NWFlyer 2 #51 July 15, 2010 QuoteOK … and now that I took the time to read the whole thing, I can’t quite relate to what has become a main theme in the debate -- him paying for dinner … than chastise you for it … than you chastise him for being “cheap”. I really don’t get this … even on a date, I always offer to pay half of the tab … and I’d say about 90% of the time they take me up on it. Problem solved … out the door goes the reason to even have this conversation. What am I missing? O I'm with you on this one ... you definitely offer to split the tab. Even if it's not accepted, offering is the right thing to do. That said, there are SO many signs that this guy is passive-aggressive, including throwing the money back in Karen's face. Move on, Karen. Passive-aggressive people are a drain on your life."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #52 July 15, 2010 QuoteQuoteOK … and now that I took the time to read the whole thing, I can’t quite relate to what has become a main theme in the debate -- him paying for dinner … than chastise you for it … than you chastise him for being “cheap”. I really don’t get this … even on a date, I always offer to pay half of the tab … and I’d say about 90% of the time they take me up on it. Problem solved … out the door goes the reason to even have this conversation. What am I missing? O I'm with you on this one ... you definitely offer to split the tab. Even if it's not accepted, offering is the right thing to do. That said, there are SO many signs that this guy is passive-aggressive, including throwing the money back in Karen's face. Move on, Karen. Passive-aggressive people are a drain on your life. I agree. I think she's already moved on, but his behavior is an obvious red flag."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtnesbitt 0 #53 July 15, 2010 Not defending this guy...because he clearly has issues, but i thought I might post something i learned recently. One of the satellite radio stations i listen to has a show for guys by guys about dating. Basically these guys teach classes all over the world, have several books, a tv show, and a radio show. They are definitely the most popular dating coaches for guys in the US right now. The thing they always do first is establish what the guy is looking for...whether its a fling, a FWB, or someone looking for a serious relationship. I was shocked to hear some of the things they teach to guys looking for serious relationships. One of the things they say over and over is becareful with money, even if you have lots of it. They are constantly coaching guys to find out if the woman is willing to reciprocate the spending, because if they are thats a great sign they really are into you and not just looking for a fling or free meals/drinks. The only reason I bring this up is because the guy k-dub went out with specifically mentioned 2 examples these coaches use all the time. Basically they were probing questions/actions but he totally fucked up the delivery making them completely offensive. One of the things i always hear them talk about is "If you buy a drink for a girl, drink it slow, let her finish first and see what happens. If you both run out, excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes and see if she bought you a new one or offers when you come back. Repeat if necessary unil you get a feel for her." Another is "If you take a girl on an expensive date,a nd you want to go out again, suggest something low key like cooking or a night in." These tactics are geared towards letting the guy know if the girl is really interested in him or not. Unfortunately in this case this guy obviously has some other issues and jacked these strategies all up."If this post needs to be moderated I would prefer it to be completly removed and not edited and butchered into a disney movie" - DorkZone Hero Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #54 July 15, 2010 Quote I actually disagree with you for once John!!! I think it depends what you're looking for. If you're looking for the kind of girl who will be impressed by money and expects to be maintained, you will have to spend a lot on a first date. And you think I would ever want one of those? I have gone out with those, and they were unimpressed with me. Quote the rest of us can go on getting to know our dates over a cheap meal! One of the many reasons why we love you, N@. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #55 July 15, 2010 Quote Quote Quote Quote Dinner wasn't that much (for Monterey, CA). I think his 75 bucks included the tip or is a little exaggerated. My entree was a whole whopping $18, plus a salad Um, excuse me?? I live in London, which is supposed to be one of the most expensive cities in the world and there is NO WAY IN HELL I would pay $18 bucks on a starter. That *is* a lot of money. Do ya atleast park the car after the drive thru? Well, I did once take a date to the OXO tower, and that cost like £200, but it was a BIG occasion (for me), and I invited him, so I paid. But I do think $18 for a starter, for a first date.. Well, that's a lot to invest in a stranger. That's where my future boss took my wife and I when they were courting me to take a job with them... I remember doing the math: "so, this 8 pound soup is a 20 CAN$ soup??? and I want to move here??? lol" PS: Nat, when the OP said "entree" they meant main course. That's what the yanks call main courses.... PPS: anyone want to ask me how much our meal at Joel Robuchon in Vegas was? Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmills0705 0 #56 July 15, 2010 QuoteOK … and now that I took the time to read the whole thing, I can’t quite relate to what has become a main theme in the debate -- him paying for dinner … than chastise you for it … than you chastise him for being “cheap”. I really don’t get this … even on a date, I always offer to pay half of the tab … and I’d say about 90% of the time they take me up on it. Problem solved … out the door goes the reason to even have this conversation. What am I missing? O I do the same thing. I always offer to pay half. If it was a get together with my friends or co-workers that I invited him to, I would be pretty insistent on paying. "Who pays the bill" can be a sticky situation. I agree with John and think a first date should be low key. Here is what I like to do on a first date: mountain biking on a local trail or long walk on a similar trail or pack some sandwiches and bottle of wine and go for a picnic somewhere. Oh yeah - wine tasting at a local winery is fun. All of the above are very low cost and make it very casual - which is what I like.Kim Mills USPA D21696 Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #57 July 15, 2010 The first date could definitely be low key, but even then I would pick up the tab, regardless of who asked whom out, if she offered, etc. If your date offers, it's a nice gesture, and somewhat unexpected (at least in my experience.) But if after several dates, your date still acts like it's expected of you to pick up the tab, doesn't offer even once to split the tab, and more importantly doesn't even say thank you (a simple 'thank you for the drinks/food/etc' isn't too much to ask is it?), that makes me wary. I dated someone for 2 months, and in that time she paid once for a coffee for both of us. After two months, that could've given me a clue, but the straw that broke my back was when we went to Philly to meet some friends for an art show, and I casually said "Why don't I pay for the museum tickets and you cover the lunch?" to which she says "Now, you know that I think the guy should pay for everything all the time." As soon as we returned from Philly, I dropped her off at home, said goodnight and goodbye, and went home. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k-dubjumps 0 #58 July 15, 2010 QuoteQuoteOK … and now that I took the time to read the whole thing, I can’t quite relate to what has become a main theme in the debate -- him paying for dinner … than chastise you for it … than you chastise him for being “cheap”. I really don’t get this … even on a date, I always offer to pay half of the tab … and I’d say about 90% of the time they take me up on it. Problem solved … out the door goes the reason to even have this conversation. What am I missing? O I'm with you on this one ... you definitely offer to split the tab. Even if it's not accepted, offering is the right thing to do. That said, there are SO many signs that this guy is passive-aggressive, including throwing the money back in Karen's face. Move on, Karen. Passive-aggressive people are a drain on your life. I didn't get into any of the details of paying for the tab, but he made a point to make it clear he was paying for dinner. I have no problem offering to pay my share and do, but in this situation it wasn't appropriate. The restaurant choice was also up to him. I let him know what the options were and the price range of each of them. I would have been fine with eating bar food at the pub and told him so. Later when we were at trivia I had one cider, he had two and got up and paid the waitress before she ever brought the check to the table (without my knowing). Had the check ever made it to the table, I would have totally paid for it unless he objected. It was also my intent to insist on paying the next time (I just hadn't had the opportunity to communicate that yet). I just thought it was flat out rude that he asked me (several times) by text first thing the next day if I would be paying next time or not. I never ask several days prior to a date who will be picking up the tab. I always assume I will be paying for my share. My issue wasn't with his being cheap. I meant that remark in humor. My issue was with his rudeness and behavior in general. Seriously, he complained because by 10:30 the next morning I hadn't already offered to pay for the next date. Just plain rude.Adrenaline is my crack DPH #3 D.S. #16 FAG #12 Muff Brother #4406 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmills0705 0 #59 July 15, 2010 QuoteNot defending this guy...because he clearly has issues, but i thought I might post something i learned recently. One of the satellite radio stations i listen to has a show for guys by guys about dating. Basically these guys teach classes all over the world, have several books, a tv show, and a radio show. They are definitely the most popular dating coaches for guys in the US right now. The thing they always do first is establish what the guy is looking for...whether its a fling, a FWB, or someone looking for a serious relationship. I was shocked to hear some of the things they teach to guys looking for serious relationships. One of the things they say over and over is becareful with money, even if you have lots of it. They are constantly coaching guys to find out if the woman is willing to reciprocate the spending, because if they are thats a great sign they really are into you and not just looking for a fling or free meals/drinks. The only reason I bring this up is because the guy k-dub went out with specifically mentioned 2 examples these coaches use all the time. Basically they were probing questions/actions but he totally fucked up the delivery making them completely offensive. One of the things i always hear them talk about is "If you buy a drink for a girl, drink it slow, let her finish first and see what happens. If you both run out, excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes and see if she bought you a new one or offers when you come back. Repeat if necessary unil you get a feel for her." Another is "If you take a girl on an expensive date,a nd you want to go out again, suggest something low key like cooking or a night in." These tactics are geared towards letting the guy know if the girl is really interested in him or not. Unfortunately in this case this guy obviously has some other issues and jacked these strategies all up. Hey Jesse, I have mixed feelings on listening to those types of shows with dating advice. The thing is the completely over generalize stuff. What works for me may not work for others. Some guys may be old fashion and insist on paying. There are just so many variables. I initially try to look for basic compatibility stuff and then move on to stuff like is he cheap and wants me to pay for everything (yes, I have had that happen). Dating is not easy!Kim Mills USPA D21696 Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtnesbitt 0 #60 July 15, 2010 It's actually Joe, but whatever ;) No I agree totally. In fact, K-dubs date is a classic example of coaching or self help gone wrong. This guy apparently researched it, then fucked up the application or it didnt even apply at all. As you mentioned each situation is unique."If this post needs to be moderated I would prefer it to be completly removed and not edited and butchered into a disney movie" - DorkZone Hero Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #61 July 15, 2010 Quote have been with my wife 33 years..and we haven't spoke "that much".... Dude That was funny.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #62 July 15, 2010 God what a dork...and this is coming from me so....you do the math. I PAY for dinner #1. Always have always will. It's how my mom raised me. And it's ever any place expensive. $60 max. And it's not like I make a big deal out of it, waiter comes over I look at the bill really quick, give him the bill + my CC and say thank you. He comes back I sign and then we talk about date #2. 50/50 on date two, which I let her choose location and everything she offers to pay. Now again I'm not that kind of a guy so I say, "Ok I'll pay for dinner if you leave tip." Now why would a guy like me do that? You can tell allot about a woman by the way she drinks her coffee, orders or stake and calculates her tip. If she sips, well done and does the math.....I'm sorry thank you for playing. If she enjoys her coffee, medium to medium rare and just says "I liked how nice she/he was and the food was good!" and puts down $15.....well then little missy you are now invited on to date three where Shah makes you dinner and French Toast.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 8 #63 July 15, 2010 I would let you pay anytime! "I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,016 #64 July 15, 2010 >anyone want to ask me how much our meal at Joel Robuchon in Vegas was? Not me! OTOH, I once had a $3500 dinner in Vegas. Another company _really_ wanted our business . . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #65 July 15, 2010 QuoteI really don’t get this … even on a date, I always offer to pay half of the tab … and I’d say about 90% of the time they take me up on it. I think I am way old school. I love it when someone offers to pay half. I think it shows good character. However I cant remember taking someone up on it. I rather not take someone out if I cant pay (on a date). I don’t expect anything back either I don’t look at it as I am buying you. I just think dudes pay or stay the fuck home or find something cheeper to do. The main things is to see if you like each other and have chemistry to move forward. For the record i am in no way rich.......and now we know why LOLI'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #66 July 15, 2010 QuoteOk, how many guys at your DZ? How many single half way decent live close to you have a good job and understand your love of the sport guys are at your DZ? I'm willing to bet at least one! Sometimes it's better not to date people at your home dz.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #67 July 15, 2010 QuoteI once had a $3500 dinner in Vegas WTF. Was it Persian caviar with grilled bald eagle?I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #68 July 15, 2010 Quote>anyone want to ask me how much our meal at Joel Robuchon in Vegas was? Not me! OTOH, I once had a $3500 dinner in Vegas. Another company _really_ wanted our business . . . Oh.. I had much bigger bills before, but none that I paid for instead of expensing it!!!!Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #69 July 15, 2010 Quote Quote OK … and now that I took the time to read the whole thing, I can’t quite relate to what has become a main theme in the debate -- him paying for dinner … than chastise you for it … than you chastise him for being “cheap”. I really don’t get this … even on a date, I always offer to pay half of the tab … and I’d say about 90% of the time they take me up on it. Problem solved … out the door goes the reason to even have this conversation. What am I missing? O I do the same thing. I always offer to pay half. If it was a get together with my friends or co-workers that I invited him to, I would be pretty insistent on paying. "Who pays the bill" can be a sticky situation. I agree with John and think a first date should be low key. Here is what I like to do on a first date: mountain biking on a local trail or long walk on a similar trail or pack some sandwiches and bottle of wine and go for a picnic somewhere. Oh yeah - wine tasting at a local winery is fun. All of the above are very low cost and make it very casual - which is what I like. Hope you aren't going into the woods first thing with people you meet on dating sites. Stick to public places with lots of people around as there are lots of crazies out there and it can be hard to tell just via emails, phone, and text.Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #70 July 15, 2010 QuoteQuoteI once had a $3500 dinner in Vegas WTF. Was it Persian caviar with grilled bald eagle? Wine can get _very_expensive!Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,016 #71 July 15, 2010 >WTF. Was it Persian caviar with grilled bald eagle? No, but there were a few $600 bottles of wine. (8 of us) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #72 July 15, 2010 Quote Quote Ok, how many guys at your DZ? How many single half way decent live close to you have a good job and understand your love of the sport guys are at your DZ? I'm willing to bet at least one! Sometimes it's better not to date people at your home dz. One of the reasons I don't have a home dz. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #73 July 15, 2010 Oh yes the alcohol............For some reason I just thought food and forgot the very expansive bottles of wine. Did it work, did they get your business?I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #74 July 15, 2010 Quote No, but there were a few $600 bottles of wine. (8 of us) I'm glad I don't have a $600 palate. Two buck Chuck goes fine with my cookin'. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #75 July 15, 2010 Quote I would let you pay anytime! It's fine with me. Up to date two. Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
