So my daughter found her mother..

[Snowwhite 0]

In 79 Streaker and I adopted the most wonderful little creature. She is 30 this year, and finally decided to look for her biological mother. We have always encouraged her to be open to her biomom, and so she mentioned it to her mother in law who works for the IRS. Mom in law looked up about 30 years of records and found bio mom.
Soooo,, my question is to anyone who is adopted, or is related to, or knows anyone who is adopted, or has given up someone for adoption.

I want to be really open to, and show my thanks to this person who made such an incredible sacrifice for me and my family, but I don't want to overwhelm her. I would love to spend some time showing her old pictures. and would love to have everyone in our family write a one word impression of what our daughter was like at age 5, or 10 so this wonderful lady would be able to be a part of the 30 years that she missed.

Do you think I am putting too much into this? or do you think I should do more?

Perhaps I am just a little close to the situation, and a little too emotional, since I have wondered about this day for the last 30 years.

skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com

[mnealtx 0]

I'm guessing that you're going with your daughter to meet her?

If so...I would say to let the bio-mom set the pace, but make the offer to show her all the growing-up stuff.

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[CSpenceFLY 1]

I'm thinking you should wait to see how things go before making alot of plans. You know nothing about this person. Might not be someone you want to spend alot of time with. Take it slow.

[theonlyski 8]

Quote

In 79 Streaker and I adopted the most wonderful little creature. She is 30 this year, and finally decided to look for her biological mother. We have always encouraged her to be open to her biomom, and so she mentioned it to her mother in law who works for the IRS.Mom in law looked up about 30 years of records and found bio mom.
Soooo,, my question is to anyone who is adopted, or is related to, or knows anyone who is adopted, or has given up someone for adoption.

I want to be really open to, and show my thanks to this person who made such an incredible sacrifice for me and my family, but I don't want to overwhelm her. I would love to spend some time showing her old pictures. and would love to have everyone in our family write a one word impression of what our daughter was like at age 5, or 10 so this wonderful lady would be able to be a part of the 30 years that she missed.

Do you think I am putting too much into this? or do you think I should do more?

Perhaps I am just a little close to the situation, and a little too emotional, since I have wondered about this day for the last 30 years.

Purty sure thats illegal there champ

go with it, relax and dont get stressed, its a huge deal for your daughter, possibly more than you could imagine

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[Snowwhite 0]

Quote

Quote

In 79 Streaker and I adopted the most wonderful little creature. She is 30 this year, and finally decided to look for her biological mother. We have always encouraged her to be open to her biomom, and so she mentioned it to her mother in law who works for the IRS.Mom in law looked up about 30 years of records and found bio mom.
Soooo,, my question is to anyone who is adopted, or is related to, or knows anyone who is adopted, or has given up someone for adoption.

I want to be really open to, and show my thanks to this person who made such an incredible sacrifice for me and my family, but I don't want to overwhelm her. I would love to spend some time showing her old pictures. and would love to have everyone in our family write a one word impression of what our daughter was like at age 5, or 10 so this wonderful lady would be able to be a part of the 30 years that she missed.

Do you think I am putting too much into this? or do you think I should do more?

Perhaps I am just a little close to the situation, and a little too emotional, since I have wondered about this day for the last 30 years.

Purty sure thats illegal there champ

go with it, relax and dont get stressed, its a huge deal for your daughter, possibly more than you could imagine

Yea, I wasn't impressed with her use of "confidential" materials, and nobody in our family asked her to do it, she just decided she had the time and the computer to make it happen, so she did. That's a whole 'nother story!

Our daughter has already met her bio mom for a weekend, and now biomom is coming to spend 5 days here with all of us. And there are ALOT of us, so it's going to be fairly overwhelming just from that standpoint!

skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

I know a few folks that have adopted, or given up for adoption.

Take it slow. If the woman has no other kids, this will be overwhelming. Even if she has other kids, this will be overwhelming.

Let her set the pace and level. Let her know you are grateful and are willing to show and tell how wonderful her daughter is and how much she has meant to you, but let her decide how much and how fast.

Trying to shove 30 years of her baby's life into a day, week or even a month would be too much.

So take it slow.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[Shell666 0]

Quote

I know a few folks that have adopted, or given up for adoption.

Take it slow. If the woman has no other kids, this will be overwhelming. Even if she has other kids, this will be overwhelming.

Let her set the pace and level. Let her know you are grateful and are willing to show and tell how wonderful her daughter is and how much she has meant to you, but let her decide how much and how fast.

Trying to shove 30 years of her baby's life into a day, week or even a month would be too much.

So take it slow.

What he said. Take it slow and whatever happens, happens.

Let her decide what she can handle.

But thanking her for all she has given you is really cool! Do it on the side and let her set the pace.

Good luck! It's really sweet that you're so open to this. Some parents aren't.

'Shell

[skyrider 0]

Quote

In 79 Streaker and I adopted the most wonderful little creature. She is 30 this year, and finally decided to look for her biological mother. We have always encouraged her to be open to her biomom, and so she mentioned it to her mother in law who works for the IRS. Mom in law looked up about 30 years of records and found bio mom.
Soooo,, my question is to anyone who is adopted, or is related to, or knows anyone who is adopted, or has given up someone for adoption.

I want to be really open to, and show my thanks to this person who made such an incredible sacrifice for me and my family, but I don't want to overwhelm her. I would love to spend some time showing her old pictures. and would love to have everyone in our family write a one word impression of what our daughter was like at age 5, or 10 so this wonderful lady would be able to be a part of the 30 years that she missed.

Do you think I am putting too much into this? or do you think I should do more?

Perhaps I am just a little close to the situation, and a little too emotional, since I have wondered about this day for the last 30 years.

I am adopted..You are asking far too much for a public forum, I would be happy to talk to you by PM

In general...the Bio mother, does NOT want to know too much, it only makes them feel worse, They DO want to know their child has a good life...IF they ask for more...THEN tell them...to tell them more without them asking...could put a pistol in thier ,mouth...(for the life they threw away) it is a slippery slpo at best!

[futuredivot 0]

Likewise-as an adoptee, and one who has contact with the lady who gave birth to me-Give me a shout via PM and we can chat about it.

You are only as strong as the prey you devour

[peregrinerose 0]

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In general...the Bio mother, does NOT want to know too much, it only makes them feel worse, They DO want to know their child has a good life...IF they ask for more...THEN tell them...to tell them more without them asking...could put a pistol in thier ,mouth...(for the life they threw away) it is a slippery slpo at best!

I'm not sure where your 'in general' comment comes from, as the bmom's I know vary all over the place with what they want or expect from the relationship. There is no consensus there, as every person is different.

To OP... let your daughter and her bmom set the pace of everything. There's going to be a rollercoaster of emotions on both of their parts. Right now, focus on supporting your daughter, listening to her, and reassuring her. You have a lot of years for things like memory books, etc. The last 30 years have been wonderful for your family, but bmom sacrificed a lot, many bmoms agonize over their decisions their entire lives, there may be a lot of pain involved for her about what might have been if she opted to parent. Be sensitive to the levels of emotional complexity there. If you want to read the words of a lot of bmoms, go to www.forums.adoption.com and read the reunion pages.

Our son is adopted, and we are dealing with reunion drama. His case is a little different though. His bio mom's rights were terminated by the state 10 years ago, and she also lost 2 other kids to foster care/adoption. It's hard for him, and for her.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[davjohns 1]

Everyone is not going to see this issue the same as you.

My mother contacted her biological father after 50 something years. I warned her before she did it that she was making the decision for everyone else around her without asking. I still don't think she understands that I am not enthralled with the guy who abandoned a pregnant woman all those years ago.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[airdvr 210]

Adopted person here. I've never been a big fan of finding biomom. We'd like to believe that somewhere is biomom pining to know what happened to us and if we're OK. I think reality may be we're a long forgotten part of a bad time no one wants to dredge up.

Being born in 1958 I always figured I was 15 or so years away from being aborted and thrown out with the trash.

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[lvflyfast 0]

keep us updated, as an adopted person with no desire to find bio-mom, i would like to hear the outcome. hmmm... skydiving n being adopted maybe we should do a poll???

[Reno1967 0]

I am on both sides of the fence. I am adopted and also gave my only child up for adoption so I have experience from both vantage points. I have met both my biomom and my daughter. PM me if you want to talk.....

No regrets.....

[Snowwhite 0]

Hey Everybody! Thanks for all of the input. It's hard to think of every possibility, and I am so incredibly grateful to this woman for all that she gave to us. She never had any more kids, and told my daughter that she didn't think she was "mother material".
I can't imagine what she has been going through for all of these years.
She will be spending nearly a week here with all of us, and although I have known about it for quite a while, it didn't occur to me until the day I posted this, that I really should THINK about this reunion, and try to plan a little of what she might like to see, or know.
To all of you that suggested I PM you, I would be thrilled to do that, but I just don't know what else to ask, other than my OP.
If you have suggestions, PM me, I would love to know your thoughts!

skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com