shah269 0 #1 March 31, 2011 How much of a turn off is it? Now please without too much snarkeyness bitchyness or attitude.....which most likely won't happen. How much of a turn off is it TO THE AVERAGE CHICK if a dude does not wish to have kids? The reason I ask is that I do not enjoy lying but I find myself continually lying regarding this issue when I'm on dates with women my age. I'm 34 and was married for quite a bit of time thus girls tend to ask two questions 1) Any kids? 2) Do you wish to have any kids? These are sensible questions seeing how old I am and how long I was married. The problem lies in question #2. I would rather place a tooth pick under my toe nail and kick a wall than to have kids. I don’t want them, not now not ever. But if I wish to see the girl again I've noticed I've had to lie or make up some convoluted story about "how I'm not sure..." Now it could just be the finite data set I have dealt with and the given age bracket. Thoughts?Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #2 March 31, 2011 Lying is a much bigger turn-off. Look, dating is a matching game. If you don't want kids that means a woman who wants kids is not a good match for you. Sure, it will limit who you can date, as will any other criteria you choose. That's OK, you don't need to date every woman, you just need to date enough to find one who is right for you. Don't lie about anything. Don't compromise on what you want."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #3 March 31, 2011 From the other side of things, I find it to be a turn off when a woman tells me she's not into having kids but in reality I know it's just her saying what she thinks I want to hear. No lies. It's the ONLY policy.---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #4 March 31, 2011 If the woman wants to have kids, then it's probably a huge turn-off. If she doesn't, it's probably a turn-on. If it's an important criteria for her to decide if she even wants to embark on a dating relationship with you (however casual it might be at first) she'll ask early so she doesn't feel like she's wasting her time continuing to date you. Flip side is, she might be asking you early because she doesn't want kids herself and wants to see if you're simpatico. Either way, be true to yourself. Lying's just a weak sauce move. No one ever "has to lie" - if you believe that, maybe you shouldn't be dating at all. "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #5 March 31, 2011 ...how can I put it.... Not every girl wishes to have kids NNNOOOWWWW. and some girls are not sure while a very few don't wish to have them but feel social pressure to consider it or at least say that they do. I'm not in a position to be "picky" regarding who I date. I'm not in a high target setting and my personal "filters" reduce the over all targets to a ver few. So any opportunity that I get I must take full advantage of. And I don't "lie" I just say "I'm not sure." or "I haven't given it much thought". Is it a fine line? Sure, is it a lie? Sure why not.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sapphire 0 #6 March 31, 2011 I love kids - just don't want any of my own - never have never will! I would NEVER lie about wanting them (or eventually wanting them) to get or keep a man. The truth always comes out and by then it becomes just too messy and painful to clean up. Be true to you and those you wish to engage in relationships with, it IS what you expect in return."One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar" ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #7 March 31, 2011 Quote I'm not in a position to be "picky" regarding who I date We need to save this for posterity.What was that about size 8 again?"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #8 March 31, 2011 Don't lie. That's just bad form. I actually know some women who never want children. Will this limit your market, yes. But you will not be happy with a woman who wants kids if you dont. Either she gets pissy cuz she doesnt have tikes or you get pissy b/c you do. either way somebody's doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #9 March 31, 2011 Easy to say difficult to implament Sapphire . My coming out and point blank saying "Yes I like them, they are good fun, but I honestly don't wish to ever have kids." Brings about a few responces. 1) Oh you will change your mind when you meet the right person...there will be no other date. 2) *angry* Why!...there will be no other date and a good dinner will have gone badly. 3) OH?....I have now come across as someone who is selfish and unable to or unwilling to share his life with anyone, there will be no other date and a good dinner will have gone badly. Even a girl who does not wish to have kids appears to wish to hear that the guy, me, has a heart and is a caring individual and as such an indicator of this is may wish to have kids. I'm not defending my position or my response of saying "at the moment I do not know" what I am looking for is a gut check and thus an indictor of how the future may possibly look. FYI At the moment I would say I have dated about 20 odd girls since last January. Of which only 1 was not interested at all in having kids.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,534 #10 March 31, 2011 You're right, your filters do limit your dating population. Honesty is the best policy. And I've seen just about every single criterion be ignored by someone for "the right person." Not to mention that sometimes people who didn't think they wanted kids change their minds after awhile. You have to put things into a chart, assign importance levels, and determine which ones you can compromise on. For extra engineering credit, you can determine what percentage of the population is eliminated by each criterion, and see which ones are the most important to compromise on. Points for neatness If my brother's MIT graduate friend who wanted an intelligent woman who could understand his unintelligible geek-speak and put up with his needing to organize the pantry by color, size, and alphabetization, you can find someone . I don't know what size she was, though . Wendy P. There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,534 #11 March 31, 2011 1) Oh you will change your mind when you meet the right person...there will be no other date. Fine -- she wasn't the right person -- do you really want to keep dating someone who has a long-term goal like htat? 2) *angry* Why!...there will be no other date and a good dinner will have gone badly. Fine -- you'll never see her again. So what. 3) OH?....I have now come across as someone who is selfish and unable to or unwilling to share his life with anyone, there will be no other date and a good dinner will have gone badly. No, not necessarily. And you forgot 4) Great -- I thought I was the only person who felt that way! Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #12 March 31, 2011 Like I said you will reduce your dating population significantly. Most women cant resist the biological urge to pop out babies. Your "I'm not sure yet" line will only go so far. So you go on a few dates with this girl. What if you fall for her? But she wants kids more than anything else? Then what? You have kids when you don't want to? You never let her have children? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #13 March 31, 2011 Wendy, I'm not at all ashamed to admit that looks do matter for me and so does education level. But when it comes to kids it's cut and dry. I've seen kids brought into this world where there is no real love. Mom needed to have the kid so that she could obtain entrance into an exclusive club of play dates and shopping at Baby Gap but had little to nothing to do with the child that was born. I feel that is a sin. I'm not going to move on it. Sadly I've run my numbers...show's off dork card...and I'm looking at well under 5% of the general population of wome between the ages of 25-35 who fit what I am looking for in a partner. Added difficulties include but are not limited to choice of occupation and choice of location for home. Thus, my targets of opportunity are few and far beteen and I would like to survey to determine how much this particular issue will be a hinderance. Brz regarding Quote Your "I'm not sure yet" line will only go so far saying point blank I do not wish to have kids not only won't get me to date 1 it won't even get me to date 0. I've "played" with the peramaters of dating sights and when I move my peramaters to "Do not wish to have kids" I get little to no responces and significantly more to "unsure". Yes the precentage of the women is low who do not wish to have kids but even those that do not still utilize the desire to have kids as a gauge of "normalcy"Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygypsie 2 #14 March 31, 2011 Dude... Lying in any degree = total lack of respect If even just in dating with, or without anticipation of a relationship, or any kind of long term commitment...you feel you have to be less than totally honest...??? Having kids ever...or if starting over again raising a little tyke, is an issue ? Of course, you have the right, not to want to ! Having a baby is not an entitlement to any man, woman, or couple... However, having 2 mutually responsible & cohesive parents...is an entitlement EVERY child deserves If it's a deal breaker with her, or you apease her by saying let's do it...then resentment from you, is a risk No doubt...As much as I love children myself, a couple really needs to think beyond sharing a bundle of joy...given current & futuristic economic situations & every other decrepid system that seems to be hovering indefinitely, amongst us ! Just put on your best game face & be HONEST Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,534 #15 March 31, 2011 One question -- if a woman came equipped already with a child -- would you be interested in contributing to that already-existing child's upbringing? I ask because then you wouldn't have contributed to the child's existence, but you could contribute heavily to the quality of existence. Big difference there. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 8 #16 March 31, 2011 Quote Wendy, I'm not at all ashamed to admit that looks do matter for me and so does educatioal level. But when it comes to kids it's cut and dry. I've seen kids brought into this world where there is no real love. Mom needed to have the kid so that she could obtain entrance into an exclusive club of play dates and shopping at Baby Gap but had little to nothing to do with the child that was born. I feel that is a sin. I'm not going to move on it. "I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #17 March 31, 2011 Wendy, Ongoing giggle with my friends regarding my "type" (AND NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE SO DON'T BITCH!) 1) No big chicks 2) No moms. So no. My mom would kill me if I were to become seriously involved with a single mother and furthermore I'm not interested. I just don’t wish to have children in my life. I am self centered and wish to now that I'm 34 to enjoy my life. As a second date once went Her "Oh you can so take a child on a international flight to Africa!" Me "No darling you can take a child on an international flight to Africa. The rest of us are contemplating what is better to tape that child's mouth shut or to open the door and jump so as to have a few moments of peace before we die." There was no date 3 obviously.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #18 March 31, 2011 Quote My mom would kill me Quote I'm 34 That explains a lot."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #19 March 31, 2011 Quote Quote My mom would kill me [snip] I'm 34 That explains a lot. Agreed. I stopped listening to mine by 15."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missbrz 0 #20 March 31, 2011 Quote Quote My mom would kill me Quote I'm 34 That explains a lot. OH SNAP! oh no she didnt! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #21 March 31, 2011 You admit to disrespecting women so much that you'll just flat out lie to them to serve your own selfish needs, and yet you still think you should be let back into the Women's Forum. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #22 March 31, 2011 Quote My mom would kill me if I were to become seriously involved with a single mother and furthermore I'm not interested. Dude, you better add one more thing to your list of requirements; she needs to be computer illiterate and not know how to do a google search of you. You, my friend, are doomed.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #23 March 31, 2011 Quote Quote My mom would kill me Quote I'm 34 That explains a lot. She hits hard! The woman has a hell of a swing when she's holding a wooden spoon. Nah I love my mom. She's the best. And well we have had this talk regarding single moms and not wishing to offend I won't but to say, no. I hope that is enough to put the matter to rest. Quote You admit to disrespecting women so much that you'll just flat out lie to them to serve your own selfish needs, and yet you still think you should be let back into the Women's Forum. Please read. I'm not lying to be hurtful or to steal or to obtain. I'm not being truthful for being blunt will garner negativity due to perception. I'm not a heartless individual. I greatly care about my friends and those around me. But I just do not wish to have kids. By stating that point blank will cause the other person across the table to develop an image of me which is not accurate. Case in point the only girl who did not wish to have kids, only indicated that she felt this way after we had known each other for a month. Reasoning, stating this on her part in front of family and friends she felt would bring about unnecessary conflict.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #24 March 31, 2011 Quote You admit to disrespecting women so much that you'll just flat out lie to them to serve your own selfish needs, and yet you still think you should be let back into the Women's Forum. Score 1 for Skymama! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DanG 1 #25 March 31, 2011 Date skydiving chicks. It seems the majority of them don't want kids. And don't tell me that the pool of skydiving chicks is too small (and please don't compare them to engineering chicks). If you go to a decently sized DZ (real, not virtual) there will be plenty of chicks there. You're guaranteed to have at least one thing in common. - Dan G Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
