antifnsocial 0 #1 August 25, 2007 When you were dating someone you really, really seriously like, how long have you waited to have sex? Has anyone actually waited to get married? Said you have to buy it to own it? I have always thought it was a thing where natural trust, love and instincts played out there role, or alcohol... but I am waiting this time at least for awhile. Does waiting make a girl seem more... valuable somehow in a man's mind? I know I'm getting uncharacteristically deep here, but I was just wondering. It seems the more I wait, the more serious he wants to get? I am not trying to play hard to get, just enjoying the process of this particular relationship and getting to know him more thoroughly than I usually do before it gets physical...Please feel free to reply to my posts and pm's, but only if you're smart enough to understand what they really mean. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #2 August 25, 2007 IMO... Waiting to get married first is all well and good except when you find out, too late, that the sex is not good at all. Try before you buy is a better approach, again IMO. In your situation, seriously liking the guy, you are probably finding out that the building anticipation is getting to be more and more exciting. Just be realistic about it and don't build up expectations that may or not be met when you finally do it. Now, from a guy's perspective...I would be pissed (and probably taking severe blows to my ego) if the girl of my dreams, who I knew had given it up before, was putting ME off...I'd probably be thinking..."WTF? Chopped liver?" OTOH, maybe she had talked to an ex and knew what was coming and had fears of being able to keep up. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #3 August 25, 2007 I waited right up to the point I managed to convince a girl to have sex with me. I'm patient like that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,106 #4 August 25, 2007 Quote I waited right up to the point I managed to convince a girl to have sex with me. I'm patient like that. Yes, Gareth... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #5 August 25, 2007 good question and interesting concept... to paraphrase Bill Clinton,,, it depends on what your definition of "sex" IS.....really... people who are and have been sexually 'experienced' probably realize that there are many levels of intimacy... and closeness can be achieved in a satisfying way,,,on each of those levels.... If ... it's all about 'hitting a home run', right away, then where is the fun and anticipation, in that!!!?? Often,, when that occurs right away, it can quickly become... "game over"... I think 'extra innings' is far better, and patience can add alot to a new relationship.... we are after all,,, emotional and complicated beings, not just 'animals in heat' so to speak. (personal disclosure). my wife and i met when in our Late 20's.....LATE..... we were both naturally, somewhat experienced, and of the normal, or maybe Above normal levels of libido...... Our mutual respect for each other, allowed us to go one step at a time and that home run swing,,,,, was Not of the top priority... We shared some real, deep and connecting intimacy ( use your imagination here friends), without 'needing to experience intercourse',,,and that allowed our closeness to grow.. It worked out really well, and we chose to become engaged to one another. We shared lots of closeness, not just physical, and stayed patient till we were married... THEN that " Home run" turned out to be 'grandslam'.... and guess what ???? we decided to play a double header !!!!It was and is far superior to playing one quick road game, and then getting back on the team bus, to head elsewhere....it can be tough to stay cool and keep the early excitement of a new person from clouding our judgement... but I 'd say , most of the time that will enhance a relationship and not detract from it. the key is communication, verbally, emotionally, and not just physically... I'd say you are wise to move slowly, explore each other, in all contexts, not just in the bedroom, and realize that something as "square" as holding hands, can mean more than..... wham wham bam bam,,,, if you get my meaning.. stay the course, enjoy the journey, grow something which will be cherished and appreciated by both of you... .......just my $.02............ jimmy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
enflyt 0 #6 August 25, 2007 oh my goodness i've been thinking about this one ALOT lately. i tend to kind of jump right into things. I'm young, I enjoy sex, and i think more often than not, its probably me initiating half the stuff I do. And it occurs to me, that maybe this is why I dont have very successful long lasting relationships-(aside from those times when the other person forgets to tell me they're engaged, which has actually happened More than once) But really... how do you stop? How do you know how far is to far, how do you turn off ALL those good feelings screaming at you to keep going? And-can you backpedal? Is it okay to say-yeah.. i know we did this and it was great.. but can we take it slower from here? I guess if anything, you cant call me a tease.. but maybe I need to try it out? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RBM 1 #7 August 25, 2007 dated this girl for just alittle over a year, really thought she was the one,, i guess we both thought the same, we waited it out into the fourth month till it was too much to take, the pressure was too much,, ( no pun intended, but i thought it funny to add that ) we really thought that just jumping into bed after seeing each other a few times would be just lustful and cheap and didnt want to ruin a friendship/relationship by doing that, did waiting want me to want her more? that I can't honestly say. I really liked this girl... i guess it really would not have mattered cause I could be satisfied to be around her even if sex was not on the order of the day, both of us complimented the other by just being there with one another. I will say that after the first few times the excitment did wear off, but the sex was still awesome. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #8 August 25, 2007 Take the length of your previous relationship and divide by 2. Then subtract 30 days if it was you who ended the relationship. Then add 2 days for how many times you masturbated since you met the new guy. Subtract 5 days if you met him within one day of ovulation of your cycle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #9 August 25, 2007 Jimmy that was very well put... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #10 August 25, 2007 Quote Now, from a guy's perspective...I would be pissed (and probably taking severe blows to my ego) if the girl of my dreams, who I knew had given it up before, was putting ME off...I'd probably be thinking..."WTF? Chopped liver?" There is a guy that she has no interest in, but he pays for a lot of tickets and trips that she can't afford. He gets some. There is a guy who is entirely hot, but he has no interest in anything permanent. He gets some. Then there is a guy that she has a chance with. Something permanent. Nice guy. He won't get any because "...she's not that type of girl". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiki32 1 #11 August 25, 2007 Interesting formula. Where did you come by it? Poetry don't work on whores. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bloody_trauma 2 #12 August 25, 2007 i find that i need to at least see the cash and prizes that i'm eligible to win before i sign up. Fly it like you stole it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #13 August 25, 2007 True love has patience and will wait. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nanook 1 #14 August 25, 2007 QuoteWhen you were dating someone you really, really seriously like, how long have you waited to have sex? Has anyone actually waited to get married? Said you have to buy it to own it? My previous long term relationships as well as my present Marriage have never gone beyond three dates before having sex. QuoteI have always thought it was a thing where natural trust, love and instincts played out there role, or alcohol... but I am waiting this time at least for awhile. sex means different things to different people, especially across the gender. To me, sex is an action; love is an emotion. both together are the best, but both are not related by themselves and are not inclusive. If you are going to withold for now, it's always a good idea to communicate the why's to your partner. He may want to date others while you are waiting to see when you are ready to have sex, or not want to deal with it at all. Or he may like you enough to wait without dating others. This is where feelings get really hurt. Communicate!!! QuoteI know I'm getting uncharacteristically deep here, but I was just wondering. It seems the more I wait, the more serious he wants to get? Or he is trying harder. Quote I am not trying to play hard to get, just enjoying the process of this particular relationship and getting to know him more thoroughly than I usually do before it gets physical... That's good and also safe. Nothing wrong with playing hard-to-get either. Everyone has their own set of dating rules but one thing is universal: Communcation communication communication. without it, you can get bit in the rear._____________________________ "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,106 #15 August 26, 2007 Quote*** Communcation communication communication. without it, you can get bit in the rear. Ouch! So don't communicate if you want kinky S&M?... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nanook 1 #16 August 26, 2007 Oh, in that case. . . the safe word is: epizêmizamios-blaptikos-atartaomai!!!! Try to say that with a ball gag in your mouth. _____________________________ "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Douva 0 #17 August 26, 2007 QuoteIMO... Waiting to get married first is all well and good except when you find out, too late, that the sex is not good at all. Try before you buy is a better approach, again IMO I call "Bullshit." If your relationship is ruined because the sex with the person you really love isn't as good as it was with somebody else, you're a whore, and it's time for the lifeguard to blow his whistle and order you out of the gene pool. That may sound a tad harsh, but this is one of my pet peeves. The idea that a strong intellectual and emotional connection with another person can be trumped by a sub-par sex life is, in my opinion, appalling. I think anyone who chooses a significant other based on sexual gratification clearly fished his or her character out of a pretty shallow pond. My own moral compass draws the line somewhere just shy of paying for sex, but regardless of my own moral ambiguity, I don't think we should be steering people away from a given level of abstinence, on the grounds that they might find out later that the sex isn't so great. I was once the best man at a wedding where the couple waited until they were standing at the alter for their first kiss. That certainly wouldn't be my choice, but I still say, "More power to them!" Do two people who choose to lose their virginity on their wedding night have a great sex life? As far as they know they do. If you once dated a total asshole/bitch/douchebag/jerk with whom you had great sex, should you continue passing on quality individuals until you find one with whom the sex is as good as it was with the asshole/bitch/douchebag/jerk? Would you rather have a horrible spouse who's great in bed or a great spouse who needs a little coaching in the bedroom? If sexual prowess is your top criteria for picking a mate, you're a lot more shallow than me, and any woman who really knows me will tell you that I am one shallow son of a bitch. If you honestly think "try before you buy" applies to getting married, the same way it applies to buying a car, we're all probably better off if you stay single. PS. This is a rant directed at a flawed philosophy, not any one individual, so please don't take it too personally, Popsjumper. PPS. This should in no way be interpreted as a reflection on my own sexual prowess. I have references. };^)I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
enflyt 0 #18 August 26, 2007 can you have a meaningful relationship if you fuck on the first date? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Douva 0 #19 August 26, 2007 Quote can you have a meaningful relationship if you fuck on the first date? I don't see why not. I know a couple that fucked on the first date and has been together for nearly a decade (Hi, you two ).I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vixter666 0 #20 August 26, 2007 its a personnal choice i hate it when people feelpressured to have sex because of this and that i did it for the sake of it and wasnt a great experience to start with but its only when u with someone who is open and honest and in a true loving relationship that you can talk about your wants desires practice and practice and find out what you both enjoy. one night stands are usually due to being drunk or stoned or both and you get some entertainment but find ya self faking it if you cant be fucked and want to end it Quote Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MrWong 0 #21 August 26, 2007 QuoteWhen you were dating someone you really, really seriously like, how long have you waited to have sex? Has anyone actually waited to get married? Said you have to buy it to own it? I have always thought it was a thing where natural trust, love and instincts played out there role, or alcohol... but I am waiting this time at least for awhile. Does waiting make a girl seem more... valuable somehow in a man's mind? I know I'm getting uncharacteristically deep here, but I was just wondering. It seems the more I wait, the more serious he wants to get? I am not trying to play hard to get, just enjoying the process of this particular relationship and getting to know him more thoroughly than I usually do before it gets physical... if you're both still wanking and thinking of each other whilst doing it, then you might as well just fuck each other reminds me of a book my girlfriend once bought.... it was Cheap And Easy Vegtarian Cooking, which was very appropriate, bacause not only was she a vegitarian.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites popsjumper 2 #22 August 26, 2007 Quote ...I call "Bullshit." You have an opinion...live with it. If the intent is that it's going to be a permanent relationship, I'd rather sign up for the complete package as opposed half of one. Thank you.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites scottjaco 0 #23 August 26, 2007 What’s the point in denying yourself of earthly pleasure? Seems like you should have sex sooner than later. Did I miss something? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #24 August 26, 2007 QuoteWhat’s the point in denying yourself of earthly pleasure? Seems like you should have sex sooner than later. Did I miss something? Some people look for more substance in their lives than just hedonistic pleasureYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Glitch 0 #25 August 26, 2007 ok...question for ya. Whats your philosophy with a couple in a committed longterm relationship where the sex goes to shit? For example, she has a total hysterectomy due to medical reasons so the hormones are no longer there... Given all things being equal, like it or not sex IS an important part of a relationship. If you were the male in the aforementioned relationship, what would you do?Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 1 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
MrWong 0 #21 August 26, 2007 QuoteWhen you were dating someone you really, really seriously like, how long have you waited to have sex? Has anyone actually waited to get married? Said you have to buy it to own it? I have always thought it was a thing where natural trust, love and instincts played out there role, or alcohol... but I am waiting this time at least for awhile. Does waiting make a girl seem more... valuable somehow in a man's mind? I know I'm getting uncharacteristically deep here, but I was just wondering. It seems the more I wait, the more serious he wants to get? I am not trying to play hard to get, just enjoying the process of this particular relationship and getting to know him more thoroughly than I usually do before it gets physical... if you're both still wanking and thinking of each other whilst doing it, then you might as well just fuck each other reminds me of a book my girlfriend once bought.... it was Cheap And Easy Vegtarian Cooking, which was very appropriate, bacause not only was she a vegitarian.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #22 August 26, 2007 Quote ...I call "Bullshit." You have an opinion...live with it. If the intent is that it's going to be a permanent relationship, I'd rather sign up for the complete package as opposed half of one. Thank you.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scottjaco 0 #23 August 26, 2007 What’s the point in denying yourself of earthly pleasure? Seems like you should have sex sooner than later. Did I miss something? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #24 August 26, 2007 QuoteWhat’s the point in denying yourself of earthly pleasure? Seems like you should have sex sooner than later. Did I miss something? Some people look for more substance in their lives than just hedonistic pleasureYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glitch 0 #25 August 26, 2007 ok...question for ya. Whats your philosophy with a couple in a committed longterm relationship where the sex goes to shit? For example, she has a total hysterectomy due to medical reasons so the hormones are no longer there... Given all things being equal, like it or not sex IS an important part of a relationship. If you were the male in the aforementioned relationship, what would you do?Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
