Need a suitable punishment

[Zep 0]

for my 14 year old daughter.

During a power failure my daughter lit a candel in her room to finish painting her toe nails.
For some unexplained reason she wonderd what would happen if she put a drop of nail polish
on the flame of the candel, Result , two beds and a wardrobe full of clothes went up in flames.
Smoke damage to 3/4 of the upper floor, a sister in law which now wont talk to me as I was rude
to her beyond the point of belife when she stated to open all the windows before I had the fire
under control.

Now I've calmed down I feel that she needs to be punished and I really am at a loss as to a suitable
punishment asides from the grounding she's going to get,

At the moment she shows no sign of remorse, I'm just hopeing that in time she'll realise
just how serious her actions were.

Gone fishing

[shropshire 0]

1st off - glad everyone is safe!

but I'm at a loss for a suitable punishment for the Sister-in-law.

As for your daughter .. maybe she'll respect her replacement cloths if she has to work for them - but other peoples stuff should be replaced before hers.

I bet there's a lot of laundry that needs to be done too and room cleaning ... redecoration ... she's going to be busy for a long time.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[jhh166 0]

  Quote

for my 14 year old daughter.

During a power failure my daughter lit a candel in her room to finish painting her toe nails.
For some unexplained reason she wonderd what would happen if she put a drop of nail polish
on the flame of the candel, Result , two beds and a wardrobe full of clothes went up in flames.
Smoke damage to 3/4 of the upper floor, a sister in law which now wont talk to me as I was rude
to her beyond the point of belife when she stated to open all the windows before I had the fire
under control.

Now I've calmed down I feel that she needs to be punished and I really am at a loss as to a suitable
punishment asides from the grounding she's going to get,

At the moment she shows no sign of remorse, I'm just hopeing that in time she'll realise
just how serious her actions were.

You can always talk to the fire department. We would use scare tactics for some parents who brought their kids by the fire house. If need be some more extreme than others. Most of the time a few horrific stories work well enough to see them change their attitude. Add a few pictures to those stories and only sociopaths would feel no remorse. It is tough reaching through to that age group they tend to have that 'you are over reacting' mentality.

I am glad to hear nobody was hurt.

[DesertAttorney 0]

1: Have her work to pay a significant portion of the repair costs (or the cost of the insurance deductIble and any uncovered expenses)

2: Force her to go visit the burn ward of your local hospital and volunteer a couple weeks amongst people who have been burned beyond recognition.

[Zep 0]

Thanks Tony,

Whilst I'm still putting my thoughts togeather and replaying the events
in my mind one thing that stands out above all else is that if I havent of
had fire extinguishers in the house their would have been no way to contain the fire.

And the only reason I had fire extinguishers is because as the restaurant is downstairs
the law requires it. Monday I'm going to double the amount I have.

Gone fishing

[Zep 0]

Great idea, Tomorrow I'll take her to the local fire station.

Gone fishing

[Nightingale 0]

  Quote

for my 14 year old daughter.

During a power failure my daughter lit a candel in her room to finish painting her toe nails.
For some unexplained reason she wonderd what would happen if she put a drop of nail polish
on the flame of the candel, Result , two beds and a wardrobe full of clothes went up in flames.
Smoke damage to 3/4 of the upper floor, a sister in law which now wont talk to me as I was rude
to her beyond the point of belife when she stated to open all the windows before I had the fire
under control.

Now I've calmed down I feel that she needs to be punished and I really am at a loss as to a suitable
punishment asides from the grounding she's going to get,

At the moment she shows no sign of remorse, I'm just hopeing that in time she'll realise
just how serious her actions were.

Hug your kid and be glad everyone's okay.

She wasn't bad, she was curious and impulsive, and she's probably scared herself beyond anything you could do to punish her, and is trying to be strong about it because the second she admits she was scared it's going to be a tear-fest. Have a talk with her and find out what her perspective is. Let her know that actions have consequences, make sure she understands that these could have been a lot worse, and make her help work to repay the cost of fixing the damage. And hopefully her curiosity will be confined to internet searches in the future, as someone else has probably done it and filmed it and put it on youtube, particularly if it involves flame or explosions.

I'm very glad everyone's okay.

[NewGuy2005 53]

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  Quote

for my 14 year old daughter.

During a power failure my daughter lit a candel in her room to finish painting her toe nails.
For some unexplained reason she wonderd what would happen if she put a drop of nail polish
on the flame of the candel, Result , two beds and a wardrobe full of clothes went up in flames.
Smoke damage to 3/4 of the upper floor, a sister in law which now wont talk to me as I was rude
to her beyond the point of belife when she stated to open all the windows before I had the fire
under control.

Now I've calmed down I feel that she needs to be punished and I really am at a loss as to a suitable
punishment asides from the grounding she's going to get,

At the moment she shows no sign of remorse, I'm just hopeing that in time she'll realise
just how serious her actions were.

Hug your kid and be glad everyone's okay.

She wasn't bad, she was curious and impulsive, and she's probably scared herself beyond anything you could do to punish her, and is trying to be strong about it because the second she admits she was scared it's going to be a tear-fest. Have a talk with her and find out what her perspective is. Let her know that actions have consequences, make sure she understands that these could have been a lot worse, and make her help work to repay the cost of fixing the damage. And hopefully her curiosity will be confined to internet searches in the future, as someone else has probably done it and filmed it and put it on youtube, particularly if it involves flame or explosions.

I'm very glad everyone's okay.

I agree with this. She failed to think. The next time she will. Make her help in all the restioration work. That's enough.

[skymama 37]

I don't think this deserves punishment either because it doesn't sound like she meant to burn down the house. I think you need to continue to talk to her about every action having a consequence and talk about what would happen to the family if you lost your house and restaurant, but I bet she probably feels pretty guilty already.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[amstalder 0]

I have no suggestions for the situation on hand. However, if you get a chance, pick up this month's copy of National Geographic. The main article is on the "Science of the Teenage Brain." I found it very interesting, and Zep's situation makes me think of some of the points from the article.

[Zep 0]

Well in the end we've decided that cleaning duties and a weeks worth of washing up
in the kitchen, also the local fire chief is going to pop round to chat with her.

Monday the local builder is coming round to inspect the damage,
the beedroom is a total right off most of the plaster has fallen off the ceiling
and one wall has cracked, the wooden window frame is also beyond repair.

I really had no idea just how much damage even a small fire can do,
not only the physical damage but the smoke damage, and the smell
is awfull.

Gone fishing

[sacex250 0]

How does a drop of nail polish on a candle burn up an entire room?

There's got to be more to this.

Otherwise, punishing your kid for a candle accident during a power outage seems a bit extreme, at least your attitude/tone towards it does.

It's all been said before, no sense repeating it here.

[kd5xb 1]

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a sister in law which now wont talk to me as I was rude
to her beyond the point of belief when she stated to open all the windows before I had the fire
under control.

Sometimes, when somebody is about to make an incident worse beyond anything you can imagine, there isn't time to say "Please don't do that" and expect results as quickly as is necessary.

Sometimes you have to say something like "shut the windows and get the F___ out of here NOW!" and charge them as if you're going to knock them out.

Count your blessings -- no one was hurt or killed and most of the house is still OK.

I'm a jumper. Even though I don't always have money for jumps, and may not ever own a rig again, I'll always be a jumper.

[Niki1 1]

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You can always talk to the fire department. We would use scare tactics for some parents who brought their kids by the fire house. If need be some more extreme than others. Most of the time a few horrific stories work well enough to see them change their attitude. Add a few pictures to those stories and only sociopaths would feel no remorse. It is tough reaching through to that age group they tend to have that 'you are over reacting' mentality.

I am glad to hear nobody was hurt.

That's an excelent suggestion... for the sidter-in-law.
The daughter gets to hilp clean up the mess with you while discussing thinking before doing some thing. A little volunteer work at the burn center might be a good character building experuence also.

Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossilbe before they were done.
Louis D Brandeis

Where are we going and why are we in this basket?

[shropshire 0]

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Well in the end we've decided that cleaning duties and a weeks worth of washing up
in the kitchen, also the local fire chief is going to pop round to chat with her.
.

Cool.

All's well that ends well.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[wmw999 2,540]

He used the word punishment, but the real one is consequences, and that's entirely appropriate.

Consequences should be ones that make the person think naturally the next time they want to try something. Helping to clean up after a fire one caused is a very natural consequence. Having to listen to a lecture from the fire chief isn't necessarily a natural consequence, but it makes a lot of sense.

Spanking her, grounding her, or something like that isn't a natural consequence of starting a fire -- that'd be punishment, and wouldn't have nearly as strong an effect as cleaning up.

A teenager can figure out what might happen based on experience -- unfortunately, they have little experience. Natural consequences give them experience that hopefully they can extrapolate on.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[sfzombie 3]

i will have to disagree with the 'no punishment deserved' attitude here. put it this way: a kid is playing with a gun and doesn't know it's loaded when he blows his friend's brains all over the ceiling. punishment deserved? he's feeling terrible as hell, would that be enough? this situation had a positive ending, but the op admitted he wouldn't have been prepared had not restaurant regulations been in place.
i would not suggest anything too harsh, i don't use corporal punishment myself anymore, but i feel a somewhat hard tack needs to be taken to prevent future mistakes with terrible consequences in the future.
this being said, what i would do would be to have a face to face with a very mean face and in a calm, and extremely firm voice line out what if's. very important with the facial expressions and don't yell. go through what could have happened worst case, getting into some grisly details to leave etched into the brain. then, be sure to lose the mean face, give super hugs, profess undying love for her, then go out for ice cream or something.

http://kitswv.com

[DesertAttorney 0]

I still say she should be forced to visit a burn ward and speak with willing patients and the Nurses/MDs...

[shah269 0]

May I suggest something a little different.
Other than clean the house?

If it's ok with the repair guy have her help him carry the garbage out of the room and new material back in. Not only will she realize the physical destructive capabilities of fire but may learn a thing or two about home repair.
You may even want to buy her a tool belt....I think they make pink ones!
Who knows she may like it so much she may become a civil engineer?

Also why not both of you volunteer for the local red cross collecting goods for those who have lost their homes to fire or other.

And yeah, give her a hug man....she's your kid and yeah she did something dumb but she could have died and well...that would not have been good.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[BoogeyMan 0]

  Quote

for my 14 year old daughter.

During a power failure my daughter lit a candel in her room to finish painting her toe nails.
For some unexplained reason she wonderd what would happen if she put a drop of nail polish
on the flame of the candel, Result , two beds and a wardrobe full of clothes went up in flames.
Smoke damage to 3/4 of the upper floor, a sister in law which now wont talk to me as I was rude
to her beyond the point of belife when she stated to open all the windows before I had the fire
under control.

Now I've calmed down I feel that she needs to be punished and I really am at a loss as to a suitable
punishment asides from the grounding she's going to get,

At the moment she shows no sign of remorse, I'm just hopeing that in time she'll realise
just how serious her actions were.

Sounds like more than a "drop" of nail polish hit the candle. Flog the wench.!!

[BillyVance 34]

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I still say she should be forced to visit a burn ward and speak with willing patients and the Nurses/MDs...

A children's burn ward and ask for cases where the child started a fire.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Zep 0]

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How does a drop of nail polish on a candle burn up an entire room?

There's got to be more to this.

Quite easily when a bottle of acetone was next to the candle,

This I found out later,

Chain of events, She poured a bit of nail polish on the flame of the candle,
a bottle of acetone (lid off) was next to the candle, when the nail polish flared up
she knocked the bottle of acetone over which spilled on to the bed then somehow managed
to knock the night stand and the candle fell over,
the rest is history.

Gone fishing

[sacex250 0]

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How does a drop of nail polish on a candle burn up an entire room?

There's got to be more to this.

Quite easily when a bottle of acetone was next to the candle,

This I found out later,

Chain of events, She poured a bit of nail polish on the flame of the candle,
a bottle of acetone (lid off) was next to the candle, when the nail polish flared up
she knocked the bottle of acetone over which spilled on to the bed then somehow managed
to knock the night stand and the candle fell over,
the rest is history.

Your daughter's not an arsonist. If it wasn't for the power outage she wouldn't have had the candle out at all. It's clearly an unfortunate accident. Take the high road, shrug your shoulders, be glad that no one was hurt, and use it as an opportunity to show your daughter how to use a fire extinguisher. It's not like she was pulling a Richard Pryor and freebasing cocaine!

It's all been said before, no sense repeating it here.

[Krip 2]

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How does a drop of nail polish on a candle burn up an entire room?

There's got to be more to this.

Quite easily when a bottle of acetone was next to the candle,

This I found out later,

Chain of events, She poured a bit of nail polish on the flame of the candle,
a bottle of acetone (lid off) was next to the candle, when the nail polish flared up
she knocked the bottle of acetone over which spilled on to the bed then somehow managed
to knock the night stand and the candle fell over,
the rest is history.

Hi zep

I discussed this with my wife
My wife's first reaction was to remind your daughter to read the directions on the bottle before she use's it.

With some liquids a open flame isn't even required to start a fire. I'm not even going to try and spell the word the fire dept can explain it.

During a commercial constuction project project we witnessed a fire go from a little smoke to big black smoke and then lots of flames.

This could have ended up so much worse

This is one of the forks in the road in a hopefully long journey. My wife's a little concerned about the trauma to your daughter of visiting a burn ward.

Good luck to you and everyone in your family.

R.

One Jump Wonder

[vanair 0]

Trauma? From VISITING a burn unit?
Poor little snowflake