women? am I an asshole?

[hudsonderek 0]

so, my fiances of three months and I just had an argument involving the finances. She makes less money than me, but works hard as hell, but just can't seem to make ends meet with the bills, so I take up the slack. that's not the issue. the issue is, she happened to have a little "extra cash" this month and wants ot go spend it on clothes instead of picking up the slack on her bills. I make enough to cover us, but have loads of debt I'd like to pay off and other financial obligations. I don't mind allways being the one to pay when we go out to eat, or what not. But am I an asshole for thinking she should spend her "extra" money on taking up her slack in the bills instead of buying clothes?

[Txflier 0]

we are all asshole don't you know this already.

and no sounds like a reasonable request.

I'm not the rope totin charlie Bronson wanna be that's getting us fucking lost.

[AggieDave 6]

Two things. Sometimes someone needs a release, to buy something special for themselves. That, however, has to be done with in your financial obligations!

How much extra cash are we talking about? $20 or $200? How much of a percentage of her paycheck is it and is it "extra" outside of her paycheck from overtime or is it "extra" due to not paying something else that month?

Working some overtime to save up money to buy something nice is one thing. Blowing off an obligation to buy something not essential is another issue all together.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[porpoishead 8]

chop it... it's a malfunction




edited to add

of course you're an asshole

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

May I suggest the old "Sex for Coach bags and boots" game?

And this game is only if you're committed/engaged or married.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[nomal2day 0]

Quote

chop it... it's a malfunction

'To fly is heaven, to freefall is divine'

'You only need 2 tools. WD40 for when it doesn't move but should, and duct tape for when it moves but shouldn't'

[nomal2day 0]

Quote

May I suggest the old "Sex for Coach bags and boots" game?

And this game is only if you're committed/engaged or married.

Hey, I need a new gear bag!! What do I need to do?

'To fly is heaven, to freefall is divine'

'You only need 2 tools. WD40 for when it doesn't move but should, and duct tape for when it moves but shouldn't'

[skybytch 273]

How long has it been since she's been able to spend any of "her" money on something that is just for her rather than on bills? Has it been longer than it's been since you got to spend any of "your" money on something that is just for you?

[popsjumper 2]

Three months in and you're already arguing about money and who's right and who's wrong. It doesn't take a crystal ball to see your future.

You may want to get a reserve before you cutaway.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[porpoishead 8]

Quote

Quote

May I suggest the old "Sex for Coach bags and boots" game?

And this game is only if you're committed/engaged or married.

Hey, I need a new gear bag!! What do I need to do?

dude you don't know that one??

its like magic fucking magic !!!

step 1 you engage in a proper fucking session

step 2 you readily take a nap

step 3 you wake up to her trying on new a matching purse and boots and your wallet is missing a card and/or all of the cash

step 4 repeat

step 5 go build a fucking aircraft hanger out in the yard to accomodate the 600 pairs of shoes 960 pairs of boots and 8,000 matching bags/purses


or

you can sit around and beat off without them...pick your poison

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[turtlespeed 226]

Quote

so, my fiances of three months and I just had an argument involving the finances. She makes less money than me, but works hard as hell, but just can't seem to make ends meet with the bills, so I take up the slack. that's not the issue. the issue is, she happened to have a little "extra cash" this month and wants ot go spend it on clothes instead of picking up the slack on her bills. I make enough to cover us, but have loads of debt I'd like to pay off and other financial obligations. I don't mind allways being the one to pay when we go out to eat, or what not. But am I an asshole for thinking she should spend her "extra" money on taking up her slack in the bills instead of buying clothes?

No - not an asshole - just greedy

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[tigra 0]

I would say that kind of depends. Does she need the clothes? For work or something else? How long has it been since she's bought new clothes and will she bargain shop or hit one of the high end department stores? And where did the "extra" money come from? Bonus/gift/ windfall? And by "slack" are you also paying HER bills or just a larger percentage of the household bills?

I think its important to set a budget, sit down and figure out priorities, etc. And it sounds like you are trying to do that, which is good. But I also think that unless you are both completely strapped financially and struggling with basics like food and rent, a small "splurge" for either one of you shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually helping her pay her own bills, or if she's completley out of control with her spending, that's a different story. But really, she shouldn't be made to feel like she doesn't have a right to spend her own money simply because she makes less than you. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

You say you don't mind paying the larger share but you also seem to resent her wanting to spend money on herself if she happens to have a little left over. Does she question you when you buy something for yourself?

I've been in both situations myself- the person making less and the one picking up the slack. Neither is fun.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Quote

Quote

Quote

May I suggest the old "Sex for Coach bags and boots" game?

And this game is only if you're committed/engaged or married.

Hey, I need a new gear bag!! What do I need to do?

dude you don't know that one??

its like magic fucking magic !!!

step 1 you engage in a proper fucking session

step 2 you readily take a nap

step 3 you wake up to her trying on new a matching purse and boots and your wallet is missing a card and/or all of the cash

step 4 repeat

step 5 go build a fucking aircraft hanger out in the yard to accomodate the 600 pairs of shoes 960 pairs of boots and 8,000 matching bags/purses


or

you can sit around and beat off without them...pick your poison

Wow, that's almost right on the money. Except..... your man has to come with you to make sure there's a pit stop at Vistoria's Secret so they can pick out another little outfit for the next round...

It's a vicious cycle, that "sex for boots" thing.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[galvar2439 0]

Not an asshole, But if she does this now, she always will, and probably always has, it wont change ever. So you accept it or chop it. Just one mans opinion

So i just broke up with this woman who wasn't even my girlfriend!

Hellfish #782, POPS #10664

[SuFantasma 0]

Quote

so, my fiances of three months and I just had an argument involving the finances. She makes less money than me, but works hard as hell, but just can't seem to make ends meet with the bills, so I take up the slack. that's not the issue. the issue is, she happened to have a little "extra cash" this month and wants ot go spend it on clothes instead of picking up the slack on her bills. I make enough to cover us, but have loads of debt I'd like to pay off and other financial obligations. I don't mind allways being the one to pay when we go out to eat, or what not. But am I an asshole for thinking she should spend her "extra" money on taking up her slack in the bills instead of buying clothes?

Fiances and Finances don't mix !

Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
- Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

[CSpenceFLY 1]

Quote

Quote

Quote

May I suggest the old "Sex for Coach bags and boots" game?

And this game is only if you're committed/engaged or married.

Hey, I need a new gear bag!! What do I need to do?

dude you don't know that one??

its like magic fucking magic !!!

step 1 you engage in a proper fucking session

step 2 you readily take a nap

step 3 you wake up to her trying on new a matching purse and boots and your wallet is missing a card and/or all of the cash

step 4 repeat

step 5 go build a fucking aircraft hanger out in the yard to accomodate the 600 pairs of shoes 960 pairs of boots and 8,000 matching bags/purses


or

you can sit around and beat off without them...pick your poison

The first part of that makes me think you have been shopping with Lucky.

[nomal2day 0]

Quote

Quote

Quote

May I suggest the old "Sex for Coach bags and boots" game?

And this game is only if you're committed/engaged or married.

Hey, I need a new gear bag!! What do I need to do?

dude you don't know that one??

its like magic fucking magic !!!

step 1 you engage in a proper fucking session

step 2 you readily take a nap

step 3 you wake up to her trying on new a matching purse and boots and your wallet is missing a card and/or all of the cash

step 4 repeat

step 5 go build a fucking aircraft hanger out in the yard to accomodate the 600 pairs of shoes 960 pairs of boots and 8,000 matching bags/purses


or

you can sit around and beat off without them...pick your poison

I read all your advice, but I still don't see no GEAR BAG in that equation! Sounds like a poes of a deal to me!

C'mon, Lucky, what do I need to do for a gear bag???

Oh, and while we are at it, a new Neptune 3 would not be sneered at! I guess that would mean extra effort, though...

'To fly is heaven, to freefall is divine'

'You only need 2 tools. WD40 for when it doesn't move but should, and duct tape for when it moves but shouldn't'

[FlyingJ 0]

If you have "loads" of debt, you really don't have that "extra" money either. Sounds like some budgeting needs to be done. No doubt you need to keep yourself sane, as does she. Budget some cash you can use to occasionally treat yourselves, but assuming you are paying interest on your debt, consider how much more expensive every purchase you make really is when you could have used it to pay down the debt.

Dammit I wish I could follow my own advice.

Killing threads since 2004.

[missg8tordivr 0]

If you discussed a certain amount a month for bills and she got extra money on top of that, it is hers to use as she wants to. Regardless...this is something your going to have to discuss and work out a plan before you get married...unless you want to keep having this discussion.

Personally, I think that there should be three accounts. A joint account, with established amounts from both parties for certain expenses (house, living, food etc.) and two seperate personal accounts. The personal money can go towards anything each person wants to spend it on within reason....clothes, presents, etc.

If it is your personal debt that your trying to get rid of...bluntly I see thats your responsibility to pay off not hers to cover for you while you pay it off.

***
F LORIDA!

[LisaH 0]

If she wants new clothes for work, that's understandable. Everyone needs to buy themselves something new once in a while.

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[porpoishead 8]

Quote

It's a vicious cycle, that "sex for boots" thing. Smile

word.. resistance is futile


you can either sleep on the couch...I love my couch, it matches a pair of boots I have

but i prefer to sleep in my bed, it matches my under roos

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[tigra 0]

To answer your question, I don't think you're an asshole. But based on the situation you describe, I also think the two of you are not ready to get married and you are not as "OK" with the current financial arrangement and differences in your incomes and you claim to be.

[shropshire 0]

No matter how much money one makes.... if one still have debts, then there actually is no 'slack'.

Buying small presents for yourself every now and then 'could' be O.K so long as you realise, that the debts are still there, need to be sorted and actually just got a bit larger.


What ever you don't run away from the problem, sit down and talk about it calmly and build a budget plan - know exactly what is coming in and going out.


Good luck.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[FlyingJ 0]

You think she should spend it as she wants when he's covering some of her share of the expenses most of the time?

Killing threads since 2004.

[davelepka 4]

So let me get this straight - you're upset that she's not covering a full 50% of the bills, and now she wants to shopping with a little extra cash she's got?

This is the woman you're going to marry, right?

What are you going to do when she wants you to buy her a house? Sooner or later she will, and yes, you are buying her a house. The only way it becomes your house is if you stay married, and out live her. You get a divorce - it's her house. You die first - it's her house.

See the big picutre?

Maybe the new clothes aren't that big of a deal.