Alienation Upon Going Home

[Guest]

In two days, I'll mark another whole year away from home.

In the past five years, I have been in my homeland for a grand total of five weeks.

It's the price an expatriate knowingly pays. I do so gladly, but sometimes I get homesick.

There is something that came on during my last visit to Puget Sound, something I did not expect - alienation.

To my eye, little had changed in the 18 months I was gone last time, but something in my spirit differed - something unsettling and kind of sad.

Here's a poem that in a way, expressed how I felt - "Solomon Kan's Homecoming", by Robert E. Howard (the creator of Conan the Barbarian and Solomon Kane, among other unforgettable characters [how many people can be credited with the creation of an entire genre of literature? J.R.R. Tolkien and Tom Clancy are the only other ones who come immediately to mind]).

***********************

The white gulls wheeled above the cliffs, the air was slashed with foam,
The long tides moaned along the strand when Solomon Kane came home.
He walked in silence strange and dazed through the little Devon town,
His gaze, like a ghost's come back to life, roamed up the streets and down.

The people followed wonderingly to mark his spectral stare,
And in the tavern silently they thronged about him there.
He heard as a man hears in a dream the worn old rafters creak,
And Solomon lifted his drinking-jack and spoke as a ghost might speak:

"There sat Sir Richard Grenville once; in smoke and flame he passed.
"And we were one to fifty-three, but we gave them blast for blast.
"From crimson dawn to crimson dawn, we held the Dons at bay.
"The dead lay littered on our decks, our masts were shot away.

"We beat them back with broken blades, till crimson ran the tide;
"Death thundered in the cannon smoke when Richard Grenville died.
"We should have blown her hull apart and sunk beneath the Main."
The people saw upon his wrist the scars of the racks of Spain.

"Where is Bess?" said Solomon Kane. "Woe that I caused her tears."
"In the quiet churchyard by the sea she has slept these seven years."
The sea-wind moaned at the window-pane, and Solomon bowed his head.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and the fairest fade," he said.

His eyes were mystical deep pools that drowned unearthly things,
And Solomon lifted up his head and spoke of his wanderings.
"Mine eyes have looked on sorcery in dark and naked lands,
"Horror born of the jungle gloom and death on the pathless sands.

"And I have known a deathless queen in a city old as Death,
"Where towering pyramids of skulls her glory witnesseth.
"Her kiss was like an adder's fang, with the sweetness Lilith had,
"And her red-eyed vassals howled for blood in that City of the Mad.

"And I have slain a vampire shape that sucked a black king white,
"And I have roamed through grisly hills where dead men walked at night.
"And I have seen heads fall like fruit in a slaver's barracoon,
"And I have seen winged demons fly all naked in the moon.

"My feet are weary of wandering and age comes on apace;
"I fain would dwell in Devon now, forever in my place."
The howling of the ocean pack came whistling down the gale,
And Solomon Kane threw up his head like a hound that sniffs the trail.

A-down the wind like a running pack the hounds of the ocean bayed,
And Solomon Kane rose up again and girt his Spanish blade.
In his strange cold eyes a vagrant gleam grew wayward and blind and bright,
And Solomon put the people by and went into the night.

A wild moon rode the wild white clouds, the waves in white crests flowed,
When Solomon Kane went forth again and no man knew his road.
They glimpsed him etched against the moon, where clouds on hilltop thinned;
They heard an eery echoed call that whistled down the wind.

mh
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edit for parsing

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[JohnRich 4]

Quote

There is something that came on during my last visit to Puget Sound, something I did not expect - alienation.

How did this alienation manifest itself? From people you know, or complete strangers?

[Guest]

Quote

Quote

There is something that came on during my last visit to Puget Sound, something I did not expect - alienation.

How did this alienation manifest itself? From people you know, or complete strangers?

I think it's partly people, partly the environment, due to being away so long. Very little had changed, but it was perhaps that very thing which made me feel "like a ghost come back to life". If it had changed a lot, it would have been different. It was strange, and I haven't felt that way before.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[airtwardo 7]

I thinks it's time that alienates...

Time changes you not the place, I felt something similar sitting on the pier at Ocean Beach a few months ago.
A place I'd sat literally thousands of times before but hadn't in ten years.

It was the same place but I'm not the same person, felt funny, like I didn't belong there anymore.

Ghosts

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Zenister 0]

The more you travel the more distinct the seperation becomes. Friends And family are still friends and family and welcome you as always, but it is increasingly hard to relate. You have (perhaps) seen and done things they will never experience and cannot grasp at all. Concerns that dominate their lives (often unchanged years later ) seem trivial and petty. You've crossed an ocean while the place you were remained the same stagnant pool.

"You can never step in the same river twice."

Oddly enough it seems most of us use the same metaphor, having been away for years, and 'home' for a week, I spent a few days wandering around the state before going back to my parents house. My father asked me what I did.."haunted myself" was the first phrase that came to mind.

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[legalart 0]

Hey, Jim I haven’t been to the OB pier since I returned to San Diego 14 years ago.

I lived with my kids in OB after their mom died. It was one of the “up” times for the area and my kids wandered all over OB without fear, even the bum dudes looked after the local kids.

I’m hesitant to go back over and hang at the beach, or pier, for the very reason you described.

[Amazon 7]

YEah.. I know.. it sucks..but what are ya gonna do with all those sour milk drinkin types that are settling all over the place.

[Andy9o8 2]

Quote

YEah.. I know.. it sucks..but what are ya gonna do with all those sour milk drinkin types that are settling all over the place.

http://fusedfilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/alien_nation_tv_show_poster.jpg

[skypuppy 1]

Here's a poem that in a way, expressed how I felt - "Solomon Kan's Homecoming", by Robert E. Howard (the creator of Conan the Barbarian and Solomon Kane, among other unforgettable characters [how many people can be credited with the creation of an entire genre of literature? J.R.R. Tolkien and Tom Clancy are the only other ones who come immediately to mind]).
________________________________________________
Hmmmm. Edgar Allan Poe wrote the first 'mystery' story. and some good horror.

Dickens? Writing about poverty in the empire?

Arthur Conan Doyle? Holmes and the lost world.

Jules Verne? His fantastic voyages. Some very realistic scientific predictions. Just reread Off on a Comet last week. His story From the Earth to the Moon was comical (the Philadelphia gun club?) but the rocket bore striking similarities to the actual appollo craft.

HG Wells? The first bug that beat the martians, anyways.

HP Lovecraft.

Edgar Rice Burroughs? I think it was easier to write about lost civilizations before we had spy satellites and google earth.

Agatha Christie? The whodunit?

Lovecraft and Poe died under some mysterious circumstances. Howard committed suicide at a young age -- I think in his 30's. There is a movie based on his life.

Some of these may be arguable, but certainly Doyle and Christie et al 'popularised' certain genres.

Could make an interesting thread all on its own.

If some old guy can do it then obviously it can't be very extreme. Otherwise he'd already be dead.
Bruce McConkey 'I thought we were gonna die, and I couldn't think of anyone

[Guest]

Quote

I thinks it's time that alienates...

Time changes you not the place, I felt something similar sitting on the pier at Ocean Beach a few months ago.
A place I'd sat literally thousands of times before but hadn't in ten years.

It was the same place but I'm not the same person, felt funny, like I didn't belong there anymore.

Ghosts

I think you've nailed it - I was in the same place, but I wasn't the same person; my life has changed radically in the past few years, and I'm a far different man than the one who left for Kosovo in Feb 2006. There was a disconnect I felt. It was weird. I don't think I ever understood what the term "alienation" meant until the day I came home last year, after being away for over three.

Many thanks for your remarks.
mh
.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[Guest]

Quote

Here's a poem that in a way, expressed how I felt - "Solomon Kan's Homecoming", by Robert E. Howard (the creator of Conan the Barbarian and Solomon Kane, among other unforgettable characters [how many people can be credited with the creation of an entire genre of literature? J.R.R. Tolkien and Tom Clancy are the only other ones who come immediately to mind]).
________________________________________________
Hmmmm. Edgar Allan Poe wrote the first 'mystery' story. and some good horror.

Dickens? Writing about poverty in the empire?

Arthur Conan Doyle? Holmes and the lost world.

Jules Verne? His fantastic voyages. Some very realistic scientific predictions. Just reread Off on a Comet last week. His story From the Earth to the Moon was comical (the Philadelphia gun club?) but the rocket bore striking similarities to the actual appollo craft.

HG Wells? The first bug that beat the martians, anyways.

HP Lovecraft.

Edgar Rice Burroughs? I think it was easier to write about lost civilizations before we had spy satellites and google earth.

Agatha Christie? The whodunit?

Lovecraft and Poe died under some mysterious circumstances. Howard committed suicide at a young age -- I think in his 30's. There is a movie based on his life.

Some of these may be arguable, but certainly Doyle and Christie et al 'popularised' certain genres.

Could make an interesting thread all on its own.

You've stimulated my thoughts (heh)

Mary Shelley is generally credited with the first sci-fi horror novel - I forgot about her.

And you are right on both counts about REH: committed suicide in 1936 at age 30; a film about the last years of his life is called "The Whole Wide World", based on a memoir by his ex-girlfriend ("One Who Walked Alone," by Novalyne Price Ellis). Lead characters were Vincent D'Onofrio (better known as Pyle, the crazy guy who shot Drill Instructor R. Lee Ermey in boot camp in "Full Metal Jacket"), and Rene Zellweger as Price. Can you tell I'm a REH fan?

mh
.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[JohnMitchell 16]

Joe Walsh said it best. . . .

It's tough to handle
This fortune and fame
Everybody's so different
I haven't changed

Seriously, we change without realizing it, until returning to a once familiar place we find no longer fits. It's like old favorite shoes that now feel strange on our feet, after years of not being worn.

[skybytch 273]

Quote

It was the same place but I'm not the same person, felt funny, like I didn't belong there anymore.

I felt the same when I went to a high school reunion a few months ago. It was mostly the same place, with some differences that did not improve it. Not only did I feel like I didn't belong there, I started to wonder if I had EVER belonged there.

The one good thing was that I can say that I've changed for the better since I first left that place. Can't say the same for the place.

[skyrider 0]

Quote

I thinks it's time that alienates...

Time changes you not the place, I felt something similar sitting on the pier at Ocean Beach a few months ago.
A place I'd sat literally thousands of times before but hadn't in ten years.

It was the same place but I'm not the same person, felt funny, like I didn't belong there anymore.

Ghosts

You didn;t have a joint this time?

The Pier Cafe is one of my favorite breakfast stops!

[Guest]

Quote

Joe Walsh said it best. . . .

It's tough to handle
This fortune and fame
Everybody's so different
I haven't changed

Seriously, we change without realizing it, until returning to a once familiar place we find no longer fits. It's like old favorite shoes that now feel strange on our feet, after years of not being worn.

I've changed a great deal, John.

I remember meeting a female Swedish Army Captain at Camp Bondsteel (who was the maintenance officer for a helicopter detachment) back in mid-2007 (she was only 29 - egad, did I feel old that day). She lived near me in Mid-Town Connex City, as we called it. One September evening, she looked in my CHU (Containerized Housing Unit - a shipping container furnished with paneling, lighting, A/C, etc.) and said "You've got CARPET in there?! You've been here too long!"

Maybe she had a point. I'm now on my 3rd deployment (Kosovo, Qatar, and now Kuwait), and I swear that this is going to be my last tour - "My feet grow weary of wandering and age comes on apace." It's just that the job situation in PS isn't looking too good right now, nor is it anywhere, I suppose.
mh
.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[fossg 0]

I know the feeling all to well. When I got back after 18 months in Kosovo it seemed like I was nothing but a shadow in my house. My family had moved on without me.. It just sucks

[RedBallz 0]

I'm finally moving home in a few weeks. I haven't lived there in almost 8 years now. I'm sure that there are many other military types on here that can appreciate the feeling. I've visited a dozen times, but not for any length of time. It is going to be weird. It's home, but hasn't been "home" in a long time.

Its funny. I've never lost touch with my close friends from high school. Those that have stayed have almost no interesting stories. I've carried a gun for my country while doing the Marine thing. I've raced motorcycles on tracks here in California. I am now a licensed skydiver with my "B" license. It'll be weird seeing people again that I haven't talked to in years and explaining what my life has become.

Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

[Nataly 38]

I've felt that a couple of times in my life. It almost seems like you have evolved and the world around you hasn't. What's even weirder is that if you stay there long enough you find yourself slipping back into the person you used to be as well... Not completely, but just think when you visit your parents as an adult... Stay for an hour, and you are among peers; stay for a day, and you're clearly in front of your "superiors;" live with them for a week, and the next thing you know you're throwing a tantrum about your curfew!!

Travelling has a way of changing your view on things, but you are still fundamentally you. Point is, if you stayed in your hometown long enough you would find that this unsettling feeling does fade and what feels surreal to you now would become your reality again. It's what allows humans to adapt to new environments - in time, the stuff you see every day becomes "normal."

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
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