Engaged, but...

[madhatter 0]

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Turtle is right - how can we make this assessment unless we can see how hot she is (or is not)?

Nah, Turtle wanted boobies 'cause that's what the Bonfire needs.

I think she's hot, but looks aren't what a relationship should be based on anyway. So there.

Maybe I did the classic thing of asking a question merely to get justification for what I already though was the answer. I just needed to get a reasonably anonymous, i.e. pretty objective, view on my situation.

Come to think of it, posting my side of things asking others for advice is still pretty subjective, no?

Either way, I realise we need to have a serious sit down to figure out where we're going and if it's going to make both of us happy in the long run.

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
D.S # 125

[skyrider 0]

44 to 1, help ya make up your mind?

[madhatter 0]

The poll pretty much echos my feelings, but it's still tough having to make such a decision if there's so many things that are nice.

As I implied in an earlier post, I think I just needed affirmation that I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to sit with such an issue and perhaps I was just too much a coward to trust my own instincts.

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
D.S # 125

[airtwardo 7]

Save yourself some time and just give her 1/2 your stuff and start sleeping in the car.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Southern_Man 0]

Ultmatums are the death knell of any relationship. Regardless of the outcome it sets up unhealthy relationship dynamics.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[SkyDekker 1,465]

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The time out thing doesn't really suit her - tried it for a week and I got the engagement/break up ultimatim.

find your balls and get rid of her.

[nanook 1]

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44 to 1, help ya make up your mind?

Nope, 45 to 0. I'm not good with that clicky-the-right-place thingy. That's why I don't work on ballistic missile boats.

_____________________________

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

[dgskydive 0]

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She had 2 previous relationships in the year after her divorce, both about 2-3 months, so I must admit the thought has crossed my mind that she might be in a hurry to find a replacement father...

BIG RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!! She was waving that flag like there is no tomorrow. Sounds like she may NEED a man in her life.

Dom

[Quincy 0]

Madhatter...

Here is the easiest way to test your question. Out of all you posted ... what was POSITIVE about the relationship >>> that you shared in the post<<<...???... How much was negative/concern/worry?

There's your answer...

[billeisele 130]

she needs some counseling, if she refuses - chop

if you stay with her without her getting counseling, then you'll need some too

then after all that you'll have alimony and child support to pay

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.

[Nataly 38]

I'm picking up a lot of red flags.. That you loved her for 6 years whilst she was married to someone else is one of them.. You may not have said anything, but I'm sure she knew you liked her. It just strikes me as a very imbalanced way to start a relationship..

Pressuring someone into anything is usually a bad sign. There are exceptions.. But *usually* it's a bad sign.

She's tired of struggling and not spending money?? Doesn't she have her own money to spend? It's called being a grown-up and not spending more than you have.. She shouldn't resent you for how you choose to invest *your* money. She's a big girl, she can make her own money and spend that.

She is jealous? After knowing you for 7+ years? Not good.

All in all, I'm not hearing a whole lot of positives here.. Maybe it's because you were frustrated when you posted.. But so far it doesn't sound good..

At the very least, you need to talk to her.. *Really* talk to her. Even if all of this is misinterpretation on your part, things will not improve if you guys don't communicate.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[TriGirl 318]

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Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

You started dating four months ago. She is fairly recently divorced. She pressured you into an engagement. She is already claiming she isn't getting enough _______________ (fill in the blank). She is jealous of your business and clients.

Other than your infatuation with her, you didn't have one positive thing to say about this woman.

Decision made. Consider it rubber stamped.

+1 (or whatever number we're up to). Been there, done that. Luckily, I listened to similar warnings from others and cut away before it was too late.

To look at it from another angle: you had this perfect image of her for so long, that it's tough to see the real situation. However, as noted by others here, the details you chose to post (and those you did not post) speak volumes about where you really are in this situation.

See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

[3331 137]

Your the rebound boyfriend that's supposed to make her ex jealous.
You've known her for 7 years but don't know her.

Listen to the voices of experience---get out now !

I Jumped with the guys who invented Skydiving.

[SARLDO 0]

Sounds to me that your infatuation over a long period of time is clouding your senses. If you saw this (her) behavior in your best friends significant other, what would you say to him?

Remember the old saying: If you love somthing, set it free. If it returns it is yours, if not, it never was (or somthing like that).

Try teling her you need a little break. It will hurt, no question if you really love her, but better to hurt a little now, than to continue in a relationship that to the rest of us, sounds doomed to fail.

Good luck.

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" ~Samuel Clemens

MB#4300
Dudeist Skydiver #68

[happythoughts 0]

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9 out of 10 comments seem to be how she's tired of struggling and not being able to enjoy her life.

"I'm looking for a sponsor for my financial wishes"

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Our engagement was also 90% due to pressure - either get engaged or break up.

"I wasn't all that excited about the prospect" and now it is worse.

What I read.

[madhatter 0]

Yup, I was pretty frustrated when posting and also a few beers strong. Reading my original post I can see how negative it reads. There're many good things in the relationship, but the problems listed are 100% accurate.

As for misinterpretation and the communication - we've had quite a few sit downs and discussions, mostly about her jealousy. She IS trying to curb her reactions, but it still surfaces every so often.

Her negativity re finances and her quality of life and her discrimination when it comes to children are the biggest hurdles. She feels that blood is the key - her child will never be *our* child.

The recurring advice in this thread is communication and cooling things down for a bit - I think that'll be the basis for this weekend's chat and I'll just have to take it from there.

Thanks to all for the advice!

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
D.S # 125

[theonlyski 8]

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Save yourself some time and just give her 1/2 your stuff and start sleeping in the car.

Sell the car, buy a few hundred block tickets and a tent...

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[ridestrong 1]

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I've been infatuated with her for 7 years and can honestly say I've grown to love her, but it just seems that what I saw before and got to know shortly after we started dating is completely different to what I'm sharing now. Our engagement was also 90% due to pressure - either get engaged or break up.

Damn man... that's tough. Part of me is rooting for you to work it out, and the other part thinks you will probably be happier with someone more understanding of your situation. The last sentence in your statement above is the most concerning... better to break it off now than drag out something you feel resent about... next you'll find your self married just trying to fix a failing engagement.

Good luck man...

*I am not afraid of dying... I am afraid of missing life.*
----Disclaimer: I don't know shit about skydiving.----

[piisfish 140]

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Save yourself some time and just give her 1/2 your stuff and start sleeping in the car.

Sell the car, buy a few hundred block tickets and a tent...

AND also post the boobies

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[sinjin 0]

there are so many amazing women out there, that dont have the concerns you have with your fiancee. Listen to the things in your head telling you this is wrong. No matter what you think you have invested. Walk away. No talks or communication is going to change her jealousy or distrust of your ability to love her child. Assume that nothing will change, are u willing to live in the current situation for the rest of your life ? If you decide to stay with her, assume that nothing will change for the better.

dont let life pass you by

[skyrider 0]

WOW, Is this poll one for the record books?

94 cutaway's, 2 Hang in's! and one of those two said they voted that way by Mistake! making it 95 to 1!

[mrwrong 0]

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- I recently opened a wine bar, part of a dream that's been coming almost 10 years. Now I'm not available to give constant attention, spend all her free time with her and there's extreme jealousy regarding the female clients that come to the bar. Quick side note - I've been in sales for 7 years - clients aren't always right, but I always try to keep them happy. Now, just because I smile at someone whilst chatting to them, I would rather be sleeping with them... WTF?

- I'm financially over extended due to starting up a new business, so we can't go out as often as she'd like, or go shopping as we did a few months ago. 9 out of 10 comments seem to be how she's tired of struggling and not being able to enjoy her life.

First of all mate, I'm sorry to hear this.
And I'm sorry I voted "Get the hell outta there!" but here is my reasons.

First of all.... The jealousy... Do you honestly believe that will improove and she will become less jealous?
Second.... You are "financially over extended"... And she have a problem with you not taking her out as often as you did before... Sorry mate but she sounds like a spoiled teen....

I truly believe that you should let this one go.... ASAP...

“The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.” - George Bernard Shaw
He who dies with the most toys, wins.....
dudeist skydiver # 19515
Buy quality and cry once!

[madhatter 0]

Well, you saw the roller coaster relationship thing on Facebook, now you know why things were so confusing...

So I guess my next question becomes how do I bow out gracefully? Is there really such a thing as letting someone down softly?

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
D.S # 125

[Southern_Man 0]

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So I guess my next question becomes how do I bow out gracefully? Is there really such a thing as letting someone down softly?

Just be honest with her. Tell her it is not working, tell her why it is not working. Don't be cruel or excessively critical but give her enough information to allow her to have some self-reflection and perhaps learn from the experience (if she is capable fo that).

Tell her you wish her the best. Either move out or stay away and minimize contact for a while. Be polite but don't engage in dramatics. If she is rational and wants to talk, etc. then you can but don't do a ton of this early on, too painful and can become a tar baby.

You cannot control how she will react but if you are truthful that is all you can do. She definitely sounds like she has some major drama queen potential. Good luck.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[airtwardo 7]

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Well, you saw the roller coaster relationship thing on Facebook, now you know why things were so confusing...

So I guess my next question becomes how do I bow out gracefully? Is there really such a thing as letting someone down softly?

Tell her you're Gay.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~