npgraphicdesign 3 #1 June 27, 2011 ...to someone who has never jumped out of a plane before, and is about to do either a tandem or a first AFF jump? 'Don't forget to pull' sounds so...civilized. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 June 27, 2011 "Look, no matter what happens, don't be scared... He'll be OK!" (while pointing at the TI)--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nbblood 0 #3 June 27, 2011 If the parachutes don't work, you'll only have to worry about it for about 5 seconds.Blues, Nathan If you wait 'til the last minute, it'll only take a minute. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #4 June 27, 2011 You're jumping with that guy?! She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #5 June 27, 2011 (after the skydive) "Look at it this way... you lived to tell about it!" One of my favorites..."We wear helmets to make cleaning-up the mess easier!" Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #6 June 27, 2011 Quote You're jumping with that guy?! Good to see you back from rehab "insert TI name here" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nutz 0 #7 June 27, 2011 "No, it's the left handle first THEN the right one!" Stupid flying Elvises. We were doing that on the plane one day - Curley got pissed! "Don't! Get! Eliminated!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #8 June 27, 2011 I personally overheard this one: A load was taking off and a 1st jump student was on board. His parents were standing there and his mother was anxiously saying to his father: "Oh my, I hope he gets down OK!" A crusty old Southern-born truck-driving DZ-regular walks up to her and drawls: "Don't worry ma'am, he'll get down OK. We ain't never left nobody up there yet." "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #9 June 27, 2011 As a packer once a TI brought the student over pointed at me and said, "She's your best friend for the next 10 minutes, that's out parachute she's packing." I looked at the TI and said, "I tried a couple new things, let me know if they work." One of my other favorites is talking to the TI with the student close enough to hear, "Now don't lose this one. We still haven't found your last student. And if you lose 1 more you can't jump for the rest of the day." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #10 June 27, 2011 Oh yeah, actually saw a student almost cry with this one on Saturday. Another instructor looks over, grabs one of the hooks that is snapped back, he simply unsnapped it but every skydiver around just gave a look of shear terror. The girl, thinking the harness is now broken starts freaking out as the TI pretends like he's trying to fix the now "broken" harness. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #11 June 27, 2011 Awww don't worry, if there's a problem - ya got the rest of your life to fix it... ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #12 June 27, 2011 Quote Awww don't worry, if there's a problem - ya got the rest of your life to fix it... TI talking to student, "If you see him (points to vidiot) everything is going as planned. If you see anyone else here, something's a little wrong but it'll be alright. If you see me, well, something went REALLY wrong and you're kinda screwed." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #13 June 27, 2011 Quote The girl, thinking the harness is now broken starts freaking out as the TI pretends like he's trying to fix the now "broken" harness. I recall someone here once describing an incident in which a tandem had a mal, and when the TI told the student he was going to cutaway, the student went apeshit because he thought the TI was going to cut him away in order to save himself."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpsalot-2 3 #14 June 27, 2011 This only shows in the video. Still in the plane, the Tandem Instructor reading the book " Skydiving for Dumbies ", reading, flipping pages, and scratching his head.Life is short ... jump often. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnRich 4 #15 June 27, 2011 Quote Oh yeah, actually saw a student almost cry with this one on Saturday. Another instructor looks over, grabs one of the hooks that is snapped back, he simply unsnapped it but every skydiver around just gave a look of shear terror. The girl, thinking the harness is now broken starts freaking out as the TI pretends like he's trying to fix the now "broken" harness. I'll play the old fuddy duddy. If it's done for humor and the student understands its humor, no big deal. But, if the student is actually caused to be more fearful, and really believes she is in more danger because of the joke, then that goes over the line. We shouldn't be terrorizing students for our personal amusement. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #16 June 27, 2011 Quote Quote Oh yeah, actually saw a student almost cry with this one on Saturday. Another instructor looks over, grabs one of the hooks that is snapped back, he simply unsnapped it but every skydiver around just gave a look of shear terror. The girl, thinking the harness is now broken starts freaking out as the TI pretends like he's trying to fix the now "broken" harness. I'll play the old fuddy duddy. If it's done for humor and the student understands its humor, no big deal. But, if the student is actually caused to be more fearful, and really believes she is in more danger because of the joke, then that goes over the line. We shouldn't be terrorizing students for our personal amusement. Give us some credit. After looking at some of the other tandem hanesses she realized what he had done. He got a good punch in the arm for it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jshiloh 0 #17 June 27, 2011 I know this isn't exactly what you're asking for, but thought I'd share. The day before my first skydive a co-worker said to me "I hope you make it all the way down." My response: "that part will happen pretty definitely." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #18 June 27, 2011 "Now if for some reason nothing opens and we're gonna hit the ground, I need you to take a deep breath for me and hold it right before impact, cuz you're my airbag."Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shorepiper82 0 #19 June 27, 2011 I heard a pretty good story that I'll repeat here (can't think of who told me it to give credit where its due). A mother and daughter came out to do a tandem... the daughter went up first and the mother was on the ground acting very nervous. The TI and student were in freefall with the videographer. The mother sees the parachute open and looks very relieved and then someone walks up to her and points to the videographer still in freefall and shouts "OH MY GOD. HE DROPPED HER!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muff528 3 #20 June 27, 2011 "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!" ...right at exit time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #21 June 27, 2011 Quote "No, it's the left handle first THEN the right one!" Stupid flying Elvises. We were doing that on the plane one day - Curley got pissed! Rightfully so. That one is NOT funny.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #22 June 27, 2011 Quote Quote "No, it's the left handle first THEN the right one!" Stupid flying Elvises. We were doing that on the plane one day - Curley got pissed! Rightfully so. That one is NOT funny. With students on board, not appropriate. With just tandems and licensed jumpers OTOH...Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 8 #23 June 27, 2011 If everything goes well, you'll have a great, soft landing... If it doesn't go well, the last thing that goes thru your mind will be your instructor ------------------------------------------ (as the video guy) No matter what happens to you, don't worry... I'll be JUST FINE! "I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnRich 4 #24 June 27, 2011 QuoteA mother and daughter came out to do a tandem... the daughter went up first and the mother was on the ground acting very nervous. The TI and student were in freefall with the videographer. The mother sees the parachute open and looks very relieved and then someone walks up to her and points to the videographer still in freefall and shouts "OH MY GOD. HE DROPPED HER!" This is what I'm talking about. Making a mother feel that her daughter is facing certain imminent death is not funny. That definitely qualifies as a "worst comment". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kong 0 #25 June 27, 2011 (as tandem master) Immediately after opening I said "oh-oo" (because we were open about 1.5 miles downwind of the airport on a windy day) it's all farm fields so it's really no big deal. I was thinking more about the beer I'd have to buy. The student freaked out "OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!!" "ARE WE GONNA DIE?" Then I started laughing (that didn't help). I pointed to the buildings on the horizon and explained that we wouldn't be landing there, then to the muddy bean field beneath us and explained where we'd be landing. At that point he was ok with muddy shoes....woops. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
