prodiver913 0 #1 January 28, 2009 Hey guys, just writing to say that shit is not going well with my wife. We have completely different goals in life, hobbies, friends, everything and we argue all the fucking time. Most of all is that both us feel that we are friends to each other instead of lovers. Anyway, we are going to split up but like I said peacefully. How to we initiate the process? It's 100% mutual and want to split everything right down the middle. Thanks for any help guys!!! I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DangerRoo 0 #2 January 28, 2009 make a list of who gets what, down to who is paying what on what accounts. you can have an attorney file the paperwork for you or you can contact the court house and do all the paperwork your selves. good luck, I know it still sucks to have to go through it all. (I.C.D#2 VP) ""I'm good with my purple penis straw" ~sky mama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #3 January 28, 2009 yeah. thanks . the good thing is we're both debt free so it's more asset dividing. Move back in with my parents and save a lot of money before I move down to FL. Thanks again I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #4 January 28, 2009 http://www.divorceinfo.com/mediation.htm My ex and I did it... not face to face, but we had a mediator that sent us all the paperwork, individual, and joint counsel over the phone. They reviewed the paperwork, filed and it cost us about $900.00. It went amazing smooth. good luck - it can be done!!! g"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DangerRoo 0 #5 January 28, 2009 welcome, but hee hee its a girl dont forget to write down the selling of the house, apprasil value or any equity invoulved in the mix. things can get complicated fast, but if you 2 can work out all the details together nicely, things will go pretty fast and your done. (I.C.D#2 VP) ""I'm good with my purple penis straw" ~sky mama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #6 January 28, 2009 we dont own a house, no kids nothing. we're young. 24 and 23. so it will be fairly easy I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #7 January 28, 2009 do we have to use a mediator or a lawyer? If it's as peaceful as we want it can it be free and just a paperwork thing? I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #8 January 28, 2009 No you can go straight to the court and fill out the paperwork and file. Looks like that would be an easy fix for you without any joint property or debt. We did not want to overlook anything, so we thought it was better that a legal professional review everything on our behalf. g"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #9 January 28, 2009 Legal debts - cars? home? credit cards? Get your name off of her loans and credit cards. If she has a car loan, and defaults on it 3 years later, it affects your credit rating. Same for a home loan, only worse. They will try to come after you for an unpaid mortgage if it defaults 10 years from now. Late payments for anything co-signed will show up on your credit rating. Splitting up the small things that "we bought for us", like stereos, tvs, and furniture can be a bit touchy perhaps. "mine" and "yours" can be an interesting conversation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #10 January 28, 2009 no mortage, credit cards, loans, nada I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #11 January 28, 2009 Very good. Sit down, list your assets, split them up. Clothes, and such, are easy. Don't get too stuck on who gets the microwave (example) or an old tv. At the end of it all, if it only costs you $200 to keep your sanity, it's a deal. Walk away quick and cleanly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IanHarrop 42 #12 January 28, 2009 Google "collaborative divorce" and find lawyers that are willing to work with you and not pursue an adversarial process. In my province there is a group called The Collaborative Law Society, there may be one in your area too. This is also a source of lawyers that are willing to approach divorce in a reasonable manner. Basically these people will help you put into legal terms what you and your spouse have already agreed to and make sure that all the bases are covered. Much easier and cheaper than the adversarial process."Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #13 January 29, 2009 This is not one of those times in which I, being a lawyer, will advise you to get either a lawyer or a mediator. (I generally don't approve of non-lawyers giving legal advice over the Internet, but I have to say, everyone's comments above are good and sensible.) Anyhow, this might help you decide: 1. Use a mediator, or just divvy the property yourselves? - I'd say, if the two of you really can come to 100% agreement on 100% of everything, then you probably don't need a mediator. Mediators are good either when He & She are not in agreement, or if they find themselves floundering or simply unable to communicate civilly with each other, or if they agree on most things, but get stuck on a couple of big items. 2. Use a lawyer(s), or just file the paperwork yourselves? - First, just so you understand: it's not just "filing paperwork" to get yourselves divorced. Technically, in most states, (I don't know Hawaii law), there has to be a divorce lawsuit filed, in which one of you will be the nominal plaintiff, and the other will be the nominal defendant; and there will be a filing fee to pay to the court at the time the case is filed. Then you just see to it that everything after that which needs to be filed, is filed, with as little delay as possible. In some states, the two of you might have to attend a quick and relatively painless hearing in front of a judge, just to formalize things. And some states may require that you attend a "counseling" session, whether you like it or not. Just be careful: skip a necessary step, and the court will bounce you back a few spaces, and you could delay yourselves for months longer than you intended. - Research EVERYTHING you need to do CAREFULLY. Then decide if you can do it yourselves. If you can, then you can skip a lawyer. If not, you can probably find a lawyer who will help shepherd you through the process fairly cheaply. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #14 January 29, 2009 My ex and I handled our divorce ourselves and we had a house, cars, debt and kids. It can be done without lawyers if you both remain mature and respectful of each other. We split things up that were equal value, i.e. I took the bedroom furniture and he took the living room furniture. In the kitchen, we even split sets up, like wine glasses, just so neither one of us would have to go out and buy anything. Just be fair, it's just stuff.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #15 January 29, 2009 Quote My ex and I handled our divorce ourselves and we had a house, cars, debt and kids. In fact, if you have the right attitude, you can even have a bit of fun: split each kid right down the middle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeheelbillie 0 #16 January 29, 2009 Not to be an ass but I was in the same boat 2 years ago, good luck you'll need it. Unless you can be certain that she does not talk to another women through the entire process chances are you are going to butt heads. Once this happens the delicate balance of "mutual" will fall apart. GET A MEDIATOR (aka referee) Feeling are bound to surface that are not out in the open right now...men react one way women another. Hell hath no fury like a women scorned. I wish you luck...it could take 90 days, it could take 2 years. Be strong brotherGently pushing comfort zones since 1976... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #17 January 29, 2009 Quote In fact, if you have the right attitude, you can even have a bit of fun: split each kid right down the middle. No need to get testy, Mr. Attorney. I was just sitting next to my ex and his wife at a soccer game and my Dad also hired him recently, so I work with him all the time too. Maybe our relationship is just strange.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wolfriverjoe 1,523 #18 January 29, 2009 Quotedo we have to use a mediator or a lawyer? If it's as peaceful as we want it can it be free and just a paperwork thing? I dont' know about where you live, but in Wisconsin there's a thing called "Pro Se" divorce. You fill out the forms, a lawyer reviews them and types up the "official" paperwork. You file them at the courthouse, and schedule and attend the formal court hearing (just you and spouse). It cost about $400 in 02/03. It was pretty simple and mostly painless. (at least the legal side of it) But you have to agree on the division of assets. Wihich it sounds like you are."There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy "~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 January 29, 2009 QuoteIt can be done without lawyers if you both remain mature and respectful of each other. Statistically, you should have bought lottery tickets with that type of luck. It always seems that things start out mature and respectful, but there are too many busy-bodies out there. At some point, someone gets the "...but you deserve" speech from a "friend", and let the flames begin. The faster that it gets done, the less time for interference from the peanut gallery. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladydyver 0 #20 January 29, 2009 me and my ex did the same thing....it worked out well and didn't cost much ----- it is always better if it can worked out amicably...sometimes people just grow and change. good luck to you and have fun in florida! DPH # 2 "I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~ I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmills0705 0 #21 January 29, 2009 We have kids,property, etc. I was going to file paperwork myself, but was a little leary, so I found a lawyer that charged $500 for an uncontested divorce. All he did was file exactly what I gave him (I wrote the divorce decree) so I am not sure what I really paid for. I totally could have done it myself. Check out your local library website. Ours had complete instructions on "do it yourself" divorce complete with paperwork that had all the blanks that you could fill in electronically and print. It doesn't have to be difficult.Kim Mills USPA D21696 Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #22 January 29, 2009 No kids=no big deal Kids=a big deal IMHO, but I've never divorced. When you bring kids into the divorce, things will always be complicated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hungarianchick 0 #23 January 29, 2009 My ex and I did it ourselves, same situation, no shared property, no kids, totally amicable. We filed the papers, got a date to appear in front of a judge, who found everything in order and signed the Judgment of Nisi. I don't know if it's the same in all states but where I live the divorce only becomes absolute after 60 days. Make sure you both request a certified copy of the decree because you will only get photocopies, if that. They will come handy especially if you move out of state or across the country. "I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #24 January 29, 2009 Quote I was going to file paperwork myself, but was a little leary, so I found a lawyer that charged $500 for an uncontested divorce. All he did was file exactly what I gave him (I wrote the divorce decree) so I am not sure what I really paid for. I totally could have done it myself. What you were paying for was (a) his judgment in making sure it was done right the first time, so you didn't incur undue delay by having the court bounce something back, or putting the case into the "slower case track", or something like that, and (b) your peace of mind that the lawyer (i) was making sure it was done right the first time, and (ii) was on-hand just in case some kind of question or issue arose unexpectedly that you might not have been certain how to handle. That being said, only you can decide how much value you got for your money. QuoteIt doesn't have to be difficult. With an uncontested, uncomplicated divorce - Agreed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wolfriverjoe 1,523 #25 January 29, 2009 QuoteQuote I was going to file paperwork myself, but was a little leary, so I found a lawyer that charged $500 for an uncontested divorce. All he did was file exactly what I gave him (I wrote the divorce decree) so I am not sure what I really paid for. I totally could have done it myself. What you were paying for was (a) his judgment in making sure it was done right the first time, so you didn't incur undue delay by having the court bounce something back, or putting the case into the "slower case track", or something like that, and (b) your peace of mind that the lawyer (i) was making sure it was done right the first time, and (ii) was on-hand just in case some kind of question or issue arose unexpectedly that you might not have been certain how to handle. That being said, only you can decide how much value you got for your money. QuoteIt doesn't have to be difficult. With an uncontested, uncomplicated divorce - Agreed. +1 Paying a couple hundred to make sure it went smoothly was well worth it IMO. I'm not familiar with court paperwork and I was stressed enough at the time that I wanted to be sure all the "I"s were dotted and the "T"s crossed."There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy "~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
