I am so angry...

[cloudseeker2001 0]

Sounds as if your son is well on his way to TYC.......just joking

Yep, this is no big deal. You should find a way to illustrate for him that this is not the way to express himself. And at 11, he is not even aware he wants to express himself, he just thinks spray painting the door is cool. This idea was amplified by his little bastard friend. He probably should ditch the friend and this may happen naturally sooner or later. Best way to help the friend get lost is to make it too hard for him to hang out with your son. This must be done covertly and without your sons knowledge. Eventually this kid will move on. You should probably keep you son as busy as possible this summer so he does not have too much free time without direction.
I just read that he is learning music.....this is a perfect project for the summer. Find him group music lessons at a church, music store or summer school. He will be around like minded kids and he will learn new reasoning skills.

"Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance,
others mean and rueful of the western dream"

[mamajumps 0]

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And he was told that he can do anything to the inside with supervison. I am all about posters and black lights and even painting the walls with designs in woolight (it glows in black lights). However I will not have graffitti type destruction on the outside where the whole world can see it.

Cool. Was he told that before or after he painted the door?

Yes he did, we have made plans of redoing the floor nad other things this summer... I had plans of taking him to spencers for some cool balcklight posters also.

[mamajumps 0]

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Our daughter is in the third room. He is however moving back inside for the summer, b/c our middle son is spending the summer in TX with his grandparents so one of the bunks is open.

Was this his idea, or is he being forced to move out of what he considers "his space" and into his brother's room? Just thinking this might be a reason for the acting out.

The decision for him to move back inside didnt happen until he decided to be a graffitti artist. Its a part of his punishment.

[cloudseeker2001 0]

graffitti artist. Its a part of his punishment.

Graffiti is Art, and you are punishing him for self expression that was influenced by is lame friend. Young people at this age have no idea what their ideas and feelings represent and it is a struggle for them to realize what boundaries to move within. Combine this with what they watch on MTV and they think everything should be look like the Getto Hood. Take him to an art museum and show him how paint truly makes art.
Kinda of funny, when my little brother was about 12 he learned to paint from that funny weirdo guy with curly hair! My little brother can really paint now......and play mean guitar!

"Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance,
others mean and rueful of the western dream"

[gonzalesna 0]

going from my past experience as a kid (because I don't yet have the parent part of it), when the hand across the butt doesn't work anymore, it's time to switch to the belt.

I made the mistake of laughing when I got a spankin' and it didn't hurt. Next thing I knew, there was a belt that ran across my ass a few times. I wasn't so humorous then.

Not everyone's into such punishment, but I will say that it works. I don't think I ever obeyed as quickly as I did after that one.

Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

[jenfly00 0]

To be honest, it seems your emotional reaction is disproportionate to the offense.

He did something 'wrong' ...set consequences. I don't see the need for the histrionics.

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"O brave new world that has such people in it".

[mamajumps 0]

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I don't see the need for the histrionics.

huh??

[jenfly00 0]

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I don't see the need for the histrionics.

huh??

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I am so angry

I was so mad I was shaking.

I see this as a really big deal.

I didnt do anything near as bad as this

I don't know what to do

he aggrevates the ever loving dog crap right outta me

As I said, it seems your emotional reaction is disproportionate to the offense.

This should be about his actions, not your emotional response to it.

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"O brave new world that has such people in it".

[kbordson 8]

Honestly though... those are her emotions. She didn't say that she then began throwing things about the room, screaming uncontrollably or ranting without pause. Those would be a more hysterical response.

[jenfly00 0]

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Honestly though... those are her emotions. She didn't say that she then began throwing things about the room, screaming uncontrollably or ranting without pause. Those would be a more hysterical response.

Do you spank a child to correct his behavior ...or because you're angry?

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"O brave new world that has such people in it".

[McDuck 0]

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Honestly though... those are her emotions. She didn't say that she then began throwing things about the room, screaming uncontrollably or ranting without pause. Those would be a more hysterical response.

It is completely reasonable for her to be emotional in this circumstance and find that she needs to express that emotion in a way that helps her understand what is happening in her life right now. Hence her posting here for perspective. Frankly, it's good that she has an outlet for her frustrations that enables her to evaluate the entire situation from a few different viewpoints, instead of being on CNN later this year for completely losing it. (I agree with you, KB)

And people who have never been a parent need to ask themselves if they really know what it's like to be in her shoes.

I've been there, and I feel for her.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[skyninja 0]

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Do you spank a child to correct his behavior ...or because you're angry?

If the little demon had tagged MY walls I'm not so sure if I'd care why the spanking was given.

And "Guess what little buddy, you're going to MILITARY school!"

Why don't you just play 'chicken' on the railroad tracks? It would be a cheaper way to toy with death, I'm sure.

CWR #2 - "You SAID collision!"

[mamajumps 0]

oh okay...

Im just a really fed up mom, its one thing after another with him.. and I don't know what else to do...

[mamajumps 0]

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Honestly though... those are her emotions. She didn't say that she then began throwing things about the room, screaming uncontrollably or ranting without pause. Those would be a more hysterical response.

It is completely reasonable for her to be emotional in this circumstance and find that she needs to express that emotion in a way that helps her understand what is happening in her life right now. Hence her posting here for perspective. Frankly, it's good that she has an outlet for her frustrations that enables her to evaluate the entire situation from a few different viewpoints, instead of being on CNN later this year for completely losing it. (I agree with you, KB)

And people who have never been a parent need to ask themselves if they really know what it's like to be in her shoes.

I've been there, and I feel for her.

Thanks McDuck and to everyone else who gave me great advice. He spent the day picking up horse poop yesterday (using only a pitchfork and a manure cart for a total of 10hrs). Along with some other things, I really feel like it is a lesson learned, but we'll see...

[sartre 0]

Hang in there. Probably what is getting to you is his obvious lack of respect for you and for your values. Perhaps he has learned this from your husband? I could be off, but just a thought. It's hard to be the only disciplinarian and to not be backed up by your partner.

You WILL get through it, as frustrating as it seems right now.

[JENNR8R 0]

As I said, it seems your emotional reaction is disproportionate to the offense.

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That sounds just like what my son would have said of my reaction... if he dared...

I'm soooooo glad that my boys are all grown up, and I don't have to deal with their shenanigans any more. It's certainly a helpless feeling when they are asserting their independence. You're doin' a good job, Mama. It gets easier once they are grown and off on their own. It's amazing how they learn to appreciate you then. I'll be praying for your endurance until that day arrives.

What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy
ones? -- Monday.