fallingchip 0 #76 May 25, 2005 QuoteQ. Why do women have legs? A. So they don't leave snail trails everywhere they go. I thought that was the funniest joke. So funny I shared it with my girlfriend. It's okay that she left...she didn't jump anyway. Here's my joke. (I had one but i was advised to remove it. It wasn't as tastfull as the "TAPERED TURD" joke).______________________________________________ "A radical man is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airman210 0 #77 May 25, 2005 two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibals looks at the other and says "does this taste funny to you?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #78 May 25, 2005 A baby seal walks into a club. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swooopa-x 0 #79 May 25, 2005 A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things... One: The bartender is a blonde woman Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman. Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Five: I am a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude! Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second and then shakes his head and says: "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." People dont care how much you know until they know how much you care. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fallingchip 0 #80 May 25, 2005 1) What did one sagging boob say to the other? If we don't get some support people will think we're nuts! 2) What did the bath tub say to the toilet? I might not get as much ass as you but I don't take any sh*t!______________________________________________ "A radical man is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydyvr 0 #81 May 25, 2005 I used to work at a spice factory, but the job didn't last long. It was just seasonal work. . . =(_8^(1) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #82 May 25, 2005 QuoteA monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have some joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?" This one made me laugh so hard that I started snorting...not sexy I know but pretty dern funny still. PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #83 May 25, 2005 i got one, it's about a duck... but i'm not tellngit online..hehehehhe ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #84 May 25, 2005 A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice ....... "Shit, I missed." My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #85 May 25, 2005 QuoteA baby seal walks into a club. Can't. Stop. Giggling."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #86 May 25, 2005 QuoteQ: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? A: FoDrizzle Q:what does he wash his whites with? A: Bleeiotch____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Erroll 80 #87 May 26, 2005 QuoteA baby seal walks into a club. A dyslexic walks into a bra... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #88 May 27, 2005 Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says,"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know,"says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #89 May 27, 2005 QuoteGuy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. (snip) "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit? I'd say that was a rocket scientist brunette who dyed her hair blonde cuz she couldn't score a date! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #90 October 24, 2007 Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, 'You man the guns, I'll drive.'"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #91 October 24, 2007 Is it raining where you are too? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 918 #92 October 24, 2007 A guy sees an ad in the newspaper for a free talking dog. He arranges to go see the dog and shows up at the owner's house. The owner takes him to see the dog and the dog says 'Hey, I'm the talking dog' The guy says, 'wow, you are a talking dog! So what does a talking dog do anyways?' The dog says 'well, when I first realized I could help people by talking I became a seeing eye dog. I did that for a few years, then I started focussing on helping the elderly, keeping them company and helping them out. When 911 happened I went to New York and worked with the rescuers there, then went overseas and learned Spanish. I came back to work on the hurricane Katrina cleanup, and I've been living here relaxing ever since'. The guy says 'Wow, that talking dog is AMAZING!!! Why are you giving him away?' The owner replies 'Cause he's a fucking liar!!!!' I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #93 October 24, 2007 A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!!!"Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpoutnow 0 #94 October 24, 2007 A cannibal passed his friend in the woods.People are crazy. Cuz there's more of 'em. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #95 October 24, 2007 Quote A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!!!" I've had that happen... it's not funny... No really... I walked into a bar once before a cross country meet in Jr. High... it really hurt... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #96 October 24, 2007 Quote Quote A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!!!" I've had that happen... it's not funny... No really... I walked into a bar once before a cross country meet in Jr. High... it really hurt... see attached... Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #97 October 24, 2007 Quote Quote Quote A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!!!" I've had that happen... it's not funny... No really... I walked into a bar once before a cross country meet in Jr. High... it really hurt... see attached... it was a long time ago (close to 20 yrs...) and I do see the humor in it... but it hurt a lot when it happened... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZigZagMarquis 9 #98 October 24, 2007 Q: What goes OOooooo? A: A cow with no lips. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #99 October 24, 2007 Three guys and a girl are trapped on a desert island. After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she has been doing that she kills herself. After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they have been doing, they bury her. After another week, they are so ashamed of what they have been doing, they dig her back up. okay okay, so it wasn't cheesy! So what! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
porpoishead 8 #100 October 24, 2007 Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a ssholes!" What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician. Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, "There's Bubba with them two assholes."if you want a friend feed any animal Perry Farrell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
