wolfriverjoe 1,523
Recommended Posts
QuoteIn my case, I was hoping we could work it out, I still loved her, and divorce was a lot of work and fairly expensive.
I always tell people that marriage counselors use techniques
to identify issues and then set a plan for correction.
It is easier to look through a photo album.
Find the happy pictures. Then, ask what changed ? Can that be fixed ?
Either way, make a decision and a plan.
JohnMitchell 16
This is absolutely on the mark. When our kids were babies, I never got up in the middle of the night to feed or change them. She let me sleep because I worked in the morning and sleep more soundly anyway. Now that lupus has sapped so much of her strength, I find myself doing quite a few extra things while she rests. Not a problem. It should never be tit-for-tat.Quote
What happened to just getting the shit done that needs to get done? The idea that a marriage should always be exactly 50/50 is just absurd. If things are going right, it will average around there, but life happens and sometimes one partner is going to have to carry a bigger load than the other.
P.S. I don't know what "tat" is, but I sure like the other one.
wolfriverjoe 1,523
QuoteQuoteIn my case, I was hoping we could work it out, I still loved her, and divorce was a lot of work and fairly expensive.
I always tell people that marriage counselors use techniques
to identify issues and then set a plan for correction.
It is easier to look through a photo album.
Find the happy pictures. Then, ask what changed ? Can that be fixed ?
Either way, make a decision and a plan.
Tried counselling. It didn't work for a variety of reasons (one of which was the counselor that she trusted most died).
One of the issues was her difficulty making and sticking to a decision.
Which kinda made any plans useless.
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
JohnMitchell 16
You should never work at it harder than the other person, IMO. There's just no return on it.
Sorry she gave up on it. ![[:/]](/uploads/emoticons/dry.png "[:/]"){kind=small}
Andy9o8 2
QuoteThe subtext of this whole thread is this - people who are
essentially miserable with their sex life and their relationship
will continue to be in that relationship long after it was
close to happy.
That is a truly sad way to exist.
If someone is walking a path and their feet hurt, they stop
and examine the situation in minutes.
In a far more painful emotional situation, they continue
and waste another 5 years of their life.
I think that unmarried people throw away less time.
You're correct, but it's not hard to understand why each is the case. Any breakup is traumatic, but a divorce is all the more miserably so, in so many ways, and in such a drawn-out way (often), especially if there are mutual children. The effect is that, for many married people, the prospect of going through a divorce seems even more daunting than facing the soul-sucking of toughing out an unhappy marriage.
QuoteThe oft-quoted statistic is that 50% of marriages fail (so 50% succeed).
That statistic is probably not correctly interpreted, and it's for the reason you and I have discussed: some married people stay in unhappy marriages. Yes, about 50% of first marriages end in divorce. But of the 50% who get divorced, all of them, presumably, were unhappy with their marriages. But some of the remaining-married 50% are also unhappy with their marriages. So by my (anecdotal and unscientific) calculations, probably only about 1 out of 3 first marriages remain happy marriages for the long term. And that's even sadder than the sad you said was sad.
shah269 0
QuoteYou should never work at it harder than the other person, IMO. There's just no return on it.
Sorry she gave up on it.
A-men brother!
My soon to be X wife came to one meeting....the morning of which I found out later that she was apartment shopping. You can do that when you skim about $4k from a joint account over a year or so.
Any how long story short, you have to love a girl who only likes to make friends with those who are dumber than her. For these "friends" will gladly divulge everything when the time is right. So what she skimmed $4k from out account to be able to afford rent and new furniture.
I think Karma is starting to screw her gooooood!
Where before I cooked and cleaned and made sure she had a warm meal and a clean house to come home to when she came home from her evening classes.....well turns out she can't afford those evening classes and now has a 3 jobs. And....oh this is the part that I sadly find funny....due to her apparent poor eating habits due to not knowing how to cook she has developed some sort of intestinal issue.
And the best part.....she has already signed the legal paper work stating she will get nothing in the divorce. And has sent various emails and text message to me and my lawyer stating as such. Not that I have any money to give her. But this is too funny.
Sad yes, after all I loved her and wanted nothing but the best for her but.......she's the one who put me on the sex diet, she's the one who gladly took full advantage of me and yes...she's the one who did not put 1% effort in therapy.
So the question is have I learned anything from this 9 months of hell? Yes. The next girl can make her own dammed dinner twice a week, wash and fold her own freaking clothes and pay for her own education. I'm taking that time and money and using it on someone who really gives a shit about me...ME! And if her sex drive is not with in 90% of my sex drive?
Well there is the door have a nice life.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
david3 0
QuoteQuoteYou should never work at it harder than the other person, IMO. There's just no return on it.
Sorry she gave up on it.
A-men brother!
My soon to be X wife came to one meeting....the morning of which I found out later that she was apartment shopping. You can do that when you skim about $4k from a joint account over a year or so.
Any how long story short, you have to love a girl who only likes to make friends with those who are dumber than her. For these "friends" will gladly divulge everything when the time is right. So what she skimmed $4k from out account to be able to afford rent and new furniture.
I think Karma is starting to screw her gooooood!Where before I cooked and cleaned and made sure she had a warm meal and a clean house to come home to when she came home from her evening classes.....well turns out she can't afford those evening classes and now has a 3 jobs. And....oh this is the part that I sadly find funny....due to her apparent poor eating habits due to not knowing how to cook she has developed some sort of intestinal issue.
And the best part.....she has already signed the legal paper work stating she will get nothing in the divorce. And has sent various emails and text message to me and my lawyer stating as such. Not that I have any money to give her. But this is too funny.
Sad yes, after all I loved her and wanted nothing but the best for her but.......she's the one who put me on the sex diet, she's the one who gladly took full advantage of me and yes...she's the one who did not put 1% effort in therapy.
So the question is have I learned anything from this 9 months of hell? Yes. The next girl can make her own dammed dinner twice a week, wash and fold her own freaking clothes and pay for her own education. I'm taking that time and money and using it on someone who really gives a shit about me...ME! And if her sex drive is not with in 90% of my sex drive?
Well there is the door have a nice life.
You say "I think Karma is starting to screw her gooooood!" and you may be right but... she may say it's worth it. Not a knock at you but she may have been so unhappy that giving up all those things may be worth it to be free.
shah269 0
Sure! She may have hated me.
But three years of a sex diet and taking advantage of all I had to offer?
I know I'm not gods gift to women, but gosh darn it I tried my best to be a good husband in supporting her in every thing she did or wanted to do.
And now HERE COMES KARMA! Enjoy your three jobs darling! And I'm so sorry you cant finish you education.....where do you think that $10k a year was comming from.
But three years of a sex diet and taking advantage of all I had to offer?
I know I'm not gods gift to women, but gosh darn it I tried my best to be a good husband in supporting her in every thing she did or wanted to do.
And now HERE COMES KARMA! Enjoy your three jobs darling! And I'm so sorry you cant finish you education.....where do you think that $10k a year was comming from.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
wmw999 2,452
Quotemake
her own dammeddinner twice a week, wash and fold her ownfreakingclothes and pay for her own education. I'm taking that time and money and using it onsomeone who really gives a shit about me...ME!
That's not an unhealthy way to go into a relationship. Don't make it an aggressive thing, just an assertive one. You're worth it.
Wendy P.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)
shah269 0
QuoteQuotemake
her own dammeddinner twice a week, wash and fold her ownfreakingclothes and pay for her own education. I'm taking that time and money and using it onsomeone who really gives a shit about me...ME!
That's not an unhealthy way to go into a relationship. Don't make it an aggressive thing, just an assertive one. You're worth it.
Wendy P.
Wendy I agree with you 10000000%
What I did in my last relationship was forgo myself respect to give her what I thought every guy should.
Next time around, I will do my upmost to maintain my dignity and to make it an equitable relationship.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
BillyVance 34
QuoteQuoteQuotemake
her own dammeddinner twice a week, wash and fold her ownfreakingclothes and pay for her own education. I'm taking that time and money and using it onsomeone who really gives a shit about me...ME!
That's not an unhealthy way to go into a relationship. Don't make it an aggressive thing, just an assertive one. You're worth it.
Wendy P.
Wendy I agree with you 10000000%
What I did in my last relationship was forgo myself respect to give her what I thought every guy should.
Next time around, I will do my upmost to maintain my dignity and to make it an equitable relationship.
Right on, dude...
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban
wolfriverjoe 1,523
QuoteQuoteQuotemake
her own dammeddinner twice a week, wash and fold her ownfreakingclothes and pay for her own education. I'm taking that time and money and using it onsomeone who really gives a shit about me...ME!
That's not an unhealthy way to go into a relationship. Don't make it an aggressive thing, just an assertive one. You're worth it.
Wendy P.
Wendy I agree with you 10000000%
What I did in my last relationship was forgo myself respect to give her what I thought every guy should.
Next time around, I will do my upmost to maintain my dignity and to make it an equitable relationship.
Yeah, if you offer yourself as a doormat, don't be too surprised if you get walked all over.
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
shah269 0
Love makes you do dumb things.
It makes you surrender your self to some one who really didn't deserve it.
It makes you surrender your self to some one who really didn't deserve it.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!
turtlespeed 221
QuoteLove makes you do dumb things.
It makes you surrender your self to some one who really didn't deserve it.
That is always temporary.
Unless they actually do deserve it.
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun
rmsmith 1
QuoteWow, I'm either the only person to actually experience the Shut-Off or I am the only one who will actually write about it. Seems like it is pretty common according to people I talk to.
Your experience is typical. Most of the guys at the office are on the Jenny Craig plan, and they have been for years; these are guys in their 30's and 40's. Pretty sad; they're frustrated too!
My better half is a stay at home mom, and I live close to work, so when the kids are in school...lunch is for loving. We don't have to be quiet, and we can use the couch too. Early 50's now, cycling fitness with 3000-miles/yr, and now relying on that blue pill when there's real work to do. She's in her mid 40's, lean and fit, and slippery when wet. We're pushing past twenty years together. As a previous poster said, teamwork makes it work.
One of our DZ.commers tied the knot today...
So we shall see if there is a shut-off... today is day 0
So we shall see if there is a shut-off... today is day 0
"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message
BillyVance 34
QuoteOne of our DZ.commers tied the knot today...
So we shall see if there is a shut-off... today is day 0
On a Thursday? Justice of the peace? Who?
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban
QuoteQuoteOne of our DZ.commers tied the knot today...
So we shall see if there is a shut-off... today is day 0
On a Thursday? Justice of the peace? Who?
I'm afraid that info is classified, its a hush-hush thing so far.
More details will come out soon.
"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message
david3 0
Quote
I'm afraid that info is classified, its a hush-hush thing so far.
More details will come out soon.
Was there a shotgun involved?
But there are lots of reasons to stay longer than an outsider may think is sensible.
Some are realistic, some are wishful thinking.
Some are romantic, some are purely practical.
In my case, I was hoping we could work it out, I still loved her, and divorce was a lot of work and fairly expensive.
In the end we couldn't, it didn't matter, and the divorce was a lot of work and fairly expensive.
"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo
Share this post
Link to post
Share on other sites