caress 0 #26 November 2, 2008 There wasnt a trust issue here already? I guess I never looked at it that way Squeak. My thought is, this issue is already an unhealthy one for the kid. I suppose my suggestion could be viewed as how to make that situation worse. What else could ease this woman into allowing this child to exercise some self control and gain some growth in that part of his life. He has 3 years and alot to learn. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #27 November 2, 2008 Quote There wasnt a trust issue here already? I guess I never looked at it that way Squeak. My thought is, this issue is already an unhealthy one for the kid. I suppose my suggestion could be viewed as how to make that situation worse. What else could ease this woman into allowing this child to exercise some self control and gain some growth in that part of his life. He has 3 years and alot to learn. I dont know enough about the relationship to make a valid comment, but spying on him is NOT the way to go about itYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chiquita24 0 #28 November 2, 2008 I agree with pretty much everyone else here. Unless that kids a troublemaker he should be fine for a few hours. By 10 or 12 I was at home alone for hours. Actually by 12 I was babysitting. So, 15....I sure would hope he'd be fine. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
korbin 0 #29 November 2, 2008 Being 16, I can tell you that it would be pretty awful to be locked up like that. He is watching porn, playing video games, this and that. There are plenty of worse things he could be doing. You shouldn't be so concerned. but yeah, as the others said: too much drinking to do, too little time. (I liked the "can't find the scotch" comment) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrophyHusband 0 #30 November 2, 2008 it seems that most people here are responding as if its the mother asking the question. i'm assuming you are one the same page as most of the posters, but you haven't gotten much advice as to how to deal with the mother. here's my advice, start small. ask mama if you can just try leaving him for an hour. tell him that you will be back in 1 hour, no sooner, no later. give him porn. onviously he won't get into any trouble. use this technique to increase the time, and eventually she'll trust him enough that you can go out on a nice long date and when you mary her, he''l just think you're cool instead of giving you the "you're not my dad" attitude. "Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama www.kjandmegan.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #31 November 2, 2008 Wow...reading the responses in this thread makes me think my parents didn't care about me. Or maybe it was because we lived in a good neighborhood with trustworthy neighbors. But I remember comming home from school in 3rd grade and being home alone for 2 to 3 hours a day. I think the first time I was ever left home alone over night was at the age of 10. That may explain why I'm so independent though. Always have been. I've heard stories of when I was 2 years old instead of waking up my parents for breakfast I would just go in the kitchen and grab whatever I could. The 2 stories I've heard was once my parents came downstairs to find me watching Seseame Street and eating ice cream and the other was me eating Twinkies. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #32 November 5, 2008 THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! That is/was my point.Now how do I get that across to her??-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #33 November 5, 2008 Thank you for understanding the question and who was asking it. Now to get to work on her again. -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewEckhardt 0 #34 November 5, 2008 Quote OK,I really would like some thoughts on how young is too young to be left alone for a few hours during the day or early eve. My fiance has a 15 yr.old,good kid,but she will not go out of the house if he's home.I say he's old enough to take care of himself for 2-4 hours.Opinion from others may help my situation.We have not BEEN ALONE for over a month now HELP When I was 12 or 13 they sent me into the wildnerness with a swiss army knife and canteen. I had to make a shelter and sleep in it. I don't remember if that was more or less fun than starting fires without matches or lighters. At 14 or 15 the neighbors trusted me to watch their kids while they were at work. At 15, the kid should be able to look after himself for 24 hours unless he has a criminal record you don't know about. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #35 November 5, 2008 She's HER kid, not yours. When you are involved with someone who has a child, that is something you need to accept. Discipline and important decisions like whether or not to leave him home alone are simply not yours to make and they never will be. If you respect her, don't question her parenting. Even if she is in the wrong, it isn't your place to tell her and if you try, you'll only create problems between the two of you. Let me guess- is this why you're currently in the doghouse with her? And BTW- I've got an 18 year old nephew- in many ways a wonderful kid but he sure as hell could not have been trusted home alone at 15 even for a few hours. His parents left him for a long weekend last month and regretted it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #36 November 5, 2008 Worst part is HE CAN! But she won't let her "baby" alone so young.-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #37 November 5, 2008 QuoteShe's HER kid, not yours. When you are involved with someone who has a child, that is something you need to accept. Discipline and important decisions like whether or not to leave him home alone are simply not yours to make and they never will be. If you respect her, don't question her parenting. Even if she is in the wrong, it isn't your place to tell her and if you try, you'll only create problems between the two of you. See i would argue that, if the relationship in on solid ground, questioning decisions should not be an issue, having a discussion about it with her should be an OK thing, ultimately the final decision is hers but that in no way should imply that it is not open to question or discussion.You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #38 November 5, 2008 PRIVATELY discussing it is one thing, but even that depends on the relationship, and also how actively involved the father is. This isn't an infant or very young child that the OP has agreed to help raise as his own. She's been raising her son without the OPs help for a while now. And without OUR help as well, I might add! PUBLICLY questioning your fiance's parenting skills and decisions? Way over the line. I don't think that's something I could forgive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #39 November 5, 2008 In regards to what I asked in this thread 1) Iwas just asking other pepole thoughts 2)I never question her ability to raise her son.3)this is not done behind her back,she suggested I "put this out there" 4)It was just a question,nothing "discussed here in public will have any bearing on how our relationship or her son and his will turn out. I did not want to turn it heated. Nice weather we're having Bry -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beer 0 #40 November 5, 2008 I don't really see that as questioning her parenting skills, but I don't tend to over react to other people's questions and input. At 15 never having any space, how is the child supposed to figure things out on their own and grow as a person or learn responsibility. I see that as limiting their ability to survive on their own. As others stated, only 3 years until the kid is out on his own. That's a huge leap. Now if the OP and mother have never had time alone, how is she supposed to grow as a person and develop their relationship? What's going to happen to her when "her baby" moves out on his own? Granted we don't know the dynamics of the relationship, why the father isn't in the picture, if there is reason for her to not trust him. I think if the OP wasn't allowed to discuss the possibility of allowing the child to stay on his own for a couple of hours so they could go out and have some alone time after a few months, there may be other issues in that relationship, or maybe she just has her own trust issues. But hey, that's coming from someone who was watching his sister at 11 and fixing dinner (cooking for myself younger than that). I've also never dated a single mother, but I was a child in that situation. I'd have gone insane with that much supervision, but I also never sat at home playing video games all day. Learn to be happy. You can't be there for anybody else in life if you can't learn to be there for yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #41 November 5, 2008 OK, fair enough. I'm glad she knew about this. I would feel really betrayed if this kind of discussion was going on behind my back and that's why I spoke up. And like I said, I have a nephew whom I adore but truthfully, I would NOT have left him home alone at 15- even at 18 he's not the most trustworthy person. On the other hand, I was babysitting other people's children at age 12- go figure. Every kid is different and I'm sure your fiance has her reasons to be cautious. My gut tells me it is something she and her son will need to work out between them, and you'll need to wait it out if you want you alone time. I'm also a step mom (not actually married but close enough ...........) and she was 15 when me and my SO first got together, so I do have a little insight into the whole step parent to a teenager thing. Its not always easy, but my step daughter is awesome and I'm glad she's a part of my life- she's a young woman now and a step mom herself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
galvar2439 0 #42 November 6, 2008 Quote OK,I really would like some thoughts on how young is too young to be left alone for a few hours during the day or early eve. My fiance has a 15 yr.old,good kid,but she will not go out of the house if he's home.I say he's old enough to take care of himself for 2-4 hours.Opinion from others may help my situation.We have not BEEN ALONE for over a month now HELP Dude, your never going to win that one in any way, shape or form, accept it or move on. Good luck, thats a tough one!So i just broke up with this woman who wasn't even my girlfriend! Hellfish #782, POPS #10664 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chiquita24 0 #43 November 6, 2008 I think that you should start slow. Start by leaving him home for 1/2 hour or an hour and see how he does. Then go from there. Get the kid a movie (no, not a porno). I really believe that he will be fine! Talk privately with his mom and see why she hasn't left him home yet. What's her take on it? Is she scared to leave him alone? Does she think he will cause trouble? Or maybe she's just having a hard time watching her kid grow up? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #44 November 6, 2008 Quote 15 i was staying out all night with friends, no time to be home. Had too much drinking to do. You and I would have been great best-friends at 15. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #45 November 6, 2008 Cutaway NOW, dude! You're not going to be happy living with her and her 40 year-old man-boy.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #46 November 6, 2008 In Florida, the Child Welfare Law states that a kid can be left home for a few hours starting around age 8. HOWEVER, I think that it all depends on the kid and their maturity level. I have left my 8 & 10 yro (together) home alone for max 30 mins, but my 10 year started riding the bus home alone when she was in 3rd grade (8yrs old) and would be home alone for about 2.5 hrs. She now stays home for much longer periods, but she is also very mature. My aunt and uncle also live about a 1/4 mile down the road. But it really all depends on the kid. I have seen some 15 yro's that I wouldn't trust to make toast unsupervised let alone stay home alone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #47 November 6, 2008 Does she still help him go to the potty too? She needs to be preparing him to be out on his own, not coddling him from the cruel, cruel world. Most kids are babysitting younger children by this age. I'm sure the lad would really appreciate some respect and confidence. She wants him to grow into a mature man, right? Tell her to let him prove he can be trusted by leaving him alone! If he's like most kids that age, he'll be in the exact same position as when she left him. They get a little slug-like. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #48 November 6, 2008 Thanks Beer. That is one of the problems,time alone at home.I'm also concerned he will never "grow-up and the father,well doesn't give the kid the time of day.He said I'm the only father he ever had!The kid is so trust worhy,never did a thing wrong,grade good,so it seem to be a issue on her part.I asked him,no he would not have a problem being at home himself. "I'll play my video games,go." That was the answer we got. Notice WE,not me but WE-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #49 November 6, 2008 TRied -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #50 November 6, 2008 My reserve needs repacked -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
