SuperKat 0 #1 April 10, 2007 My cousin and his fiancee lived together for about 4 years. They have a child in common who is 3 years old. His fiancee hated NY and wanted to move back to Puerto Rico. She told him last month that she wanted to live there permanently. My cousin disagreed with her idea and told her that he wanted to stay here in NY. Obviously they had arguments about this day after day and it probably led to them falling out of love for eachother and what not. About six days ago, he left the apartment to run some errands. She knew he was going to be gone for most of the day so she took this opportunity to pack up her things and the child's belongings and take off with the child. It's been six days now and he has not heard anything regarding where they are or if they're even still alive and what not. He filed a domestic incident report with the police that very same day. He's been calling all her relatives and any possible location where she and the child might be at. Everyone is denying that they know anything about it. What advice can you offer to my cousin regarding this situation? Please help! Any suggestions will be very helpful. He just doesn't know what to do or who to go to help for. His situation is tough because they're not married and they both have joint custody. I believe he's getting a child custody lawyer today. Edited to add: It's all so confusing for him! His son is his life. He's very very depressed. Please help. What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialKaye 0 #2 April 10, 2007 a cheap, quick way to get an idea of the laws involved is to go to: www.findlaw.com they also have lawyer referral information on the site. good luck. k Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #3 April 10, 2007 I can't really help but I certainly hope that things work out.Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #4 April 10, 2007 My ex-wife had this happen to her . . . If there is no custody agreement in place, more than likely, he can put in a claim of parental kidnapping. If there IS a custody order in effect, he can "Probably" make her appear in court in NY. That is as specific as I can get - Hope it works out well.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #5 April 10, 2007 Tough Situation. Unfortunately the courts are VERY HEAVILY biased toward the mother. There is really not much he can do. I was in a similar situation when my daughter was born. Her mother and I were never married so when she threw me out shortly after my daughter was born, I had no rights at all. I filed a "Petition to legitimize" with the courts so that I could be legally recognized as a parent. The court set visitation and child support at that time. Still I could not stop my Ex from moving away if she choose to and taking our daughter (which she would threaten to do anytime she didnt get whatever she wanted from me). In dealing with the courts now for 15 years personally and seeing what my Brother also went through, I can tell you that it SUCKS to be a father trying to do the right thing. Fathers have almost No rights at all. My Brother got full custody of his two daughters in his divorce (His wife had drug and alcohol problems) When she was $17,000 behind in child support. When he tried to go to Child Support Recovery, He was told flat out that they did not even have the paper work to go after a Mother and could not help him. Then when she came back after not seeing her children for three years, She went to court and got joint custody as the court said "It was their directive to do every thing possible to try to keep children with the MOTHER". Now he pays her Support (even though she still owes him $17K for back support. Judge said that was not relevant and if he missed a payment, they would garnish his wages.) There are several groups trying to improve the current situation and recognize fathers as equal parents. Here are a couple Websites: http://www.glennsacks.com/ http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/ Good luck to your cousin. He has a very tough fight ahead. His best bet is to just move to PR too so that he can be close to his child. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKat 0 #6 April 10, 2007 Quote he can put in a claim of parental kidnapping In NY, it's reffered to as "Custodial Interference". Quote If there IS a custody order in effect, he can "Probably" make her appear in court in NY. He has a subpoena for her to appear in Family Court. The only problem is, he has to serve it to her so that she can appear in court. The problem with that is, he doesn't know where she is and no one in her family is singing for the birds. What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #7 April 10, 2007 QuoteHe has a subpoena for her to appear in Family Court. The only problem is, he has to serve it to her so that she can appear in court. The problem with that is, he doesn't know where she is and no one in her family is singing for the birds. hence the "Probably"I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKat 0 #8 April 10, 2007 Sorry to hear about you and your bro. It's unfortunate that men get the short end of the stick. Did you or your bro have an attorney? Wouldn't it help his situation if he had a high powered/high priced attorney? What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 851 #9 April 10, 2007 welcome to divorced dad math 101 from the onset of litigation, henceforth we are not to have any money available for necessitites in life. only legal fees and child support...the rest is simply wasted funds in the department of revenue's eyes. do not question the gubment...they know better than we. best of luck in this case...it's a tough road for all involved Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #10 April 10, 2007 Question~ Is she a U.S. citizen? ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKat 0 #11 April 10, 2007 Quotedo not question the gubment...they know better than we. Gubment Schmubment. If OJ defeated the gubment with his high powered attorney, why can't we? What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #12 April 10, 2007 I cannot comment on New York law. But it usually doesn't matter what the relationship is between father and mother - if it's his kid, then he should have sme rights. But, you may wish to have him look a little more thoroughly at the police and District Attorney's office, who often have parental abduction units. The Code of Federal Regulations provides that both parents need to sign on a passport application for a child under the age of 14. But, if a parent can show proof of sole legal or physical custody, then that one parent can do it. Also, he should contact the State Department for assistance with denial of a passport. Have your friend contact and meet with a family law attorney in New York who can provide competent advice. Nobody here can help, and he can't do it himself. He should meet with an attorney, like, three days ago. Or, more preferably, at the first sign of problems. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #13 April 10, 2007 QuoteDid you or your bro have an attorney? I have had 4 different attorneys over the years including one that was a Judge on the federal Circuit Court of Appeals. None of them ever even suggested that there was any way to stop the mother from moving and taking the child if she wanted to. My brother has also had a couple different ones. The courts will always favor the Mother (At least here in Georgia but I think it is the same in most states). No matter how "Good" the lawyers are.. It will be very difficult to get a Judge to tell the Mother she can NOT move to PR if she wants to. If she has custody, She can take the Child (And it is next to impossible for a male to get custody in most states if the mother fights it at all). Shared or joint physical custody would be very difficult once the child starts school as it is not in the child’s best interested to be changing schools all the time as they go back and forth between parents. Like I said. Tough Situation where there are no winners, only losers. Especially for the child that stuck in the middle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #14 April 10, 2007 QuoteThe Code of Federal Regulations provides that both parents need to sign on a passport application for a child under the age of 14. No Passport needed here. PR is a provence of the US. All US Federal Laws apply there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #15 April 10, 2007 "I know here in Texas we'd just cap her ass and take the kid. " In all seriousness, he needs to get in touch with a competent authority in New York. Some skydiving forum with some dorks who think that know something isn't the place to be looking for this type of advice. "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #16 April 10, 2007 Quote Some skydiving forum with some dorks who think that know something isn't the place to be looking for this ANY type of advice. Fixed it! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #17 April 10, 2007 Quote I have had 4 different attorneys over the years including one that was a Judge on the federal Circuit Court of Appeals. None of them ever even suggested that there was any way to stop the mother from moving and taking the child if she wanted to. My daughter's mom and I got joint custody, with an upfront "reacclimation" period (I'd been deployed overseas for 6 months). It specifically stated in the family management plan that she was not allowed to move across state lines or more than...some number of miles...thinking 100 without my written permission. If I refused, she could petition a court for such permission, but she'd have to prove "best interest of the child" Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #18 April 10, 2007 Quote . . . Some skydiving forum with some dorks who think that know something isn't the place to be looking for this type of advice. Are you calling me a skydiver?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #19 April 10, 2007 Quote Quote . . . Some skydiving forum with some dorks who think that know something isn't the place to be looking for this type of advice. Are you calling me a skydiver? If you jump from planes for fun with a parachute strapped to your back. I'm calling you a skydiver. "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #20 April 10, 2007 Quote Quote Quote . . . Some skydiving forum with some dorks who think that know something isn't the place to be looking for this type of advice. Are you calling me a skydiver? If you jump from planes for fun with a parachute strapped to your back. I'm calling you a skydiver. I meant Dork are you calling me a dork?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
