turtlespeed 221 #176 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] yep.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #177 September 22, 2010 Quote I figured that was the case: "Pre-cana", which for the uninitiated, is a mandatory pre-marital counseling session, to permit a marriage to be sanctified by the Catholic church, conducted by ... a priest. You know, the clergyMAN who is not and never will be married, is presumably (probably? ostensibly?) a virgin, and has taken a vow of lifetime celibacy. Here's an interesting note about my Catholic priest... He is a widower and has children. Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #178 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote I was so scared my priest would find out we moved in together before our wedding date. I was 32 years old at the time and my hands would shake when we would talk to the priest. You shameless hussy, you . . you . . . painted woman!Funny how that church is run by a bunch of people calling each other Mother and Father when they never will be. And they wonder how I became so secular. Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #179 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #180 September 22, 2010 Quote Here's an interesting note about my Catholic priest... He is a widower and has children. Ah, another one who joined the priesthood out of self-defense. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #181 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! Even in the baptist church, I was taught that to have premarital sex is to cheat on your future husband/wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #182 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Yes, Catholic based, as someone guessed earlier in the thread. He is Catholic, but neither of us believe that... When we had to go through Pre Cana in 2000, I was so scared my priest would find out we moved into together before our wedding date. I was 32 years old at the time and my hands would shake when we would talk to the priest. I remember having "the story" worked out with my ex-husband that I was living with my Aunt Linda, who was the Matron of Honor, and even changed my address to her house with the Parish Office. I was so afraid I wouldn't be allowed to get married in my church if they found out we were "living in sin". LOL... The first night of Pre Cana we walked in and there was 2 couples with the women obviously very pregnant, like at least 6 months pregnant. I had no idea if you were already pregnant you could still get married in a wedding Mass. Shows how much I know... The Natural Family Planning speakers were a real hoot, too. Yep... We live together... We wont make it all the way to Pre Cana, but we did fill out the workbooks we were supposed to bring and all the paperwork (that included individual counseling with the priest)... Pre Cana isnt until the 16th though and do to some drama we're opting for a courthouse wedding before that Oddly enough, it's my folks who are excited about this turn of events Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #183 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote Quote Unless youre of the state of mind that masturbating is cheating (yes, we were actually told that during our premarital counseling...). If you don't mind my asking, what type of counselor told you that? By any chance were you told that during church-based "premarital counseling"? Or was it from a professional counselor unconnected to any church or religious organization? Yes, Catholic based, I figured that was the case: "Pre-cana", which for the uninitiated, is a mandatory pre-marital counseling session, to permit a marriage to be sanctified by the Catholic church, conducted by ... a priest. You know, the clergyMAN who is not and never will be married, is presumably (probably? ostensibly?) a virgin, and has taken a vow of lifetime celibacy. My wife was raised Catholic, so for reasons mainly of family politics, she and I attended a pre-cana mediated by a priest. He was a nice guy and all; he did his best, and did have some interesting things to say, but when it came to expressing his opinion on marital relationships, he didn't have a freakin' clue because he simply was not qualified to know what the heck he was talking about. A big, fat waste of time. If they want people to know the official Catholic stance on marital issues (like: condoms will send you to hell), they can hand out a pamphlet. You know, you cant get married by a deacon too... who can be married.. One thing I really dont like is being told that Im making sex a chore and a loveless act by being on the pill... Come on folks, there is more than one reason to be on BC, if it happens to prevent babies too, so be it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #184 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Here's an interesting note about my Catholic priest... He is a widower and has children. Ah, another one who joined the priesthood out of self-defense. Ohh.... you're bad!! Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #185 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote I was so scared my priest would find out we moved in together before our wedding date. I was 32 years old at the time and my hands would shake when we would talk to the priest. You shameless hussy, you . . you . . . painted woman!Funny how that church is run by a bunch of people calling each other Mother and Father when they never will be. And they wonder how I became so secular. That is a very interesting way of thinking about it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #186 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! Even in the baptist church, I was taught that to have premarital sex is to cheat on your future husband/wife. No shit?? I never even heard that one in Catholic School. My favorite was "your dead relatives are watching you". Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #187 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! Even in the baptist church, I was taught that to have premarital sex is to cheat on your future husband/wife. No shit?? I never even heard that one in Catholic School. My favorite was "your dead relatives are watching you". Well I hope theyre getting a good show Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #188 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote Yes, Catholic based, as someone guessed earlier in the thread. He is Catholic, but neither of us believe that... When we had to go through Pre Cana in 2000, I was so scared my priest would find out we moved into together before our wedding date. I was 32 years old at the time and my hands would shake when we would talk to the priest. I remember having "the story" worked out with my ex-husband that I was living with my Aunt Linda, who was the Matron of Honor, and even changed my address to her house with the Parish Office. I was so afraid I wouldn't be allowed to get married in my church if they found out we were "living in sin". LOL... The first night of Pre Cana we walked in and there was 2 couples with the women obviously very pregnant, like at least 6 months pregnant. I had no idea if you were already pregnant you could still get married in a wedding Mass. Shows how much I know... The Natural Family Planning speakers were a real hoot, too. Yep... We live together... We wont make it all the way to Pre Cana, but we did fill out the workbooks we were supposed to bring and all the paperwork (that included individual counseling with the priest)... Pre Cana isnt until the 16th though and do to some drama we're opting for a courthouse wedding before that Oddly enough, it's my folks who are excited about this turn of events The bride's parents are the one that generally pay for the wedding so prolly happy they're getting off cheap. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #189 September 22, 2010 If i ever decide to get married again I think I will first live with the girl for at least 1 year to 2 years before even buying a ring. I lived with my X wife for about 5 months before...and well....though it did not really help it would have been nice to know a few things before I said "I do"Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #190 September 22, 2010 Quote Even in the baptist church, I was taught that to have premarital sex is to cheat on your future husband/wife. Why don't Baptists believe in premarital sex? Might lead to dancing."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #191 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Even in the baptist church, I was taught that to have premarital sex is to cheat on your future husband/wife. Why don't Baptists believe in premarital sex? Might lead to dancing. So true.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #192 September 22, 2010 Quote all of that is one reason we got married in a skyvan. I would love that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 221 #193 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! NOT YOU . . . and adultry is also premarital.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #194 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! NOT YOU . . . and adultry is also premarital. From Wiki: Adultery (also called philandery) is a form of extramarital sex. It is sexual infidelity to ones spouse. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. I never banged anyone married while I was unmarried and I had no extramarital fuckery so I was only a fornicator. Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TriGirl 319 #195 September 22, 2010 Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! NOT YOU . . . and adultry is also premarital.From Wiki: Adultery (also called philandery) is a form of extramarital sex. It is sexual infidelity to ones spouse. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. I never banged anyone married while I was unmarried and I had no extramarital fuckery so I was only a fornicator. Hmm -- in the military "adultery" is defined as sex with a person who is not your spouse. Therefore, two single people having sex are both committing adultery. In this case, "extramarital," meaning outside of marriage, doesn't necessarily mean either participant is IN a marriage, just that the act does not take place within a marriage. (disclaimer: I'm not a military lawyer, but this is how I've heard it defined/presented in military court)See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus Shut Up & Jump! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #196 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! NOT YOU . . . and adultry is also premarital.From Wiki: Adultery (also called philandery) is a form of extramarital sex. It is sexual infidelity to ones spouse. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. I never banged anyone married while I was unmarried and I had no extramarital fuckery so I was only a fornicator. Hmm -- in the military "adultery" is defined as sex with a person who is not your spouse. Therefore, two single people having sex are both committing adultery. In this case, "extramarital," meaning outside of marriage, doesn't necessarily mean either participant is IN a marriage, just that the act does not take place within a marriage. (disclaimer: I'm not a military lawyer, but this is how I've heard it defined/presented in military court) No shit. I've never heard it defined that way. Learn something new every single day, I guess!! Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #197 September 22, 2010 Quote Quote A The Scarlet Letter?[confused] I was a fornicator not an adulterer!! NOT YOU . . . and adultry is also premarital.From Wiki: Adultery (also called philandery) is a form of extramarital sex. It is sexual infidelity to ones spouse. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. I never banged anyone married while I was unmarried and I had no extramarital fuckery so I was only a fornicator. Hmm -- in the military "adultery" is defined as sex with a person who is not your spouse. Therefore, two single people having sex are both committing adultery. In this case, "extramarital," meaning outside of marriage, doesn't necessarily mean either participant is IN a marriage, just that the act does not take place within a marriage. (disclaimer: I'm not a military lawyer, but this is how I've heard it defined/presented in military court) Do they actually still punish for that or is that law basically still one the books to use in cases of both parties in the military with a rank difference?Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wolfriverjoe 1,523 #198 September 22, 2010 http://usmilitary.about.com/od/justicelawlegislation/a/adultery.htm This says there has to be proof of sex, one has to be married, and the conduct has to be detrimental to the military (paraphrased)."There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy "~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johnboy 0 #199 September 22, 2010 Interesting thread to read as my marriage rapidly wraps up in an ugly mess. The selfishness factor is huge, and what baffles me so often is how either partner can forget that it's not a function of who's right, but what's right. Life is too short and the world is too damn small for anything else. I strongly believe that getting over one's self and recognizing this fact would solve a great deal of marital issues. Hell, that would fix just about any kind of relationship. When it comes to the minutiae of day-to-day life, I've never understood why chores have to split evenly for things to be "fair". What happened to just getting the shit done that needs to get done? The idea that a marriage should always be exactly 50/50 is just absurd. If things are going right, it will average around there, but life happens and sometimes one partner is going to have to carry a bigger load than the other. The problems occur when that balance gets disturbed too far in one direction and never comes back. At the risk of sounding off with my own case of "me me me", marriage counseling has revealed a great deal for me about the person I'm married to and how she just has no interest in looking at life through my eyes. I'm so tired of being told that the problems we have are caused by me and that I'm the one that has to make all the changes for us to get better. This isn't, never has been, and never will be a guy vs. girl issue. This is about people in general that can't put someone else in front of their own needs. It is my opinion that until we realize that there is something greater and more important than our own selfish wants, then we should not marry. I've been willing to do this for her for years, and while I fully understand that I'm no angel, she still can't see after 15 years that our marriage is more important, and even though we are still technically married, our marriage ended a long time ago. As far as the OP goes, sex is an important part of any healthy relationship, but if everything else in the relationship is falling apart, sex ain't gonna fix it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,452 #200 September 22, 2010 It took me a couple of years after my first marriage broke up to understand that while I thought he was the cause of the problems, my reaction to what was happening was at least as significant a contributor. And I was in charge of my reaction. Had I reacted differently (no, not to cheating, other stuff), with more backbone, consistently, there would probably have been a different ending. I'm not unhappy with the ending as it was; we're on good terms, each married again, and we have an adult son who loves both of his parents. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
