cloudseeker2001 0 #51 May 6, 2007 rotten frog shit? this is funny! "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rudolfz 0 #52 May 6, 2007 IMO Food for thought: If a relationship is going to end is cheating really that bad a way for it to happen... I can guarantee that if your boyfriend/girlfriend phoned you from the bar at 1am and said “I want to breakup because I’ve met someone” you aren’t going to be “OK” with it. And you probably won’t get much sleep, as porno reels will be flying through your head all night. Saying “I cheated on you” (interpreted by the human brain as “I F$Ck$D someone else”) isn’t much better than saying “I am breaking up with you, I’ve found someone else” (interpreted by the human brain as “I am going to F$Ck someone else”)…ya that is so much better. Regardless, you still feel like dirt and I am not too sure one is significantly better than the other. At least with the first one you can blame the person for being a whore and thereby get over them quicker since you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a person like that anyways (as I am sure your friends will constantly be telling you). In the latter situation you can’t really bad mouth them cause they technically took the “moral” high ground, all they did was break up with you. They simply decided that someone else out there was better than you (for them) and decided to move on (the corollary being: they are too good for you). And to top it all off they don’t cheat!!! FAK!!! You don’t have a leg to stand on! Why the first one happens more often than the latter: Now, no one quits the minors for a tryout with a pro team, they leave the minors when the pro team has given them an offer. (this is in regards to cheating up, not down or across) Reasons why you don’t want the second scenario: Do you really want to be dumped with your SO saying “I am breaking up with you on the slight possibility that this other person may or may not consider sleeping with me at some point in the future, and though we haven’t had sex yet I am sure it will be much better than ours, and even though I don’t really know them that well, I am also sure that they will turn out to be better than you”. Hahah…Ouch!!! Discuss… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #53 May 7, 2007 End relationship 1 before getting into relationship 2. Yes, it'd hurt for a relationship to end, but at least the person isn't being a fucking asswipe by cheating. If the person isn't adult enough to end a relationship without cheating, the individual is just a child in an adult's body and needs to grow up and either use their balls (male) or grow a set (female) to be an adult and tell the person "Sorry...this isn't working for me."Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyTwoCents 0 #54 May 7, 2007 I don't condone cheating; it equates to lying, the doom of any relationship. Nonetheless, lifelong monogamy as the default is a myth. Not saying that it can't happen for people, but why not acknowledge the fact that it's possible to love more than one person? We've, by and far, gotten over homosexuality being a big deal in the society we live in. Polyamory will be the next big thing, on the entire spectrum from monogamy, to open sexual relationships, to deeply connected loving relationships with multiple people. I have friends that I don't sleep with, and friends that I sleep with. Love and intimacy is entirely orthogonal to it. My girlfriend once found a great new restaurant and I was happy for her. The next day she had a great lay with a great guy. I was happy for her. Jealousy, insecurity, and other people telling you how to live your life is so last century... That said, there's no reason to cheat and lie. Love the people in your universe; be honest, respectful, kind, fair, committed, and safe. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #55 May 7, 2007 Quote I don't condone cheating; it equates to lying, the doom of any relationship. Nonetheless, lifelong monogamy as the default is a myth. Not saying that it can't happen for people, but why not acknowledge the fact that it's possible to love more than one person? We've, by and far, gotten over homosexuality being a big deal in the society we live in. Polyamory will be the next big thing, on the entire spectrum from monogamy, to open sexual relationships, to deeply connected loving relationships with multiple people. I have friends that I don't sleep with, and friends that I sleep with. Love and intimacy is entirely orthogonal to it. My girlfriend once found a great new restaurant and I was happy for her. The next day she had a great lay with a great guy. I was happy for her. Jealousy, insecurity, and other people telling you how to live your life is so last century... That said, there's no reason to cheat and lie. Love the people in your universe; be honest, respectful, kind, fair, committed, and safe. wow, Im floored someone else who sees the world the way my husband does. The biggest thing that scares me is STD's. Crotch crud is on an all time high - even the minor things that can be cured with a shot, I don't want any of it, which is why monogamy is so important to me. I like to be able to have unprotected sex with my husband of all people and know that my cooter aint gonna fall out in a few weeks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyTwoCents 0 #56 May 7, 2007 Quote The biggest thing that scares me is STD's. Definitely agree, which is why I mentioned safety. I only sleep with people I trust (which I do not take lightly), and even so use all precautions (condoms, regular testing, etc.), and request my partners do the same. I know people that call themselves monogamous that, over their entire life span, have been orders of magnitude more promiscuous than I could be called. I value safety, respect, honesty, enjoyment; in that order. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rudolfz 0 #57 May 7, 2007 Wow, I too am floored. I’ve always considered myself open minded and I am comfortable with people in polyamorous relationships. Now, monogamy is hard but I don’t know if polyamory would be that much easier. I am quite impressed with how you can handle it. Personally, the thought of another guy’s penis in my girlfriend “Erks” me. Is that just me? I hope that doesn’t make me closed minded. To illustrate my point, I present the following scenarios for your analysis: Scenario #1 Girlfriend: Honey, I just slept with the most fabulous guy. Rudy: FANTASTIC! Hey, what say we go for a frapuccino and talk about it. Girlfriend: That would be great. Rudy… Rudy: Ya? Girlfriend: I love you Rudy: Not as much as I love you Scenario #2 Girlfriend: Honey, I just slept with the most fabulous guy Rudy: YOU FUCKING CUNT!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE I AM KEEEPING THE DOG! Girlfriend: I thought you’d understand Rudy: UNDERSTAND? ARE YOU FUCKING MENTAL? Girlfriend: I hate you (whilst sobbing) Rudy: NOT AS MUCH AS I HATE YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH!!! GEEEEET OOOUUUTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the “C”-bomb but I took creative liberty and believe that this word, as powerful as it is, best represented the emotional energy of the scene. Now, if you had to put your money on how I’d act my tip would be go with #2. Please don’t interpret this the wrong way. I know in reality #1 isn’t how it probably happens in real life (actually I have no idea, if I were ok with it and did want to hear about it, it may happen like that…I love frapuccinos! Question, if you don’t mind. Did it take some time to get used to it? Were you ok with it from the get go? I respect the power and control you have over your emotions and just want to know how you do it really and if polyamory can be a choice or it’s just the way some people are wired. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #58 May 7, 2007 If you go into a relationship and both parties have talked about AND BOTH have AGREED to an open relationship, that's totally different from a couple who are in a relationship and it's expected by one or both parties to be monogamous. If someone steps out of a relationship that is expected to be monogamous, they should be kicked to the curb.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyTwoCents 0 #59 May 7, 2007 Quote Question, if you don’t mind. Did it take some time to get used to it? Were you ok with it from the get go? I seem to have been born without the jealousy gene. Which isn't to say that I can't look towards other people and be envious, but it doesn't have negative connotations for me. If anything I am happy for them, and often I transform it into a goal to aspire for. Quote ... just want to know how you do it really and if polyamory can be a choice or it’s just the way some people are wired. That is a fascinating question, something I'm curious about myself. There is a certain biological and evolutionary aspect to the commonly accepted arrangement, which is to say that it takes two people to make a baby. That said, there is plenty of historical evidence of cultures throughout the ages that have covered a broad spectrum of sexuality. It wasn't until more recent years (meaning: two to three thousand years at most) that Eve took a bite of the proverbial apple, and suddenly some higher authority (be it God or the church) decided to step in and meddle with other people's thoughts on what feels good and what doesn't. This has ultimately led to a culture that is almost entirely based on the concept of "one true love". From Shakespeare to music to Hollywood movies. Ironically, I'm a huge sucker for this type of literature and movies. Give me a movie about serendipity at the train-station leading to love at first sight and a happy ever after and I'll need a box of handkerchiefs. However, reality tells me that it's not a workable form. I see it all around me. Divorce rates are through the roof. Now that people live longer and choose to own their life more and more, I don't think lifelong monogamy will be considered the default form of relationship in say, two centuries from now. That isn't to say that it can't work for some people. It sure can. I'm just saying that choosing it as the default may not work for everybody. And in fact, being honest about desire and primordial urges may very well build much stronger relationships. I don't love people because they choose to have sex with me exclusively. I don't love people because they tell me that they love me the most. I don't love people because I think I own them. I love people for what they add to the universe I live in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rudolfz 0 #60 May 7, 2007 Wow, well put. Unfortunately jealousy is one of those primordial urges for me, but not it the sense of always being jealous, just in the case of infidelity after the fact. But I am sure I can fix that, I used to be absolutely terrified of heights. And getting over that changed my world for the better by a long shot, who knows... I agree with you 100% on what you've said and think you'd be fascinated by the book Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature. http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0140245480 or Ladder theory http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html Peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyTwoCents 0 #61 May 7, 2007 Thanks for the links. I'm definitely picking up that book! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RunsWthSizzors 0 #62 May 7, 2007 I don't do "try-outs" and I expect my "sworn to be mine" not to either. Sure, that would be a great setup for some. Every time they saw someone attractive they would have a little"try-out". If they liked the person in the sack they dump you, if not, they just lie, tell you they love you, and off to the bar they go again hoping for another "try-out". When you tell someone they are your "one and only" they should be. If I am in a dating type relationship I understand that the people I am seeing are seeing other. But as soon as that relationship goes exclusive it changes. This is now my partner. Someone I trust, rely on, and share my inner most secrets, thought, and fears with. I respect that person and expect that in return. I know relationships end. I know that all to well and that is painful enough. But to add to that betryal and disrespect is devistating. It becomes harder and harder to love and to trust anyone. That is a very alone feeling. You fall in love with someone but can't give yourself to them so even if you enter a relationship you are still very alone. Sucks to be me!!!! How about them Padres???? If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rudolfz 0 #63 May 7, 2007 I don't agree with it either, it's just an observation I've made. I know several people who have not been single in the last several years but have been in many relationships. Not my thing personally, but it happens. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyTwoCents 0 #64 May 7, 2007 Quote I don't do "try-outs" and I expect my "sworn to be mine" not to either. Sure, that would be a great setup for some. Every time they saw someone attractive they would have a little"try-out". If they liked the person in the sack they dump you... You're choosing some very interesting terminology that I find rather telling. Dumping a person simply because you enjoyed somebody else more than your current partner seems like a poor reason to end a relationship. Aren't relationships about more than the quality of sex? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #65 May 7, 2007 Quote Aren't relationships about more than the quality of sex? Not where my husband is concerned... He wrote the book on being a tit bag and being high maintenance.. he even gets a bit warped when its my time o' the month. He eats, breathes, sleeps etc etc etc sex sex sex .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #66 May 8, 2007 Quote If you go into a relationship and both parties have talked about AND BOTH have AGREED to an open relationship, that's totally different from a couple who are in a relationship and it's expected by one or both parties to be monogamous. If someone steps out of a relationship that is expected to be monogamous, they should be kicked to the curb. Once again, an honest open relationship can hardly be called cheating, though it would be hard to imagine an open relationship without its own set of rules. And even those rules can be broken and create the feelings of betrayal and mistrust. It's the lying and attempts to conceal and explain away our most intimate form of behavior that make cheating so doubly painful. Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RunsWthSizzors 0 #67 May 8, 2007 Quote Quote I don't do "try-outs" and I expect my "sworn to be mine" not to either. Sure, that would be a great setup for some. Every time they saw someone attractive they would have a little"try-out". If they liked the person in the sack they dump you... You're choosing some very interesting terminology that I find rather telling. Dumping a person simply because you enjoyed somebody else more than your current partner seems like a poor reason to end a relationship. Aren't relationships about more than the quality of sex? One would HOPE so. My comments were in response to: Quote Now, no one quits the minors for a try-out with a pro team, they leave the minors when the pro team has given them an offer. (this is in regards to cheating up, not down or across) MY relationships are. Well, wait a sec. My side of the relationship is about much more. I can't speak for the other half. But I know that I have had more than one experience where the guy moved on but forgot to mention it to me. And cheating includes MORE than sex. I have heard, "I didn't do anything wrong!" I have news for these spineless excuse makers. You don't have to "stick it in" to be cheating. If you are spending time with a person that your partner is unaware of AND you are hiding and/or lying about it you are cheating.If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyTwoCents 0 #68 May 8, 2007 Quote If you are spending time with a person that your partner is unaware of AND you are hiding and/or lying about it you are cheating. Definitely agree. Thanks for the clarification. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fullonmother 0 #69 May 8, 2007 Let's face it - we are all human beings and reasonably intelligent to boot. Intelligent things thrive on variety - and the instinct for man to procreate is as strong as for a woman to have a baby she's carrying and not to abort. Just look around the world and see how many people have cheated or have been cheated on - now tell me it's not human nature. It is almost a flawed concept (fidelity). Sad and hurtful I know - but alas that is mother nature. I do not condone and I lose respect for anyone who is running two relationships side by side - but a one off every now and again - well at least I understand why and if a girl I loved did this I would forgive for sure. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dumpster 0 #70 May 8, 2007 "Try-outs" = Dating, so I figure. I'm dating a girl on a steady basis. We're not seeing anyone else, and have agreed that if we do desire to date others then we will talk to one another about it, first. Much easier to tell some some one "I want to see other people". Truth herts, but lies hurt even more. And there's always the break-up sex!! Easy Does It Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #71 May 8, 2007 Quote I don't condone cheating; it equates to lying, the doom of any relationship. Nonetheless, lifelong monogamy as the default is a myth. Not saying that it can't happen for people, but why not acknowledge the fact that it's possible to love more than one person? We've, by and far, gotten over homosexuality being a big deal in the society we live in. Polyamory will be the next big thing, on the entire spectrum from monogamy, to open sexual relationships, to deeply connected loving relationships with multiple people. I have friends that I don't sleep with, and friends that I sleep with. Love and intimacy is entirely orthogonal to it. My girlfriend once found a great new restaurant and I was happy for her. The next day she had a great lay with a great guy. I was happy for her. Jealousy, insecurity, and other people telling you how to live your life is so last century... That said, there's no reason to cheat and lie. Love the people in your universe; be honest, respectful, kind, fair, committed, and safe. Hey if you're down with being a swinger and fucking multiple people while being in a "relationship", that's cool by me; but calling people who aren't ok with their partners dick being in another vagina the day before, insecure and jealous? Pfft. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ether 0 #72 May 9, 2007 Quote Hey if you're down with being a swinger "swinger" is a bit of an overloaded word and tends to carry the wrong connotations -- e.g. rampant promiscuity, casual sex without meaning or emotion. Multiple sexual relationships within the context of something more tangible and emotional is not "swinging". Quote ...and fucking multiple people while being in a "relationship", that's cool by me Does your use of quotes mean you do not consider it a real relationship? Quote ...but calling people who aren't ok with their partners dick being in another vagina the day before, insecure and jealous? Pfft. So why aren't you okay with it? Personally, I just want to know that that dick is coming back clean and happy. If it comes back with a story and some extra skills, so much the better. Looking for newbie rig, all components... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindercles 0 #73 May 9, 2007 Quote Personally, I just want to know that that dick is coming back clean... Of course, it's impossible to know that for sure. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ianmdrennan 2 #74 May 9, 2007 Quote Quote If you are spending time with a person that your partner is unaware of AND you are hiding and/or lying about it you are cheating. Definitely agree. Thanks for the clarification. I agree with that definition, regardless of whether the relationship is considered 'conventional' or not. I also believe that once someone cheats once, they'll do it again at some point. It's just a matter of the right circumstances for them to justify their disgusting behavior. People typically equate cheating to sex, I believe it's deception - it just so happens that in 99% of 'conventional' relationships that sex is how it manifests itself. I also believe that it's a pretty good indication on what they'll do to their regular friends in the right circumstances too. If they will do it to someone they are supposed to care about, why would they treat those who aren't as close to them any differently. IanPerformance Designs Factory Team Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ether 0 #75 May 9, 2007 Quote Of course, it's impossible to know that for sure. Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I'm selective. There's a fair amount of trust and respect required, and I want to know that I am respected in return. I don't need to know where exactly it's been, but I do need to trust that I'm kept informed of anything I should know about (and for that judgement to be correct).Looking for newbie rig, all components... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
