Why is shyness labelled as a "bad" thing??

[Nataly 38]

Here's something I've always wondered...

In many Western cultures, it's seen as a good thing to be outgoing - people associate it with being confident, which is also deemed to be good.

Now, I think self-confidence is great.. But I fail to see how being quiet or shy is automatically a sign of low confidence. I think you can be quietly confident. And I think shyness can be an attractive trait.. I'm not convinced that shyness is a crippling character-trait that prevents people from succeeding in life.. I mean, if you look at the flip side, some people's over-confidence can be detrimental to their success, because they don't actually have the skills to perform to the standard they claim to be able to. And being loud isn't always a good thing - *trust* me.. my loud mouth gets me into trouble more often than I care to admit

So all in all.. why is it that quietness and shyness are generally seen to be negative traits??


Note: I am aware of the inherent irony of this post in that most people who will respond will actually not fall into the quiet/shy category, so I'm sure the answers will be biased to a degree!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[fossg 0]

I don't see shyness as a bad thing at all. But then again I think of myself as being shy..

[madhatter 0]

+1

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
D.S # 125

[cocheese 0]

Because it's always the shy, quiet ones that you have to watch out for.




Pointer Sisters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeNHMDfD1tA&feature=related

[airtwardo 7]

So all in all.. why is it that quietness and shyness are generally seen to be negative traits??

"The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth"...HELLO...you're a Skydiver!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[nanook 1]

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But I fail to see how being quiet or shy is automatically a sign of low confidence

I agree. You can be shy and confident. I also don't believe shyness can always be linked to lack of confidence. But, I believe that shyness does have some limiting aspects and in some case, a personality defect. It won't get you too far in socially dependent job descriptions; No politics for the shy!! It can add to some character defects. You just may miss opportunities in social norms by electing to not being so engaged; that is, you may be looked as aloof. it's hard to judge a timid person vs a shy person; you may not be picked to handle the hard jobs and advancement may be slower for you.

_____________________________

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

[AviationTD 0]

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But I fail to see how being quiet or shy is automatically a sign of low confidence

I agree. You can be shy and confident. I also don't believe shyness can always be linked to lack of confidence. But, I believe that shyness does have some limiting aspects and in some case, a personality defect. It won't get you too far in socially dependent job descriptions; No politics for the shy!! It can add to some character defects. You just may miss opportunities in social norms by electing to not being so engaged; that is, you may be looked as aloof. it's hard to judge a timid person vs a shy person; you may not be picked to handle the hard jobs and advancement may be slower for you.

I will have to agree with this one. I have a strong reputation among family and friends for being incredibly shy. Even though I achieved a lot goals that I set out to do, I can easily say that it would be a lot faster if i didn't have the shyness. So, being shy does not necessary mean that you are lack in confident. You can be confident and shy which translates to a very humble person.

[aresye 0]

I think where you're going with this is similar to the extroversion vs introversion. I'm introverted myself, and I don't mind it at all. I'm not the party-going, let's always get crazy kind of person like a lot of my friends are. I enjoy doing a lot of things on my own, like composing music, making movies, going for a bike ride, etc.

The bad thing is, most introverts are seen as shy, because they shy away from social events, and are not very talkative. I haven't found this to be the case with me. When I do go and socialize, I'm fairly confident in speaking to other people, and starting conversations. I just don't NEED that social interaction like extroverts do.

Skydiving: You either learn from other's mistakes, or they'll learn from yours.

[ryoder 1,590]

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I mean, if you look at the flip side, some people's over-confidence can be detrimental to their success, because they don't actually have the skills to perform to the standard they claim to be able to.

And the worst part is that we always learn this after we've elected them.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[skyrider 0]

Only down side I see to shy, is they don;t get laid very often!

(Or get on the best loads)

[nigel99 568]

Quote

Here's something I've always wondered...

In many Western cultures, it's seen as a good thing to be outgoing - people associate it with being confident, which is also deemed to be good.

Now, I think self-confidence is great.. But I fail to see how being quiet or shy is automatically a sign of low confidence. I think you can be quietly confident. And I think shyness can be an attractive trait.. I'm not convinced that shyness is a crippling character-trait that prevents people from succeeding in life.. I mean, if you look at the flip side, some people's over-confidence can be detrimental to their success, because they don't actually have the skills to perform to the standard they claim to be able to. And being loud isn't always a good thing - *trust* me.. my loud mouth gets me into trouble more often than I care to admit

So all in all.. why is it that quietness and shyness are generally seen to be negative traits??


Note: I am aware of the inherent irony of this post in that most people who will respond will actually not fall into the quiet/shy category, so I'm sure the answers will be biased to a degree!!

Just a question - surely shyness is a direct sign of insecurity? I believe people can be quiet and not "in your face" and be fully confident in themselves and therefore mistaken for being shy.

Out of our kids one is shy and doesn't engage other kids, his brother is quiet and doesn't give a toss what other kids think about him. Neither engage much but the underlying feelings/motives are radically different.

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[ltdiver 3]

Ever read the book "Personality Plus"? It's quite an eye opener and can assist an individual in understanding different personalities and how they function. Their strengths, weaknesses, and how to comprehend what they fundamentally need in life.

I highly recommend this read. The insight is amazing.

Answer me this . . . If you were involved in a theatrical performance, which role would you prefer?

--The Actor
--The Director
--The Set Designer
--The Audience

Those individuals labeled as 'shy' just might be the ones who are behind the scenes keeping the ball rolling, but not wanting the limelight. Think about it.

ltdiver

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

[pontiacgtp00 0]

overconfident people are annoying.

[LyraM45 0]

I don't think shyness is a bad thing at all. I think what a lot of people think is a bad trait is what you highlighted-- the unconfident shy person. The people who are quietly confident still come out and surprise people when they least expect it as a mover and shaker, which is definitely not a bad thing.

Apologies for the spelling (and grammar).... I got a B.S, not a B.A. :)

[silent_pumpkin 0]

I have always been the introverted type and wouldn't call myself shy, but perhaps socially awkward/insecure. I do not want to appear like an idiot and (for example) go up to some unknown person and try to strike up a conversation. But if that same person starts a convo, I will most certainly engage them. At a new job, I will watch and ask questions when needed, but slowly start to converse with my new coworkers - feeling out their personalities first.

I have tried to be more extroverted and usually shoved my foot in my mouth. As a result, I tend to keep quiet unless I feel I can contribute with my thoughts...hence "silent." On the flip side, since I tend not to ask too many stupid questions at work, unlike some other coworkers, I am looked highly upon for my inquisitive intellect. I take ownership of some projects and am given raises over other coworkers for taking the initiative.

People have called me shy, serious, goofy/funny, independent, tough/strong, introverted, confident, and intelligent, all while thinking I have an introverted/insecure/protected personality.

Being 'shy' has only hurt me in social settings, it seems....participating in real bonfires is especially painful for me.

[Nataly 38]

I see shyness as a person who likes to keep certain things to themselves.. For instance, someone who is private and doesn't like to discuss personal topics like their boy/girl-friend. But to me, this tendency to be quiet or reserved isn't necessarily linked with self-esteem. Some people just don't feel the need to share their every little thought with the rest of the world. If anything, we could do with MORE of this in some cases.. I mean, I can't be the only one who is getting sick and tired of people being famous purely for whoring themselves in front of as many cameras as possible!!!

When I went to school, we had this really quiet guy in the back of the class. He told me one day that he really, really hated that everyone assumed that because he was quiet he was irrelevant.. Or that because he was quiet he must be a deep thinker.. Or that he must be this or that. I asked him if there was a reason he was so low-key and he said simply: I just hate everyone in that class!!! And I thought.. Bloody hell!! I always assumed all these things about him based on stereotypes - it had never occurred to me that he just couldn't be BOTHERED to socialise with us!! Ha ha ha!!

And that's when I first thought.. You know.. All this talk about being outgoing and gregarious like it's such a great thing.. Well, all the truly annoying people I know are like that. And all this talk of oh poor thing he's so shy it must be hard for him, etc.. But when I look at people like that they are generally liked and listened to when they do speak up..

So on balance.. I'm not convinced that one is more desirable than the other.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

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At a new job, I will watch and ask questions when needed, but slowly start to converse with my new coworkers - feeling out their personalities first.

I have tried to be more extroverted and usually shoved my foot in my mouth. As a result, I tend to keep quiet unless I feel I can contribute with my thoughts...hence "silent." On the flip side, since I tend not to ask too many stupid questions at work, unlike some other coworkers, I am looked highly upon for my inquisitive intellect. I take ownership of some projects and am given raises over other coworkers for taking the initiative.

People have called me shy, serious, goofy/funny, independent, tough/strong, introverted, confident, and intelligent, all while thinking I have an introverted/insecure/protected personality.

Being 'shy' has only hurt me in social settings, it seems....participating in real bonfires is especially painful for me.

See.. Although you seem to be quiet in some situations out of a feeling of insecurity.. I think some people don't have this insecurity and can thus damage their reputation as a result of saying something inconsiderate. So perhaps this feeling of awkwardness is in fact something which encourages positive results (ie: thinking before speaking = more considered/respected response).

More often than not, people get into trouble for something they DID say - not for keeping their mouth shut..

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Andy9o8 2]

On the one hand, shy people tend to know when to shut the fuck up.

On the other hand, they also tend to be the mass murderers.

[JohnMitchell 16]

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For instance, someone who is private and doesn't like to discuss personal topics like their boy/girl-friend. But to me, this tendency to be quiet or reserved isn't necessarily linked with self-esteem.
I mean, I can't be the only one who is getting sick and tired of people being famous purely for whoring themselves in front of as many cameras as possible!!!

I'm don't consider myself shy, but I think I know where the limits of social decency are and don't crave the limelight. I'm with you on the people who will give you their whole life story, intimate details and all, in the line at the grocery store. They confuse social intercourse with one sided monologues. That converse to shyness is way less attractive than being a little quiet and reserved.

And for the fathers of balloon boys everywhere, trying to be famous . . . I had a thing happen a few years back where I got some calls to be on local TV. I told them "no thanks" until Valinda told me "The kids want to see Dad on TV. You're going to do it."
"Yes Ma'am." was all I said.
It was fun and I enjoyed it, but it wasn't the pinnacle of my life. I loved Nichole Kidman's movie "To Die For" about a young woman so enamored with being on TV she loses everything.

So, in summation, shyness is not the worst thing in the world. Really, it's just one tiny facet of a person's complete personality, and not the most important one. And I gotta say there is a certain sexiness in a shy girl sometimes. Still waters run deep, they say.

[DavidB 0]

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On the one hand, shy people tend to know when to shut the fuck up.

On the other hand, they also tend to be the mass murderers.

"He was a quiet man..."

Yea! Aren't they all!?!

Not shy, just don't like big crowds, even though I've been in the spotlight in front of 10,000+.

I like to watch. Usually I'm found at the perimeter of a ruckus, not near the center. Usually...

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[downwardspiral 0]

shyness often comes across as bitchiness.

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[Nataly 38]

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On the one hand, shy people tend to know when to shut the fuck up.

On the other hand, they also tend to be the mass murderers.

Top marks for best comment yet!! You *naughty* boy!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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shyness often comes across as bitchiness.

Back when I was shy the shyness was often mistaken for being a snob.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[shah269 0]

Shyness is an evolutionary dead end. So is being down and or negative.

No one ever states that the reason they mated with another was due to their amazing shyness.

You never hear, his or her shyness drew me to them.

Or, I look up to their shyness and their inability to wow a room.

Being shy unfortunately implies an inability to demonstrate the most powerful of human characteristics, to persuade and to lead a group of your pears. And it's a well known theory that the "leaders" of a group are most often awarded with greater mating opportunities.

Now there is being outgoing and there is being a loud mouth. Again there is a time to speak up and there is a time to listen.

However this does not apply to the country of Finland where the accepted pick up line is "do you want to fuck?" but that may be due to the embarrassing fact that their language has an uncanny resemblance to Klingon. So if you can live with 13 months of winter and guys walking up to you asking of you want a good pipe cleaning I suggest moving to Helsinki. Rated the worlds second ugliest city.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Icon134 0]

actually, I kind of understand what you are talking about... I'm an introvert and interestingly often you'll see extroverts trying to "cure" many/most introverts of their shyness by trying to convince them they should go out and be more social when there isn't actually anything wrong with them...

It would probably surprise many of the people that know me really well that I'm actually an introvert... because once I'm comfortable in an environment I tend to become much more outgoing/vocal but it generally takes some time for me to warm up to others.

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...