Suicide...

[SSHusky 0]

Quote

if there are so many people who care for you, you still feel you can't share your feelings and ask for help.

I suffer from depression... its not as often as it use to be.
Having someone who loves you does not make it any better. When I was younger I went through a depression phase that lasted 5 yrs... I was depressed every day for those 5 yrs. People would say they want to help and you should call them when you need someone. Unfortunately they get tired of your constant pain and they break off their promise.
Now I have a fiance, someone I love. I can't feel like I can share with him either. Not only do I fear that he will leave me if he gets bored of me, but he physically gets saddened when I am obviously depressed. I don't want to upset anyone and I don't want to be hurt from yet another "friend" who says they are there for me. For now, I just hold it in... it usually goes away in a few weeks, sometimes months.
Everytime I think of suicide, I push it from my mind... but sometimes its hard to. Its hard to continue this lonely and painful experience. Mostly its painful to go through life with people thinking that you should get over it and that thinking about suicide is selfish. you never know which friends truely feel this way until you share your deepest secrets of pain with them.
I'm sorry about my rant.

[d_squared431 0]

Quote

Quote

if you havent been through it, major depression is hell mate..
...and usually it doesnt just go away like that. like all your friends try to make you believe. its truely hell on earth.. i can understand someone trying to finish themselve off just too damn well..

Exactly...I've been through clinical depression too. People don't understand.

I've had 6 friends and a family member who have killed themselves. It breaks my heart. However, calling someone selfish when they take their life because it will hurt those left behind makes no sense to me. Some DO try to get help. Sometimes it just doesn't work. I agree with others who have said someone who suffers in life so much to stay around for more pain because it will hurt others is selfish on their end. I know that doesn't make sense to some people...

I don't think of suicide as a selfish act. In many peoples mind that is exactly how they see it. I have lost a few friends over the years who felt so alone that they could not turn to someone or me...I felt I let them down. Just recently one of my best friends tried to kill herself and never in a million years would thought she of all people was depressed. Goes to show that you have to make your friends aware how much you care and that you are always there anytime they need you.

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[madhatter 0]

Quote

Weird this topic comes up here today, this way...WaltAppel and I had a long conversation about the subject this weekend.


Bottom line IMO...committing suicide, for reasons other than ending a painful terminal illness, is the ultimate display of loosing control of a mental illness.

If a person's depression pushes them to a point of taking their own life, how can anyone else attempt to make a judgement regarding the manner of the event, or 'truly' understand the reasons or motivation.

You can't blame a crazy person for doing something crazy.

You can try to understand, you can mourn their senseless loss, you can wonder if you could have done something to stop it...but don't blame them for their illness.

Hitting the off switch is a last act of 'control', by a person that for whatever reason... feels they've lost control of things when the switch on 'on'.

For many people it's not a question of 'why' to commit suicide...but a question of 'why not'. ~ there is a difference, and it's a considerable one.

My point exactly.

Once again, I didn't post this topic in a judgemental sense, I'm just saddened by the occurence & wish there was something more I could do to prevent just ONE person taking that final step.

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
D.S # 125

[travelingmack 0]

Quote

You can't blame a crazy person for doing something crazy.

agree, when you dealing with depression long enough...you come to a point where you are no longer depressed, you are thinking this is no longer any point fighting and you are starting to look forward to end your life, you just want to find the method who "suits" you...
And this is the most dangerous point of all..cause everyone around you starting to think you are getting out of your misery

[skybytch 273]

Quote

Some people, and I'm not being personal here, can't/won't/will never understand.

Agreed. Unless/until "you" (using the generic term, not directed at anybody in particular) have been there, there is no possible way for you to understand what makes someone think that the permanent solution to a temporary problem is the right answer.

I thank a certain someone almost daily for being there for me. I wish I could have been there for him.

[sartre 0]

Ive been on the side of those left behind. My first love, someone I was with from the time I was 16 until he killed himself 10 years later, made the decision to hang himself.

It was his second attempt.

His first try was a weak attempt at slashing his wrists. I got mad, not scared. I thought he was trying to manipulate me because we were having relationship problems and he didn't want me to divorce him. I called him selfish and a jerk.

I realize I was being selfish, because I was young and I didn't want to accept that he could really be in such a dark place. I wish he had done things differently. I certainly wish I'd done things differently.

[skittles_of_SDC 0]

Quote

Ive been on the side of those left behind. My first love, someone I was with from the time I was 16 until he killed himself 10 years later, made the decision to hang himself.

It was his second attempt.

His first try was a weak attempt at slashing his wrists. I got mad, not scared. I thought he was trying to manipulate me because we were having relationship problems and he didn't want me to divorce him. I called him selfish and a jerk.

I realize I was being selfish, because I was young and I didn't want to accept that he could really be in such a dark place. I wish he had done things differently. I certainly wish I'd done things differently.

cut down the street. if you cut across the street you're just looking for attention.

[sartre 0]

You obviously missed the point of my post.

I thought the way you did.

So he made sure he succeeded the second time.

[Nataly 38]

My brother told me over Christmas he didn't understand depression or suicide.. His rational was that if you felt so low you should just go and rob a bank or quit your job and go traveling 'cause you have nothing to lose. I couldn't help but look at him like he was from some kind of other planet.

If I had to describe my life, I'd have to say I've had sustained depression, occasionally interrupted by short bursts of happiness. Most of the time I'm just generally dissatisfied with my life and not in that "dark place"... But when I do get low, I feel like I'm sinking more and more every day. I can't sleep.. I can't eat.. And I can't stop the negative thought patterns.

When I'm just generally dissatisfied, then I think if I put my mind to it, or if I work hard enough, I can figure out a way through this..

But when I'm depressed I feel like I'm a useless and unpleasant person.. I feel like I'd be doing everyone a *favour* by killing myself. When I hate myself that much I really feel like there is no way I will ever be happy. And it's this that gets me thinking about what's the best way to do it.

Sometimes I naturally get wrapped up in something else & put it aside for a while.. Sometimes I go and buy lots of medication & calculate how many I'd have to take to guarantee a fatal dose.. Sometimes I get excited about going through with it, and that usually kind of cheers me up & paradoxically makes me not want to do it.

As for the people in my life who care about me.. All I can hope is that they can appreciate how awful it is to be me when I'm feeling so low for so long. I lose all hope of anything ever improving.

I think one day I'm either going to die of something quite stupid like another driver not paying attention, or one of these days I won't be able to tolerate the combination of my shitty life and hating myself.

Right now I feel like I'm just pulling out of the worst year of my life.. But I don't feel out of the woods. And I've booked an Easter skydiving holiday to try and cheer myself up. So right now I feel like there is hope.

But some people are like my brother - they'll never understand any of this.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[hottamaly 1]

I'm in the same place. I was quoted once by saying that skydiving gave me a reason to live, and it truely did. Before it, I was majorly depressed.

Unfortunately I've only jumped 4 times in 2 years and the suicide feelings have returned. I do feel your pain.

Skydiving gave me a reason to live
I'm not afraid of what I'll miss when I die...I'm afraid of what I'll miss as I live

[SSHusky 0]

Quote

I'm in the same place. I was quoted once by saying that skydiving gave me a reason to live, and it truely did. Before it, I was majorly depressed.

Sorry to bring this back up again, but I feel the same way. Skydiving cheers me up. Every time I jump, I pull. I choose to live every time. It makes me feel like I have more control. I know that on any jump I could end it. There is no failed attempt, no one will stop me, it will be the end. But I choose not to do it. Sometimes when I am really depressed, I will hesitate to pull, but never longer than a second. Skydiving gives me peace...
I don't know if this make sense to anyone...

[hottamaly 1]

It looks like we all should start a club. I didn't realize there were so many of us thinking this way.

Skydiving gave me a reason to live
I'm not afraid of what I'll miss when I die...I'm afraid of what I'll miss as I live

[livendive 8]

I'm sure it differs from person to person, but my opinion is that at such a low-point, the fact that people care is no comfort at all. In fact it's kind of the opposite.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[iluvtofly 0]

Quote

Quote

I'm in the same place. I was quoted once by saying that skydiving gave me a reason to live, and it truely did. Before it, I was majorly depressed.

Sorry to bring this back up again, but I feel the same way. Skydiving cheers me up. Every time I jump, I pull. I choose to live every time. It makes me feel like I have more control. I know that on any jump I could end it. There is no failed attempt, no one will stop me, it will be the end. But I choose not to do it. Sometimes when I am really depressed, I will hesitate to pull, but never longer than a second. Skydiving gives me peace...
I don't know if this make sense to anyone...

I will say that when I haven't jumped in an extended period of time (typically longer than a month) the depression does get worse. Skydiving is my outlet. It's my chance to forget about everything else in life, even if only for a minute. When I'm at the DZ I don't think about all the other problems in my life. Hence, winter is a horrible time for me.

[jumpwally 0]

I guess i don't understand why your lifeis so shitty ?

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[jumpwally 0]

Why so few jumps ? Doesnt the fact that you feel good skydiving lead you to want to jump more often ? i guess its hard for me to understand...

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[jumpwally 0]

i just dont understand the Duece event,,it just can't get my head around it..maybe its cuz we interacted on this site,,i'm sure some people knew, i sure didn't

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[skittles_of_SDC 0]

Quote

I guess i don't understand why your lifeis so shitty ?

What are you? The life story police? People all have their own personal issues and they shouldn't have to defend themselves to you.

As far as your other posts go, like others have said, if you don't get it you probably never will.

[jumpwally 0]

Its an invitation to discuss, you learn by talking, giving examples, thoughts. Thats the idea of a forum, otherwise, why post ? no ?

What if i started a thread thats said " i'm hungry " ?
Now what ?

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[iluvtofly 0]

Depression doesn't work that way. As someone stated before. You can try all you like to describe the feeling of skydiving to someone but they will never fully understand it until they experience it themselves.

Anyone on here could spend months trying to explain it to you. Unfortunately there is no way to fully understand it until you experience it first hand. My brother's wife suffers from depression, so he thinks he understands what I'm going through. However, he's the one who keeps telling me to just buck up and get over it. He doesn't understand in the slightest and he lives with it.

[skittles_of_SDC 0]

Quote

Its an invitation to discuss, you learn by talking, giving examples, thoughts. Thats the idea of a forum, otherwise, why post ? no ?

What if i started a thread thats said " i'm hungry " ?
Now what ?

There is nothing to learn. If it was general to all people with depression that would be one thing but you are basically calling someone out about their feelings (which are personal and individualized). You are basically saying "I don't see why your life is so bad. You shouldn't be depressed. Give me a good reason for you to be depressed." No offense but that's pretty douchebagish. No one should have to justify themselves to you or anyone else.

I don't get what you're trying to get at with the "I'm hungry" thread idea. It seems completely unrelated.

[livendive 8]

Quote

I guess i don't understand why your lifeis so shitty ?

Depression doesn't necessarily originate in a shitty life. It's more a matter of perception than a state of affairs.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[airtwardo 7]

Quote

I guess i don't understand why your life is so shitty ?

It's not necessarily that someones life is shitty...it has more to do with how that person process what's happening around them.

Many times it's caused by a chemical imbalance that the affected person isn't aware of or possibly isn't treating correctly.

I know people that have from what on the outside looks to be a perfect life, but the clinical depression is always there to an extent...not letting that person 'enjoy' what looks to be a fantastic life situation.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[steve1 5]

I've seen threads like this before on this forum. Things usually end up with those who are depressed tryinging to explain their pain. Other's write in and say they don't get it, and that the best thing to do is just suck it up... (which is impossible). Anger starts flying both ways, and then the thread ends.

So, before that happens, I thought I'd throw in a few thoughts. If you are depressed, don't just sit back and let this kill you. There are things you can do. You need to be proactive.

Don't give up on medication. For some people this is the difference between life and death. They all have side affects, and I agree some of these are terrible side affects. You may have to live with this. Look for a better medication. If none is available you may have to return to what you were taking.

My daughter was so depressed that she couldn't even get out of bed. She took her medication for a while, and we could see a big difference. She stopped taking her medication for almost a year. She was miserable. After a close call, she is back taking her medicine and doing better. Depression is much more common in women. Usually males are more likely to complete suicide.

Therapy is available that can help depression. I know this can be expensive. There are a lot of crappy therapists out there. Don't give up on this.

The big thing for me is hanging on to hope. If you lose that you are lost. Have a plan and fight. You are fighting for your life. Don't give up.

Wallowing in your pain with someone else who is suicidal may make things worse. Usually suicidal people are not put into a group with others who are suicidal. I know what it is like to feel that pain. I have plenty of issues from the past. Talking to an understanding therapist can help.

Just my two cents worth.....

[airtwardo 7]

I've seen threads like this before on this forum. Things usually end up with those who are depressed tryinging to explain their pain. Other's write in and say they don't get it, and that the best thing to do is just suck it up... (which is impossible). Anger starts flying both ways, and then the thread ends.