Carrying rig on airplane - advice

[nipp1e_boy 2]

Hi guys,

As the holiday travel week approaches I know many of you will be traveling to see family and to warmer jumps in places like Florida and California. I had a bad expeience a couple years ago and I thought I should warn you.
.
When I travel for skydiving I like to travel light. I carry my rig on my back and my altimeter on my right wrist. I just check in my clothes, fraphat and other stuff in a separate bag. What I like about this is that I don’t have to carry a gear bag, I’m ready to bail out if sh*t happens to the airplane on route and most of all it gets me some funny looks at the airport lounge.

So I show up at the airport a good hour before my flight is to leave. The lady at check-in looked at me a bit funny but I guess that’s normal when wuffo chicks are in the presence of a skydiver. She gave me my boarding passes and I headed over to security. At security I wanted to make sure the TSA rent a cops wouldn’t freak out so as I laid my rig on the conveyor I yelled out to the dude at the x-ray monitor “Yo! It’s a parachute comin’ thru”. I saw a lot of heads turn and I felt the eyes of the hoochie mama behind me on my ass lol!

I’m not an idiot - I put my altimeter, my watch, wallet and glasses in a tray. But the damn metal detector went off anyway. It was probably my titanium femur rod – spring of 2000 when I was first experimenting with 540s or the closing pin necklace I’ve worn since 2002. The dude with the wand patted me down – it was a bit uncomfortable since I was carrying the presentation material for my next safety meeting “in my prison pocket”, but no big whoop. It was the closing pin necklace that made the detector go of. Still, one of these days, that thing is going to get me laid.

At this point I noticed my rig was beign held up by this guy behind the conveyor – I went over and dug out my cypress card. I pointed out to him that though he may have seen what looked suspicious, it was just my cypress. I told him how it works and how the explosive cutter can slice through steel. Theres a reason these highschool dropouts are manning the gates to the airports – he didn’t seem to get it. Called his supervisor over asked a bunch of questions and swabbed my rig, all the time giving me attitude!

I just barely made it to the flight, found my seat and put my rig on the floor under the seat in front of me. I like to keep my rig in sight at all times. As I’ve said before I am very very safety conscience. I like to educate the general public about skydiving so I told the people in my row that it was a parachute and to put their mind at ease, I joked “Hey – if something happens I don’t know about y’all but I’ll be just aaight!”. They were a humorless bunch.

After takeoff, I as we were settling in, I needed to use the john. So I got up, took my rig and headed to the business-class lavatory up front. Like I said, I never leave my gear unattended (one of my instructors told me to do this after it got around that I had tried to nail the rigger’s wife). Once in, I realized I hadn’t checked my gear after getting out from security (did I mention I am very very safety conscience)? So I checkd my pins, the zip-tie around my reserve handle and the temp pin on my reserve. I checked my main pin, the RSL and all was cool. I turned on my cypress to cycle it and let the dragon drain while the cypress did it’s thing. I’d been holding in at least 4 brews since that morning before I left for the airport so it was a loooong one. What a relief! That’s about when my day really turned to shit.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but airplane crappers are different thatn regular crappers. I pressed the button and heard the sudden whoosh. Then I heard a sound like a gunshot went off and felt a thump on the back of my head. My fu*cking cypress had fired (again!). The best I can figureout is that flushing an airline crapper with an armed cypress nearby is not a good idea. Then the door crashed in and I was confronted by a huge dude pointing a gun at me and yelling “Get down!! Get down!!”. My first thought was “damn I’m having a sh*tty day – first I need to repack my reserve and now I’m on a hijacked plane”. I saw him point a shaver at me with a spark between the foil. The next thing I know I’m on the ground in agony and I passed out.

Welp– the dude wasn’t a hijacker. He was a roided up air marshal with an itchy trigger finger. I mean WTF? What the f*ck did I do that was so suspicious? When the plane landed a whole f*ckin SWAT team was waiting. The judge they brought me before was not impressed. I was able to convince him it was an honest accident plus I think he may have thought I was a bit slow. The a-hole gave me 30 to 60 for possession of weed! I guess I sh*t myself when the pig tased me.

I guess the morale of the story is dont get a cypress or if you have one and you turn it on in the crapper when you go take a p*ss, turn if off before you flush. I'm not sure about the vigil, but this may happen with it also.

I wanted to sue the sky marshals, airport police and the TSA but cant find a lawyer to take my case. Are there any lawyers on dropzone.com who can help?


Nipple Boy
A-19820

"Safety First! Fun Forever!"

[normiss 798]

Honestly Funks, you expect us to believe your probation / parole officer allows you to leave the county???

[BillyVance 34]

Another classic!!!

You could make a book out of all your outlandish stories, and I bet it'll sell well in the skydiving world, with an attention-grabbing title!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Amazon 7]

Geez.. just wear your rig on..and when other passengers look at you kinda wierd..just say...

"What...... they didn't give you yours at ticketing????"

[virgin-burner 1]

next time you do walk to the crapper, make sure you do put your rig on, ask random people if they knew in which direction mekka is, just to proceed to get on your knees and bend over. all while shouting: "allah-u akbar! allah-u akbar!". that is to make the marshall aware that you're not onlyl safety concious, but you also have firm religious beliefs. that assures them that you have morals, and are a good man!

thanks for the laugh, thatt was really fun!

oh, and i'd buy that book, too!

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[nipp1e_boy 2]

Quote

next time you do walk to the crapper, make sure you do put your rig on, ask random people if they knew in which direction mekka is, just to proceed to get on your knees and bend over. all while shouting: "allah-u akbar! allah-u akbar!". that is to make the marshall aware that you're not onlyl safety concious, but you also have firm religious beliefs. that assures them that you have morals, and are a good man!

thanks for the laugh, thatt was really fun!

oh, and i'd buy that book, too!

I don't see waht that would do. I mean its not like I need to advertise my religious beliefs. Live and let live is my philosophy.

What I am really pissed off abotu is that my cypress fired when it should not have! I think its very irresponsible of the manufacturer to make a product that can be set off by f*cking airline toiliet!!

Since then I have lost faith in my AAD and only use it when I have to, on student jumps and bigways or when I'm jumping with a group who I have not jumped with before. At all other times I turn it off. I wonder if this should be in the Safety and Training forum instead of here. Any admins, if youthink it would help, could you move it there?


Nipple Boy
A-19820

"Safety First! Fun Forever!"

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

Quote

I wanted to sue the sky marshals, airport police and the TSA but cant find a lawyer to take my case. Are there any lawyers on dropzone.com who can help?


Nipple Boy
A-19820

Check out the incidents forum. I think there are a few trolling in there

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo