Can a relationship work if the sex is bad?

[Nataly 38]

Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[turtlespeed 220]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

Why you gotta post our shit out in public like this?

Besides - that was a GOOD helicopter!

Sorry about the bruise.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[rwieder 0]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

For a while, sure. Long term, never. If the sex isn't "right on" there will be no long lasting bond.

-Richard-
"You're Holding The Rope And I'm Taking The Fall"

[Nataly 38]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

Why you gotta post our shit out in public like this?

Besides - that was a GOOD helicopter!

Sorry about the bruise.

It wasn't the bruise that was the problem - just didn't like it when you played with the other guy more than I did!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[IMGR2 0]

BOOYAH!

She busted you Turtle....

I told you to stop touching me.

[Smirniof 0]

Ohh ... Nataly ... I was 90% sure from the title of the thread it was you :). Welcome back you sex freak :P

Ohh...answer to the question ... not realy ... sex has to be good for a good relationship :).

[remibond 0]

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For a while, sure. Long term, never. If the sex isn't "right on" there will be no long lasting bond.

+1

[ZigZagMarquis 9]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

What's the matter, his dick too small? Or he doesn't like performing cunnilingus?

[davjohns 1]

Well, now. I think that depends. Are you saying they need to learn technique? Do they need to learn to be more attentive? Or do they think the things you want to do are an abomination before God and you are going to hell?

I would think that if they are only focused on themselves and oblivious to your pleasure, it would show throughout the relationship. If they have some kind of strong aversions, they might not be unlearned. Otherwise, I expect adjustments could be made.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[davjohns 1]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

Why you gotta post our shit out in public like this?

Besides - that was a GOOD helicopter!

Sorry about the bruise.

Way to go. I spit on my screen when this caught me off guard. :)

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[TriGirl 318]

I'd say if the connection is good in the first place, the "quality time" will be just that -- quality. Then again, if you can't communicate your issues when physical intimacy, well, isn't, then I'd question the quality of the relationship.

[pontiacgtp00 0]

no, the whole point of a relationship is sex. or don't base any relationship off of sex. care for each others feelings, well being, interests. that simple - years of experience. im still just as crazy about my lady as i was when i first saw her.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

You'd have to better define "very incompatible".

So incompatible that it will never be satisfying?
I find it hard to believe that neither partner can/will learn how to please the other.
Even physical disabilities can be overcome with a bit of willingness and creativity.
And that level of unwillingness and lack of communication would lead to serious problems in other areas.

But, beyond that, I'd say no. For me a reationship is based on intimacy. Physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. We don't have to be at identical places in those areas, but we have to be able to share our deepest feelings. Take away one of those areas of intimacy and the others will suffer.

At least that's what I have found. YMMV

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[cocheese 0]

There is such a thing as bad sex? I thought it was like pizza?

[davjohns 1]

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no, the whole point of a relationship is sex. or don't base any relationship off of sex. care for each others feelings, well being, interests. that simple - years of experience. im still just as crazy about my lady as i was when i first saw her.

Wow. I thought the whole point of a relationship was a relationship. I thought sex was just part of it. I guess I now know where I've gone wrong in the past.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[turtlespeed 220]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

Why you gotta post our shit out in public like this?

Besides - that was a GOOD helicopter!

Sorry about the bruise.

It wasn't the bruise that was the problem - just didn't like it when you played with the other guy more than I did!!

You shouldn't drink so much, you were just seeing double, darlin.

Or the whallop on your eye from the helicopter gave you a little confusion.

Now go make me a sammich.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Nataly 38]

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You'd have to better define "very incompatible".

It's a general question. I'm asking mostly out of curiosity, but a little bit out of experience as well..

I was dating someone for 6 or 7 months. It was the first time I was with someone who was so out of sync with me sexually. The sex wasn't *bad*.. In fact, generally speaking he was a very good lover.. But our libidos were totally different and I just felt forever frustrated. It wasn't the main reason I called off the relationship, but I can't deny that it played a part in my decision.

But yeah.. More broadly, I was wondering if there are instances where the sex is bad, but the relationship can still work.. Was curious what other people thought.. I tend to think that what happens in the bedroom (or anywhere else you like to get your grove on!) is a reflection of your relationship in general..

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[jumpwally 0]

Is this your new long distance guy ?

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[piisfish 140]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

I've been in a relationship for 2 years, and still going, so my guess is : Yes, it can work

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[shropshire 0]

In the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive ..... "Any lovin' is good lovin' "

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[paul87 0]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

Why you gotta post our shit out in public like this?

Besides - that was a GOOD helicopter!

Sorry about the bruise.

It wasn't the bruise that was the problem - just didn't like it when you played with the other guy more than I did!!

You just got BURNED turtle!

"flying" is the most reasonable thing I ever done

[Zep 0]

Nataly, I have'nt read the replys as of yet. But from experience the answer is NO.
In relationship when one partener is sexually active or has a high sex drive and
the other dosen't match the same drive, sooner or later resentment sets in.
That leads to tension which eventually leads to arguments and seperation.

For a relationship to work the bedroom is a very important factor,
If one partener is a, no holes barred every thing goes and the other is
more straight laced and won't try new experences, they should cut thier losses
and look for some one more thier style.

But I'm an old fart an what do I know, only that it's cost me three wifes.

Gone fishing

[ryoder 1,590]

Like we kept telling you;
Not every guy can handle 6 rounds per day, every day.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[mdrejhon 8]

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Ok.. You're with someone who is very incompatible with you in the bedroom.. Is it possible for the relationship to work??

For some people - YES!
For some people - no.

It depends. Some of the happiest couples (heterosexual couples too) that I know who've celebrated their 20th anniversary or beyond, have not had sex with each other for a long time, but obviously have lots of affection with each other, cuddle, sleep together, and are just happy and cheerful.

Skeptics are quashed year after year when some of them are even open about their sex lives (which is rare); they certainly really know what they want. The feeling is mutual for them.

Then, other times there's a biological trigger: You've got kids, and both of you are more interested in raising the kids and mutually are happy without the sex. Then by the time the kids move out, they are still happy and not interested in starting sexually again but clearly move on to enjoy life, fireplaces, skiing, vacationing, and whatnot, seemingly obviously not interested in looking over the fence for greener pastures... Obviously, that describes some religious couples who leave sex only to procreation only in a marriage, and those are some of those too. But some of these couples are non-religious too!

Now, that's not for everyone, but if the feeling is mutual, what's in it for us to criticize such above happy couples of various kinds? They feel their relationship is normal, even though others think it's unusual to see a happy couple without sex. I totally respect them regardless, whatever works for them.

Very obviously, it is not for everyone.
A wise person will say that the answer definitely is not a "yes" and not a "no".

Sure, there are those unhappy, or the one-sided (one sides wants sex more than the other), or the vengeful (no sex as punishment), or the cheating people. And there's those that are mutually agreed non-traditional relationships (medical issue, societal issue, mutual desire for lifelong married friendship bond without sex, various kinds of nonmonogamy, etc, or fill in this space here), and more, etc. But historically, the indicators of "non-normalness" don't always go in that direction. Clearly, different people define "Normal" differently from others.

[shah269 0]

Ok, I know you all think I'm some sort of....perverted pig dog....but I'm a little more than that.

My x wife, I loved her with every fiber of my being. There was nothing and I do mean nothing I hadn't done or would have done for her. I worked hard to get a promotion so that I could make enough money to pay for her education. When we had money for a new car I insisted she drive it and I drove the old car. I cooked and cleaned and did laundry and made sure when she came home from her evening classes she could sit relax and enjoy a warm meal. If she had asked me to give up the bike and to never skydive after my injury I would have. I respected her, looked up to her and worshiped her body.

BUT as much as I loved her and spent my evening and nights being close to her and doing every romantic thing in the book.....she had the sex drive of a dead nun and though kind of kinky.....really wasn't all that kinky. And at first I just lived with it. I called it my "sex diet" but as with any diet it only leads to failure. In this case resentment and anger. And it's the worst kind of resentment and anger....because you are aiming it at someone you truly deeply love and it's wrong and if you are not careful it can become a permanent imprint on who you are.
We had plenty of money, we had a nice place to live, we had to good jobs......an though we had each other......we began to resent one another. I felt as if I was being used and she felt she was always under pressure.
So no, if you can't connect in the most intimate of ways then......over time it will pull you apart no matter how much you love each other.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!