SivaGanesha 2 #201 August 10, 2009 QuoteIf you are going to help him, why not be a real service to him instead of putting him in uncomfortable situations. Instead of insulting him, try praising his interests. Make him comfortable with himself. Confidence is the winner, not tricks of the game. I'm mainly responding to the OP, shah269, here...you said this was his second date with this woman. So what were the positive qualities that he showed on his first date with her that earned him the second date? There must have been something positive--and you yourself said that she liked him--about him that got him the second date. Can you try to build on that? And encourage him and her to build on that?"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #202 August 10, 2009 QuoteQuoteIf you are going to help him, why not be a real service to him instead of putting him in uncomfortable situations. Instead of insulting him, try praising his interests. Make him comfortable with himself. Confidence is the winner, not tricks of the game. I'm mainly responding to the OP, shah269, here...you said this was his second date with this woman. So what were the positive qualities that he showed on his first date with her that earned him the second date? There must have been something positive--and you yourself said that she liked him--about him that got him the second date. Can you try to build on that? And encourage him and her to build on that? I think she liked him because I was "feeding him" lines and protecting him from himself. When ever he was about to say something supid I would change the toppic or trow in a joke. I guess I should have let him just crash and burn?Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,070 #203 August 10, 2009 >I guess I should have let him just crash and burn? You should have let him be himself. She's deciding whether to go out with him, not you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SivaGanesha 2 #204 August 10, 2009 Quote I think she liked him because I was "feeding him" lines and protecting him from himself. When ever he was about to say something supid I would change the toppic or trow in a joke. I guess I should have let him just crash and burn? You were there with them on the first date? To feed him lines? Must have been kind of a crowded date. Or do you mean that she almost didn't want to go out with him again until you talked her into giving him a second chance? But yes in general it might be better to let him learn from his own mistakes. Who is driving this process anyways--did he ask you to try to find him someone or did you plant the idea in his mind that he is somehow less of a human being if he is between relationships right now? It sounds like he was rather hurt in his first relationship with a woman. People heal at different rates. Sometimes people dress badly because unconsciously they aren't ready for a new relationship and actually DON'T want to attract anyone. When he is ready he'll start changing some of these things without you having to goad him into it. Perhaps there are some things in his style that need to be improved but he needs to be given a chance to develop his own style of approaching women. It's not going to be the same as your style because he is his own unique person. You can give him a few pointers but he's not going to develop his own style if you are always breathing down both of their necks trying to get him to change."It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #205 August 11, 2009 I'm a really good wing man! Even though I'm married I still get calls from friends who want to go out and need a wing man. I did what any good wing man does, I covered his ass and reminded him to stay on target. He asked to be set up due to feeling bad so the wife thought it was a good idea and I wasn't going to say no. I did what any good friend would do, I covered his ass and tried to portray him as a good guy. Maybe I did too good of a job, because after the blind date as he was walking her to her car he asked her out for the next day. And it was the next day that he had the speed death metal blasting in his Carola. I wasn't there to save him from that mistake. As for being poorly dressed...how many engineers do you know who are well dressed? Honest?Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SivaGanesha 2 #206 August 11, 2009 QuoteI did what any good friend would do, I covered his ass and tried to portray him as a good guy. A good friend doesn't trash his buddy on the Internet even anonymously. As a practitioner of Buddhism and meditation, you should understand the power of how you hold your thoughts. You are holding a lot of negative thoughts about your friend in your mind and empowering them by broadcasting them on the Internet. That's not how a good friend acts. QuoteAs for being poorly dressed...how many engineers do you know who are well dressed? Honest? Many--although they tend to "graduate" into more senior roles like manager or CEO when they start dressing better. Most people who dress well tend not to remain as engineers for all that long hence the negative stereotype about engineers."It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #207 August 11, 2009 Quote A good friend doesn't trash his buddy on the Internet even anonymously. As a practitioner of Buddhism and meditation, you should understand the power of how you hold your thoughts. You are holding a lot of negative thoughts about your friend in your mind and empowering them by broadcasting them on the Internet. That's not how a good friend acts. I know, I know....I'm just so frustrated and worried. And I did get quite a few good responses. I don't know what to do? He's a freind and I hate to see him so down. I'm half tempted to hire him a hooker! NO JOKE!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #208 August 11, 2009 Quote Quote I did what any good friend would do, I covered his ass and tried to portray him as a good guy. A good friend doesn't trash his buddy on the Internet even anonymously. As a practitioner of Buddhism and meditation, you should understand the power of how you hold your thoughts. You are holding a lot of negative thoughts about your friend in your mind and empowering them by broadcasting them on the Internet. That's not how a good friend acts. Quote As for being poorly dressed...how many engineers do you know who are well dressed? Honest? Many--although they tend to "graduate" into more senior roles like manager or CEO when they start dressing better. Most people who dress well tend not to remain as engineers for all that long hence the negative stereotype about engineers. I'm thinking Shah's so in love with his friend that there isn't any woman who is going to be good enough for him. I wonder how long until he realizes there's a real, good old-fashioned, deep sexual attraction to his friend going on in the dark recesses of his mind?? Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #209 August 11, 2009 Hardy har har...wait till I bring to the DZ and introduce him to you and then he texts you non stop! the issue is I can empathize with him. Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #210 August 11, 2009 Quote Hardy har har...wait till I bring to the DZ and introduce him to you and then he texts you non stop! the issue is I can empathize with him. I don't give out my number to dorky engineer losers.Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chasteh 0 #211 August 11, 2009 Unless hes on a fuckin boat yo! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chasteh 0 #212 August 11, 2009 >Hardy har har...wait till I bring to the DZ and introduce him to you and then he texts you non stop! Understood. I can see why people think simply saying "be yourself" were in any shape or form an adequate piece of advice. The problem is it is just so damn hard defining what "be yourself" actually means, or that we even mean that you should "be yourself" at all times. I mean... surely there are some situations in which you definitely do not want to "be yourself," aren't there? I think your engineering friend could do a little bit to get his game back in shape, (like brushing his teeth, wearing clothes on dates, and not belching at the table) but at the same time "be yourself" can't really be said because there are definitely behaviors of his that can't go unnoticed, even by cave women. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SivaGanesha 2 #213 August 11, 2009 QuoteI know, I know....I'm just so frustrated and worried. And I did get quite a few good responses. I don't know what to do? He's a freind and I hate to see him so down. I'm half tempted to hire him a hooker! NO JOKE! He isn't down because he doesn't have a relationship. He's down because he turned to you for support and you are trashing him. It's early days in terms of his efforts to find a gal pal. Right now he's just trying to build a support network to help him in his search. You're expecting too much of him too soon. If he's turned off this particular girl, let him let this girl go and support him to find someone else. If a skydiver were making their first jump back after an injury, no one would expect too much of them on that jump. Instead people would be congratulating him/her for getting back in the air. Your friend was seriously hurt in the dating game earlier in his life. You should be congratulating him for having the courage to try again, not trashing him because the first one didn't work out. Figure out what didn't work with this girl and then encourage him to move on. It's going to take time for your friend to become good at something he obviously isn't good at yet. If you don't have the patience or the time or the temperament to be supportive of him over the long haul--and it sounds like it may take some time--then I think it would be better to be honest about that with your friend so he can look to others as he's building his support network."It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #214 August 11, 2009 Quote Unless hes on a fuckin boat yo! But I don't think he has a nautical themed pashmina afghan, so he's out.Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #215 August 11, 2009 Quote He isn't down because he doesn't have a relationship. He's down because he turned to you for support and you are trashing him. It's early days in terms of his efforts to find a gal pal. Right now he's just trying to build a support network to help him in his search. You're expecting too much of him too soon. If he's turned off this particular girl, let him let this girl go and support him to find someone else. If a skydiver were making their first jump back after an injury, no one would expect too much of them on that jump. Instead people would be congratulating him/her for getting back in the air. Your friend was seriously hurt in the dating game earlier in his life. You should be congratulating him for having the courage to try again, not trashing him because the first one didn't work out. Figure out what didn't work with this girl and then encourage him to move on. It's going to take time for your friend to become good at something he obviously isn't good at yet. If you don't have the patience or the time or the temperament to be supportive of him over the long haul--and it sounds like it may take some time--then I think it would be better to be honest about that with your friend so he can look to others as he's building his support network. Yeah maybe I am expecting too much from him. His last relationship with that fat hagg was his one and only girl friend. He met her online, they went on a few dates, he graduated and they got married. Fracking moron! What kind of a dumb ass maries the first piece of ass they ever get? Engineers. And that fell apart when she found god....fat chicks do that a lot.....and crap hit the fan. So yeah maybe I'm expecting too much. Damaged goods that never had game coming back on to the field.....I shouldn't expect much. But then how do you tell someone that well......they are a wonder dork? And that being a wonder dork who isn't in the money isn't going to get you the "hot" girl? Think about it? What hot girl is going to go for a 30+ yo, shy, quiet, into death metal, engineer? I honestly can't think of any! Heck any girl under a size 6 worth her salt won't even give him the time of day. Size 16? Maybe, size 6 no. If the boy only had some game......some pick up line something. But he's got nothing! And I'm sure I'm expecting too much from him.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #216 August 11, 2009 I want to post a reply, but I am just too flabbergasted. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #217 August 11, 2009 How do you tell a wonder dork that he has to lower his standards? That he will most likely never get the "hot" chick? I don't know......maybe he'll figure it out himself because I really don't want to tell him.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #218 August 11, 2009 Why can't a voluptuous girl be considered hot? That's what I'm wondering.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #219 August 11, 2009 Quote he's got nothing! And I'm sure I'm expecting too much from him. I'm starting to think the same about somebody else. If your post was any shallower, it'd be bumpy. "That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #220 August 11, 2009 QuoteWhy can't a voluptuous girl be considered hot? That's what I'm wondering. The way he talks about his FRIENDS, makes you really want to be one, doesn't it? I mean - wow! Everyone wants to be talked about like this, don't they?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chasteh 0 #221 August 11, 2009 >Think about it? What hot girl is going to go for a 30+ yo, shy, quiet, into death metal, engineer? Milfs dude. Milfs. a 40 y/o hotty will Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #222 August 11, 2009 Quote Why can't a voluptuous girl be considered hot? That's what I'm wondering. BBW's? Because he was unhappily married to an angry BBW size 16 woman. So when will women find a pudgy, shy, poorly dressed, death meal loving, engineer hot? Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #223 August 11, 2009 I know this is a stretch for you to consider, but some people are actually able to fall in love with who a person is instead of just what they look like. I know, shocking revelation, isn't it?She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #224 August 11, 2009 QuoteQuoteWhy can't a voluptuous girl be considered hot? That's what I'm wondering. The way he talks about his FRIENDS, makes you really want to be one, doesn't it? I mean - wow! Everyone wants to be talked about like this, don't they? Like I said I'm just frustrated. And I would much rather vent here than at him? I mean...how do you tell some one....LOOK YOUR A WONDER DROK! YOU DRESS LIKE CRAP, YOU ARE A SOLID 50LBS OVER WEIGHT AND YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC SCARES GIRLS! And you want that gorgeous girl with the long legs in the micro mini to be all into you? WTF! I'm not big on tough love, maybe he'll figure it out himself? Maybe?Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #225 August 11, 2009 Quote I know this is a stretch for you to consider, but some people are actually able to fall in love with who a person is instead of just what they look like. I know, shocking revelation, isn't it? NICE SAVE! So....do you know any girls who are into this kind of guy? But yeah I see where you are comming from? Hell some one married me! Though I think she may be blind considering how I look.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
