Jokes

[skydiverbry 0]

Anyone have a good joke to tell.I could use a few

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Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!!

D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver)

[horwichg 0]

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!!
So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

[millertimeunc 0]

An engineering student is walking to class one day, when he comes across a frog. The frog says "if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman." The student picks the frog up, puts it in his pocket, and goes on his way.

A few seconds later, the frog, says "Hey, if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman, and you can have your way with me for a whole night." The student says nothing and continues on his way to class.

The frog is getting annoyed at this point and says "Aren't you listening to me?!? If you take me out of your pocket and kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman, I'll be your girlfriend, and you can have me anytime you want." The student takes the frog out of his pocket and says "look, I'm an engineering student, which means I don't have time for a girlfriend...but a talking frog is pretty cool to have!"

The best things in life are dangerous.

[DavidB 0]

Visual blond joke:

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[SansSuit 1]

A guy wakes up in a hospital the result of a terrible car accident.

He says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!!"

Doctor says, "Yeah, I know. I amputated your arms."

Peace,
-Dawson.
http://www.SansSuit.com
The Society for the Advancement of Naked Skydiving

[g2gjump 0]

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/6n58l/dear_funny_reddit_post_your_favorite_joke_in/

[el6uapo 0]

Quote

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!!
So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

Good one!!

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

[millertime24 8]

Knock knock...

Muff #5048

[Nutz 0]

Quote

Knock knock...

Here we go with that crap again.

"Don't! Get! Eliminated!"

[regulator 0]

Allright there was this guy that was looking for a Harley in his neighborhood. He looked all over and finally found a guy that had a Harley he liked Lots of Chrome. So right before paying the guy he asked ..."hey how do you keep this chrome looking so good?" He replied back ...well right before it rains, I get this cloth and this small tub of vaseline and I rub the vaseline all over the chrome. So he gives the guy the check and he takes off on the bike. He goes to his girlfriends place and picks her up. They ride for hours and eventually while stopped at a red light he says to her "hey im fucking starving..you wanna go get some food?" she says sure...we can go to my parents house and eat there but they're weird. He said screw it I'm so hungry I could eat the back end of a horses asshole. So they go to her parents house. While they were walking to the front door, she fills him in on the weirdness "ok so while were eating, if anyone talks at the dinner table they have to do the dishes. He said ok and went inside. So her mom finishes dinner and they all sit down at the dinner table and start eating. After a while he noticed no one was saying anything. It was starting to annoy him so he figured he'd be smarter than them and do something that would make them talk and they would have to do the dishes. So he reaches over and pulls his girlfriends skirt up and starts pounding her doggy style right on the kitchen table. No one say a single word. He said 'fuck it' to himself and grabbed her mom and lifts her skirt up as well and starts putting his finger in her butthole. No one says a single word. Then all of a sudden he looks outside and sees it just started raining. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the rag and the container of vaseline. Before he could make a move outside to his bike the father pipes in and says.. OK OK I'll do the dishes!