Have you ever been injured during sex or masturbation?

[skyrider 0]

does catching clap count as an injury?

[kasch 0]

if they stuck a Q-tip in your peepee hole after the fact i'd say that part could count.

Sex with sith is like sex with a stripper. A lot of flashing lights and waving of glowing sabers, but in the end you end up with something dark and wrinkely.

DPH# "-13"
TSK# "-13"

[mfrese 0]

Middle of winter, got off my girlfriend's bed to change positions, close quarters in her bedroom, backed into the extremely hot wall heater. Had a six-inch circle on my right butt cheek that looked like it should have been on a steak.

After I finished screaming (instead of what I should have been finishing), my girlfriend added insult to injury by saying "Hmm, looks about medium-rare to me, just right!".

Doctor I ain't gonna die,
Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash

[virgigirlie 0]

In high school, I was doing it in a car (shocking) and had one leg up over my head. Apparently, that leg was too close to the seat belt (where it rests, waiting for you to put it on) and because of the back and forth motion, I ended up with a nice cut and scar on my leg just under my knee on my shin.

My freshman year of college, I was doing it too close to a texture-painted wall. Of course it didn't hurt until we were finished, so I didn't notice that a large patch of skin was rubbing off my knee until it was too late.

Later in college, I was on top and we sort of shifted. My ass hit the corner of a window air conditioning unit. That one hurt! What started as a tiny bruise turned into a tiny scar.

I've always been clumsy, but I never realized how many unintentional sex-related injuries I've sustained. I'd lay even money that I'll remember one or two more before the night's over.

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." ~Catherine Aird

[virgigirlie 0]

Also, I just remembered a story told to me by another skydiver.

One of his friends was making homemade salsa. Everything was chopped and on the stove in water. She figured she'd masturbate to kill some time waiting for the salsa to get cooking. Evidently you need to wash your hands several times and wear gloves after handling peppers before you touch your personal area. She said the burning was unlike anything she'd ever felt and she couldn't get it to stop! I think she ended up dousing her honey pot with milk or something, though I don't really remember.

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." ~Catherine Aird

[turtlespeed 221]

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Also, I just remembered a story told to me by another skydiver.

One of his friends was making homemade salsa. Everything was chopped and on the stove in water. She figured she'd masturbate to kill some time waiting for the salsa to get cooking. Evidently you need to wash your hands several times and wear gloves after handling peppers before you touch your personal area. She said the burning was unlike anything she'd ever felt and she couldn't get it to stop! I think she ended up dousing her honey pot with milk or something, though I don't really remember.

You are not supposed to add spices to that taco.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[theonlyski 8]

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Also, I just remembered a story told to me by another skydiver.

One of his friends was making homemade salsa. Everything was chopped and on the stove in water. She figured she'd masturbate to kill some time waiting for the salsa to get cooking. Evidently you need to wash your hands several times and wear gloves after handling peppers before you touch your personal area. She said the burning was unlike anything she'd ever felt and she couldn't get it to stop! I think she ended up dousing her honey pot with milk or something, though I don't really remember.

You are not supposed to add spices to that taco.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[cloudseeker2001 0]

A girl I used to play with was on top and really going for it. When she reached the Big O, which were always full body experiences, she passed out and hit her head on the rail of my waterbed! This knocked her out and left her with a black eye!

I never learned how she explained her injury to her husband!

"Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance,
others mean and rueful of the western dream"

[mklady 0]

I jammed a fingernail into the hood of my c**t and cut it once ! Ouch that was painful!

[thedude325 0]

Oh, I almost forgot. My brother called me like 2 days ago. He tells me his lip-ring got ripped out. He had to get stitches. He tells me his ring got caught on his girlfriends lip ring. I had just seen her a few days before, and I clearly remember her having no facial jewelry. So I say "Mandy doesn't have a lip ring.".... He replies "Her other lip."

[lawrocket 3]

In a typical year, roughly 11,000 Americans seek medical aid after "trying out new sexual positions."

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Zenister 0]

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In a typical year, roughly 11,000 Americans seek medical aid after "trying out new sexual positions."

after 30 stretching became part of foreplay for exactly that reason..

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[Gators1240 9]

Ok so I have 2 stories. The first one I was in Pensacola a few years ago and me and my girlfriend at the time ended up having sex on the ground in her apartment. I ended up getting a pretty bad case of rug burn on my knees. The next night we were at my hotel and didn't even think about it and once we got finished we noticed that my knees had opened up and the bed was covered in blood from it. It was a little embarassing to let the hotel know why I needed new sheets.

The second I was about 16 ore 17 at some girls house hooking up in her basement. For some reason or another I decided not to wear underwear that morning (very bad idea). We were in the middle of going at it when we heard a door opening, which ended up being her dad coming home. In the mad rush or me to put my pants back on and rush out before he saw me there I ended up zipping up some stuff that should not have been zipped up. Very very painful lol

[billeisele 130]

after sex you should NOT lean forwards against a chest of drawers when one of the drawers is open

try explaining that one to the cute admitting nurse in the ER

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.

[BillyVance 34]

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I ended up zipping up some stuff that should not have been zipped up. Very very painful lol

Like the teenage scene in the bathroom from the movie "There's Something About Mary"?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[skyrider 0]

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I ended up zipping up some stuff that should not have been zipped up. Very very painful lol

Like the teenage scene in the bathroom from the movie "There's Something About Mary"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek3XKF2GcjE

[theonlyski 8]

Yes... I always seem to pull a muscle.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[iluvtofly 0]

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Ok, well not so much injury, just a word of warning to the ladies... When you have cancerous cells removed from your cervix and the doc says no sex for a few weeks, that doesnt mean youre necessarily free to masturbate. I figured I was fine the day after surgery since I was still loopy from the drugs and had only experienced slight cramping up to that point. Well, while the vibrations from my vibrator were soothing, as soon as the big O came, I literally thought someone was trying to rip out my uterus. Seems the contractions of all those muscles really pissed off my cervix

[dreaming13000 1]

A friend of mine from the Navy and his wife were gettin' it on and right after the big "O" she cried out in pain, fell off the bed, they couldn't figure out what was the matter, after rushing into the Navy urgent care, they discovered she had an abdominal hernia that had formed during intercourse?

yikes!

"A man only gets in life what he is believing for, nothing more and nothing less" Kenneth Hagen

[shah269 0]

I was dating this girl at university, very amaing girl.
She was GOOOOOOD! And her verbal skills were steller.
One time she did too good a job. I pulled some sort of gut muscle so bad....I couldn't get out of bed...I had to roll out!
Oh that was amazing!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[k-dubjumps 0]

A friend once told me that his friend was having sex with his significant other with the electric blanket on. guess there was a short in one of the wires or something because they both got slightly electricuted.

Adrenaline is my crack

DPH #3
D.S. #16 FAG #12 Muff Brother #4406

[ryoder 1,590]

I knew a couple who were having at it in the back seat of a car when they started smelling smoke.
It was an old VW Beetle with the battery under the back seat.
Their combined weight was pushing the seat springs down onto the battery terminals, shorting out the battery.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[theonlyski 8]

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A friend once told me that his friend was having sex with his significant other with the electric blanket on. guess there was a short in one of the wires or something because they both got slightly electricuted.

They said if you found the right person, sparks will fly.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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Also, I just remembered a story told to me by another skydiver.

One of his friends was making homemade salsa. Everything was chopped and on the stove in water. She figured she'd masturbate to kill some time waiting for the salsa to get cooking. Evidently you need to wash your hands several times and wear gloves after handling peppers before you touch your personal area. She said the burning was unlike anything she'd ever felt and she couldn't get it to stop! I think she ended up dousing her honey pot with milk or something, though I don't really remember.

You're supposed to cook homemade salsa? No shit.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[theonlyski 8]

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No shit.

Add more peppers.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message