Funny Things Said by Police

[futuredivot 0]

1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.

2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!

3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.

5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?

6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.

8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.

9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.

10. HAVE A NICE DAY.

You are only as strong as the prey you devour

[shropshire 0]

best one that I received ....

"I stopped you because you were driving like a twat" ....

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[normiss 798]

Misleading thread title!

You said "funny".

[AggieDave 6]

11. Quota? I know its a big secret but with this ticket I win a free toaster!

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[AggieDave 6]

Quote

Misleading thread title!

You said "funny".

I thought it was funny simply because you can see and hear people telling you things that would lead up to those comments. Although literally every single one of those comments would end up with a day off.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

"Will you marry me?"

Yeah, that was a fucking joke.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[virgin-burner 1]

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best one that I received ....

"I stopped you because you were driving like a twat" ....

..no words have been spoken truer..

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[virgin-burner 1]

i really liked the cop that stopped me for no good reason while i had the dog in the car. he stuck his whole head into my window and asked for the papers; after the 70lbs puppy had decided the car was rather her property than the cops, he took two steps back and asked for the papers again. i couldnt help but laugh..

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[shermanator 4]

I was pulled over for going about 45ish in a 25 zone. I just wasn't paying attention. I was going from a friend's to work, wearing a very tacky green pants, and burgandy shirt, with yellow stripes on the sleeve. Cop asked me to step out of vehicle.. looked me up and down, and just walked away laughing and said "have a nice night" No ticket given. ... Guess there was an advantage to working at disneyland

CLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08
CSA #720

[Tuna-Salad 0]

Stupid things the cops say...

Let's start with "Do you know why I stopped you?"

"I'm going to give you a break because I'm in a good mood and give you the $250 fine and 2 points instead of the $150 fine and 3 points."

Millions of my potential children died on your daughters' face last night.

[ryoder 1,590]

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Although literally every single one of those comments would end up with a day off.

Your superiors don't have a sense of humor? Bummer.

I had a cop call me a "motherf***er" right to my face.
He was PO'd that he had caught me out after curfew twice in one night.
That didn't exactly enhance my opinion of cops.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[lekstrom10k 0]

I would like to turn this around for one reply as it is this tme of year
A friend plowed into the back of a cop car at a traffic light. Still bleary eyed while driving home after a party on New Years day. He was startled by the cop tapping on his window then rolled down the window. He calmly said to the officer "Boy it didnt take you guys long to get here"

[AggieDave 6]

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Your superiors don't have a sense of humor?

They do, the public doesn't have a sense of humor by and large. So it would be a complaint and most departments have something in their policies about professionalism. All of those humorous remarks fall under professionalism and the lack there of.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[popsjumper 2]

True story (shortened for bevity)

Stopped on suspicion of DUI.
(Note: Had not been drinking.)

Cop: Walk the line.
Me: OK (walked the line and thought I did well)
Cop: Blow into my face.
Me: Man, my breath stinks form cigarettes.
Cop: I said, blow into my face.
Me: OK Me: Trying very hard to suppress the LMAO as the cop cringes.
Cop: Well, you're not drunk. All I can say is you're the most uncoordinated kid I ever saw. Go on get outta here.
Me: Thanks, dude.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Pokerstar 0]

True Story:

Cop finds a young couple fucking in the car, and just stands at the window watching them for a few minutes. Dude finally notices the Cop and say.... "I suppose you want to see some ID from us?"

Cop says... " Just from you, I see her here EVERY night!"

Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.
--- The Dude ---

[SuFantasma 0]

Quote

"Will you marry me?"

Yeah, that was a fucking joke.

"I am issuing you a ticket for going 36 on a double D zone"

Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
- Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

[airtwardo 7]

I was 16-17, gettin' busy in the back of my GTO with lovely little Lisa...

Cop shines his flashlight in the window and says: What are you doing in there?"

"Nuthin!"


"Come on out here and hold the light...lemme see what I can do!"


Yeah, it really happened, fortunately the cop was my cousin...
He told me my GF was a 10%er !~

It seems 90% of the time they hit the the ole 'parking road' and shine the flashlight in the back...the girl covers her face and let's the funbags fly!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[SuFantasma 0]

Quote

I was 16-17, gettin' busy in the back of my GTO with lovely little Lisa...

Cop shines his flashlight in the window and says: What are you doing in there?"

"Nuthin!"


"Come on out here and hold the light...lemme see what I can do!"


Yeah, it really happened, fortunately the cop was my cousin...
He told me my GF was a 10%er !~

It seems 90% of the time they hit the the ole 'parking road' and shine the flashlight in the back...the girl covers her face and let's the funbags fly!

Yeah, had the same experience.... cop comes in and says: What are you two love bugs doing.... I said: Just talking... He suggested I put the microphone back in my pants and move on

Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
- Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

[theonlyski 8]

My brother: Take us to jail, im tired and i want to go to sleep

Me to brother: Dude... shut the fuck up, im not suppossed to be here, if i get arrested, Im in TROUBLE

Cop: No, we arent going to arrest you for public intoxicaiton

(i very RIGHTFULLY deserved it)

Cop: We are calling you three a cab

My brother: Its 3 am, no cabs are running anymore

Cop: We are calling them at home.

yeah... true story... some cops (and this was 7 or so cops decision to make)

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Quote

Quote

"Will you marry me?"

Yeah, that was a fucking joke.

"I am issuing you a ticket for going 36 on a double D zone"

Please stop rifling through my lingerie drawers!

And no ticket was involved. My Dad was his Lieutenant.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[porpoishead 8]

I'm with one of my bros heading into new orleans. he is speeding his ass off as we exit onto tchopitoulas. a police jumps out into the street, and my bud comes to a screeching stop.

the police comes into the window and calmly asks for license, registration, and insurance. so my bro provides the license and registration all the while telling the police he was not going that fast. LOL!! you can still smell the burnt up rubber from the sudden stop.

well my bud rips the door off of his glove box frantically searching for his insurance card. the police heads back over to his bike to write a ticket.

the police walks back to the truck and just stands in the window my bud is still searching for his insurance card frantically, by now he has papers and all kinds of shit just littered through out the ride.

he looks up and the police asks him if he found his insurance yet he responds no man it's around here some where you think you can just let me go today. starts searching frantically again.

the police says no man not today, reaches the ticket in the window and says just go ahead and sign this ticket before I get you for all the roaches...

my bud looks right at the police in his face slams the ash try shut and says what roaches....man I'm about to die fucking laughing... when the police just leans around him and looks at me and says hey man help your boy out here he seems to be having problems.

I tell my bro hey man he means the other violations he can get you for...

my bud says oh right on then signs the speeding ticket and the police just laughs and walks away....

my bud takes off again tells me to pick up all the papers everywhere and opens up the ash tray and lights up a joint..looks over at me and asks what the fuck was that all about...

what a fuckstick..man I love that guy!!!

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[Jac42 0]

this made me laugh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6S8dzXHbe0

[ryoder 1,590]

I guy I knew lived in a an addition called "Enchanted Hills".
All the streets had Disney-themed names.
One night he was in a town about 15 miles away and got pulled over for suspicion of DUI.
(He was).

As he was trying to find his drivers license, the following exchange took place:

Cop: "What is your address?"
Him: "1434 Humptey-Dumptey Lane."
Cop: "Don't get smart with me! I asked for your address!"

He said he was so thankful he didn't live on the next street over: Three Little Pigs.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[hcsvader 1]

another classic!

The retarded policeman!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNDlf6hA6TY

Have you seen my pants?
it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream
>:)

[CSpenceFLY 1]

Me and a buddy stopped to take a piss in a parking lot one night. About half way done here comes our favorite city cop. (I'd beat the fucker today if I ever see him but that's another story) Cop says,"Hey boys,I can see your wangers from the road.That's going to cost you $35. My friend says,"Damn man, if you can see my wanger from the road you should give me $35."