Nataly 38 #26 April 8, 2011 Did you ask him why it would be a deal-breaker? Without this it's hard to say whether he's being "reasonable" or not. I vote for everyone to keep their name and for the name to pass from mother to child - if it came out of her vagina there is little doubt that it's hers!!! Is there a statistic on divorce-rates of people who do vs. don't change their last name? If I had to guess, I would say people who keep their name are more likely to have a lasting marriage because the husband let his wife decide what she wanted - a sign of trust and respect. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #27 April 8, 2011 Quote I vote for everyone to keep their name and for the name to pass from mother to child - if it came out of her vagina there is little doubt that it's hers!!! Unless she was a surrogate mother."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #28 April 8, 2011 I personally hate this antiquated tradition of changing names... You are who you are, and your name is a big part of that identity.Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #29 April 8, 2011 Quote You are who you are, and your name is a big part of that identity. That could also be a valid argument FOR the name change.You are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #30 April 8, 2011 QuoteQuote You are who you are, and your name is a big part of that identity. That could also be a valid argument FOR the name change. Sure. If you consider being someone's spouse more important than being yourself.Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #31 April 8, 2011 If you're that hung up on "being me" you may not have the mindset to be a successful spouse.You are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #32 April 8, 2011 Quote If you're that hung up on "being me" you may not have the mindset to be a successful spouse. I dunno. I've seen Remi and Karen together... I think they're doing something right (and have been for quite a while). (And now I've done my annual "Be nice to Remi day" so I can go back to abusing him)."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #33 April 8, 2011 QuoteIf you're that hung up on "being me" you may not have the mindset to be a successful spouse. I'd rather my wife be a successful person than a successful wife. I guess it's all about what you see as important in the other person.Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #34 April 8, 2011 "Taking his name" is perhaps a symbol for some deeper value that is highly important to him in a marriage. So my guess would be that the "deal breaker" had more to do with something deeper, and maybe her choosing to take his name is part of her acknowledgment in their shared values. There is nothing wrong with a man expecting a woman to take his name, as long as he is marrying a woman who expects to take his name. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,995 #35 April 8, 2011 >"Taking his name" is perhaps a symbol for some deeper value that is highly > important to him in a marriage. I've heard more than one person say this. "If she won't take my name, what other part of me is she going to reject?" "If this is going to be a hassle, the rest of the marriage will be a living hell." It's often not so much the name as what the person reads into the decision. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #36 April 8, 2011 Quote "Taking his name" is perhaps a symbol for some deeper value that is highly important to him in a marriage. So my guess would be that the "deal breaker" had more to do with something deeper, and maybe her choosing to take his name is part of her acknowledgment in their shared values. There is nothing wrong with a man expecting a woman to take his name, as long as he is marrying a woman who expects to take his name. Nicely put. I don't care one way or the other, but just because someone doesn't feel exactly the same way I do on this subject doesn't mean they don't have a good reason of their own, or another viewpoint. I won't just automatically assume that someone that disagrees with me is a throwback to caveman times. that response is reserved for Speaker's Corner ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldwomanc6 52 #37 April 8, 2011 QuoteQuoteQuote You are who you are, and your name is a big part of that identity. That could also be a valid argument FOR the name change. Sure. If you consider being someone's spouse more important than being yourself. I consider my being someone's spouse is more important than considering myself as someone's child, which in my mind is the reason to change the last name when getting married. It signifies a fundamental relationship change. If a person gets married, I should hope that the spouse is more important than the parent(s). Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but then again I've been married more than half my life, and my husband is twice the man my father was. lisalisa WSCR 594 FB 1023 CBDB 9 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #38 April 11, 2011 QuoteQuoteQuoteQuote You are who you are, and your name is a big part of that identity. That could also be a valid argument FOR the name change. Sure. If you consider being someone's spouse more important than being yourself. I consider my being someone's spouse is more important than considering myself as someone's child, which in my mind is the reason to change the last name when getting married. It signifies a fundamental relationship change. If a person gets married, I should hope that the spouse is more important than the parent(s). Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but then again I've been married more than half my life, and my husband is twice the man my father was. lisa I think you're absolutely right that marriage is a fundamental relationship change, and your name should reflect that. If I get married, I'd probably add on my husband's name, rather than totally drop my last name, simply because I've got a couple of graduate degrees with my current name on them, so continuing to use my current name professionally seems to make the most sense. I wouldn't hyphenate because I think that's just silly. I'd just use one name professionally for practical reasons and the other one personally. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galenis 0 #39 April 12, 2011 Quote Did you ask him why it would be a deal-breaker? Without this it's hard to say whether he's being "reasonable" or not. I vote for everyone to keep their name and for the name to pass from mother to child - if it came out of her vagina there is little doubt that it's hers!!! Is there a statistic on divorce-rates of people who do vs. don't change their last name? If I had to guess, I would say people who keep their name are more likely to have a lasting marriage because the husband let his wife decide what she wanted - a sign of trust and respect. So I take it you don't believe in Child Support payments?It's time for my nightly ritual: Pleasure myself, weep, and repeat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,995 #40 April 12, 2011 >I consider my being someone's spouse is more important than considering myself as >someone's child, which in my mind is the reason to change the last name when getting >married. Agreed. But wouldn't the same argument apply for the man taking the woman's name? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldwomanc6 52 #41 April 12, 2011 Quote >I consider my being someone's spouse is more important than considering myself as >someone's child, which in my mind is the reason to change the last name when getting >married. Agreed. But wouldn't the same argument apply for the man taking the woman's name? BTW, I voted "Either way". So, yes. I exchanged Martin for Smith. My sister exchanged Martin for Gross. I never understood why that was a good idea. If I was him, I'd have dumped that last name in a flash, and taken darn near any name but that. I'm not sure what that says about either my sis or bro in law lisalisa WSCR 594 FB 1023 CBDB 9 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #42 April 12, 2011 Quote I exchanged Martin for Smith. My sister exchanged Martin for Gross. I never understood why that was a good idea. If I was him, I'd have dumped that last name in a flash, and taken darn near any name but that. I'm not sure what that says about either my sis or bro in law Coulda been worse. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #43 April 12, 2011 Maybe the woman could change her last name to husbandhasshotgun and the man could change his to wifesabunnyboiler. Then, if they cheat on you, the other person had fair warning.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #44 April 12, 2011 If her last name was Ivannafukalot, then I would demand she take my name. Otherwise, I don't really care about a silly name.Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #45 April 12, 2011 Quote If her last name was Ivannafukalot, then I would demand she take my name. Otherwise, I don't really care about a silly name. I'd insist on her keeping that one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #46 April 12, 2011 Quote Quote Deal breaker, but she knew that early enough to run if she wanted. Not controlling, just traditional. How am I to take her under my robe of protection if she is not willing to let me. I think that not taking the last name is a strong statement by the woman "I don't take this seriously and it gives me an easy out if I decide I don't like him". Robe of protection? Really? Seriously?????? I'm all for taking the guys name but if he thinks I need to be under his "robe of protection" THAT'S a deal breaker. What if under the robe of protection you were allowed to suck on the "sausage of wisdom"? Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #47 April 12, 2011 Quote Quote If you're that hung up on "being me" you may not have the mindset to be a successful spouse. I'd rather my wife be a successful person than a successful wife. I guess it's all about what you see as important in the other person. After reading his responses, I can understand why Karen fell in love with and is still married to Remi. (Wtf...why the hell are we all being so nice to the Remster!? It's disturbing...) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #48 April 12, 2011 Quote If her last name was Ivannafukalot, . Along that line, I'd say its a good thing FutureDivot retired from skydiving... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #49 April 13, 2011 I thought the whole point was that you put the other person's happiness first. If that were the case, whatever name made her happiest would be the one you would pick for her. But what do I know?I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #50 April 13, 2011 Quote I thought the whole point was that you put the other person's happiness first. If that were the case, whatever name made her happiest would be the one you would pick for her. But what do I know? Just depends on the girl. The first one I got engaged to but later broke it off, she was pretty adamant about keeping her last name as part of her married name, hyphenating it with my last name. Now, my wife, she could not wait to dump her maiden name and take mine. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
