Wednesday funnies

[Iflyme 0]

This guy has a choice of three women to marry, so he gives each $10,000 to see how they spend it.

The first spends 1/2, and put 1/2 in the bank.

The second spends 6 grand, and put 4 in the bank.

The third puts 9 grand in the bank, and spends the other grand on a gift for him!

So who do you think he marries?






The one with the biggest boobies!!!

[pop 0]

REDNECKS AND POETRY

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two
finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate. The other
finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M. The rules of the
contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute
or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke
graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he
jumped up and recited the following poem:
------------------------------
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu.
------------------------------
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?!
The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in
the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
------------------------------
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[Brisco 0]

A guy and his new very young, blonde girlfriend spend an afternoon at a nude beach where the guy gets a pretty nasty sunburn everywhere. That night they are in bed trying to have sex, but the guy's pain is just too intense. He jumps out of bed, goes to the kitchen, pours a glass of milk and dip his burning member into the milk to cool it off. The young girlfriend watches this and says, "Oh! So that's how you guys load those things!!"

Brisco

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

[Sassy 0]

If you have children you will probably relate to this father...
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard "Poupon.'"

[Slowfaller 0]

If you have children you will probably relate to this father...

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard "Poupon.'"

**That looks a lot better

Chris

--"Someday you will die and somehow somethings going to steal your carbon" -MM

[Sassy 0]

I fixed it too....LOL. How in the world does that happen???
Thanks :)

[ChileRelleno 0]

L'ing MAO in Alabama.

ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414
Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868

[wmw999 2,485]

I think we need to recycle more.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)