Recommended Posts
If you think y ur comments to Steve1 were appropriate, you need to get a grip on your self.
If you won't say it in person, don't say it here.
If you won't say it in person, don't say it here.
QuoteIf you think y ur comments to Steve1 were appropriate, you need to get a grip on your self.
If you won't say it in person, don't say it here.
1. Are you Steve's boyfriend? Why do you care?
2. Was my comment really worth freaking out about?
3. I would say that to his face, or anyone else for that matter. Nothing pisses me off more than a judgmental, hypocritical person.
Finally, YOU are the one that needs to get a grip. You told a moderator to fuckoff basically over a comment that wasnt even directed towards you, take a deep breath and relax chief.
Moriuntur omnes, sed non omnes vixerunt.
wolfriverjoe 1,523
Quote
Right now, I'm holding onto some reservations that are causing serious problems (fortunately they aren't resentments, anger or blame). I know I should let them go. I know I will be better off after letting them go. I know I won't really be able to move forward in my life until I let them go...
But I don't want to let them go.
...............................................................
That's just it. You need to work through that hurt first. It does take time. Anger is a part of that. If you deny your true feelings, and stuff what's really inside of you....you won't feel any better. I believe if you can talk about all the crap that has happened in therapy, eventually you can get rid of it.
Many religions demand that you forgive now. Many say that it is wrong to be angry. Or another good one is that you can't do anything about the past. This causes all kinds of people just to stuff what they really feel. Denial is a great defense mechanism, but a person needs to move beyond that, if they are going to recover....Talking about how you really feel (in therapy) is important.
Lots of hurt. No anger. Really.
Well, except towards myself. Because I should let this stuff go, but won't. Because the whole situation is based on my own selfishness. I want what I want regardless of how anyone else involved feels.
And it's going to take some time to get over the hurt. I know that. It just sucks.
And it doesn't automatically take therapy to get through it. It does take talking about it. Fortunately I have some fantastic friends who are willing to listen and give some valid feedback.
I'll be ok eventually. It just hurts now and will for a while.
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
david3 0
QuoteQuoteIf you think y ur comments to Steve1 were appropriate, you need to get a grip on your self.
If you won't say it in person, don't say it here.
1. Are you Steve's boyfriend? Why do you care?
2. Was my comment really worth freaking out about?
3. I would say that to his face, or anyone else for that matter. Nothing pisses me off more than a judgmental, hypocritical person.
Finally, YOU are the one that needs to get a grip. You told a moderator to fuckoff basically over a comment that wasnt even directed towards you, take a deep breath and relax chief.
Pot meet kettle.
Quote
Pot meet kettle.
Not at all, when someone judges me or anyone else, they are judgmental by definition.
Moriuntur omnes, sed non omnes vixerunt.
steve1 5
No offense taken.....this is what we're talking about in this thread. Relax, and let it go....
steve1 5
.
Lots of hurt. No anger. Really.
Well, except towards myself. Because I should let this stuff go, but won't. Because the whole situation is based on my own selfishness. I want what I want regardless of how anyone else involved feels.
And it's going to take some time to get over the hurt. I know that. It just sucks.
reply]
.................................................................
Bigger hurts take more time....You may want to forgive right now, but are unable to. Many people try to make forgiveness happen now, and it may be impossible to do right now. I think you'll forgive when the time is right for you.
I think a person needs to grieve whatever loss has occurred and eventually you can let go of the hurt, blaming, or anger. Blaming yourself for not being able to forgive is not going to help....
It took me twenty years for forgiveness to happen. I don't think it would have taken nearly as long if I had had a good therapist....
One book that helped me was called Toxic Parents. I don't agree with everything in that book, but there were some good parts.
One story told of a woman who had been raped by her father. She had tried everything to forget this. She was being eaten alive by rage and depression.
She went to her reverand, for help. He said, all you have to do is forgive your Dad and you will feel better. So, each day she tried as hard as she could to forgive, but she was still being consumed by anger, rage, and depression.
She then started going to therapy. She told her therapist that she was trying to forgive her Dad, but she couldn't. She told the therapist, maybe I'm just not trying hard enough to forgive, that she didn't feel any better for her efforts.
A few weeks better this lady came into therapy. She was hopping mad, screaming at the injustice of what her Dad had done to her.
The therapist took all this in, and said, "You don't seem very forgiving today."
The woman responded with, "I guess god wants me to get better rather than forgive."
In time, maybe she could forgive, but at that moment forgiveness was impossible....Forgiveness should be talked about at the end of the recovery process, and certainly not at the beginning, in my opinion.....Otherwise a person will fill guilty for having the wrong feelings inside.
QuoteQuote...But holding onto those resentments and hatred hurt me.
I've heard it described as "holding onto a hot coal and hoping the other person gets burned."
YMMV
This makes a lot of sense. I wish I hadn't tried to hang onto that coal for so long....
Don't think that I figured this out for myself (I didn't) or that I learned it quickly or easily (didn't again) or that I can do it all the time (guess what.. Still don't).
Right now, I'm holding onto some reservations that are causing serious problems (fortunately they aren't resentments, anger or blame). I know I should let them go. I know I will be better off after letting them go. I know I won't really be able to move forward in my life until I let them go...
But I don't want to let them go.
That's the key, let it go...chop it-Kachink and it's gone, don't have to deal with it anymore.
The goal in life is to get from one end to the other, enjoying the ride...the less old baggage ya carry, the easier the journey is.
The cool thing about us human-beans is that we really Do control our minds, we decide what we think about and how it will effect us.
We all have drama in our past, fires that if fueled will rage to uncontrollable heights...the thing is, ya can waste a lotta time and emotion looking back, but WHY bother... doing so just impedes your ability to look forward.
I too have been screwed over plenty of times, been given more than enough reason to go postal...but why dwell, if someone did something to hurt me, they are no longer in my life ~'Kachink'~ and gone.
Thinking about them or what they did does nothing but give that person continuing power over my life, my thoughts...MY happiness.
Hey, if ya screwed me over...your not worth the time it takes to even THINK about forgiveness, just let karma handle the retribution end of it, I'm busy!
~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~
Arvoitus 1
I've never understood why one should get angry at your parents.
I know my parents alcoholism had its affect on me however I've never felt any reason to feel angry at them. Being angry wouldn't change anything. The damage is done and I'll just have to live with the consequences.
I know my parents alcoholism had its affect on me however I've never felt any reason to feel angry at them. Being angry wouldn't change anything. The damage is done and I'll just have to live with the consequences.
Your rights end where my feelings begin.
turtlespeed 221
QuoteI've never understood why one should get angry at your parents.
I know my parents alcoholism had its affect on me however I've never felt any reason to feel angry at them. Being angry wouldn't change anything. The damage is done and I'll just have to live with the consequences.
Perhaps it has to do with abuse.
If I walked up and popped you in the nose a few hundred times - do you think you might be a little angry?
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun
Guest
To those who have criticized and defended--
I have no bitterness, no anger. There is only the sense of loss for things that might or could have been, but simply were not.
I lost my father as a child, long, long ago. That saddens me, but hey, I'm an adult now, and life goes on. It's a shame, and the hard part is knowing that someone is alive but is out of reach, and forever cut off because - well, that's just the way things are.
I should not have used such a colorful turn of phrase as "...the gates of hell..." That obviously pushed some buttons. I apologize because I'm always over in SC, where heated rhetoric is such that one does not go into the forum without a firesuit handy (or at least garlic and cross - hah).
All the best,
mh
.
I have no bitterness, no anger. There is only the sense of loss for things that might or could have been, but simply were not.
I lost my father as a child, long, long ago. That saddens me, but hey, I'm an adult now, and life goes on. It's a shame, and the hard part is knowing that someone is alive but is out of reach, and forever cut off because - well, that's just the way things are.
I should not have used such a colorful turn of phrase as "...the gates of hell..." That obviously pushed some buttons. I apologize because I'm always over in SC, where heated rhetoric is such that one does not go into the forum without a firesuit handy (or at least garlic and cross - hah).
All the best,
mh
.
"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."
Dude, what exactly are you talking about? Please educate me on what is so bad, it warrants you to swear at a moderator? Anger management called, they need you to go to some more meetings, geesh.
Share this post
Link to post
Share on other sites