UPS Airlines

[MikeForsythe 0]

These are too funny……

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Time and pressure will always show you who a person really is!

[JohnDeere 0]

That is some good shit there!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

That list is a keeper!!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[diablopilot 2]

I believe that list was actually started by a mechanic on the evening of December 17th, 1903.

----------------------------------------------
You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[SuFantasma 0]

There are numerous claims to the source of the list .. starting with the Air Force.... which I am inclined to believe due to the "Target Radar Hums" gripe

Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
- Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

[BIGUN 1,402]

Quote

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

You may want to revisit that.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[AggieDave 6]

Perhaps what he meant to say is that UPS is the only major airline not to kill any civilian, non-employee passengers?

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[SuFantasma 0]

Quote

Quote

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

You may want to revisit that.

Did UPS merge with Quantas?

Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
- Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

[BIGUN 1,402]

Yeah I was going to say Qantas... but in looking it up, they were bombed and had fatalities during WWII; but none since. So, I guess it kinda depends on longevity in business also.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[skyjumpsteve 0]

LOL.....found the same list supposedly about Qantas:

http://www.rb-29.net/HTML/03RelatedStories/03.10.FunStuff/17.Qantas.htm

...and about U.S. Air Force and other airlines

[jumpwally 0]

That list is attatched to every major airline,,,and everyone claims it started there...ha ha

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083