Body image & low self-esteem.. why??

[Nataly 38]

Normally I would put this in the women's forum, but I'm very interested to hear the "male" perspective as well..

It's my personal view that implicitly women are encouraged to have a low opinion of their physique. (Please note, this is *my* personal opinion.)

What I mean is that from a young age, women are told that they *should* like their body and not feel bad about it, etc., etc.. In a way, I'm sure without meaning to, I think all this focus on the negative socially conditions women to think they are normal for feeling bad about their bodies. Or put another way, that in fact it's not really normal for them to *like* their bodies.

This may be a bit controversial, but I think women are very supportive of someone who says they *don't* like their body, which somewhat contributes to perpetuating this whole self-deprecating cycle..

Again, playing the devil's advocate, nobody really likes it when an attractive girls boasts about how pretty she is or how she likes her legs or bum or whatever - it's like she's rubbing it in people's face somehow.. (OK, obviously nobody *does* like a show-off, but I'm sure an awful lot of people instinctively cringe at the slightest sign of self-confidence..)

Personally, I think what makes women beautiful is so many things.. And it comes in so many packages.. And damn it, I *love* the way I look!! And I know that I'm slim so it's easier for me to say that, but I still find it a bit weird that so many women I find *gorgeous* either don't feel that way or are afraid to admit that they secretly *like* their body!

Am I the only one who is compelled to rebel against this social need to feel ugly??

Do boys feel this pressure not to like themselves too much??

Whoa - this is a long post!!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[DavidB 0]

Advertising. Low self esteem sells personal products, high self esteem doesn't.

That's my over-simplified opinion.

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[kbordson 8]

Wonderful post.

Excellent topic.

I have no answers for you. Why do men and women have low self value? Why do I? Is it "the media"? Is it conditioning? Is it parental/friends/.....

I'll likely post more later, once others have given other opinions and insights... but right now.....

no answers.

[Misternatural 0]

The most attractive thing for any animal is self confidence. If you're a deer- a nice big rack helps with the self confidence but it is not essential. Humans are no different in my view. When I meet someone who has insecurity issues, and we practically all have them, I say that you have to like yourself for the traits that you have- be they physical, mental, or some special talent.
This society is too focussed on perceived reproductive traits like youth, body shape, body part size, etc. these are primitive instinctual attributes.

Also if you base your value solely on the feedback from other people you are screwed in this world. You have to assign value to yourself based on your own merits. Accolades from your peers help but are not essentially necessary and those people who do rely on accolades are at a severe disadvantage and it catches up with them eventually.

A good experiment is to spend a week feeling good about yourself for whatever skill or trait that you like, focus on that and you will notice a positive response from other people- it is a sort of feedback loop that you start yourself.

Unfortunately it can work in the opposite direction too and you will attract people who will prey on any insecurity you choose to focus on.

Also be selective who you hang out with, other secure self actualized people don't need to knock others down to feel good about themselves...avoid or ignore the people who try to make you feel bad or bring out the worst in you. Thats easy to figure out because If it feels good, it is good- and vice versa.

don't mind my ramblings too much- I've been around the block a few times

Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires.
D S #3.1415

[airtwardo 7]

- a nice big rack helps with the self confidence but it is not essential.

[Misternatural 0]

Dood- some of us don't need to drive around in a nice Beemer convertible with a big boobed blow up doll strapped into in the passenger seat.


Add-
My BMW only has a sunroof, so a blowiup doll would look funny sticking out, especially at anything above 20MPH.

Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires.
D S #3.1415

[Nataly 38]

Quote

Advertising. Low self esteem sells personal products, high self esteem doesn't.

That's my over-simplified opinion.

Hmm..

So if we're really cynical, this would imply that women hold the purse-strings & this is why they are encouraged not to like themselves physically?

Interesting.. Over-simplified, yes.. But I'm sure there's an awful lot of truth in that.

Again - playing the devil's advocate.. If technically men earn most of the money (because women take time off to have babies, etc.), one would think men would be an obvious target for this sort of thing as well??

Note: Please don't take offense to the inference that men tend to be bread-winners.. I think it's statistically pretty true in general.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

- a nice big rack helps with the self confidence but it is not essential.

Opinions vary.

There's something to be said about the boob-size vs bitch-factor ratio.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Misternatural 0]

>a nice big rack helps with the self confidence but it is not essential.
>Opinions vary.

>There's something to be said about the boob-size vs bitch-factor ratio.


Yes, I can always count on you, Twardo, Divot,Turtle, or Amazon to mess up my scientific theories

Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires.
D S #3.1415

[chiquita24 0]

[reply

It's my personal view that implicitly women are encouraged to have a low opinion of their physique. (Please note, this is *my* personal opinion.)


But take a look at all the magazines and celebs out there. They all make it seem like being skinny and a size 0 or 2 is what's attractive. So I think the media plays a big role on the self esteem of women. And in my opinion, people who are skinny have it easier and are able to have a higher self-esteem. And I do agree, that boobs also play a factor in this. But then there are lots of skinny people out there who look in the mirror and think "I'm fat." So skinny or fat, many people just don't like their body.
Personally, I am far from a size 2. There are parts of my body that I love and parts that I absolutely hate. I love my boobies-yes they are on the larger side, I love my arms and my calves, while I hate my stomach and thighs. So yes, I agree that I don't think it's normal to like their bodies.

[Nataly 38]

Quote

[reply

It's my personal view that implicitly women are encouraged to have a low opinion of their physique. (Please note, this is *my* personal opinion.)


But take a look at all the magazines and celebs out there. They all make it seem like being skinny and a size 0 or 2 is what's attractive. So I think the media plays a big role on the self esteem of women. And in my opinion, people who are skinny have it easier and are able to have a higher self-esteem. And I do agree, that boobs also play a factor in this. But then there are lots of skinny people out there who look in the mirror and think "I'm fat." So skinny or fat, many people just don't like their body.
Personally, I am far from a size 2. There are parts of my body that I love and parts that I absolutely hate. I love my boobies-yes they are on the larger side, I love my arms and my calves, while I hate my stomach and thighs. So yes, I agree that I don't think it's normal to like their bodies.

That's all true, but *why*???

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[LisaH 0]

I'm content. My body image is not who I am.

If somone doesn't like the way I look, don't look at me. Simple.

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[Nataly 38]

Quote

I'm content. My body image is not who I am.

If somone doesn't like the way I look, don't look at me. Simple.

YAY!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[regulator 0]

I think that when you live in a soceity where 'sex sells' then you are regulated to think that the ones that are super skinny with huge fake boobs that they are truly the hot ones. Til you go over and talk to them for about 5 minutes and the most impressive thing you can get from the entire conversation is that their favorite color is 'pink' and even though You'd simply love to put it in their ass just once...you'd love it even more if they simply shut the fuck up! Know whats simple? You. Each person on this planet is truly different than all the others. Sure your name might be susan smith and there are tons of other susan smiths in this world but there is only ONE you. Living in this soceity you have to disseminate the good from the bad and read between the lines. The simple fact is this...the world would be a completely different place if there wasnt YOU in it. Love yourselves because there is no greater feeling than loving yourself and DOING what you love doing in return.

[JohnMitchell 16]

Quote

My BMW only has a sunroof, so a blowiup doll would look funny sticking out, especially at anything above 20MPH.

Now there's a girl that will bend over backwards to please her guy.

[Nataly 38]

Quote

you are regulated to think that the ones that are super skinny with huge fake boobs that they are truly the hot ones. Til you go over and talk to them for about 5 minutes and the most impressive thing you can get from the entire conversation is that their favorite color is 'pink'

Aww come on!! So skinny women with fake boobs are mindless and irritating??! That a bit of a sweeping generalisation!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[JohnMitchell 16]

A lot of beauty is cultural. See how the definition of beauty changes over time and from society to society. A lot of the definition of beauty comes from nature. A woman's health and reproductive capability manifests itself in physical characteristics. Men are hardwired to respond to these physical cues. Same can be said for women's tastes. Let's face it, tall, strong, good chin and nice teeth go farther than a great 'Vette for attracting women. It's true, ladies, isn't it?

With that said, there are a million different ways women can be beautiful. There is no single perfect shape, size, color, leg length, measurement. We men love it when you love yourselves and stop worrying that you look too . . . whatever. We just want to look at you and enjoy. I'm not here on this planet to judge, just to enjoy.
There's an old joke about why being a guy is better than being a girl because a beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex. Not really true, but guys think that way. Most of us over estimate how good looking we are. I'm guilty of that.

[regulator 0]

OK OK I guess the only way we can settle this is for YOU to show me YOUR boobs and I'll retract the entire thing.

[regulator 0]

Yeah John can say all this...blah blah blah


He's got a hot wife already damnit!

[Nataly 38]

Quote

OK OK I guess the only way we can settle this is for YOU to show me YOUR boobs and I'll retract the entire thing.

Sorry.. It would not disprove your point as my boobies are 100% real. But I know some extremely intelligent & lovely women who have gotten fakies, so there

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

Quote

Yeah John can say all this...blah blah blah


He's got a hot wife already damnit!

Maybe you could *learn* from him!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Misternatural 0]

>>Now there's a girl that will bend over backwards to please her guy.


BWAHAHAHAH

Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires.
D S #3.1415

[PeregrineFalcon 0]

>>

[tigra 0]

Quote

>>

Yeah, I personally can't stand it when people rub their bums or legs in my face without an invitation.

[Pokerstar 0]

Excellent topic! I do agree with the poster that said 'Advertising', as even the people in a lot of the advertisements don't look like their pictures, thanks to huge amounts of photo editing. We are shown example after example of what a person should look like, magazines, tv commercials, movies, etc and it has warped our self image.

I'll tell you an interesting story about me, but I don't want to hijack the thread. I'll find some pictures and post them up, and lets see what responses people will have.

Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.
--- The Dude ---