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shah269

It's that time of year...

By shah269, in The Bonfire

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shah269    0

shah269
It's that time of year again, not quite the end but boy does it sure feel like it should be. That time of year which seems to begin sooner and sooner every year. In fact as of next year, if we all survive, people will be "getting ready" in mid to late August.

Yeah it's that time of year when we all gather and celebrate the little things in life such as friends, family and lighting system which only use to be used at international airports to quid in jumbo jets carrying designer foot ware from the far East. For there is nothing more festive than your neighbor using a cherry picker to install sufficient lights on his house to burn out your retinas and to melt the plastic off of your American car, that was made in Korea next to the same assembly line that makes designer socks that look like gloves. Lights so majestic and so bright and which blink so fast and so erratically that passersby to fall to the ground in praise or perhaps convulsions caused by epileptic seizures induced by aforementioned lights.

And let's us not forget about the joy of gift giving. Which really isn't joy rather a total collapse from exhaustion. Nothing like waking up at 3am after consuming enough Turkey to kill a medium sized African lion and standing in line outside of your local Wally World, foaming at the mouth and suffering from mind to moderate frost bite just so you can buy that person you didn't even know you are related to high end designer shoes that have individual spaces for your individual toes, which you didn't even existed. Until, Regis had declared on his show, with that interchangeable cute looking girl, that THIS PICE De RESISTANCE was the GIFT OF THE YEAR and that you had to buy it for those you loved or at least thought you did.

And as the doors open and old ladies grab their walkers and start engaging in gladiatorial combat to the death for the last pair of those designer pink socks that look like gloves for your feet. You crawl your way into the very last isle at the very back of the store, to find that the shoe is only available in one size fit for Big Foot and only available for people with two left feet.

Thus triumphantly you exit, bruised, bloodied, clothes ripped, one shoe missing but holding your pair of size 25 designer shoes in one hand and some old ladies cane in the other only to find out that you left your lights on in the car and need to call AAA to get a jump.

But let us not forget the tree! Oh yes the tree! Or more commonly called the Honica Bush, the Cuanza Fern or to our more earthy unshaven granola eating year around sandal wearing living in their moms basement friends. The carbon credit. Yes the prestigious conifer! It use to be that obtaining a one involved 15 months of preparing, a year of training, a small gaggle of Sherpa's and iron determination to brave the wilds of the local tree farm to cut down a tree more suited for Rockefeller Center than your living room using a homemade ax. Then dragging it back to your car, all the while fending off attacks from all kinds of woodland creatures that used that tree for shelter and now were out for blood.

Those good old days are gone! Now you just get into your half melted minivan, drive to your local Christmas tree market located outside of your local Wally World and ask a three toothed woman who moonlights as a government engineer what tree she would recommend and all those cats are really hers? What once was a great symbol of the season by the ancient Zoroastrians which was later confused by the Europeans as a symbol of birth is now being carried on the oddly browed shoulders of a woman who you are not sure is really a woman due to the facial hair and Addams apple and is then thrown on top of your minivan and tied down in such a manner that you have to climb through the windows to get in or out.

Yet all is well for you are proud of your profound conifer flashing gang signs to your homies in their minivans taking home their Honica Bush or their Cuanza Ferns back to their homes all the while thinking how bad is tree sap for my cars paint. Never the less, all is well for you are proud that you have again a proud owner of a conifer which by the time you have reached the very first stop light has lost 90% of its once mighty braches. Yet you don't notice for you are trying to ignore the 4 pigmy cannibals you call your kids, screaming and engaging in knife fights with chipmunks which still insist you bring their home back.

But it's not about the lights which can be seen by distant civilizations across the cosmos or the tree which stands proudly and dangerously close to the fireplace or the designer shoes which seem fit for no one or the trophy walker you took from that old lady you killed as you ran into Wally World. This is the time of year furthest away from the next Christmas. And the next time that SOB Regis declares that he knows what the "it" gift is, you are going to grab whatever cute little woman he has on his show by the ankles and beat that bastard to death and feed his remains to those pissed off chipmunks!
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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shah269    0

shah269
Quote

This is you, isn't it? ;)


yeah, that's where I go to get mashups and listen to good music when I am at home.
that is you think dance or trance music is good music. :)
oops sorry about the spelling errors!
hanukkah bush
http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/chanukah-bush.jpg
:P
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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shah269    0

shah269
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"that is you think dance or trance music is good music."

huh???


You know that music only strange white guys like. :P

Nothing like cleaning the house while playing with glow sticks! :)
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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shah269    0

shah269
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Wow - you really are omnipotent. Do you monitor the entire internet Skymama?


Internet, TV, radio, pod casts. She's even in your dreams!
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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skymama    37

skymama
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Do you monitor the entire internet Skymama?




It's not "Big Brother is watching you", it's "Skymama is watching you". ;)
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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anthonyfellows    0

anthonyfellows
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Can someone summarize?? I too lazy to read it all, it is Christmas break for goodness sake! :P



+1 ... Especially when it is something that Shah has written.
Serious relationships turn into work after a few weeks and I already got a fucking job :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H.A.F. = Hard As Fuck ... Goddamn Amateurs

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