GQ_jumper 4 #1 June 22, 2012 So my wife's office is having a pickup line contest and I've given her about a million to use but I figured there would be no better place on Earth to find some than to ask the deranged inhabitants of DZ.com . whatcha got folks? A few of my best: Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again? Is that a mirror in your pocket cause I can see myself in your pants. Are those space pants cause your butt is out of this world. If I told you that you had a nice body would you hold it against me? Nice shoes, wanna fuck? Is your daddy a drug dealer? cause you're dope Good thing I have gloves on cause you're too hot to handle Can I borrow a quarter so I can call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. Did the fall from heaven hurt? And of course I told her to use the one that I used to get her: Hi my name is Dan History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid. --Dwight D. Eisenhower Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #2 June 22, 2012 How about "It was nice to meet you. Would you like to go out sometime?" That's about the only line I ever knew. It got me Vskydiver.I gotta admit that those other lines are funnier. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #3 June 22, 2012 Wife??? When the f* did that happen??????Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaVinciflies 0 #4 June 22, 2012 Do you sleep on your front? No? Well, can I then? Do you want a fuck? No? Well do you mind lying still while I have one? Do you want to go halves on a bastard? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GQ_jumper 4 #5 June 22, 2012 Quote Wife??? When the f* did that happen?????? HA yeah sorry about that we kinda kept it a secret. We got married 4 months ago and didn't tell a soul apart from a former teammate of mine that came to be our witness at the courthouse. She met my parents the day after we got married and we didn't even tell them about it for another month That poor woman though has been through hell the last couple years because of my job. We've spent a total of 7 days together since we got married because I've been gone so much for work. Seriously though my pickup line with her was, "Hi my name is Dan, I'll be your instructor". then she found a way to grab my ass mid-tandem so I asked for her number on the ground right in front of her mom!History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid. --Dwight D. Eisenhower Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #6 June 22, 2012 hand her a sugar packet that says "sugar" on it and say "you dropped your name tag" how do you like your eggs? scrambled, over easy or fertilized Your legs must be tired, you've been running through my head all day/night. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #7 June 22, 2012 Hum....mental note...get TI rating ASAP! Pick up lines.....hum..... Sit on my face and i'll guess how much you weight. Slap that ass and call yourself sexy. You looking at me like I'm a piece of meet....and i'm ok with that. Are you pissed, cold or a lesbian. I can only help with two of those problems. Hi, I am the man of your dreams, now kiss me and make it look good! Your friends a fat bitch, but your cute, let's fuck.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GQ_jumper 4 #8 June 22, 2012 Quote Hum....mental note...get TI rating ASAP! *** Two years working as a TI and I got groped more times by 200 pound 60 year old women than I care to remember. So a friendly warning, you will get molested a lot and be forced to go home every night and curl up crying in the shower while u eat ice cream and tell urself ur beautiful History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid. --Dwight D. Eisenhower Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #9 June 22, 2012 Quoteorced to go home every night and curl up crying in the shower while u eat ice cream and tell urself ur beautiful SNAFU.Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #10 June 22, 2012 Hand her a business card that says "Smile if you want to have hot crazy sex with me tonight." Watch her try to hold back a laugh. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #11 June 22, 2012 Quote Quote Hum....mental note...get TI rating ASAP! *** Two years working as a TI and I got groped more times by 200 pound 60 year old women than I care to remember. So a friendly warning, you will get molested a lot and be forced to go home every night and curl up crying in the shower while u eat ice cream and tell urself ur beautiful OH it's not that bad! http://www.fatgirljihad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/the-right-one.jpg OK it is IT IS IT IS! + sized pick up lines....hey we all have been there! So baby, is that more cushin for the pupshin? Read beans and rice...hell all of that value meals went there! Keep me warm tonight and I'll make you smile in the morning. Oh oh oh oh oh dem be like a bucket of chicken...all breasts and thighs! Now how did you ever get out of the waffle house this late at night and not end up on someones flipandfuck? Woman there is muffin top and then there is sheetcake top and i just want me a piece of that cake!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GQ_jumper 4 #12 June 22, 2012 I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw that posting!History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid. --Dwight D. Eisenhower Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grasshoppergirl 0 #13 June 22, 2012 QuoteHand her a business card that says "Smile if you want to have hot crazy sex with me tonight." Watch her try to hold back a laugh. HA! I wouldn't be able to hold back a laugh. Most recent funny one I got was "Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #14 June 22, 2012 Here in Texas... 'Hey! I got a six-pack. Get in the truck!' Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dirtbox 0 #15 June 22, 2012 missbrz can vouch for this one working; 'do you know how I am getting laid tonight?' 'No?' 'because I am stronger than you...' still talk to that chic, she was pretty rad. Other shockers include 'does this smell like chloroform to you?' or 'do you know how to play rape?' No? 'That's the spirit' Missbrz can also vouch for the fact that though I have been around the block a few times I am not creepy nor a bad person, also I think my accent means most things I say are not understood and people just laugh awkwardly at/with me... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #16 June 22, 2012 The ladies of the loan star state come in two quantites God dam! or God dam! Oddly enough I have had lots of luck with the "Hey you are cute but boy is your friend a total crab!" NO JOKE! But back on topic...... Hey baby, want to ride me like a mechanical bull? Sup, noticed you were beer straight from the bottle....I like that now let's try it with something else! Your mouth says now but your heaving chest says yes! Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grasshoppergirl 0 #17 June 22, 2012 Quote how do you like your eggs? scrambled, over easy or fertilized My other favorite variation on the breakfast one is 'let's have breakfast, should I call you or nudge you?' A pickup line I like to bust out once in awhile under the right circumstances is "I like that shirt/those pants; it/they would look a lot better crumpled up in a ball on the floor". It's so versatile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,534 #18 June 22, 2012 I think the weirdest one I ever heard was kind of a shaggy dog one. We were college freshmen (they have all the best lines ). He said he'd been asking guys for what their best line was, and he'd been told that a killer line was to lean in reeeeeal close and ask "Can you tell me if my artificial eye is in straight?" I indicated that shouldn't be his A game Wendy P. There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #19 June 22, 2012 You listen to George Strait's music, you can get some good pick-up line ideas. You got that right, about the ladies of the Lone Star! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #20 June 22, 2012 Quote missbrz can vouch for this one working; 'do you know how I am getting laid tonight?' 'No?' 'because I am stronger than you...' still talk to that chic, she was pretty rad. Other shockers include 'does this smell like chloroform to you?' or 'do you know how to play rape?' No? 'That's the spirit' Missbrz can also vouch for the fact that though I have been around the block a few times I am not creepy nor a bad person, also I think my accent means most things I say are not understood and people just laugh awkwardly at/with me... BWAHAHAHAHA! those ONLY work because of your accent! unfair advantage if you ask me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #21 June 22, 2012 Quote Quote missbrz can vouch for this one working; 'do you know how I am getting laid tonight?' 'No?' 'because I am stronger than you...' still talk to that chic, she was pretty rad. Other shockers include 'does this smell like chloroform to you?' or 'do you know how to play rape?' No? 'That's the spirit' Missbrz can also vouch for the fact that though I have been around the block a few times I am not creepy nor a bad person, also I think my accent means most things I say are not understood and people just laugh awkwardly at/with me... BWAHAHAHAHA! those ONLY work because of your accent! unfair advantage if you ask me We'll use anything we have... Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dirtbox 0 #22 June 22, 2012 well my personality isn't going to help me :P... that girl was tidy though Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 8 #23 June 22, 2012 I surprise motorboated a girl at a bar. Still dating her 7 months later."I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #24 June 22, 2012 'Hi......my name's Don, and I'm extremely wealthy." My best friend back-in-the-day had a line that I swear worked 40-50% of the time......"I'd eat your shit for a mile, just to see where it came from." Don"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #25 June 22, 2012 Quote I surprise motorboated a girl at a bar. Still dating her 7 months later. I motorboated her first thank you very much. Paved the way for yours. I think I deserve credit for the assist Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
