Wife Problems

[DrewEckhardt 0]

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Been married for almost one year and things have been great but are starting to get a little tense. First off, we have nothing in common from religion to skydiving and we have been arguing more and more. We should have known this before we got hitched but you know how that goes. We are still crazy about each other but like I said have nothing in common. I mean nothing. I just want to get up and leave (not leave her, leave with her) and go down to FL or something or travel the world for a while again but she is not down and I am going absolutely insane living in PA. I am from Hawaii and have been surfing and scuba diving since I was 8 and 14 and I am literally going nuts. What should I do? Just sit down and talk with her and try not to have a fight?

Being married doesn't mean you have to do everything together. You're different people (it would be pretty boring being married to yourself) and are therefore bound to have separate activities. When I was unbroken and skydiving my wife was spending about as much time each week running (10K a day) and dancing. That can extend to trips - I've been on 10 day BASE expeditions without her and she's spent a couple weeks visiting family out of state without me.

You get a lot of common ground in things that people often don't consider hobbies - talking to each other about whatever, sharing meals, walking in increasingly large concentric circles while on vacation, listening to music, watching DVDs, laughing at the same jokes.

[JeffNo 0]

Get in the sack and throw the stones to her

[prodiver913 0]

good point dude. It's mutualistic. Not one sided. We are crazy about each other. I think what gets me down is that we dont do thing that I like together but i always do what she like which is (although sad) nothing. She likes going to the gym a lot and schoolwork. No sports or hobbies.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

[prodiver913 0]

twice today, got it covered

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

[nigel99 568]

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good point dude. It's mutualistic. Not one sided. We are crazy about each other. I think what gets me down is that we dont do thing that I like together but i always do what she like which is (although sad) nothing. She likes going to the gym a lot and schoolwork. No sports or hobbies.

Perhaps it is because after a year of marriage the initial rush is wearing off and you are needing your own space. As you say you are still crazy about each other that is no bad thing it can be very hard to readjust to marriage. At first you spend time together and it is novel and new, then it wears off and it can be really difficult to then try and recreate your own separate spaces, without feeling like you are creating distance in a negative way. It is easy for people to say talk about it but it can be really difficult to portray needing personal space as a positive rather than a "I am bored or being with you and need to be with the guys" approach. You say you do what she likes but not your likes maybe you'd be better off next time that instead of tagging along simply encouraging her to go alone and gradually creating some space?

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[Bmore_chrissy 0]

Everything you listed as not having in common were hobbies or activities. My husband and I don't really have these things in common either, but we have personality-type things in common. If you can make each other laugh or have lengthy conversations about nothing, these are things you have 'in common.' It's not just about what activities you do. Those things may change over time, but your personalities won't (that much).

I have a lot in common 'activity-wise' with a bunch of dudes at the DZ, but I sure as hell don't want to spend the rest of my life with them. Just something to think about.

[BIGUN 1,406]

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i was thinking more about an older sailboat to live on in the harbor and occasionally take out.

You came here asking for advice; but it sounds as though your mind is made up.
You don't even share exactly what it is she likes to do; only the specifics of what you like to do and that hers is different.
Perhaps its time to just fess-up, man-up, and go fill out the paperwork.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[lilDevil 2]

I think that's a good amount of time, but surely you must have known you didn't have anything in common before you got married....?

I say don't waste anymore of your life with someone you're not happy with. if you don't have kids, get a divorce and move on.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

May I suggest this book?

His Needs, Her Needs

I think this book should be given to every newlywed couple.

I've often heard the first year of marriage is the toughest and I wholeheartedly agree.

I don't know if you're religious, but if you're Catholic there's a program called Retrouvaille. Maybe something to look into...

Good luck and I really hope you guys can find some common ground.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[TrophyHusband 0]

i haven't seen it mentioned (i may have missed it), so i'll say it. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN!!!

that said, i was in the navy for six years. even if you guys had a lot in common, you have an uphill battle. i've seen more marriages than i can count end after a six month deployment. how old are you guys? what are your rates? can you ask to get stationed at the same command, or do you have to wait until your current assignment is up to do that? i feel for you dude.

"Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama
www.kjandmegan.com

[Conundrum 1]

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i haven't seen it mentioned (i may have missed it), so i'll say it. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN!!!

SOOOOOO many people in this type of situation HAVE children because they think it will "make it better" when it pretty much does the exact opposite.

PLEASE do not have children. Get divorced and move on.

[hungarianchick 0]

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I say don't waste anymore of your life with someone you're not happy with. if you don't have kids, get a divorce and move on.

Wow, just wow. Whatever happened to 'til death do us part? Whatever happened to commitment? I just love it when people realize that marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies but it actually takes work and at the first sign of "trouble" they are ready to run off to divorce court!
Why don't you get off the forums, find a good counselor and at the same time find things to do together. I don't know, volunteer together. Do a date night. WHATEVER!

"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."

[Conundrum 1]

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I say don't waste anymore of your life with someone you're not happy with. if you don't have kids, get a divorce and move on.

Wow, just wow. Whatever happened to 'til death do us part? Whatever happened to commitment? I just love it when people realize that marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies but it actually takes work and at the first sign of "trouble" they are ready to run off to divorce court!
Why don't you get off the forums, find a good counselor and at the same time find things to do together. I don't know, volunteer together. Do a date night. WHATEVER!

I agree marriage takes work, but sometimes legitimate mistakes are made. I'm not talking about people who are perfect and happy and then one day one little thing goes wrong and they scream divorce. I'm talking about people who knew they shouldn't have gotten married, they knew they had nothing in common, but they did it anyway. Why not just fix the problem and move on?