, he's a whale biologist.

I ADORE this advice :)

popjumper

Quote

So, I'm curious about the ex BF...and more.
Evidently, you told him things about the relationship you had with the guy that gave you the ring. And, evidently, he was very insecure and felt that he "had to" live up to some expectations.

Two things:
1. Were those expectations developed by what you told him in your disclosure of the past relationship? Did you build the ring guy up to be some sort of hero?
or,
2. Was the ex BF so insecure with himself even before the disclosure?

If you wear the ring and have a new relationship, these are things you may need to think about right up front.
How much to tell him, if anything, may depend on just how secure the guy is with himself. I hope you get a more mature guy in the future where you don't have to worry about how he is going take it.

popjumper: ex BF was 3.5 yr relationship 8 years after he died. In discussing previous relationships/history with ex BF, I told him about my past. I don't think I (or he) feel like I made him out to be a "hero" (even though he was the best person I think I'll ever know) or made him feel like he had something to "live up" to. Each person/relationship is different and I know that you can't "change" anyone nor should you try to. I think the ex BF was insecure about himself (and maybe my reluctance to commit) so my past relationship was 'convenient' to point to. I echo your wishes that I find a 'more mature guy' in the future because I'm at the point in my life where I know who I am, I like who I am, and I know what I want. I really hope to find someone who knows who he is, likes himself and knows what he wants. It certainly makes life a lot easier. Does that answer your questions? ;-)
Incidentally, I wore it yesterday but not today and I was in someone's office earlier and she said 'so what's up with the bling I saw yesterday?'. LOL.

Funnily enough, I got a message last night from a friend here on dz who wanted to know if I was ok... (he assumed I was upset I guess when he saw my post) so just to clarify, this was really just a matter of curiosity for me. I thought the ring was in a safety deposit box but I found it Monday while going through stuff at home. There's tons of great people here so I figured I'd post.***

Posting a pic here for TriGirl. Shortly after he died, I was going to either give to his family (wasn't practical since fam is so small) or sell and donate money to charity in his name but friends convinced me to wait on it.

[Skyrad 0]

Turn it into a diamond mounted closing pin and wear it around your neck

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca