SpeedRacer 1 #1 July 27, 2001 Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone there has the same DNA.-----------------Two West Virginians are walking down different ends of a streettoward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens.""If I guess how many there are, can I have one?" "I'll give you both of them.""OK. Ummmmm......, five?"------------------------------------------A West Virginian came home and found his house on fire, rushed nextdoor, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!""OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?""Well, don't y'all still have them big red trucks?"----------------------------------------A West Virginian hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big LincolnContinental. The West Virginian noticed a bunch of golf tees on thefront seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Dang," exclaimed the West Virginian, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?"-------------------------What is loaded on a West Virginian's 'puter: - Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders". - Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle. - Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape. - Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git". - Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos". - The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse. - Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!" - Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie". - Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt". - Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz". - Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am. - Daisy Duke screen saver. - Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator. - Microsoft CEO "Billy- Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates. - "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template. - One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun. - "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson" screen saver. - Directions to Corporate Headquarters - "Down the road a block or so". - Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker- "Hookt on fonics werkt 4 me" Speed Racer"I think I think, therefore, I think I am, I think!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ClayFowler 0 #2 July 27, 2001 I know all about it. I grew up and Georgia and I'm bilingual. I speak English and Redneck! Fluently Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freaksister 0 #5 July 27, 2001 Quote West Virginia,where men are men and sheep are scared. I thought that was in New Zealand and AUS???Sis (shouldn't make fun of Kiwis...they make the best lovers) "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." Oscar Wilde Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jhus 0 #6 July 27, 2001 You left a few out...The West Virginia Computer VirusYou have just received the "West Virginia Virus." As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thanks for your cooperation,West Virginia University Computer Engineering Dept.--------------------------------------------------Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar West Virginia StateLottery? You gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.--------------------------------------------------Why do folks from West Virginia go to the movie theater in groups of18 or more? 17 and under not admitted.--------------------------------------------------Did you hear that the governor's mansion in West Virginia burneddown? Almost took out the whole trailer park.--------------------------------------------------The West Virginian and his gal were embracing passionately in thefront seat of the car."Want to go in the back seat?" she asked."No," he replied.A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?""No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloud9 0 #7 July 28, 2001 A recent national study of traffic fatalities indicated that the last words of the driver in 49 states was.Oh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttt!!!!! the one exception was West Virginia where the last words were.Hey Bubba, hold my beer and watch this!Some fun eh! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #8 July 28, 2001 Hmmmmm.....SpeedRacer's bio says he lives in Wheeling.....wonder if he knows that's IN West Virginia ?The PLF General Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #9 July 28, 2001 QuoteSis (shouldn't make fun of Kiwis...they make the best lovers)does it count if I was there for only a year? MarcA-38578 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freaksister 0 #10 July 28, 2001 Marc...maybe! We'll just have to find out firsthand!Sis "I'm not crazy because I take the right pills everyday." (some song on the radio...) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ClayFowler 0 #11 July 29, 2001 What does every person in West Virginia that has ever been on TV have in common. They all gave the same quote. "First I heard this wooshin sound, and then I felt the trailer rise up.........." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #12 July 29, 2001 QuoteHmmmmm.....SpeedRacer's bio says he lives in Wheeling.....wonder if he knows that's IN West Virginia ?The PLF GeneralWTF?? Whose bio are your reading? I think you may have PLFed one too many times! I live in Bethesda, MD! I've never been to Wheeling.Speed Racer"I think I think, therefore, I think I am, I think!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #13 March 21, 2011 How many West Virginians does it take to eat a possum? Two: One to eat it and one to watch out for cars. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 210 #14 March 21, 2011 The border between WV and Ohio was closed, and only those with professions deemed worthy were allowed to enter the state. Earl gets to the check point. The guard asks what he does for a living. "I'm a pilot" says Earl. The guard says "Oh...a pilot. We can use you!" So Earl is allowed to cross the border. Earl's best friend Eugene is next. The guard asks Eugene what he does. "I cut wood" says Eugene. The guard replies "We have plenty of wood cutters. We don't need you." Eugene gets all excited and points to Earl and says "You let him in!" The guard says "Well he's a pilot." Eugene exclaims "If I don't cut it how's he gonna pile it?"Please don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
