DavidB 0 #26 September 19, 2008 What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene!When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #27 September 19, 2008 Quote What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Badumsh..... Ilene! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DavidB 0 #28 September 19, 2008 What do you call a man with no arms & no legs at your front door? Matt!When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #29 September 19, 2008 QuoteWhat do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a pile of leaves Russel What do you call a man with no arms & no legs hanging on a wall ArtYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites monkycndo 0 #30 September 19, 2008 What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water skiing? Skip. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs? Call him anything you fucking want. It's not as if he can do anything about it.50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 34 #31 September 19, 2008 QuoteWhat do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water skiing? Skip. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs? call him anything you fucking want. It's not as if he can do anything about it. well, if you get too close, he'll bite ya."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites monkycndo 0 #32 September 19, 2008 Say good night Billy.50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites GaryRay 0 #33 September 19, 2008 2 jews walk into a bar. They buy it.JewBag. www.jewbag.wordpress.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 34 #34 September 19, 2008 Quote Say good night Billy. You first... Still kicking here... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites akarunway 1 #35 September 19, 2008 Quote Let's hear some jokes...i see nothing but tumbleweeds rolling through here......so post your jokes, and everyone else will determine whether they are the funniest, corniest or just bad! My contributions... 1. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 2. What if you get scared half to death, twice? 3. Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks him 'Would you like a drink?' Descartes says 'I think not...' and poof! he disappears. Man goes to doctor. Doc says "You have to quit masterbating." Man says "Why?" Doc says "I'm trying to examine you"I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites gravitysurfer 0 #36 September 19, 2008 Two condoms standing outside a gay bar. One looks to the other and says, "feel like going in and getting shit-faced?" aloha. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Bolas 5 #37 September 19, 2008 What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob. I hope this doesn't go to SC... Late Night with Conan O'Brien * This week, someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! e-mail account, because she hadn't taken the proper security measures. So it's official: no one in the Palin family uses protection. (My Fave) * Barack Obama attended a fundraiser headlined by Barbra Streisand that raised $9 million. This was historic because it's the most money raised in one night and because it was the first time a black man ever attended a Barbra Streisand concert. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites EvilEagle 0 #38 September 19, 2008 Know how to kill a circus? Go for the juggler A bear walks into a bar and says "Hey bar keep I'll have a............................. Beer" Bartender says "Ok, but what's with the big paws?" Want to catch a polar bear? Cut a big hole in the ice & put some food in it. When he comes to get the food, kick him in the ice-hole. Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's hot in here." The other one goes "HOLY CRAP! A talking muffin!!!" A horse walks into a bar -- bartender says "Hey bud, why the long face?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bloody_trauma 2 #39 September 19, 2008 whats brown and sticky? A Stick... Fly it like you stole it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Baksteen 84 #40 September 19, 2008 From the second episode (which originally aired in 1982) of my favourite sitcom: Doctor: Why Koos - that's a nasty gash you have there.. What happened to you? Mien (Koos's wife): Yeah, doc, it's my birthday today so Koos took me to the chinise restaurant and after that we went to a bar. Well, you know how it goes, right.. beer, beer, beer, more beer-" Koos: -wine wine wine wine..- Mien: -"So I was talking to this nice person at the bar and Koos got jealous, see.." Koos: "It was a JOKE!" Mien: A poor joke, that was. So anyway, Koos has been taking judo classes lately and simply couldn't resist putting two fingers in the guy's neck in a way that probably hurts very much. So the guy gets really angry and asks what the hell and Koos tells him smugly it was a shashimi - that's judo, from Japan. So the guy loses it, storms out of the bar and comes back with a length of iron, socks Koos in the head with it and says: "that's the jack of my Mitsubishi.. also from Japan.""That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites quade 4 #41 September 19, 2008 QuoteFrom the second episode (which originally aired in 1982) of my favourite sitcom: Doctor: Why Koos - that's a nasty gash you have there.. What happened to you? Mien (Koos's wife): Yeah, doc, it's my birthday today so Koos took me to the chinise restaurant and after that we went to a bar. Well, you know how it goes, right.. beer, beer, beer, more beer-" Koos: -wine wine wine wine..- Mien: -"So I was talking to this nice person at the bar and Koos got jealous, see.." Koos: "It was a JOKE!" Mien: A poor joke, that was. So anyway, Koos has been taking judo classes lately and simply couldn't resist putting two fingers in the guy's neck in a way that probably hurts very much. So the guy gets really angry and asks what the hell and Koos tells him smugly it was a shashimi - that's judo, from Japan. So the guy loses it, storms out of the bar and comes back with a length of iron, socks Koos in the head with it and says: "that's the jack of my Mitsubishi.. also from Japan." VERY old hack joke . . . punchline when I heard it as a kid (and that should tell you it's pretty f'in' old) . . . "Crowbar from Sears." So, what show did they use that in? I don't recognize the names.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites popsjumper 2 #42 September 19, 2008 I used to be an old indian fighter but I had to give it up. I ran out of old indians to fight. Sung to the tune of Puff the Mighty Dragon: Christ, the mighty savior Lived by the sea He frolicked in the holy mist Of a land called Galilee Peter, Paul and Mary John and Jacob, too Followed in the footsteps of That energetic Jew Now saviors live forever But not our own J.C. Pilate nailed him to the cross At the age of thirty-three.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bluepill 0 #43 September 19, 2008 What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Baksteen 84 #44 September 19, 2008 Yeah, well.. you know how it is. The young crowd don't know the old jokes They used it in a Dutch sitcom, called "Zeg 'ns Aaa" ("Say Aaah") which tells about the daily affairs of the housekeeper of a doctor. I think the show ended in 1989 and AFAIK it has never been rerun. Out of nostalgia I watched a DVD of the show a few days ago, they used the joke in the second episode of the series (aired in 1982; I was two at the time). "That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bluepill 0 #45 September 19, 2008 What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip. BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Slowfaller 0 #46 September 19, 2008 What'd the fish think when it swam into a concrete wall? Dam --"Someday you will die and somehow somethings going to steal your carbon" -MM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Baksteen 84 #47 September 19, 2008 What did the bull say when they shot his mate? Holy cow!"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #48 September 19, 2008 Charles Dickens walks into a bar & orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist?" A skeleton walks into a bar & says, "I'll have a beer, and a mop!" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airdvr 210 #49 September 19, 2008 The clown thing made me think of this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJqnitjqpuMPlease don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Bolas 5 #50 September 19, 2008 Quote What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged BP Ah, a Lance Armstrong joke.Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 Next Page 2 of 5 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
monkycndo 0 #30 September 19, 2008 What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water skiing? Skip. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs? Call him anything you fucking want. It's not as if he can do anything about it.50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #31 September 19, 2008 QuoteWhat do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water skiing? Skip. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs? call him anything you fucking want. It's not as if he can do anything about it. well, if you get too close, he'll bite ya."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
monkycndo 0 #32 September 19, 2008 Say good night Billy.50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GaryRay 0 #33 September 19, 2008 2 jews walk into a bar. They buy it.JewBag. www.jewbag.wordpress.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #34 September 19, 2008 Quote Say good night Billy. You first... Still kicking here... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akarunway 1 #35 September 19, 2008 Quote Let's hear some jokes...i see nothing but tumbleweeds rolling through here......so post your jokes, and everyone else will determine whether they are the funniest, corniest or just bad! My contributions... 1. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 2. What if you get scared half to death, twice? 3. Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks him 'Would you like a drink?' Descartes says 'I think not...' and poof! he disappears. Man goes to doctor. Doc says "You have to quit masterbating." Man says "Why?" Doc says "I'm trying to examine you"I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gravitysurfer 0 #36 September 19, 2008 Two condoms standing outside a gay bar. One looks to the other and says, "feel like going in and getting shit-faced?" aloha. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #37 September 19, 2008 What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob. I hope this doesn't go to SC... Late Night with Conan O'Brien * This week, someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! e-mail account, because she hadn't taken the proper security measures. So it's official: no one in the Palin family uses protection. (My Fave) * Barack Obama attended a fundraiser headlined by Barbra Streisand that raised $9 million. This was historic because it's the most money raised in one night and because it was the first time a black man ever attended a Barbra Streisand concert. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EvilEagle 0 #38 September 19, 2008 Know how to kill a circus? Go for the juggler A bear walks into a bar and says "Hey bar keep I'll have a............................. Beer" Bartender says "Ok, but what's with the big paws?" Want to catch a polar bear? Cut a big hole in the ice & put some food in it. When he comes to get the food, kick him in the ice-hole. Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's hot in here." The other one goes "HOLY CRAP! A talking muffin!!!" A horse walks into a bar -- bartender says "Hey bud, why the long face?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bloody_trauma 2 #39 September 19, 2008 whats brown and sticky? A Stick... Fly it like you stole it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #40 September 19, 2008 From the second episode (which originally aired in 1982) of my favourite sitcom: Doctor: Why Koos - that's a nasty gash you have there.. What happened to you? Mien (Koos's wife): Yeah, doc, it's my birthday today so Koos took me to the chinise restaurant and after that we went to a bar. Well, you know how it goes, right.. beer, beer, beer, more beer-" Koos: -wine wine wine wine..- Mien: -"So I was talking to this nice person at the bar and Koos got jealous, see.." Koos: "It was a JOKE!" Mien: A poor joke, that was. So anyway, Koos has been taking judo classes lately and simply couldn't resist putting two fingers in the guy's neck in a way that probably hurts very much. So the guy gets really angry and asks what the hell and Koos tells him smugly it was a shashimi - that's judo, from Japan. So the guy loses it, storms out of the bar and comes back with a length of iron, socks Koos in the head with it and says: "that's the jack of my Mitsubishi.. also from Japan.""That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #41 September 19, 2008 QuoteFrom the second episode (which originally aired in 1982) of my favourite sitcom: Doctor: Why Koos - that's a nasty gash you have there.. What happened to you? Mien (Koos's wife): Yeah, doc, it's my birthday today so Koos took me to the chinise restaurant and after that we went to a bar. Well, you know how it goes, right.. beer, beer, beer, more beer-" Koos: -wine wine wine wine..- Mien: -"So I was talking to this nice person at the bar and Koos got jealous, see.." Koos: "It was a JOKE!" Mien: A poor joke, that was. So anyway, Koos has been taking judo classes lately and simply couldn't resist putting two fingers in the guy's neck in a way that probably hurts very much. So the guy gets really angry and asks what the hell and Koos tells him smugly it was a shashimi - that's judo, from Japan. So the guy loses it, storms out of the bar and comes back with a length of iron, socks Koos in the head with it and says: "that's the jack of my Mitsubishi.. also from Japan." VERY old hack joke . . . punchline when I heard it as a kid (and that should tell you it's pretty f'in' old) . . . "Crowbar from Sears." So, what show did they use that in? I don't recognize the names.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #42 September 19, 2008 I used to be an old indian fighter but I had to give it up. I ran out of old indians to fight. Sung to the tune of Puff the Mighty Dragon: Christ, the mighty savior Lived by the sea He frolicked in the holy mist Of a land called Galilee Peter, Paul and Mary John and Jacob, too Followed in the footsteps of That energetic Jew Now saviors live forever But not our own J.C. Pilate nailed him to the cross At the age of thirty-three.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #43 September 19, 2008 What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #44 September 19, 2008 Yeah, well.. you know how it is. The young crowd don't know the old jokes They used it in a Dutch sitcom, called "Zeg 'ns Aaa" ("Say Aaah") which tells about the daily affairs of the housekeeper of a doctor. I think the show ended in 1989 and AFAIK it has never been rerun. Out of nostalgia I watched a DVD of the show a few days ago, they used the joke in the second episode of the series (aired in 1982; I was two at the time). "That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #45 September 19, 2008 What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip. BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slowfaller 0 #46 September 19, 2008 What'd the fish think when it swam into a concrete wall? Dam --"Someday you will die and somehow somethings going to steal your carbon" -MM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #47 September 19, 2008 What did the bull say when they shot his mate? Holy cow!"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #48 September 19, 2008 Charles Dickens walks into a bar & orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist?" A skeleton walks into a bar & says, "I'll have a beer, and a mop!" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 210 #49 September 19, 2008 The clown thing made me think of this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJqnitjqpuMPlease don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #50 September 19, 2008 Quote What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged BP Ah, a Lance Armstrong joke.Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
