ladyskydiver 0 #26 February 1, 2005 Way cool. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duckwater 0 #27 February 1, 2005 I just talked to my older brother for an hour. He lives 10 minutes away from where I lived in California for 5 years. We have soo much in common concerning beliefs and stuff......He lives near Perris so next time I go skydiving, we are going to party in the bombshelter....He said that this has been bugging her for years and that he has never seen her so happy that I didn't reject her. This is a 100% great thing for everybody. Mike -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lewmonst 0 #28 February 1, 2005 That's great. My oldest brother and my mom were adopted. My mom found my brothers biological family and her own biological family. My mom had been searching for years. She'd always said she just wanted to meet her biological mother to tell her how grateful she was to be alive. Her biological mother had passed away when she found a brother, but I think the message got through. Both my mom and brother were happy to find relatives and answers, and even more appreciative of their adoptive families. My mom visits her new brothers and sisters regularly. Congrats. peace lewhttp://www.exitshot.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #29 February 1, 2005 So very, very cool! "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #30 February 1, 2005 That's a wonderful story. :) Personally, I was adopted at birth, and could really not care less if I ever meet my birth parents. I'll admit to curiosity, but I don't have the pressing need that a lot of adoptees have. That said, I have seen what some of my friends have gone through trying to find birth families/adopted children. There's a lot of pain and anguish involved. I don't want anyone to go through that on my account, so I've made myself very easy to find in five minutes on the internet if one has the right information, such as birthday and case number, which a birth parent would have. It's wonderful that your reunion is working out so well! I've heard of some going really badly. It's good that they wanted to meet you, and you're open to meeting them. Too many times, adoption is a dark family secret that either birth parents or adopted parents don't want known. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #31 February 1, 2005 QuoteVery cool story, congratulations! And if you find yourself still in Seattle on the weekend, come out to Snohomish and we'll do a celebratory jump with you! ME TOO!!! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites karenmeal 0 #32 February 1, 2005 I'll do a hooray for everything jump with ya too if you come to Seattle! -Karen "Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skygirlpc 0 #33 February 1, 2005 Congratulations! Thats awesome! I'm so excited for you. As the sister of three wonderful siblings that were adopted this story hits close to home! I wish you and both of your families the very best! Blue Skies & God Bless! Danielle "Life is either a great adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Sheenster303 0 #34 February 1, 2005 I, myself, was not adopted, but my older brother and sister were. My parents had told them they could always go find their biological parents if they wanted and they would not be upset or love them any less. My brother told my mom that she's the only mom he'll ever have and he had no desire to find his biological parents. My sister said the same thing. I'm sure the curiosity is there, but they don't want to act on it. Now I wanna work at an adoption agency and help children find loving homes.I'm so funny I crack my head open! P.M.S. #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #35 February 1, 2005 I told my Dad and he seemed OK.....I got a message that he wanted to send baby pics to show my birth mother when I visit and it seemed like he was upset. My sister told me she once tried to find her birth mom and my Mom freaked out. I am having my sister call them to feel out the situation. Should they be freaked out? My sister said that my Mom for sure is.....I don't recall ever having a discussion about finding my birth mother... This might be a big can of worms too,...... Mike Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites masterrig 1 #36 February 1, 2005 What a wonderful story. I wish you all the best and I'm sure, it will all work-out good for you. Congradulations!!! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites cybercom 0 #37 February 1, 2005 Cool for you, I like to ear some good news. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Marz 0 #38 February 1, 2005 QuoteI told my Dad and he seemed OK.....I got a message that he wanted to send baby pics to show my birth mother when I visit and it seemed like he was upset. My sister told me she once tried to find her birth mom and my Mom freaked out. I am having my sister call them to feel out the situation. Should they be freaked out? My sister said that my Mom for sure is.....I don't recall ever having a discussion about finding my birth mother... This might be a big can of worms too,...... Mike I was told really young that I was adopted and I was always told that if I wanted to look for my birth parents, my parents would support me, and they have. I'm sorry to hear that your paents are freaked. I guess, if I put myself in their shoes, it might feel like a bit of a threat. Granted, you're an adult, but in your mom's eyes, you're the kid she raised and she might be afraid to lose you. There is no logic to feelings like that (kind of like loving someone you never met) and I figure your parents probably needs to be reassured that you won't abandon them. _________________________________________ Did I just kill another thread? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites elizfowler 0 #39 February 1, 2005 What a truly wonderful bit of "feel good" news today! Thanks for sharing that with the forum, it's quite special and so heart-warming. Warm Regards on your happy occasion...Elizabeth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Salsa_John 0 #40 February 1, 2005 So happy for you... "You did what?!?!" MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites WrongWay 0 #41 February 1, 2005 Words can't express how wonderful that is. Wrong Way D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451 The wiser wolf prevails. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites n2skdvn 0 #42 February 1, 2005 Way cool manif my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites dgskydive 0 #43 February 1, 2005 THAT IS AWESOME MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope it all works out for you! I had a sister that I didn't meet until she was 15 or 16 years old. That was an experience. It didn't seem real. Took sometime to get used to it. I am sure youwill get much joy from this. A lot of questions and answers to be had.Dom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites outlawhottie 0 #44 February 1, 2005 That's really awesome! Best of lick to you meeting. Just shows you how wonderful God is and that He has plan for everything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #45 February 2, 2005 OK...my sister called my parents and they were initally a little freaked, but on my behalf. We are ALL in agreement that this is a good thing concerning my medical history. I also think the timing is appropiate. If I was still a kid with my parents, it would have been wierd. We are all grown adults, and I for sure wanted her to know at some point before she dies what a wonderful life she gave me. I have a lot of adopted friends that are on the edge of their seat to see how this turns out. I am stoked about having a big brother! I told him today "Where the hell were you when I was gettin picked on in Jr High???!!!" He is flying to seattle on Monday too to meet me. This is a day I will never forget. Mike -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #46 April 8, 2006 UPDATE ON THE SITUATION - 1 year later I had talked to my mom/sis/bro a few trimes before the visit and it was interesting but there was an obvious rift between bro and mom/sis that they were all to freely talking about. The visit (2 days) with my birth mom/half sis and her son went very well. My half brother lives in CA five miles from where I lived. He did not come to Seattle for the visit. We all got along great and had a nice dinner on the last night and all cried a bit. I learned my mom was abused and had a very hard life. I learned I was the product of a one night stand (found him too) and she gave me up for monetary reasons...(A GREAT REASON) I learned that they were very poor and my half bro says he remembers eating out of trash cans. My dad was a pilot and flew to Bangor once a week and I ate lobster and steak all the time. Private school, college, car, airplane all paid for. I felt really guilty but my honest reaction was "WHEW! that was close!" I finally told them the way I felt recently but I was ashamed to. I had everything on a silver platter and they are struggling financially still. (My half bro does OK) I think my dad gave me the work ethic I have that has allowed me pretty good sucess that I would not have had otherwise. Plus, I needed his discipline. I would be in jail if it werent for "The Great Santini" When I got home, EVERYBODY was asking me how I felt. I honestly didnt know and had no idea how to process the emotions. Frankly, it was the LACK of emotion.I got so sick of answering the question that I didnt call my half brother after the visit because I knew he would ask. He was very hurt by this and hasnt spoken to me since. To me, that reaction makes me want to meet him even less. I dont like drama and they all seem to strive on it. My adoped family has ZERO drama. Also, I cant fake love and, while I love what she did, I dont love her. She claims to deeply love me. My girlfriends understand but to me it makes no sense. She doesnt even know me. She would say "I love you" every time we talked trying to get me to say it to. I never would. And, the one big thig that freaked me out is when she said that "I love you as much as my other 2 kids" - I said "God I hope not! - You raised them"... I quit calling her after this and she was evidently crushed, as was my half sister and her son who thought I was da bomb. My half sister is VERY cool and if she lived closer we would be close Im sure. But, if I get a few days off, there are friends and their kids I have a long and loving relationship that I consider family that will always come first. I am not, and have never been all that close to my adopted family. They are all great and I had the best childhood of anyone I know but we are not the closest family. I am VERY close to about 5 of my friends and their kids and they are the most important people in my life. I wonder if I rationalized that I could pick my own 'family' since I was adopted. I feel bad but I cant fake emotions. My sis is one of those pretty judgemental Christians and we clash on a lot of stuff (last one was the Osbournes). My parents are great for about 2 days then their friggin dog (we call it the granddog) will drive you insane. I feel bad that my 'selected' family is way more a part of my life than my birth or adopted ones but thats the way I feel. I need to get closer to my adopted family I know but I dont know what to do with my birth parents. I called my birth father a year ago and told him we owe each other a beer. He is very unemotional about this and open to meeting me. I will meet him soon but it will be out of curiosity. He said he works for Sony Pics and has a house in Hollywood with a deck and hot tub and he parties all the time. I was like "DAD!" My birth mom emailed me on my birthday and I responded but I think I am going to cut ties. I have no need for a relationship with them and if I did have one anyway, it would be awkward at best. They are all deeply offended already at my lack of desire for a relationship. People familiar with these situations told me a year ago that this was the BEST that would happen... I think it would have been much better for them if they had not contacted me. I wanted her to know Im OK but I think she is more depressed now. For me, it is a great story to tell and got rid of a little seldom thought curiosity, thats it. Heres a pic from that dinner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hooked 0 #47 April 8, 2006 I understand when you say "you don't love her". While I wasn't adopted, my mother was not in my life at all, no contact, nothing from the time I was 6 or 7 until many, many years later. Then she decides to 'show up'. My Dad had gotten custody of us 4 girls and we moved out of state. When my Mother showed up all those years later, I had no love there, I honestly didn't 'know' her. I don't believe love is instantaneous. If she loved us, she would have kept in contact. I have no hard feelings, we were better off, but I had no memories of her, so the mother/daughter love was never acquired. I'm glad you got to meet your mother and learn about her and get the necessary medical info. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Michele 1 #48 April 9, 2006 As someone who has walked in your shoes - up to and including the cutting of ties - all I can say is do what's right for you; there's no reason to continue a relationship past what you want. And I completely understand your not loving her; when I met my birth family, there was some friendship, but it was not love. And it certainly did not come near what I feel for my family - the one that adopted me. I'd give my life for them...the birth family? Well, if I could help without it hurting, I'd consider it. You're having a normal "reunion" path, Mike. The people that put you on the planet are not your family; the people who raised you, loved you, took care of you for years - that's your family. So worry not should the decision be to cut off ties...I did that about 10 years ago, and haven't regretted it whatsoever. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #49 April 9, 2006 Thanks Michele, The only reason I feel bad is that I have caused - well, not caused but my rational and fair reaction is causing them so much pain. I dont feel bad for my actions, I was honest about my feelings, I just hate seeing people upset like that, even if it is irrational. A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ladyskydiver 0 #50 April 9, 2006 I'm glad that you were able to meet your birth family but am sorry that you're stressed. You have no reason to feel bad about your decision. Your birth mom can not expect to walk into your life and have her you love her as though it was day 1. Hugs!Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
ACMESkydiver 0 #31 February 1, 2005 QuoteVery cool story, congratulations! And if you find yourself still in Seattle on the weekend, come out to Snohomish and we'll do a celebratory jump with you! ME TOO!!! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
karenmeal 0 #32 February 1, 2005 I'll do a hooray for everything jump with ya too if you come to Seattle! -Karen "Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygirlpc 0 #33 February 1, 2005 Congratulations! Thats awesome! I'm so excited for you. As the sister of three wonderful siblings that were adopted this story hits close to home! I wish you and both of your families the very best! Blue Skies & God Bless! Danielle "Life is either a great adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheenster303 0 #34 February 1, 2005 I, myself, was not adopted, but my older brother and sister were. My parents had told them they could always go find their biological parents if they wanted and they would not be upset or love them any less. My brother told my mom that she's the only mom he'll ever have and he had no desire to find his biological parents. My sister said the same thing. I'm sure the curiosity is there, but they don't want to act on it. Now I wanna work at an adoption agency and help children find loving homes.I'm so funny I crack my head open! P.M.S. #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duckwater 0 #35 February 1, 2005 I told my Dad and he seemed OK.....I got a message that he wanted to send baby pics to show my birth mother when I visit and it seemed like he was upset. My sister told me she once tried to find her birth mom and my Mom freaked out. I am having my sister call them to feel out the situation. Should they be freaked out? My sister said that my Mom for sure is.....I don't recall ever having a discussion about finding my birth mother... This might be a big can of worms too,...... Mike Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #36 February 1, 2005 What a wonderful story. I wish you all the best and I'm sure, it will all work-out good for you. Congradulations!!! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cybercom 0 #37 February 1, 2005 Cool for you, I like to ear some good news. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marz 0 #38 February 1, 2005 QuoteI told my Dad and he seemed OK.....I got a message that he wanted to send baby pics to show my birth mother when I visit and it seemed like he was upset. My sister told me she once tried to find her birth mom and my Mom freaked out. I am having my sister call them to feel out the situation. Should they be freaked out? My sister said that my Mom for sure is.....I don't recall ever having a discussion about finding my birth mother... This might be a big can of worms too,...... Mike I was told really young that I was adopted and I was always told that if I wanted to look for my birth parents, my parents would support me, and they have. I'm sorry to hear that your paents are freaked. I guess, if I put myself in their shoes, it might feel like a bit of a threat. Granted, you're an adult, but in your mom's eyes, you're the kid she raised and she might be afraid to lose you. There is no logic to feelings like that (kind of like loving someone you never met) and I figure your parents probably needs to be reassured that you won't abandon them. _________________________________________ Did I just kill another thread? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elizfowler 0 #39 February 1, 2005 What a truly wonderful bit of "feel good" news today! Thanks for sharing that with the forum, it's quite special and so heart-warming. Warm Regards on your happy occasion...Elizabeth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salsa_John 0 #40 February 1, 2005 So happy for you... "You did what?!?!" MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WrongWay 0 #41 February 1, 2005 Words can't express how wonderful that is. Wrong Way D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451 The wiser wolf prevails. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n2skdvn 0 #42 February 1, 2005 Way cool manif my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dgskydive 0 #43 February 1, 2005 THAT IS AWESOME MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope it all works out for you! I had a sister that I didn't meet until she was 15 or 16 years old. That was an experience. It didn't seem real. Took sometime to get used to it. I am sure youwill get much joy from this. A lot of questions and answers to be had.Dom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
outlawhottie 0 #44 February 1, 2005 That's really awesome! Best of lick to you meeting. Just shows you how wonderful God is and that He has plan for everything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #45 February 2, 2005 OK...my sister called my parents and they were initally a little freaked, but on my behalf. We are ALL in agreement that this is a good thing concerning my medical history. I also think the timing is appropiate. If I was still a kid with my parents, it would have been wierd. We are all grown adults, and I for sure wanted her to know at some point before she dies what a wonderful life she gave me. I have a lot of adopted friends that are on the edge of their seat to see how this turns out. I am stoked about having a big brother! I told him today "Where the hell were you when I was gettin picked on in Jr High???!!!" He is flying to seattle on Monday too to meet me. This is a day I will never forget. Mike -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #46 April 8, 2006 UPDATE ON THE SITUATION - 1 year later I had talked to my mom/sis/bro a few trimes before the visit and it was interesting but there was an obvious rift between bro and mom/sis that they were all to freely talking about. The visit (2 days) with my birth mom/half sis and her son went very well. My half brother lives in CA five miles from where I lived. He did not come to Seattle for the visit. We all got along great and had a nice dinner on the last night and all cried a bit. I learned my mom was abused and had a very hard life. I learned I was the product of a one night stand (found him too) and she gave me up for monetary reasons...(A GREAT REASON) I learned that they were very poor and my half bro says he remembers eating out of trash cans. My dad was a pilot and flew to Bangor once a week and I ate lobster and steak all the time. Private school, college, car, airplane all paid for. I felt really guilty but my honest reaction was "WHEW! that was close!" I finally told them the way I felt recently but I was ashamed to. I had everything on a silver platter and they are struggling financially still. (My half bro does OK) I think my dad gave me the work ethic I have that has allowed me pretty good sucess that I would not have had otherwise. Plus, I needed his discipline. I would be in jail if it werent for "The Great Santini" When I got home, EVERYBODY was asking me how I felt. I honestly didnt know and had no idea how to process the emotions. Frankly, it was the LACK of emotion.I got so sick of answering the question that I didnt call my half brother after the visit because I knew he would ask. He was very hurt by this and hasnt spoken to me since. To me, that reaction makes me want to meet him even less. I dont like drama and they all seem to strive on it. My adoped family has ZERO drama. Also, I cant fake love and, while I love what she did, I dont love her. She claims to deeply love me. My girlfriends understand but to me it makes no sense. She doesnt even know me. She would say "I love you" every time we talked trying to get me to say it to. I never would. And, the one big thig that freaked me out is when she said that "I love you as much as my other 2 kids" - I said "God I hope not! - You raised them"... I quit calling her after this and she was evidently crushed, as was my half sister and her son who thought I was da bomb. My half sister is VERY cool and if she lived closer we would be close Im sure. But, if I get a few days off, there are friends and their kids I have a long and loving relationship that I consider family that will always come first. I am not, and have never been all that close to my adopted family. They are all great and I had the best childhood of anyone I know but we are not the closest family. I am VERY close to about 5 of my friends and their kids and they are the most important people in my life. I wonder if I rationalized that I could pick my own 'family' since I was adopted. I feel bad but I cant fake emotions. My sis is one of those pretty judgemental Christians and we clash on a lot of stuff (last one was the Osbournes). My parents are great for about 2 days then their friggin dog (we call it the granddog) will drive you insane. I feel bad that my 'selected' family is way more a part of my life than my birth or adopted ones but thats the way I feel. I need to get closer to my adopted family I know but I dont know what to do with my birth parents. I called my birth father a year ago and told him we owe each other a beer. He is very unemotional about this and open to meeting me. I will meet him soon but it will be out of curiosity. He said he works for Sony Pics and has a house in Hollywood with a deck and hot tub and he parties all the time. I was like "DAD!" My birth mom emailed me on my birthday and I responded but I think I am going to cut ties. I have no need for a relationship with them and if I did have one anyway, it would be awkward at best. They are all deeply offended already at my lack of desire for a relationship. People familiar with these situations told me a year ago that this was the BEST that would happen... I think it would have been much better for them if they had not contacted me. I wanted her to know Im OK but I think she is more depressed now. For me, it is a great story to tell and got rid of a little seldom thought curiosity, thats it. Heres a pic from that dinner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hooked 0 #47 April 8, 2006 I understand when you say "you don't love her". While I wasn't adopted, my mother was not in my life at all, no contact, nothing from the time I was 6 or 7 until many, many years later. Then she decides to 'show up'. My Dad had gotten custody of us 4 girls and we moved out of state. When my Mother showed up all those years later, I had no love there, I honestly didn't 'know' her. I don't believe love is instantaneous. If she loved us, she would have kept in contact. I have no hard feelings, we were better off, but I had no memories of her, so the mother/daughter love was never acquired. I'm glad you got to meet your mother and learn about her and get the necessary medical info. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Michele 1 #48 April 9, 2006 As someone who has walked in your shoes - up to and including the cutting of ties - all I can say is do what's right for you; there's no reason to continue a relationship past what you want. And I completely understand your not loving her; when I met my birth family, there was some friendship, but it was not love. And it certainly did not come near what I feel for my family - the one that adopted me. I'd give my life for them...the birth family? Well, if I could help without it hurting, I'd consider it. You're having a normal "reunion" path, Mike. The people that put you on the planet are not your family; the people who raised you, loved you, took care of you for years - that's your family. So worry not should the decision be to cut off ties...I did that about 10 years ago, and haven't regretted it whatsoever. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Duckwater 0 #49 April 9, 2006 Thanks Michele, The only reason I feel bad is that I have caused - well, not caused but my rational and fair reaction is causing them so much pain. I dont feel bad for my actions, I was honest about my feelings, I just hate seeing people upset like that, even if it is irrational. A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ladyskydiver 0 #50 April 9, 2006 I'm glad that you were able to meet your birth family but am sorry that you're stressed. You have no reason to feel bad about your decision. Your birth mom can not expect to walk into your life and have her you love her as though it was day 1. Hugs!Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. 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Duckwater 0 #45 February 2, 2005 OK...my sister called my parents and they were initally a little freaked, but on my behalf. We are ALL in agreement that this is a good thing concerning my medical history. I also think the timing is appropiate. If I was still a kid with my parents, it would have been wierd. We are all grown adults, and I for sure wanted her to know at some point before she dies what a wonderful life she gave me. I have a lot of adopted friends that are on the edge of their seat to see how this turns out. I am stoked about having a big brother! I told him today "Where the hell were you when I was gettin picked on in Jr High???!!!" He is flying to seattle on Monday too to meet me. This is a day I will never forget. Mike -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duckwater 0 #46 April 8, 2006 UPDATE ON THE SITUATION - 1 year later I had talked to my mom/sis/bro a few trimes before the visit and it was interesting but there was an obvious rift between bro and mom/sis that they were all to freely talking about. The visit (2 days) with my birth mom/half sis and her son went very well. My half brother lives in CA five miles from where I lived. He did not come to Seattle for the visit. We all got along great and had a nice dinner on the last night and all cried a bit. I learned my mom was abused and had a very hard life. I learned I was the product of a one night stand (found him too) and she gave me up for monetary reasons...(A GREAT REASON) I learned that they were very poor and my half bro says he remembers eating out of trash cans. My dad was a pilot and flew to Bangor once a week and I ate lobster and steak all the time. Private school, college, car, airplane all paid for. I felt really guilty but my honest reaction was "WHEW! that was close!" I finally told them the way I felt recently but I was ashamed to. I had everything on a silver platter and they are struggling financially still. (My half bro does OK) I think my dad gave me the work ethic I have that has allowed me pretty good sucess that I would not have had otherwise. Plus, I needed his discipline. I would be in jail if it werent for "The Great Santini" When I got home, EVERYBODY was asking me how I felt. I honestly didnt know and had no idea how to process the emotions. Frankly, it was the LACK of emotion.I got so sick of answering the question that I didnt call my half brother after the visit because I knew he would ask. He was very hurt by this and hasnt spoken to me since. To me, that reaction makes me want to meet him even less. I dont like drama and they all seem to strive on it. My adoped family has ZERO drama. Also, I cant fake love and, while I love what she did, I dont love her. She claims to deeply love me. My girlfriends understand but to me it makes no sense. She doesnt even know me. She would say "I love you" every time we talked trying to get me to say it to. I never would. And, the one big thig that freaked me out is when she said that "I love you as much as my other 2 kids" - I said "God I hope not! - You raised them"... I quit calling her after this and she was evidently crushed, as was my half sister and her son who thought I was da bomb. My half sister is VERY cool and if she lived closer we would be close Im sure. But, if I get a few days off, there are friends and their kids I have a long and loving relationship that I consider family that will always come first. I am not, and have never been all that close to my adopted family. They are all great and I had the best childhood of anyone I know but we are not the closest family. I am VERY close to about 5 of my friends and their kids and they are the most important people in my life. I wonder if I rationalized that I could pick my own 'family' since I was adopted. I feel bad but I cant fake emotions. My sis is one of those pretty judgemental Christians and we clash on a lot of stuff (last one was the Osbournes). My parents are great for about 2 days then their friggin dog (we call it the granddog) will drive you insane. I feel bad that my 'selected' family is way more a part of my life than my birth or adopted ones but thats the way I feel. I need to get closer to my adopted family I know but I dont know what to do with my birth parents. I called my birth father a year ago and told him we owe each other a beer. He is very unemotional about this and open to meeting me. I will meet him soon but it will be out of curiosity. He said he works for Sony Pics and has a house in Hollywood with a deck and hot tub and he parties all the time. I was like "DAD!" My birth mom emailed me on my birthday and I responded but I think I am going to cut ties. I have no need for a relationship with them and if I did have one anyway, it would be awkward at best. They are all deeply offended already at my lack of desire for a relationship. People familiar with these situations told me a year ago that this was the BEST that would happen... I think it would have been much better for them if they had not contacted me. I wanted her to know Im OK but I think she is more depressed now. For me, it is a great story to tell and got rid of a little seldom thought curiosity, thats it. Heres a pic from that dinner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #47 April 8, 2006 I understand when you say "you don't love her". While I wasn't adopted, my mother was not in my life at all, no contact, nothing from the time I was 6 or 7 until many, many years later. Then she decides to 'show up'. My Dad had gotten custody of us 4 girls and we moved out of state. When my Mother showed up all those years later, I had no love there, I honestly didn't 'know' her. I don't believe love is instantaneous. If she loved us, she would have kept in contact. I have no hard feelings, we were better off, but I had no memories of her, so the mother/daughter love was never acquired. I'm glad you got to meet your mother and learn about her and get the necessary medical info. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #48 April 9, 2006 As someone who has walked in your shoes - up to and including the cutting of ties - all I can say is do what's right for you; there's no reason to continue a relationship past what you want. And I completely understand your not loving her; when I met my birth family, there was some friendship, but it was not love. And it certainly did not come near what I feel for my family - the one that adopted me. I'd give my life for them...the birth family? Well, if I could help without it hurting, I'd consider it. You're having a normal "reunion" path, Mike. The people that put you on the planet are not your family; the people who raised you, loved you, took care of you for years - that's your family. So worry not should the decision be to cut off ties...I did that about 10 years ago, and haven't regretted it whatsoever. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duckwater 0 #49 April 9, 2006 Thanks Michele, The only reason I feel bad is that I have caused - well, not caused but my rational and fair reaction is causing them so much pain. I dont feel bad for my actions, I was honest about my feelings, I just hate seeing people upset like that, even if it is irrational. A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #50 April 9, 2006 I'm glad that you were able to meet your birth family but am sorry that you're stressed. You have no reason to feel bad about your decision. Your birth mom can not expect to walk into your life and have her you love her as though it was day 1. Hugs!Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
