Darius11 12 #1 September 19, 2008 I live alone and have kind of a privet apartment no neighbors that are close. People always want to come over even though I am not a bachelor it is a bachelor pad. The problem is as I am getting older especially in the past 2 or 3 years I have become more and more of a loner. I have always been fine alone I don’t really get lonely, but used to like company as well. Lately company annoys me and it’s not my friends their great, it’s nothing that they do, it is just the presence of someone else around that makes me not as comfortable as I would be if I was alone. I have tried the straight approach and that has worked. I had a friend who used to stop by with out calling (I hate that) so I calmly told him my issue and he took it very well and understood. Now he calls How do you tell people over and over that you don’t want to hang out without hurting their feelings? I care about my friends I really do and would be there to help out if they ever needed me; I just like being alone. Same goes for my family they always want to visit and I never do. Some times I feel really guilty, because I love these people and I always want them to be happy and healthy however I want to be alone. Anyone else go through any thing like this? How do you ask for space lots of space with out hurting people’s feelings?I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #2 September 19, 2008 Tell them straight just like you wrote above - It would be perfectly acceptable to me. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #3 September 19, 2008 I am the same way... I live way out in the middle of no where and this helps me a lot. When I feel like being sociable, I go over to a friends or the DZ or whatever. I have just told people that when I am at home, that is "my time" (My boyfriend is excluded from this tho ). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
poe62 0 #4 September 19, 2008 Quote I have just told people that when I am at home, that is "my time" +1~Nikki http://www.facebook.com/poe62 Irgity Dirgity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #5 September 19, 2008 I guess you’re all right if people get offended then they get offended I am just being honest. Thank you I needed some reassuring. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 3 #6 September 19, 2008 There is absolutly nothing wrong with wanting alone time. People who make a big deal about it are projecting their own personal insecurities on you. I will add something here though, if there is a chance that you are depressed and avoiding people because of that or something similar then it is a little bit different. I do not gather this is the case. You just want some piece and quiet. Nothing wrong with that!She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #7 September 19, 2008 Quote Quote I have just told people that when I am at home, that is "my time" +1 +2 Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aresye 0 #8 September 19, 2008 Just tell them you're going jumping. My friends know that when I say this, I'm not going to be hanging out Skydiving: You either learn from other's mistakes, or they'll learn from yours. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pirana 0 #9 September 19, 2008 Quote I live alone and have kind of a privet apartment no neighbors that are close. People always want to come over even though I am not a bachelor it is a bachelor pad. The problem is as I am getting older especially in the past 2 or 3 years I have become more and more of a loner. I have always been fine alone I don’t really get lonely, but used to like company as well. Lately company annoys me and it’s not my friends their great, it’s nothing that they do, it is just the presence of someone else around that makes me not as comfortable as I would be if I was alone. I have tried the straight approach and that has worked. I had a friend who used to stop by with out calling (I hate that) so I calmly told him my issue and he took it very well and understood. Now he calls How do you tell people over and over that you don’t want to hang out without hurting their feelings? I care about my friends I really do and would be there to help out if they ever needed me; I just like being alone. Same goes for my family they always want to visit and I never do. Some times I feel really guilty, because I love these people and I always want them to be happy and healthy however I want to be alone. Anyone else go through any thing like this? How do you ask for space lots of space with out hurting people’s feelings? The only question I have is about you not saying you SOMETIMES want to be alone, or that you don't ALWAYS like to have company. Your statements, read literally, make it sound like you always want to be alone and never want company. If that were true, how do you have any friends to bother you? Hope you are not depressed, but it does read that way. If this is just a matter of not liking to be surprised (as an earlier post mentioned) then just let them know - - - call in advance. Then you can practice social avoidance by not answering the phone instead of not asnwering the door." . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stuntbabex 0 #10 September 19, 2008 "I have diarrhea." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
taylor.freefall 0 #11 September 20, 2008 Quote"I have diarrhea." + 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #12 September 20, 2008 Ask them to leave you alone.---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #13 September 20, 2008 I am remodeling in my house.. and its a construction mess... I will be ready to entertain in a year or so. Its a 1980's 4 bedroom house and it is in desparate need of an update. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #14 September 20, 2008 Why do you have to tell them anything? You don't owe anyone an explanation if you need some time alone. Just don't answer the phone or door. If someone tries to stop you on your way to/from your car, you can give a polite wave and just keep walking. They should get the *hint* _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squirrel 0 #15 September 20, 2008 my wife and i are the same way. when we shut the front gate, we shut out the world. our house is our escape, our sanctuary. if you want to come over to sit by the pool...you know where the towels are, and the beer in the fridge...you dont need to ask me.....and you know where the spare bedroom is...so again, you dont need to ask. if i am around, not busy, and interested in having a conversation, you better be ready to walk and talk...cause i am always moving. if you cant handle this...you will not like me, and that is ok. ________________________________ Where is Darwin when you need him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuna-Salad 0 #16 September 20, 2008 Tell them like it is.. if they get offended it's their problem. If they are real friends they will understand.Millions of my potential children died on your daughters' face last night. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #17 September 20, 2008 Put this on your front door. http://www.stickergiant.com/Merchant2/imgs/125/xws11_125.gif Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #18 September 20, 2008 It is not abnormal to want to have alone time. Like others said, just be honest and upfront. On the flipside, I do think its important to put time aside for your friends and family even if you don't feel like it. They deserve that. Too much alone can be harmful in so many ways. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
