SkyBastard 0 #1 April 9, 2009 I'll start: Doctor rings the wife of a patient and explains "your wife is here and I'm afraid there's been a mix up with her test results so we don't know whether she has Alzheimer's or Aids.." the man replies "so what the hell am I supposed to do now then?" the doctor says "well, I'm going to put her on the wrong bus, if she finds her way home, don't fuck her!"Dude #320 "Superstitious" is just a polite way of saying "incredibly fucking stupid". DONK! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
millertimeunc 0 #2 April 10, 2009 A pirate walks into a bar with two steering wheels chained to his crotch. The bartender says "hey man, do you know you've got steering wheels chained to your crotch?" The pirate says "Gaaaaaar, they're drivin' me nuts!" The best things in life are dangerous. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkTL 0 #3 April 10, 2009 Why did the squirrel swim across the lake on its back?? To keep his nuts dry Live life with no regrets Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrFreefall383 0 #4 April 10, 2009 What would you see between the tits of an 80 year old woman that you wouldn't see between the tits of a 25 year old woman? Her belly button."If at first you don't succeed... well, so much for skydiving." - aviation cliche Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyBastard 0 #5 April 10, 2009 ...and so Jesus said unto the twelve apostles as he was being nailed to the cross... "Don't you lot touch any of my Easter Eggs! I'll be back on monday!"Dude #320 "Superstitious" is just a polite way of saying "incredibly fucking stupid". DONK! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Heatmiser 0 #6 April 10, 2009 Did not.............he was getting hammered!!! What you say is reflective of your knowledge...HOW ya say it is reflective of your experience. Airtwardo Someone's going to be spanked! Hopefully, it will be me. Skymama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TEXX56 0 #7 April 10, 2009 What happened to red beard and blue beard after their ships collided? They were marooned. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
XitXitXit 0 #8 April 10, 2009 A baby seal walks into a club....... BaDaBing!!!!!There are no pessimist in skydiving. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NovaTTT 2 #9 April 10, 2009 Which reminds me . . . What does a baby seal have at the bar? Anything but a Canadian Club."Even in a world where perfection is unattainable, there's still a difference between excellence and mediocrity." Gary73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #10 April 10, 2009 QuoteWhich reminds me . . . What does a baby seal have at the bar? Anything but a Canadian Club. Penguin drives his car to the repair shop and has the mechanic look at it. While he waits he notices the ice cream shop next door and goes in for ice cream. Well penguins are not all that coordinated, and he makes quite a mess of himself. He walks up to the mechanic - who looks at the penguin and says - "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin just shrugged and said, "No, It's just ice cream."I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyBastard 0 #11 April 10, 2009 A little boy asks his mum, 'how come I'm black and you're white?' 'Don't even ask!' she replies 'when i think back to that party i'm fuckin lucky you don't bark!'Dude #320 "Superstitious" is just a polite way of saying "incredibly fucking stupid". DONK! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skydave103 0 #12 April 10, 2009 Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam toward him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man says: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist who asks: "May I help you?" "Here is your card and key back," Bob says. "You can keep the $500 joining fee." "But Sir," the receptionist says, "you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities." "Listen lady," Bob says, "I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."LifeshouldNOTbeajourneytothegravewithawellpreservedbody,buttskidinsideways,cigarinone hand,martiniintheother,bodythoroughlyused upandscreaming:"WOO HOO!! What a ride!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #13 April 10, 2009 A doctor is with his patient. After a few minutes she says, "Doctor. Can I kiss you?" The doctor says "No." A minute later she says, "Doctor. I want you to kiss me." The doctor declines. Not even a minute later she says, "Doctor. I really wish you'd at least kiss me." The doctor says, "Kiss you? It's unethical. I shouldn't even be banging you. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grimmie 186 #14 April 10, 2009 Have you guys had the new "Octomom" breakfast at Denny's? It's 12 eggs, no sausage and the guy next to you picks up the tab. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #15 April 10, 2009 QuoteHave you guys had the new "Octomom" breakfast at Denny's? It's 12 eggs, no sausage and the guy next to you picks up the tab. Thread winner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #16 April 14, 2009 Just got this in a text message a minute ago: Old lady visits dentist, sits in chair, lowers panties and lifts legs. Dentist says "I'm not a gynecologist". She says, "I know, I need you to find my husband's teeth!" "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #17 April 14, 2009 Sure I've said it before... What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in your bath? > > > > > > > > > > chuck in the weeks washing and some soap powder! BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
millertime24 8 #18 April 14, 2009 This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?" And the pirate says... Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!Muff #5048 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Don 0 #19 April 14, 2009 What's the difference between peanut butter & jam ?I am NOT being loud. I'm being enthusiastic! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 918 #20 April 14, 2009 Your dog doesn't like jam?I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Don 0 #21 April 14, 2009 Girls never worry about you " peanut buttering " your dick in their ass. I am NOT being loud. I'm being enthusiastic! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slj678 0 #22 April 15, 2009 I got one... A guy walks in to a bar with a black eye and sits down next to another gentlemen. The other man looks over and says what the hell happened to you? The man says I was fixing to buy an airline ticket, and I saw this woman with gigantic tits at the desk. I got up to her and instead of saying can I get a ticket to Pittsburgh I mixed up my words and said can I get a picket to Titsburgh and the bitch punched me in the face. The mans eyes got real big and said NO SHIT! The same thing happened to me the other day but I was at the dinner table with my wife and instead of saying can you pass the mash potatoes I said Your a fuckin bitch you ruined my life. hehe"I didn't know they gave out rings at the holocaust" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Heatmiser 0 #23 April 15, 2009 What you say is reflective of your knowledge...HOW ya say it is reflective of your experience. Airtwardo Someone's going to be spanked! Hopefully, it will be me. Skymama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slj678 0 #24 April 15, 2009 Haha I got another one thats pretty good. I'm in no way shape or form racist either by the way :) So a man is dating this girl named Wendy, and she keeps demanding that he get a tattoo of her name on him somewhere. After about 6 months he finally agrees but says he will get it on his penis so nobody can see it. He goes to get it and the man tells him to get hard so he can write it out. After it was done the man was a little upset that when he was soft all you could see was "WY". But the next night he is at a bar and has to piss. He walks into the bathroom and looks over at the black guy next to him and notices his says "WY" also. The man was like no shit, your girlfriends name is Wendy too? The black man said no, when I get hard mine says "Welcome to Africa have a nice day" lol"I didn't know they gave out rings at the holocaust" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #25 April 15, 2009 Quote Girls never worry about you " peanut buttering " your dick in their ass. You've heard this one then: Peanut butter thighs - tan, smooth and easy to spread "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
