Top Ten Fictional Breakfast Cerials

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Breakfast cereals are wildly popular -- both the real and the imaginary kinds.

Top Ten Fictional Breakfast Cereals
By Diane Hartt
Published May 14, 2007

Ever since W. K. Kellogg produced the first box of corn flakes in 1906, breakfast cereals have been wildly popular. Corn flakes, bran flakes, puffed rice, shredded wheat -- we just can't seem to get enough. But there seem to be just as many made-up breakfast treats as there are real ones. How many of these fictional cereals do you recall?

1. Little Chocolate Donuts: Breakfast of Champions
These are a particular favorite of mine, perhaps because they reflect my own breakfast eating habits. They were featured in a Saturday Night Live "commercial", featuring John Belushi as a very un-athletic-looking jock. The skit ended, "they taste good, and they've got the sugar I need to get me going in the morning. That's why Little Chocolate Donuts have been on my training table since I was a kid."

2. Kellogg's Live Angry Hornets
From a David Letterman skit about FDA-rejected food items.

3. Crickly Wicklies
From the sit com Green Acres. Everyone except Oliver found jewelry as prizes in their cereal boxes -- diamonds, emeralds, rubies. Oliver kept getting Yogi Berra baseball cards.

4. Nothin' But Sugar: Now with Ritalin!
A classic from Married with Children.

5. Mushies Cereal
From the Bob and Ray radio show. Mushies is "a great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream."

6. Admiral Crunch and Archduke Chocula
31st century cereals from Futurama. It makes sense, I guess.

7. Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs
Calvin's favorite cereal, from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes. Sugar Bombs don't contain a single natural ingredient or essential vitamin, but they do supply 100% of the recommended daily allowance of caffeine. Hobbes detests them, and says they make his heart skip. Calvin says, "Every Saturday I get up at 6 and eat 3 bowls of Crunch Sugar Bombs. Then I watch cartoons till noon, and I'm incoherent and hyperactive the rest of the day."

8. Snicker Snax
From the classic comic strip, Peanuts. In one strip, Charlie Brown discovers that the Snicker Snax Company has made a mistake -- his box contained 500 marbles and one Snicker Snack.

9. Mournful Oatmeal
From the Prairie Home Companion radio show. Mournful Oatmeal is "the heavy cereal that puts you in your place." The Prairie Home Companion also brought us Narco Bran Flakes ("Suddenly I feel really, really good.")

10. Krusty Brand Cereal: Now with FREE Flesh-Eating Bacteria

Just one of the Krusty brand cereals endorsed by Krusty the Clown onThe Simpson. Other cereals products included: Krusty-O's with FREE jagged metal Krusty-O in every box, Chocolate Frosty Krusty Flakes ("only sugar has more sugar"), and Penicill-O's (for people with syphilis).

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[Slowfaller 0]

Awww, no Colon Blow?

--"Someday you will die and somehow somethings going to steal your carbon" -MM

[tkhayes 348]

11. Queerios - you pour milk on them and they eat each other

12. Prostitooties - they don't snap crackle and pop, they just lay there and bang

[wildfan75 1]

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Awww, no Colon Blow?

I was looking for that too. I would think that it would be #1!

[TheBachelor 5]

Another from Saturday Night Live:

Quarry Cereal:

Quarry contains no preservatives, no additives, no artificial flavoring. And it's made without the use of pesticides or inorganic fertilizer. Because Quarry isn't grown; it's mined. It's the only cereal that's pure 100% rocks and pebbles, for a hearty old-fashioned flavor the whole family will enjoy.

...every serving is chockful of minerals.

There are battered women? I've been eating 'em plain all of these years...

[towerrat 0]

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Queerios - you pour milk on them and they eat each other


dammit!!! You beat me to it

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!