A theory about "finding the right guy"

[Nataly 38]

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It's that the options presented thus far have been inadequate.

I'm sorry but I'm going to pick on you for a second.
But I get this often from the old ladies at my Yoga class.

OK, what do you think that Mr. Right is going to fall from the sky and music will start playing? This is life not some sort of Bollywood movie.
As my grandmother use to say "Fish don't just jump into your boat."

I think TriGirl probably just used the wrong choice of words... She somehow doesn't strike me as the kind of gal who literally sit back whilst men are presented to her!


ETA - I'm sorry, but I don't agree with your idea that the "normal" woman is fat, uneducated and hysterical.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ManagingPrime 0]

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Further more looking at the latest data regarding the US. If you are under a size 8 and have a minimum of a 4 year education and are not prone to screaming fits.....YOU ARE A HELL OF A CATCH!

LMAO!

Ok, this one qualifies!

+1

[shah269 0]

We are human. We are programed to get the most out of life with the least ammount of energy spent.
Given the choice of sitting and picking up what the tide brougth in OR going out and taking huge risks utilizing energy and catching Mr. Right.......
Most humans would save their energy and just go for what can be found on the sand.

But you just can't go out and harpoon every thing either. I know many a + sized girls who did that around graduation time of the engineering school.
And now are very unhappy. Why? Well they found a Mr.......but it wasn't right. They picked up Mr. Pussy Whipped. And what self respecting woman wants that? You want a partner not some guy who says yes and sorry every 30 seconds.

And I know a few guys who after a while just said "the hell with this" and went out and bought Ms......how do you say comes with an extended warantee in Russian? Are they happy? Sadly and I hate to say this because it does seem very sad....YEAH! Well for now anyways.

If you strip away the humanity of the situation and look at it as an economic / engineering problem it all starts getting very clear and very cold.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[turtlespeed 220]

I think Shah and Oly should hook up and go out on a date.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Amazon 7]

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This topic has circulated a number of times and keeps rearing its ugly head every time a single gal talks about the difficulties of "finding the right guy"...

So here is the myth: attractive girls can find a man without even batting an eyelash.

Ok, that is obviously exaggerated, but you get the idea...

Now, I'm sure that a beautiful woman probably *would* find more men interested in her, but ultimately, given each person is unique and has unique tastes, there should still be the same percentage of "suitable" soul-mates for attractive people as the uglies. The fact that an attractive person may have more suitors doesn't mean that those suitors are "suitable"...

You know, it's a bit like having satellite TV... Sure, there are more options, but what good is having 350 channels of crap telly when all you want is a really good movie?!!

So here is my theory... More choice does not equal more "Mr. Rights".

Any thoughts?

In my experience there is no Mr. Right, there are a few acceptable Mr. Right-now to be found because no matter how good he may look to you, somewhere some other woman is sick of putting up with his childish crap.
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[Amazon 7]

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Women don't find Mr. Right. They take some guy and turn him into Mr. Right.

I know women won't admit it, but they view every guy as a "fixer-upper."

Valinda was a tremendously good influence on me. I used to be very poor husband material.

Yeah but it appears that she did an amazingly good job.

[TriGirl 318]

You have to read the entire post. Did you not see the part about me asking guys out?

See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

[FreeflyChile 0]

Not aimed at you or anyone else specifically, but aside from looking at it from a purely statistical perspective, there's also the societal one:

If you took a poll of a group of women that are considered unattractive by societal standards and asked them if they thought looking prettier (i.e. if they could change something about their appearance to look better) would increase their chances of landing a guy they would consider Mr. Right and then you asked a group of women that are considered attractive by societal standards and asked them if they thought looking 'worse' (i.e, if they would prefer to make themselves 'uglier') would increase their chances of landing Mr Right, I bet the answers in both groups would be skewed heavily towards becoming pretty/maintaining pretty rather than maintaining ugly/becoming ugly. (I know this is statistics in the poll numbers - I meant getting away from the whole 'more attention = more changes' just by purely a numbers perspective and actually accounting for tastes in the real world)

It's not a secret that men are visual creatures - so while being pretty won't necessarily land Mr. Right, it increases the chances of making that initial connection or gathering that initial attention.

While not always fair or accurate, there are stereotypes that do exist for a reason...

[theonlyski 8]

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I think Shah and Oly should hook up and go out on a date.

+1

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Just giving you a hard time. That's my best picture too...it's small for a reason. Even in my best pic I'm still hideous.

My picture is the best one of me.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[OlympiaStoica 0]

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I stopped the "sitting around waiting" a few years ago - it hasn't helped me find "Mr. Right" (so far) and I've had many guys label me as "agressive".

O

Agressive.....I think that's how you girls see most of us guys. Thank you for taking the risk and choosing not to play this game and taking charge of your life. it takes huge guts to do what you did not many if any have the guts to do what you are doing. Bravo!
And now you know know how we guys feel on average.

When I met (and pursued) my current bf, he did tell me on several occasions "you are coming on too strong ... but I kind of like it". I sensed he was torn by his feelings on this one – he was thought that he should be the “pursuer” … and was rather uncomfortable being pursued.

We ended up together (6 months and counting), so it worked out alright in the end
O

[shah269 0]

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You have to read the entire post. Did you not see the part about me asking guys out?

I read it as, "I'm not affraid of asking guys out....." and i took that as, yeah I do it....after he has said hi.

But yeah, as my grandmother use to say "God gave you eyes didn't he?"
So yeah guys are more likely going to talk to a good looking girl than one who doesn't fit the cookie cutter immage of good looking.
And you girls are more likely going to talk to the taller guy regardless of how close to Mr. Right he may be.

Like I said, don't dig too deep. Better to not know and to be amazed in the end then to know and feel as if it's all a game that has gone bad.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[livendive 8]

Imagine two girls with similar employment, attitudes on life, interests, morals, etc, but with a substantial difference in their physical appearance, one being substantially prettier than the other.

Imagine two guys who are similarly employed, physically attractive, share the same interests, morals etc, but let one of them place more value on physical beauty than the other.

The pretty girl is suitable for both of them, the plain girl only has a shot with one.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Nataly 38]

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Imagine two girls with similar employment, attitudes on life, interests, morals, etc, but with a substantial difference in their physical appearance, one being substantially prettier than the other.

Imagine two guys who are similarly employed, physically attractive, share the same interests, morals etc, but let one of them place more value on physical beauty than the other.

The pretty girl is suitable for both of them, the plain girl only has a shot with one.

Blues,
Dave

Ok, but the shot she is missing out on is shallow, so is she really missing out??!

And besides.. What's to say that either girl is compatible with either boy and vice-versa??

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ryoder 1,590]

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And besides.. What's to say that either girl is compatible with either boy and vice-versa??

Good point.
Maybe the girls would be most compatible with each other.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Remster 30]

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I stopped the "sitting around waiting" a few years ago - it hasn't helped me find "Mr. Right" (so far) and I've had many guys label me as "agressive".

Well, as long as you still respect us in the morning...

You'd still be happy if she humiliated you in the morning...

Remster

[Nataly 38]

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Not aimed at you or anyone else specifically, but aside from looking at it from a purely statistical perspective, there's also the societal one:

If you took a poll of a group of women that are considered unattractive by societal standards and asked them if they thought looking prettier (i.e. if they could change something about their appearance to look better) would increase their chances of landing a guy they would consider Mr. Right and then you asked a group of women that are considered attractive by societal standards and asked them if they thought looking 'worse' (i.e, if they would prefer to make themselves 'uglier') would increase their chances of landing Mr Right, I bet the answers in both groups would be skewed heavily towards becoming pretty/maintaining pretty rather than maintaining ugly/becoming ugly. (I know this is statistics in the poll numbers - I meant getting away from the whole 'more attention = more changes' just by purely a numbers perspective and actually accounting for tastes in the real world)

It's not a secret that men are visual creatures - so while being pretty won't necessarily land Mr. Right, it increases the chances of making that initial connection or gathering that initial attention.

While not always fair or accurate, there are stereotypes that do exist for a reason...

This post is the one that most made me question my assumptions, and it's because you reversed the argument for me! Nice one

Although I *do* still think that finding a compatible mate can be hard for everyone. And I think it's harder if you're socially inept than if you're "ugly". Although this would be difficult to prove or analyse fairly/accurately. But just as a case in point: lots of "ugly" people do find great partners and lots of "attractive" people don't. Although I'm not sure whether attractive people on average fair better at finding "true love".. I'm not even sure how you would measure "true love"!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[billvon 2,990]

>So here is the myth: attractive girls can find a man without even batting
>an eyelash.

Not if they never venture outside. And even if they do, they may be able to find "a man" - but often women don't want someone whose sole qualification is a Y chromosome.

>So here is my theory... More choice does not equal more "Mr. Rights".

More potential choices does indeed equal more "Mr. Rights" assuming that they are about equally represented in both large and small populations of potential mates.

But that's a very different question than "do beautiful women have more opportunities than ugly women?" Because a great many things go into how many potential mates you are exposed to.

No matter what you look like, if you never go out your front door, you will never meet anyone.

No matter what you look like, if you reject every guy who wants to talk to you, you'll never meet anyone.

If you are good looking, and hang out in a typical bar, you'll get more guys who try to talk to you. That may expose you to more potential mates - but they may not be from the subset you describe as "Mr. Rights" (from here out abbreviated as MR's.)

No matter what you look like, if you go out to social situations more often (bars, parties, whatever) you get exposed to more potential mates. But again, you may not get exposed to a population that includes a lot of MR's.

On the other hand, if you know what kind of subset you're looking for, you can stack the odds in your favor. If you want someone who's physically active, going to a gym, doing triathlons, taking yoga courses etc can help preselect that population that's going to have more MR's in them. If you want someone smart, taking graduate courses, helping out at museums, going to talks on science and math topics etc is going to help. If you're into skydiving and want your mate to be as well, a DZ is a good place to hang out.

[livendive 8]

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Imagine two girls with similar employment, attitudes on life, interests, morals, etc, but with a substantial difference in their physical appearance, one being substantially prettier than the other.

Imagine two guys who are similarly employed, physically attractive, share the same interests, morals etc, but let one of them place more value on physical beauty than the other.

The pretty girl is suitable for both of them, the plain girl only has a shot with one.

Blues,
Dave

Ok, but the shot she is missing out on is shallow, so is she really missing out??!

And besides.. What's to say that either girl is compatible with either boy and vice-versa??

I don't think a preference for physical beauty makes someone shallow all by itself. However my point still stands that a pretty girl has all of the opportunities of an ugly girl, plus others that the ugly girl does not.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Smirniof 0]

Dear Girls,

I just wanna point a few things:

1) Being dead gorgeous on the outside only makes you attractive to a guy till you open your mouth. We guys like to watch a beautiful woman ... but prefer to make love to one who is naughty .

2) Sometimes the perfect guy is right in front of you ... trying hard to get your attention and you ignore him .

3) You can be dead gorgeous or dead ugly ... if you don't know how to seduce a guy ... you won't get any.

4) Sometimes guys try harder to please you and find things in commun with you , but eventualy they get tired of trying and they give up. Only way to know a person is to be honest and to live with him for a while.

These are my 2 cents ...

Mircea

[Nataly 38]

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However my point still stands that a pretty girl has all of the opportunities of an ugly girl, plus others that the ugly girl does not.

Blues,
Dave

That's my original premise as well, except that I'm going one further and stating that more opportunities doesn't mean more Mr. Rights.

Although there have been lots of good points against my theory (and lots in favour and lots of good side arguments as well).

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[DFWAJG 4]

Of course if she sees someone she's interested in and makes the first move, all this is moot


Guys just run away when the woman initiates.

[ManagingPrime 0]

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That's my original premise as well, except that I'm going one further and stating that more opportunities doesn't mean more Mr. Rights.

Am I correct in assuming that the consensus is that while more opportunities does not mean more Mr. Rights there is a positive correlation between number or opportunities and number of Mr. Rights?

Kind of like saying, while having money cannot buy happiness it can present more opportunities to pursue activities (formula 1 car racing, world travel at 5 star resorts, etc., etc.) that could lead to ones happiness.

[Nataly 38]

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That's my original premise as well, except that I'm going one further and stating that more opportunities doesn't mean more Mr. Rights.

Am I correct in assuming that the consensus is that while more opportunities does not mean more Mr. Rights there is a positive correlation between number or opportunities and number of Mr. Rights?

Kind of like saying, while having money cannot buy happiness it can present more opportunities to pursue activities (formula 1 car racing, world travel at 5 star resorts, etc., etc.) that could lead to ones happiness.

Well, I have to (grudgingly) accept that this seems to be the case!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Bolas 5]

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Of course if she sees someone she's interested in and makes the first move, all this is moot


Guys just run away when the woman initiates.

Not all but the kind of single guy that runs when the woman initiates obviously isn't right for the kind of women that do or is uninterested for another reason.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[Nataly 38]

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Of course if she sees someone she's interested in and makes the first move, all this is moot


Guys just run away when the woman initiates.

Not all but the kind of single guy that runs when the woman initiates obviously isn't right for the kind of women that do or is uninterested for another reason.

I agree.. It takes a strong man to like a strong woman! Very strong people are rare, so it seems normal to me to hear that women who come on strong will often get a bad reaction from men.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss